by Lee, M. A.
Chapter Sixteen
I had to give Ryder credit, he sure was relentless. I had scolded myself for telling Ryder the truth and my history with Wade. Not many people knew about my past, but somehow, he had broken down those walls. Somehow, he had become the exception.
Ryder had started texting me and even though I hated to admit it, I enjoyed hearing from him. I knew deep down in my soul that what we were doing was a game. Harmless? I wasn’t sure, but either way, he had to know this couldn’t go further than having fun.
I was even opening up to the idea of hooking up with him for a while, but I wasn’t going to risk getting hurt again.
The week had gone by lightning-fast and before I knew it, Saturday was upon me. Kirsten and Ashley had bombarded me the night before and helped me pick out an outfit to wear to dinner tonight. They had even scheduled me a spa day fully complete with getting a massage and my hair and makeup done by a stylist. It was overkill, but I knew they only had good intentions.
Rolling out of my bed, my eyes landed on the dark denim jeans, gold top that showed off my shoulders, and the black heels that Kirsten had loaned me. The ensemble was hanging on my closet door and it made me smile. It would be nice to go out and enjoy a nice evening. I just needed to remember my own rules. Love was only a game now. No more heart break, only harmless fun.
Only, I just hoped I wasn’t lying to myself.
“Are you up?” I heard Ashley yelling from outside my bedroom door.
“Yes,” I said through a yawn.
My door opened and Ashley and Kirsten came piling inside.
“What is this?” I asked, laughing at both of them.
“We are here to help you get up and ready for today,” Ashley said, grinning from ear-to-ear.
Rolling my eyes, I sat up in bed. “You all do know that my date isn’t until this evening. The spa doesn’t even open for another hour, so why are you insisting I get up so early on a Saturday?” I asked, eyeing both of them.
Kirsten plopped down on the bed beside me and Kirsten sauntered over to my dresser, leaning against it as she inspected my outfit again.
“We are excited for you,” Kirsten said.
“You all are acting like I am in junior high getting ready for my first date,” I mused.
“Well, it kind of feels like that,” Ashely said, inspecting her nails as she talked.
“Whatever. It’s not that bad,” I began to argue.
They both shot me glances and I knew there was no arguing. Since Wade passed away, I hadn’t so much as had coffee with another guy. And now, I was going on a date with Ryder. I mean, a friend outing.
Well, shit. Even I was getting it mixed up.
“You can’t hide your pain forever. It’s time to get your ass out of bed and get pampered for that sexy SEAL you have,” Kirsten said, laughing as she helped me out of bed.
Slapping me on the but, she pushed me toward the bathroom. “You have ten minutes to get ready. We have breakfast before the spa,” she informed me.
I hurried and got dressed and was growing excited by each moment that passed.
* * *
Hours later, I had a full stomach and had been pampered to the fullest. Now, we were rushing back to our apartment so I could get dressed.
When I finally arrived at the quaint little restaurant, Ryder was waiting outside for me. A sly smirk played across his features. His large, muscular arms looked delicious as they lay at his sides.
“You decided to show up,” he teased me.
“Well, I was hungry,” I say, nervously tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
Placing his hand on my back, Ryder led us inside to the hostess. It was a foreign feeling to have another man’s hand on my back, but I allowed it. Ryder was being polite and I didn’t want to freak out too early.
Ryder asks for a table out on the patio and I am happy he made that decision. It was a beautiful night and being outside would make this evening more comfortable. We followed the young hostess to our table, where she placed our menus in front of us. I adored this place and knew the menu by heart.
Ryder opened his menu and then, noticing that mine was still flat on the table, glanced up at me. “Is everything ok? We can go somewhere else if you want,” he said.
“Everything is fine. I know this menu by heart,” I laughed.
“Oh, I was worried,” Ryder chuckled. “Well, then I will let you order for the both of us,” he said, folding his menu down.
“You are brave to let me order for you,” I say, smiling at him.
“I was a SEAL. Of course, I’m brave,” he says arrogantly.
I can’t help but laugh at his humor. I feel my face blushing as I realize I am giddy right now.
When our waiter comes, I order both of us ice waters, white wine, and the lasagna with smoked sausage. Ryder watches me with amusement in his eyes.
“So, Meghan. Tell me more about yourself,” he says, leaning back in his chair.
I glance around as everyone else is deep into their own conversations. I bite my lower lip as I wonder what I should tell him. He already knows about Wade.
“That is very irresistible,” Ryder says, leaning across the table.
“Excuse me?” I ask, taken aback.
“When you are deep in thought, you bite your bottom lip. I noticed the first night we met at the gala and again the other day when we had lunch,” Ryder says. His eyes spark as he watches me.
Damn, there is something so attractive about Ryder that it is hard to control my emotions around him. I am now regretting agreeing to this date. While Ryder is nothing short of charming, he is making me feel things I am just not ready for yet.
“I didn’t realize I did that,” I say, lowering my head.
“Hey, did I do something wrong?” Ryder asks, reading my mood change.
Shaking my head, I try not to cry. “No. In fact, Ryder you are perfect. It’s me,” I say.
“I don’t believe in that, it’s not you, it’s me, excuse,” Ryder states. “You are scared and I get it. But, there’s one thing that you just don’t know about me,” he says, his voice deep and low like he is telling me a secret.
“What’s that?” I ask, trying to keep a straight face. Right now, I don’t know whether to cry or smile.
“Ryder, I already told you. I am not looking for more than anything but a friend,” I say.
“And, I agreed to that. For now,” he says, smirking.
“You are very stubborn,” I say.
“You have no idea. I will show you that I can be the only exception to the rule you have created for yourself. Once this date is over, you won’t be able to resist me anymore,” he says, and even he can’t help but laugh.
