by Lea Hart
If she didn’t come back to San Diego with him right away, then he was making sure that he was firmly planted in her life. Like a tree that couldn’t be uprooted. He’d finally met all the sisters and gained their approval and had met as many of her friends as he could. As far as he could tell, everyone accepted him as a permanent fixture in Paige’s life. The only person who seemed to be struggling with it was Paige. So he quit pushing.
It was all he could come up with after talking had gotten him nowhere. The more he brought up their future, the more she resisted. So he did the only logical thing and shut his mouth. If he didn’t bring up any plans, then she had nothing to argue with. And argue she would.
The moment he quit, she relaxed. And a relaxed Paige was a happy Paige, which he discovered made them both happy.
Since they had given up arguing, they had a lot of free time, and he discovered that Paige liked to spend it in the bedroom. He wasn’t sure if baby hormones were making her so enthusiastic or it was him, and quite frankly, he didn’t care. Whatever it was, he prayed they could keep it going. They were bonding, and he hoped like hell that at some point she was going to discover that she couldn’t live without him.
Walking into the kitchen, he opened the fridge and pulled out two bottles of water. When it closed, he noticed the reminder for her next doctor’s appointment. It was in two weeks and he wouldn’t be here. He was due back in San Diego for his final medical evaluation and it couldn’t be rescheduled.
Surprisingly, he’d thought very little about what his next step would be if he wasn’t cleared for active duty. Paige and their son had taken over everything, and he realized what a blessing it had been. If he’d been home, he would have thought about little else, which made him think of what Mark had been talking about when he told him to find something else beyond the Teams. It was hard to believe that he actually had, considering that for the last twelve years, his career had been his sole focus.
Being the best SEAL he could be was all he’d cared about, and it had served him well. He’d given everything he had to his country, his team, and his brothers and had left everything on the battlefield. Hell, he’d happily go back and give more, but he doubted that was going to be an option.
His shoulder had been ripped to shreds on the last op, and he knew in his heart that his chances of a full recovery were slim. Rubbing his chest, he realized the thought didn’t scare the shit out of him like it normally did. For the first time in his life, he had something more important than his career that needed his focus and attention.
He moved back to their bedroom, stood in the doorway, and watched Paige sleep. If anyone was going to help him move past being an active SEAL, it was going to be her and their son.
Walking quietly into the room, he set a bottle of water on her bedside table and pulled the blanket over her shoulder. He checked his watch and figured she’d sleep for another hour. It was three, and she usually slept for two or three hours in the afternoon.
Today she might need a longer nap because he wore her out after lunch. Or she wore him out. He wasn’t sure who had started what. All he knew was that they’d spent a couple of hours lost in one another’s bodies. Sliding into bed, he drank his bottle of water and then lay down. Rolling on his side, he ran his hand over Paige’s stomach as overwhelming love surged through his heart.
If he told Paige about his feelings, she would tell him they were caused by the baby, which was true. But they were also about her and the bond they were starting to develop.
She was smart, funny, brave, and beautiful. If had to draw up a list of things he was looking for in a woman, he would include all her qualities. Even her smart mouth, awful sense of humor, and lousy taste in football teams.
He realized that she was the one he’d been waiting for. There had been a place deep within his heart that could be filled only by her. And here she was…but not ready for any of it.
Patience—that was going to be his best friend through this process. If he tried to rush her, then she was going to dig her heels in and they were never going to get where they needed to be, which for him was the two of them being irrevocably tied together. The baby did that in some way, but he wanted to know that she would choose him regardless of the circumstances.
She started to move around, and he figured she was starting to have the dream again. He drew closer, wrapped her in his arms, and started speaking quietly. When she whimpered, he continued to say her name and tell her she was okay. Sometimes it took five minutes for her to settle and other times it took twenty. He never said anything when she woke up and hoped like hell it was the right choice.
There hadn’t been any screaming nightmares in three weeks, and he liked to think the reason was a combination of the therapist she was seeing and the fact that she slept in his arms every night. Whatever it was, it seemed to be working for the most part.
Closing his eyes, he felt Paige relax back into sleep, and he decided to join her. Maybe when they woke up, she’d feel like repeating what they did earlier. He knew he sure would.
***
Paige woke up surrounded by Blake. She must have slept longer than usual because the room was almost dark. Stretching, she felt him move against her and run his hand over her hip. “What are you doing?” she asked quietly.
“Exploring,” he answered. “A good soldier always learns the lay of the land before he begins any mission. I’m exploring my new land so I know what makes her happy.”
His hand moved toward her bump. “This is Bravo white, where our son is floating around.” Sliding his hand along her stomach, he moved it to her neck. “This is Charlie white. I can feel your pulse against your neck and I know that whatever I’m doing is working.”
“Sailor, can you explain what you’re talking about?” Turning in his arm, she faced him. “Teach me something about being a soldier.”
