by Kelly Oram
“I don’t know, but she’ll be here. There’s no way she’d miss it.”
“Have you called her? Texted?”
He shook his head. “Voice mail. You?”
“Same.”
Colin placed his hands on my shoulders. “She’ll be here, Nate.”
“Hey! I’m here!”
Chris groaned and Ty yelled, “Hey, who let the evil mistress of the dark backstage? Quick, everyone, run and hide before she steals your soul…or your sperm!”
I turned around just in time to see the hateful glare Sophie shot my brother and the smug grin he returned to her.
“Classy, Tyler.”
“As classy as getting yourself pregnant to trap my brother in a relationship?”
Well. If every senior in this showcase hadn’t been watching me before, they certainly were now. “Guys. Not the time. Please.”
They rolled their eyes at one another, and then Sophie kissed my cheek in greeting. “Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay.” I hadn’t even realized she wasn’t here. She wasn’t the woman I needed tonight. “Thanks for coming. You should go find your seat. They’re going to start soon.”
“I will. I just wanted to wish you luck first. Oh, and I have some great news.”
Trying to stay completely focused on Sophie was impossible. My eyes continued to scan the entire backstage area for Jordan as I asked. “News?”
Her face lit up, yet she held her hands up and looked at me with trepidation as if she expected me to argue whatever she was about to tell me. “Okay, I know you said you aren’t ready to live together, but I spoke to my parents and they said that if you do decide you want to move in, we can have the guesthouse above the garage rent free until we graduate.”
“Oh, hell no,” Chris burst out, suddenly appearing at my side with both Ty and Colin flanking him. His anger was for Sophie, but his blazing glare was pointed at me. “You are not moving in with her.”
Sophie shot him an evil look. “This is none of your business!”
“You’re seriously trying to spring this on him now?” Tyler asked. “He’s about to go give the biggest performance of his life. He doesn’t need you screwing with his head fifteen minutes before he takes the stage.”
“I’m not screwing with his head!”
Unbelievable. Was this how life was going to be from now on? Playing referee between my brothers and the mother of my child? Would Sophie destroy my relationship with my family whether we got back together or not, the same way she ruined things between Jordan and me?
“You guys, stop.” Reaching up to press my palms into my eyes to push back the sudden pounding in my head, I let out a breath and grumbled, “I swear you are going to kill me. Nobody is moving in with anyone.” After reassuring my brothers, I cut Sophie a hard glance. “I already told you that.”
“I know, but I just wanted you to know it’s an option. I mean, no rent until we graduate. Do you know how much that would help us?”
“It wouldn’t help you at all,” Chris pointed out before I could. “You can’t live there during school, and Nate already has a free place to live in the summers. Dad will happily let him and the baby live at home forever.”
Sophie gritted her teeth as if holding back a snarky reply. She took a deep breath, then glanced at me from beneath her lashes, chewing on her lip as if she was nervous about something. “Well…I’ve been thinking. Nate, NYU is so expensive. New York City is expensive. And it’s not an ideal place to raise a baby. What if we transferred to a college back in Syracuse?”
My mouth fell open, but no sound came out. I was truly speechless. My brothers both snorted; Colin gasped, and all the performers around us quieted, just as appalled by the ridiculous suggestion as I was.
Sophie glanced around, becoming self-conscious by all the shocked expressions, but she mustered her courage and plowed on. She placed her hand on my forearm and began to plead with me. “We could do our undergrad work at the community college and live at home. We would save—”
“I’m here on dual scholarships,” I cut in. “My tuition, room and board, and health insurance are all covered. My school is free.”
“But mine isn’t.”
“You want him to give up Steinhardt?” Colin asked. “One of the best music programs in the nation, for which he’s on a full-ride scholarship, to go to community college and live above your parents’ garage? Are you insane?”
Sophie flinched, hurt by Colin’s bluntness. Maybe he was being harsh, but I couldn’t find the words to defend Sophie. What she was asking me to do was genuinely crazy. Never mind my dreams; she was asking me to give up a free NYU education.
