by K. T. Hanna
“Dom had bad news then, I take it?”
“Just the end of the Exiled as we know it. Pray to whatever you pray to.”
“I’m not a big believer. There’s no god that would ever demand a child kill a parent to help her grow, even by accident.” Aishke’s eyes flash angrily. “Sorry. I’m just... Tell me?”
“Deign wants to free the Damascus from stasis.”
Aishke blinks. “What? The nightmare that used to get kids to behave? As in, if you don’t do what you’re told, the Damascus will come and get you?” She laughs until she realizes Sai isn’t laughing with her. “Wait, you’re serious?”
Sai leverages herself back up and removes the pillow of comfort. “This nightmare is all too real.” She sighs and stretches, feeling marginally more comfortable with her body. “Come on, kiddo, are you ready to go find a rabid bunny to kill?”
“I guess,” Aishke murmurs, slightly distracted.
“Or would you prefer to go raid the vegetable garden?” Sai tests to see if she’s really listening.
“Sure, just make sure it’s a fluffy one.”
“Ash! Snap out of it.” Sai clicks her fingers in her student’s face. “Focus. We’re not about to die right now, and we need to get that ability of yours under control, okay?”
Aishke nods and jumps off the couch.
“Grab my cane out of my bedroom, and I’ll tell you a secret.”
Ash grins and fetches it.
“If it makes you feel better, Bastian was trying to figure out if I could do what he does when we discovered my ability to heal.”
“Really?” Aishke asks as she closes the door behind her.
“Really.” Sai laughs at the shock on Aishke’s face. “Now, do you think Kayde likes me enough to donate a few of those vampiric little bunny rabbits to a worthy cause?”
“She can what?” Mason asks incredulously. His tired eyes widen for a moment, but he doesn’t stand up.
“Do exactly what Bastian can do, with none of his finesse.” Sai plops herself on the couch without being asked. The day has been longer than long. She shakes her head to clear the thought. Time to focus. “You remember that GNW member who died while you were exiting Central? The one whose heart exploded in his chest?”
Mason nods slowly, and she knows, from his reaction and words, that he’s still hiding something. One of these days she’ll force it out of him.
“Aishke was convinced she did it, so convinced that she’s been bottling her fear up and generally becoming a huge danger to the entire Mobile.” Sai shrugs. “I told her I’d test with her and see. So we went down to visit Kayde, steal a few rabids, and experiment. Needless to say...” She sighs and tries to ignore her itchy scalp.
“I knew she had more force than most people, trained or untrained. I just never thought she’d be burdened with what Bastian can do. Is she strong enough...?” He pauses, like he wants to ask more or wants to grab Ash and run away. Maybe he wants both.
“You’re asking me like I’ve seen everything, Mason. I just thought you’d like to know your step-kid can kill a man at ten paces. She’s got both the healing and the harming side. The scales just tip in favor of being a harmer.” Sai stands up, suddenly wanting to be anywhere else. “Let Mathur know for me? I’m not up to the trip. I’ll see if I can come up with something for her tomorrow. Failing that I’ll have Dom ask Bastian for tricks.”
Sai closes the door behind her before Mason can utter another word. Sometimes the audacity of the people around her irritates her to the point of anger. Her age feels like a problem, even if it isn’t. Sometimes she doesn’t feel as young as she is, but in times past, these people would have taken care of her, sought to shelter her, and probably ignored almost every single word she said, pertinent or not.
But right now? She was doing more work than she’d ever dreamed she’d have to and was responsible for more people than she felt she had any right or desire to be. Everyone just accepted it. Worse, everyone just expected it.
She punches an outer wall as she walks past and listens to the faint echo that resounds throughout the structure. It didn’t deserve it, but there are times when hitting something is therapeutic and this is one of those weeks. Sai scowls, ignoring everything Bastian ever taught her about schooling her features and not giving away any of her insecurities. Screw everyone else.