Okay, I’ll teach you spotter’s language. Soldiers need a way to communicate in the field, and they need a language that can convey location quickly and accurately. So there’s a code that has been developed.” Rubbing his foot against hers, he grinned. This is Alpha.” He placed his hand on her bump again and winked. “Bravo.” Pulling her head forward, he pressed a kiss to her mouth. “Charlie.”
“Let me see if I’ve got this. I’ll think of a table. Anything below the table is Alpha, the table is Bravo, and above it is Charlie.”
“That’s it, honey. You could be a spotter.”
Scrunching her nose, she shook her head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“There’s more. Let’s add the colors. The front is white, the back is black, the left-hand side is red and the right-hand side is green.” He kissed her and murmured, “Charlie white,” then slid his hand around and cupped her ass, Bravo black. “This is one of my favorites, by the way.”
“Let me.” Pressing her hand over his heart, she said, “Charlie red,” and then slid her hand between their bodies and cupped his balls. When he groaned, she slid her finger back and forth. “Mmm, Bravo white?”
“Paige, I think you’re getting the idea.” He moved away from her hand and turned her on her side. Sliding his hand over her hip, he eased his fingers into her folds. “So wet. Let me see if you like it when I put my Bravo white into your Bravo black.”
Before she could figure out exactly what he meant, he lifted her leg and slid his very large Bravo white into her body. She moaned when he filled her completely. “God, Blake. That feels so good. I think your Bravo and my Bravo fit perfectly together.”
“We’re a perfect match.”
Soon she lost the power of speech as Blake took her mind and body to a place she’d never been before. He was right—they were a perfect pair. But how they would make it work was beyond her.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Wednesday, April 26
Lubbock
Paige cinched her saddle, looked over her shoulder and admired the view of Blake bending over. He was checking the hoof on his horse, and the way his Wranglers
fit was a testament to God’s good grace. Turning back around, she smiled. He was the most delicious man she’d ever known, and he seemed to want a place in her life, which was still sometimes difficult to accept.
Walking around her horse, she checked everything and then waited for Blake to finish saddling his. “Should I grab the bridles out of the tack room?”
“I’ll get them, honey.”
“Okay.” She leaned against the post and admired the field of bluebonnets that lay beyond the arena. The Carmichael Ranch was beautiful, and she’d really enjoyed getting to know Blake’s family over the last couple of days. His mama had welcomed her with open arms and had given her a bunch of pictures of Blake as a baby. He was as cute then as he was now. If her son turned out as good-looking as his daddy, then there were going to be a lot of girls hanging around the house.
Blake came out of the tack room and handed her a bridle. “I think she’ll lower her head. If she gives you a hard time, then I’ll do it in a minute.”
“This sweet girl isn’t going to give me a hard time.” Pressing a kiss to the horse’s nose, she managed to get the bridle on without a problem. Glancing around, she searched for a step stool because getting on the horse from the ground wasn’t going to be possible with her tummy.
Blake led his horse over and gave her a smile. “Ready?”
“Sure. I just need something to step on. I can no longer heave this body of mine up on a horse without a little help.”
“Dad has something on the other side of the arena. We’ll mount over there.” He leaned in, cupped her behind, and gave a little squeeze. “I’ll make sure to hold on to that sexy ass of yours and see that you’re comfortable.”
Twisting, she glanced at her behind and laughed. “It’s going to have its own zip code before too long.”
Sliding his arm around her waist, he snugged her in close and dropped a big kiss on her lips. “I like it and I’m damn glad that ass of yours is mine.” He moved his hand down and squeezed again. “Maybe I can talk you into rolling around in the grass out by the creek.”
“If I get off this horse, I’m not going to get back on, so I’m thinking the smooching will have to wait till later.” Winking, she led her horse away and added a little extra sway in her step. If the man liked it, then she was going to make sure he got the full show.
***
Blake rode next to her and kept telling her to slow down. “Blake, I can’t go any slower. If I do, then we’ll stop altogether.”
“I don’t want to take any chances. I’m not even sure if we should be riding this distance.” He gave her a disapproving glance and then shook his head. “Maybe you’re too far along to be riding.”
“That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Your mama rode up until her eighth month with all you boys. I’m not even at the halfway point of my pregnancy. There’s very little that I can’t do.” Pressing her knees in, she urged Sugar to take a faster pace. Blake was beside her in a moment with a stern look on his face. “Stop being so paranoid.”
“You and the baby are my world, and I’m going to make sure you’re both safe, happy, and taken care of. No matter what you say or how much of a fuss you kick up.”
“You are leaving in a matter of days, so I think it’s going to be difficult to achieve what you’re suggesting.” Shrugging, she looked out across the meadow and wondered why he was spouting so much nonsense. She’d been aware that their time together was limited and had kept her emotions in check accordingly. He, on the other hand, acted as though there wasn’t an end date stamped on their relationship. His life was in San Diego and hers was here in Texas.
“Honey, have you thought about what I suggested the other day?”