“I think we’ve already established that she’s certifiable,” Chris muttered.
“Definitely Alex Forrest,” Colin agreed.
“Who’s Alex Forrest?” Tyler asked.
“Glenn Close’s character in Fatal Attraction,” some random guy, shamelessly watching the drama, offered with a smirk.
A quiet round of snickers swept through our audience. They laughed because everyone knows Fatal Attraction is about a psychotic, obsessed woman who stalks a man and his family until there’s an eventual battle to the death. But it was a much deeper comparison than that, and I was sure Colin knew it. Alex Forrest was a woman who, after having an affair, couldn’t accept it when her lover dumped her. She refused to let the relationship go. She was even pregnant and tried to use the baby as a means to make Michael Douglas leave his wife and be with her.
Sophie’s jaw quivered at the insult. She looked at me, eyes brimming with tears. “I hate this city, Nate. I never wanted to come to this school in the first place. I want to go home.”
“So go,” Ty said. “No one’s making you stay. Nate never even asked you to follow him here.”
“Shut up, Tyler!” She swiped at her tears and started begging. “Please, Nate? Come home with me? We could go to school locally, and you could work for your dad. Maybe someday you could even take over for him. We could raise our baby near our parents. I know it’s not exactly what you want, but we could have a great life.”
She had it all mapped out. Our entire future together. I didn’t doubt she was picturing our future kids playing in the front yard with a puppy behind a white picket fence. She probably even already had a specific house in mind. It was the dream she’d always wanted. A dream I’d never shared with her.
Sophie really was Glenn Close and I was Michael Douglas. Our story didn’t have the infidelity, and though I wasn’t dating Jordan, we all knew I’d choose her over Sophie if I could, and Sophie hated her for it. I didn’t expect Sophie to start boiling rabbits and coming after Jordan or me with a knife, but her clinginess and inability to accept that I wasn’t going to marry her and live happily ever after with her were starting to scare me.
“Not exactly what I want?” I asked incredulously. “Sophie, that’s not at all what I want. You know that.”
“Curtain!” someone wearing a headset shouted, flashing a meaningful look in my direction.
Everyone scrambled. The first group of performers moved to their places and I dragged Sophie out into the hall. “Sophie, you’re asking me to give up everything,” I hissed in a soft whisper.
She squared her shoulders and lifted her chin. “For our baby, Nate. For our little family. New York City is unrealistic. We can’t afford it. And what about childcare? Have you thought about how much day care costs? What are we supposed to do with the baby while we go to school and work—which we’ll both have to do just to make ends meet? We’ll never see our child. At home we’d have more time, and even when we did have to leave the baby, my mom would watch it for free.”
My stomach rolled. “No…” I shook my head, but it was more an act of denial and horror than defiance. “That can’t be…there has to be another way.”
Sophie gave me a sad smile. “I wish there was, but I’ve gone over all the numbers and they just don’t add up. Think about it, Nate. It’s our only o
ption.”
Suddenly, I couldn’t breathe. Sophie wouldn’t be wrong about these types of calculations. Numbers and planning for the future were what she did. Using the wall for support, I leaned over, placing my hands on my knees, and tried to breathe. “I’m going to be sick.”
My brothers immediately began throwing out their encouragement.
“Dude, you can’t. Don’t listen to her.”
“It’s a mistake, Runt. We’ll figure something out.”
“We’ll talk to Dad when we get home. He’ll help.”
“We’ll all help. We’ll do whatever it takes. You can’t give up your music.”
Their voices blurred in my mind until all I heard was the whir of a tornado ripping through my brain, destroying everything in its path. Only one voice could break through the chaos of my thoughts. “You can’t do it, Nate.”
My head whipped up at the soft, devastated voice. “Jordan?” I glanced around, wondering when she’d arrived and how much of my conversation she’d heard. Enough to know what my brothers were urging against. And to agree with them.