“You’re not having a good day.” Dom’s statement is full of that unnerving quiet he’s spoken with ever since her accident—or, she admits only grudgingly, probably since he broke free of the GNW-inflicted limitations to be more accurate.
Sai whirls around and comes face to face with him, a lot closer than she’d thought from the sound of his voice. She steps back hurriedly and stumbles, only to have him catch her elbow to help her keep balance. She wants to wrench it out of his grasp for who knows what reason, but she draws in a deep breath and counts to five before speaking. “Thanks for that. And yes, it’s a bad day.”
“Things are getting to you.”
His eyes are different now, with silver flecks, and she feels even more vulnerable than she used to when he focuses on her. It’s like he can see straight through her to everything she keeps hidden. There are just things no one needs to know.
“Yeah. Everything is getting to me. I’m too young for this. I have no clue what I’m doing. I’ve never had a clue.” Even though she speaks the words softly, they’ve never been truer. What on the damaged earth will she do against the Damascus?
He regards her briefly, arms crossed, looking exactly the way he had on the day he first altered his form for her comfort. “They have no idea what they’re doing either, you know. As far as they’re concerned, you’re much better at this than they are. Than most people are, except maybe Bastian.”
Sai blinks and lets herself slide to the ground against the wall, suddenly too tired to stand anymore. “Seriously? Why the hell would anyone think that?” The infiltration had been a fluke, a dangerous fluke with a crappy result, especially for her.
“Really? You don’t understand why?” He sounds amused, and if he wasn’t made of a compound, she’d think there was a human sparkle in his eye.
Sai looks up at him and for a second wishes it weren’t awkward, wishes they could just act the way they used to before a freaking building toppled onto her. But it’s not quite right yet; she’s not quite ready. If she was, Dom would comfort her, place a hand on her shoulder—be more like himself.
“No,” she mumbles and tries to rub away the sudden chill on her arms. “I don’t understand anything.”
“You’re the only one here who’s been through the psionic facility and survived. Not to mention the only one in one of the cities who realized that the GNW are...” Dom’s face scrunches for a moment, and a flash of something bright passes across his face so fast she isn’t sure it was really there. “...scumbags. And you managed to break free of their hold not only on you, but on everything you’ve been told. You know the truth. You know who created Shine, and you know how it’s used in the cities. You know how they train their students, and you also know how few of those students make it. More importantly, you know why.” He squats down and catches her gaze with his own, silver flecks no longer moving, a shade of their friendship, of him, of her Dom, back for a split second.
“You know the harsh reality of everything the GNW is and everything it’s pretending to be. You can call their bluff, and you can help the people here aid you in it. They don’t have the benefit of years of research to back up their training. Everything they’ve learned without you is a result of their own stubbornness. You offer all the Exiled hope. Hope that we can use the GNW’s own tricks against them. Hope that the people who were tortured for the knowledge that trained you won’t have died in vain. But above all, hope that maybe, at some stage in the future, the Exiled can stop and build a city and a culture instead of always running away.”
Sai gulps in air. His eyes are as mesmerizing as his words, and she laughs nervously, unsure what
the strange flutter in her chest is for. “I’m not all that.”
“No, you’re not,” Dom says as he pushes himself back up, his body subtly shifting to a black that seems to absorb some of the light. “Not yet, anyway. But you can be as long as you don’t sell yourself short. Trust in your training and what Bastian saw in you. Trust in yourself. You’ve got a lot more in you than any other person I’ve ever met.” He takes a long hard look at her, making her blush until she breaks eye contact. Dom lets out a small sigh as she turns her head.
“I’m really sorry, Sai. I am so, so sorry.” It’s all he says in a soft, sad voice before walking away.
“Damn it.” Sai stamps a foot on the ground and studies her hands. The next time she saw him, she’d have to say it was okay. Having him apologize like that was starting to hurt more than thinking he could have prevented the accident.
“Damn it!”