“You mean coming to San Diego for a visit?”
“Yes. What else would I be talking about?”
“Blake, we talk all day, so there are lots of possibilities. And to answer your question, yes. I have thought about it and I don’t see it as an option.”
“Why? You might enjoy the summer in Coronado.”
“I’m sure I would. But if you’re cleared next week, you won’t be there. I’ll be all alone and pregnant. That doesn’t sound like a good idea. I have my family, and they will take care of the baby and me. If I need anything, one of them can be at my house in ten minutes. I won’t have that in San Diego.”
“You and our baby are both my responsibility. I want to take care of you, and I can’t do that if we don’t live together.”
“I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s unrealistic. If you’re on active rotation, you could leave in the middle of the night and be gone for months. Who would I call if I needed something?”
“I have a lot of friends, and my oldest brother and his family live in San Diego. If you needed something, they would help out.”
“That’s certainly true. But I don’t want to call strangers when I have a family that wants to help.”
“There is no good answer here,” he replied as he ran his hand through his hair.
Glancing over, she saw what a struggle this was for him. He was a man who wanted to take care of his responsibilities, and he was trying desperately to find a solution that would work for both of them. But his job took him all over the world, and that made compromise impossible. Being a warrior and being a daddy were almost impossible to do at the same time. Especially in their circumstances. “I appreciate the invitation, but I’m going to have to turn it down. It’s best for us to stay here in Texas where I have a support network.”
“I don’t like the answer, but I understand.”
“I promise to send you updates about the baby, and if you’re not out of the country, maybe you can come for the birth. Whatever happens, know that we’ll be fine. My mama wouldn’t have it any other way.”
Nodding, he turned and studied the fence line. “Paige, I’m not giving up. I think there has to be a way for us to be together.”
“You’ll always be welcome in your son’s life. Whatever form that takes.” There wasn’t anything else to say. Swallowing, she tried to get the lump in her throat to move. All her words were rational and made sense. But her heart cracked with each one she uttered. In the last three weeks, Blake had made a place for himself in her heart. And as much as she told herself not to get attached…she had. It was inevitable. He was a big, handsome man who was smart and funny. Not to mention honorable and freaking amazing in bed. In another life, she would’ve fallen hopelessly in love with him. How could she not?
But in this life, in this circumstance, she hadn’t allowed herself the luxury. She’d purposely kept him at a distance because she never wanted him to make a choice between his career and her. That would be an impossible choice and she would never ask him to make it.
So every word she spoke was meant to give him the impression that she could handle this all on her own. She’d quickly figured out that if she ever said she needed him, he would drop everything and be by her side. But that would cost him something he loved, something that was as important as his next breath.
As far as she was concerned, any choice he made about his life would be made without her and the baby as a consideration. Ideally, she’d done everything to make that possible. They had only a couple more days together, and she had every intention of selling the idea as if her life depended on it. The truth was that she would be fine, and so would their baby. And she would repeat that phrase to herself a million times until she glued her heart back together. Because it was going to break the moment he left. Not that she would ever let him know.
“Are you ready to head back?” Blake asked.
Before she turned around, a big smile crossed her face. “Yes. I promised your mama I would help with supper.”
“The family loves you, Paige. They want to be part of our boy’s life.”
“Of course, I was talking to your mama and she said she was going to come over for a visit next month. We’re going to work on the nursery together. Don’t you worry. I have every intent
ion of staying in touch.”
They turned the horses around and headed back home. Paige smiled and pretended that every little thing was perfect and she didn’t have a care in the world. She could certainly hold it together until Blake left. It was four measly days. It shouldn’t be a problem.
***
Blake sat in the chairs on the porch with his father and wondered if he was in for a lecture. It didn’t seem likely, but he’d never brought a woman home, so anything was possible. Not to mention, the woman he brought home was carrying his father’s grandson. “It’s been good to be home.”
“Son, we’re happy to see you in one piece. You’re never far from our thoughts, and it’s nice to see for ourselves that you’re doing okay. All that Skype business doesn’t make up for a face-to-face conversation.”
“Teams have kept me busy,” Blake replied.
“Plenty in the world to keep you and your teammates busy for the next fifty years. I don’t see an end to any of this.”
“I have to agree, Dad. Nothing is getting solved out there. We’re just holding the line. And that’s on a good day.”
Leaning back in his chair, Carl Carmichael studied his son. “You going to tell me what’s on your mind, or should I guess?”
Blake knew his father and figured that getting to the point would be easier on them both. “I was just wondering how you and mama are doing with the news about your new grandson.”
“We’re as happy as all get out. Paige is a pistol and a perfect addition to the family.”
“Doesn’t bother you and Mama that we’re not getting married?”
“Blake, all we care about is that you’re happy and healthy. We like the woman you brought home, and we’re happy to have as many grandchildren as you and your brothers will give us. I personally don’t think you should marry a woman you don’t love. That sort of thing is a disaster for everyone involved.”