“Sorry I’m late.” She swallowed thickly, took a deep breath, and then said, “You can’t leave NYU, Nate. You can’t give up your music. It’s who you are. She’ll never understand that about you, but I know you. It’s in your soul. If you give it up, you won’t just regret it. It will kill you.” She shot a watery, hate-filled glare at Sophie. “He won’t be the same man you love if you take this from him. You will destroy him. Is that what you want?”
Sophie looked pale. “No,” she whispered. “Of course not, but we don’t have a choice. Not all of us have trust funds waiting for us.”
Jordan’s eyes fell shut and she took another moment to steady her voice. “You can have my place.”
“What?” I got the distinct impression she was trying not to cry. “Jordan? Are you okay?”
She took another gulp of air. “I didn’t want to tell you this before your performance, but I’m going home, Nate. I’m going back to LA. My dad has some pull at USC, and I can transfer to their film program after the break.”
Colin and I gasped simultaneously. Jordan’s tortured gaze flicked back and forth between us. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you guys for days.”
If I thought I’d been shocked before, I was wrong. Jordan’s news broke my brain completely. This couldn’t be right. She couldn’t mean what she just said. There was no way. It didn’t make sense. “Why?”
She shook her head. “I don’t belong here. It snows, and everything moves too fast, and no one appreciates flip-flops the way they should. I’m a California girl. I belong in Tinseltown.”
“Honey, you do belong here,” Colin whispered. “With us.”
Jordan swallowed. Her eyes drifted to mine. “Stay in my apartment. You, Sophie, and the baby. Rent free. Just pay the utilities, and you can stay until you graduate.”
“You would do that for us?” Sophie gasped.
Anger ripped through my chest. Jordan wouldn’t do that for us. She’d do it for me, though. Even though I didn’t deserve it. Even though I’d broken her heart. I couldn’t let her do that. “No, Jordan. Absolutely not. I’m not letting you leave and taking your home from you. I’ll drop out of school and go live with my father before I let that happen.”
Tears began to stream down Jordan’s cheeks. “It’s already done.” She shook her head. “I’m leaving. I have to. I’ve already made the arrangements. My apartment is just going to sit there, empty. You may as well stay in it. I want you to use it. I want to help.”
My heart was pounding. She couldn’t leave. New York wouldn’t be the same without her. I wouldn’t be the same without her. “Jordan…no…I…”
Sophie grabbed my arm, shaking me gently. “Nate, are you crazy? She’s offering us a chance to stay in school. That’s what you want. How can you turn it down?”
“Because it’s wrong, Sophie. I can’t be that selfish.” I slammed my gaze into Jordan’s again. “Don’t do this.”
We were interrupted when the man with the headset stuck his head in the hallway. “Nathan Anderson?” I nodded. “You’re up next. Time to get your equipment in place.”
I sucked in a breath. My world was falling apart, but I had to push that aside. No matter what I decided, what my future had in store for me, I’d worked all semester for this one moment. And if it was going to be my last true chance to show the world what I could do, then I was going to give it my best. Jordan stepped forward, smiling tearfully. “Colin and I’ll be front and center, just like I promised.” She kissed my cheek. “Break a leg, rock star.”
She glanced at Sophie as if debating something, and then, mind made up, she pulled my face to hers and graced me with a kiss that set me on fire. It pushed all the drama of the last fifteen minutes out of my head and repaired my broken heart. It left me struggling to fill my lungs with air.
“You’ve got this.” She gave me one last smile that magically made everything okay, and dragged Colin into the auditorium.
My head was reeling, my heart a frenzied mess. My body shook from the shock of Jordan’s news. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to perform with the way I couldn’t seem to gather my focus. I couldn’t see Jordan and Colin in the darkness of the auditorium, but a glance back at my brothers, ready and excited to back me up, and the eagerness of other musicians with me onstage made the ocean of chaos inside me calm down.
Then, the stage lights kicked on, and that first pound of Mark’s tympani drum crashed in my ears, making a smile creep over my face. A spike of adrenaline shocked me from head to toe. This was it. This was the moment I’d worked for all semester. This was my chance to prove to the world what Nathan Anderson was capable of. I wanted this. I was ready for this.