Sai sits upright in bed and groans as the room spins. When it stops, she slips out and opens her door to find Aishke wrestling with some sort of long box with a shiny, silver rounded thing peeking out.
“What the hell is that?”
Aishke glances up, obviously frustrated. “I haven’t the faintest idea. I just wanted to open it. I mean, you were asleep and...”
“Is it addressed to me?”
“Well, yes!” Now Ash is exasperated, and the scowl on her face makes her brows furrow in a rather formidable way. “Of course it is, but it’s from Dom, so I thought you’d be okay if I opened it since all you want to do since the accident is glare daggers at him.”
Sai walks over to look at the box and crouches down, her legs whirring in her head as they click and move. She peers inside and smiles. “It’s a punching bag.” There’s a note attached to the outside of it.
Better this than Alpha.
Sai laughs until tears run down her face. As funny as it is, it isn’t hilarious, but she can’t seem to stop. Overemotional and tired are two things that don’t sit well with her. One of these days she’ll have to get more sleep or less stress or both.
Aishke taps her foot against the floor, hands on her hips. “What’s the joke?”
“Nothing really. It’s just a good way to vent tension and maybe keep a bit of upper body strength since I’ve been focused so much on my legs lately.”
Ash nods and busies herself in the kitchen. “Speaking of which, I overheard Jeffries and Mathur are going to be at your training this morning.” She walks back over and places a small bowl of porridge in front of Sai. “Eat up. You need energy.”
“Great.” Sai leans back with the bowl, contemplating the punching bag in the center of their living room. Something about it belies the urgency outside of her apartment and makes it feel like, if everything were perfect, this would just be another day.
“And then you have a group to train after lunch.”
“Was relaxing while it lasted.” Sai sucks on her spoon and glances at her watch. There’s not much time left, but a shower won’t take her more than three minutes anyway. “Shower, get dressed, and I’ll be off to the training room. Want to come watch me get my ass thoroughly kicked?”
Aishke shakes her head. “I have class first, and then I was going to pop in and see if Marlena wanted company over lunch.”
Sai raises an eyebrow. “You two get along well?”
“Kinda? I guess. She seems a little lonely, like I was, but more stubborn, kind of like you.” She grins.
“Go get your stuff ready for school.”
It’s quiet once Ash leaves—peaceful, even. The steam shower washes away some of the tiredness Sai still feels, but it always stings the joints of her legs. A little less now, though, maybe. Her sense of urgency isn’t kicking in, and it takes a lot of effort to tug on her clothes and gather the energy to leave the apartment.
“You want me to phase?” Sai crosses her arms and scowls, trying not to think on how often she’s been doing that lately. “You want me to phase before I can run, before I can jump. You want me to phase, just like that? Do you have any idea what’s involved with that?”
“Actually...” Mathur smiles. “I know absolutely everything about phasing—technically.”
“That’s just scientist talk for ‘I can’t do it myself but I know it theoretically works,’ right?”
Jeffries stifles a laugh, and Sai glares at him, waiting for Mathur to answer.
“Well, yes, but I am quite certain you can do it. Something very similar is how Dom moves so fast. Besides, I never said you were not going to learn to run and jump first. I would just prefer if you got them all out of the way sooner rather than later. Time is of the essence, and I have an entire wing of dominos to try and repair.”
Sai shivers. The dominos are their only hope against the Damascus. Everyone knows it, but no one will say it. And with them malfunctioning...
Mathur takes a step closer, as if he’s pretending Jeffries isn’t in the room. His kindly voice matches his smile, but his eyes are serious. “You can do this, Sai.”
She nods and stretches her arms and new legs as well as she’s able. There’s no time to wallow, no time for self-recrimination, just time to sweat and scream.
Jumping proves far easier than she expected. It’s like a crouch, but up in the air, springing with just the right leverage, using her new limbs to reach further. After a few falls and mis-timings, some bumps and bruises, Sai feels the now-familiar click in her mind, like a mechanism locking into place.
