Why don’t I just listen and find out, rather than speculate futilely? Because I am scared to death, that’s why, and not sure I want to hear this.
“Max,” he says, “I know that over the years, I’ve abused your trust in me something fierce.” He holds up a hand to still any words I might have, which at the moment are none. “I come and go without a word of explanation or any sort of apology, and yet you continue to take me back into your heart each and every time, without question.” He pauses for a moment, and I am simply confused now. He takes another step toward me. I can barely breathe.
“Max,” he says softly, “I know I don’t deserve you. I know I’m not nearly good enough for you, my love. And every day I wake up, I’m afraid that you’re going to figure that out and tell me to go fuck myself. And I just can’t bear the thought. So, instead, I leave you. I hurt you because I’m afraid that you’re going to hurt me. I know that doesn’t make much sense, but I can’t explain it any better than that.”
To my amazement, I see that Richard’s eyes are actually wet. Richard Burke is really crying. Over me. I am speechless.
“I love you so much, Max, that it hurts. You’re so beautiful, so incredibly beautiful. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before. Never. Max, it scares me how much I love you.”
Oh God, this is it. I feel it. This is the time. I hear myself ask as if from a distance, “Then how can you leave me, saying you love me, and go off and fuck someone else? Lots of someone elses?” I can’t believe I am actually asking him that question, the one that has haunted my heart for all these years.
“Max,” he says, his head slowly turning, his eyes meeting mine, his so dark and filled with something… foreboding? Fear? What? “Max, I lied,” he says simply. “I’ve never been with anyone else. Not once. Not ever. Not since I met you, that is. All lies. All stories. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to do it.”
I think I quit breathing at that point. Literally. Everything in my chest tightens, my head is swimming, and I feel very foggy. I close my eyes and everything goes black, until I open them again to find myself on the ground, cradled in Richard’s loving arms, and the wetness I feel against my cheek is from his tears—
And I reach out in a totally unexpected motion on my part and wallop him so hard on the side of his head that I find myself thumping to the ground. “You… you… lied?” I repeat incredulously, the words both thrilling and appalling me as my brain processes what this actually means. “You fucking lied, all these years, let me think you were fucking other people, broke my heart over and over and over again… for what?”
He makes no move to retaliate in any way or to hit me back; he simply accepts it as I lie there in the grass and stare at him for a moment, ignoring the instincts that say forgive him, and quickly. “I’m sorry, Max, so very sorry,” he murmurs, reaching for me, pulling me into his arms, his lips caressing my brow, my cheeks, my lips. “Please forgive me, my love, let me make it up to you. Let me show you how much I truly love you.”
He rocks me in his arms, and I find myself unwilling to fight his caresses, bringing my breathing back to an even keel as I nestle against him, his gentle voice reverberating against my cheek.
“I’m tired of running, Max. I don’t want to run any more. You’re the one, the only one. I love you more than life itself.” His lips, so soft, so tender, so wonderful, are peppering my face with baby kisses. “I want to marry you, Max, to be with you always, if you will have me.”
If I will have him? If I will have him? If I will have him? The words expand inside my head, filling it so completely that I can’t hear or think of anything else until I utter the only reply I could ever give.
“Of course I’ll marry you, Richard.”
And his tears are mingling with my tears, and they’re our tears now, but they’re tears of joy as we cling together, and our lips simply devour one another in our eagerness to be together, to share what we have missed ever since our separation. We are drinking a toast to one another with our lips, a farewell to days past and a welcome to happy days to come, born of a new understanding and a strengthening of the tie which binds us.
Engaged to be married, in love and happy, to the max.
About the Author
JULIE LYNN HAYES was reading at the age of two and writing by the age of nine and always wanted to be a writer when she grew up. Two marriages, five children, and more than forty years later, that is still her dream. She blames her younger daughters for introducing her to yaoi and the world of M/M love, a world which has captured her imagination and her heart and fueled her writing in ways she’d never dreamed of before. She especially loves stories of two men finding true love and happiness in one another’s arms and is a great believer in the happily ever after.
She lives in St. Louis with two of her children and two cats, loves books and movies and role playing on the Internet, and hopes to be a world traveler some day. By day she does payroll and accounting, by night she writes and is also a copy editor and reviewer for comicsonline.com. Her family thinks she is a bit off, but she doesn’t mind. Marching to the beat of one’s own drummer is a good thing, after all.
You can contact Julie at [email protected].
Paranormal Romance from DREAMSPINNER PRESS
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com
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