The stage was my kingdom, and I ruled it with perfection. The song started out soft, the romantic lyrics drifting delicately over the violin and cello. And then, with another crash on the tympani drums, the band kicked in, taking our song from a rich and smooth vanilla to an explosion of flavor.
The surprised gasps from the audience as the song kicked into high gear made my grin stretch a mile wide across my face. I had them. I owned the crowd. Their cheers fueled me, pushing me to sing and play with an intensity I’d never reached before, and I knew: I was born to do this. I couldn’t give it up. No matter what it took, I would find a way to both raise my child and pursue my dream.
I also knew, as I poured my heart out in the form of an ice cream love song, that I could never have accomplished any of this without Jordan. She inspired me. She made my heart come alive. She was my muse. My inspiration. The source of my passion. My serenity. My sanity. My best friend. She was the woman I loved. I needed her like I needed air to breathe.
Lungs heaving and body trembling from the rush of a job well done, this was the thought pulsing through me as the curtain fell and I listened to the wild cheering on the other side of it: I loved Jordan. I couldn’t let her go.
I whirled around to thank everyone who performed with me, and found I wasn’t the only one grinning like a fool. We’d accomplished something amazing tonight, something to be proud of. My brothers tackled me simultaneously, squeezing the life out of me with bear hugs and bruising me with proud punches on my arms. “You seriously killed it, Runt,” Chris said.
Tyler followed that with, “Congrats, little brother.”
“I told you, I’m older than you, moron.”
“And I told you I mean little as in smaller, shrimp.”
This time I grinned at the insult and hugged my brothers for real. “Thanks, guys.”
They didn’t even think twice about squeezing me back in an honest, sincere, sentimental hug. Of course, two seconds later, the show coordinator told us to clear the stage for the next performers, pulling us out of our moment, and we shoved off each other with an unspoken agreement that we would all pretend it never happened.
After the showcase, I didn’t even get two feet in the door at the meet and gr
eet before the compliments and congratulations began pouring in. I was grateful to have earned the respect of all the senior performers around me, but I was having a hard time concentrating. My eyes were glued to the door, waiting for Jordan to enter.
My gaze was pulled from the door by a voice that required my full attention. “There’s our favorite freshman prodigy!” Mr. Treager boomed cheerfully over the noise of the crowd. He was flagging me down along with Mr. Hendricks, the woman from the audition who’d voted against me, and a couple of people I’d never seen before.
Mr. Treager was the first to greet me. “Nate, that song was incredible.”
I gave him my brightest smile and held out my hand. “Thanks, Mr. Treager.”
Mr. Hendricks waited eagerly for his turn to shake my hand. “Nate,” he said, cracking a proud smile. “Never have I had a student meet a challenge and exceed my expectations as much as you did tonight.”
The lady judge shook her head, smiling almost in awe. “Me either. I’m simply stunned, Mr. Anderson. I could hardly believe you were the same young man who auditioned for us at the beginning of the semester.”
“Don’t listen to them,” Mr. Treager teased. “I knew you had it in you. Thanks for not making me look bad in front of the boss.” He gestured to the lady and smiled. “Nate, this is Professor Jennifer Alfaro. I don’t believe you officially met before.”
Shaking my head, I accepted her hand. Her awe had been replaced with a warm smile. “It’s a pleasure. Will you be staying in the city this summer?”
The question startled me, bringing all the pre-showcase drama back to the front of my mind. My eyes flashed to my brothers. Sophie had joined them and was listening just as intently. I forced a thin smile at Professor Alfaro. “I, um, that verdict is still out.”
She nodded in understanding, her smile never faltering. “Well, if you do decide to stay, make sure to stop by my office. I have a number of connections in the industry, and would love to help you find a great summer internship.”
“I—” I had to pick up my jaw off the floor before I could speak again. “Thank you, Professor, I will. I would love that.”