As soon as that happens, it’s all so easy. With less effort, she can jump higher, and her balance is near perfect. She jumps on tables, chairs, the window ledge to the viewing room. She can’t help the delighted giggle that escapes her. For the first time since the accident, she feels a realm of possibilities, an inkling of hope.
“Fantastic. Faster than I anticipated.” Mathur claps his hands together as Jeffries scribbles some notes down on his reader. “Next up: run. Jog around the room.”
Sai smiles and takes a deep breath before deciding on a medium pace and setting out—only to fall flat on her face. She pushes herself up, a little bewildered at having landed without any cushioning at all. “What the...”
“You cannot just start jogging, Sai. Your legs need to realize that they can be set down in that type of movement. Remember: wait for the click and take the next step.”
“Wait for the click and take the next step,” Sai mutters under her breath, and she stands up again and brushes herself off. Trial and error eventually let her know that slow motion works best. Slower and gradually faster since the motion is different to that of normal walking. By the time she finally manages a slow jog, she’s sweating more than ever in her life—including training at the facility and likely even her final test.
“Damn it,” she gasps as she stops and doubles over to stretch her back. Her watch tells her she still has about an hour of this punishment left.
“That will do for now.” Mathur motions her over. “How are your energy reserves?”
Sai blinks up at him. “What energy reserves?”
Mathur chuckles and pats her on the back. “I like your sense of humor, Sai. Very well. Do you think you can try a slow phase?”
She glares at him and shrugs her shoulders to loosen the muscles. In for a penny... “Slow phasing isn’t going to happen. I need to pick up speed with two or three leaping bounds and shift myself to phase. I’ll be lucky if I manage it once without killing myself in my current state. Despite your droll sense of humor, Mathur, I’m exhausted and really not in the mood to be pushed more than I damn well want to!”
Sai cringes a little at the shock on Mathur’s face, realizing belatedly she was almost yelling. “Sorry,” she says, eyes downcast. “I’m just tired and worn out.”
Jeffries steps forward, but Mathur places a hand on his chest, pausing him. The doctor frowns, but halts, crosses his arms, and waits.
Mathur takes her hands in one of his and pats her on the head, like her father never did. “There might just be on
e time, Sai, where you’re exhausted and the only thing going to save you or others is your ability to shut down the pain and exhaustion and pull from your reserves for one last-ditch effort. It is a very real threat, especially with the Damascus about to beat down our door.”
Sai snatches her hands out of his and fights back sudden tears. “I already tried it as a last-ditch effort, and it almost killed me.”
Instead of backing off, instead of letting her be to wallow and regret, Mathur simply stares at her for a few moments and shrugs. “Then do you not think we should perfect it so you do not kill someone else next time?”
She looks away, unable to fault the logic. No matter how hard she tries, blaming herself for not being strong enough to get away from cascading cement is high on her list. Even if she manages to forgive Dom to his face, what are the odds she’ll ever forgive herself?
“Sai? Little one?” Mathur’s voice is soft, full of understanding as he leans closer. “Stop trying to find strands of self-doubt and do what you are good at. Find that strength not even the GNW thought you would have.”
“What have they got to do with this?”
“Your final test wasn’t designed to be withstood. You were never supposed to come out of that alive. You know this.”
“I know Bastian saved me,” she whispers. “Again.”
Mathur chuckles in his heartwarming way. “No. He attended to make sure you didn’t die, but he never had to step in. When you most needed it, you fought to the bitter end. You had no intention of going down with your opponents. There is fire in you, Sai. Remember it, remember your anger, and remember your goals. If nothing else, they can fuel you.”
Sai blinks and straightens, holding her head high. “You’re right.”
Mathur grins at her, as if to reinforce the fact that he’s fully aware he’s always right, but for a few precious moments, she blocks him out and remembers her driving force. The spark her parents’ neglect left behind, the determination to make up for the hundreds of people she killed and injured inadvertently when her powers awoke, the need to see that the people got freedom, but mostly her own will to be free.