We both burst out laughing so hard, I feel tears burn my eyes. Thankfully, our food arrives and we both dig right in. Ryder loves the dish and I am glad I selected it. Once we are both finished, Ryder pays the bill, even though I try to fight him not to.
We get up to leave and I think the night is over, but Ryder grabs my hand, startling me.
“I don’t want this evening to end yet,” he says, studying my face.
“This is only for tonight,” I say.
We both look down at our intertwined fingers. “Then why are you still holding my hand?” Ryder asks.
I go to open my mouth, but I honestly can’t find a reason. I can’t believe what I am about to do.
“Fuck it. Let’s go out. What do you have in mind?” I say.
From the shock registering on Ryder’s face, that was not the response he was anticipating.
“Let’s go get a drink,” he offers.
Taking the lead, Ryder begins to walk us down the street where a few bars line the sidewalk. A slight gust of wind brushes through me and I feel my body tingle. Something tells me I am about to have a night I will never forget.
Chapter Seventeen
Ryder takes us to a small bar with another outdoor patio. We sit outside and people watch. He orders a beer while
I go for a margarita. A band plays in the back of the bar and the music fills the space around us. As the song shifts to a more slow tempo, I find myself relaxing a bit.
“So, shouldn’t you be asking me questions right now? Aren’t you a journalist?” Ryder asks, sitting back in his chair.
“I’m not a journalist. I have a literary degree. I mainly edit manuscripts, but I also write feature articles when asked,” I reply, sipping my drink.
“Oh, so you jumped at the chance to write about me,” he says, that arrogant smirk reappearing.
I shake my head as a giggle escapes my lips. “Something like that,” I say.
I feel my phone vibrate and I glance down, seeing a text from Kirsten. I choose to ignore the text for now. If I tell her we went for drinks after dinner, she will blow up my phone with inappropriate messages.
“Do you need to take a call?” Ryder asks, as I stare down at my phone.
Shaking my head, I say, “No. Just my friends checking on me.”
The bartender hands me my drink and I begin to chug it down faster than I should.
Ryder grins at me. “Are they checking to make sure I haven’t kidnapped you?” he asks.
I almost choke on my drink. “What?”
“I’m kidding. From what you have told me so far, you don’t go out with men very often. I’m sure they are just concerned.”
I nod. Man, I didn’t realize how intuitive Ryder was. But then again, he was in the navy, he was trained to dig into peoples minds. Was he doing that to me now?
I decide it won’t hurt anything, to be honest with him. I need to be in control of this situation. It’s been made very clear to me that Ryder thinks he can change my mind. I need to remind him who is boss right now.
“You asked me earlier to tell you about me. Well, I played soccer in middle and high school. My first car was a blue Honda Accord handed down to me from my mom and my favorite movie is Dirty Dancing,” I say.
“Wow, that was a lot of information,” Ryder says, sipping his beer.
I look around the bar because I don’t have a response to that.
“Where do you see yourself in ten years?” he asks me.
I slowly bring my eyes back to him. “Is this a job interview?” I ask, taking another drink of my margarita.
Ryder leans his elbows on the table and captures my attention. “No, but if you aren’t willing to date, then where do you see yourself? Still, living with your friends? Single?”
Wow, his cockiness has gone from cute to now just annoying. My gaze shifts to his and I narrow my eyes. “That was pretty cruel, don’t you think?” I ask.
This was why I wasn’t ready to date. Wade never would have said something like that to me. He never would have hurt me for his own amusement. This evening is over.
I stand, ready to get out of here as fast as I can. However, Ryder stands, too, and grabs my hand. “Wait, don’t runoff. I didn’t mean to insult you,” he begins.
I smack his hand away. “How dare you? Was this all some joke? Take out the widow only to throw her own demons in her face? Well, congratulations, you have me all figured out.”
I move through the maze of tables until I am back onto the sidewalk again. The noise from the streets drowns out everything else as I take off like a bat out of hell.
I feel a hand grip my arm and before I know it, I am being spun around. My hands land on Ryder’s massive chest. I’m in shock as I stare up at him.
“Please, let me explain,” Ryder says.
“Let me go,” I seethe.
He slowly releases his hold on me, but I notice that he doesn’t budge away from me. “I am sorry if what I said hurt you. I was honestly wanting to know. If you aren’t willing to find love with someone else, other than Wade, then what do you want for your life in ten years?” he asks again. I go to open my mouth, but he stops me. “When I look into your eyes, I see a burning pain that hasn’t been scorched. You try to hide your pain by keeping your heart locked away. But that will only intensify the pain you feel. I see something inside of you that is begging to be loved. I refuse to look the other way, because that is what you want me to do. I found you and I want to know you. I want to be with you. And, I think you feel the same way about me, too.”
I’m wrecked speechless. Part of me wants to reach out and slap his face while the other part of me wants to break down and cry while he holds me.
Ryder has seeped into my soul and read every dark and dangerous secret I possess. He is refusing to leave me alone.
“Ryder,” I begin, but he crushes his lips to mine, and instantly my world stops spinning.
I feel his arms wrap around my waist as he pulls me against his massive chest. My hands fight him at first, pushing against his rock hard abs, but then, I give in. I take in the kiss and allow myself to feel the moment.
I haven’t been kissed like this-- with such ferocity and passion in so long, I almost forgot how it felt. As his tongue slips inside my mouth, I gladly welcome it. Our tongues dance as my hands now tangles in his hair. Bliss fills me with a heated passion I didn’t realize I was missing.
When we finally part, I struggle to catch my breath. Ryder releases his hold on me, but keeps his hands planted firmly on my waist. I stare up at him, unsure of what to do or say next.
“What was that?” I ask, my mind still spinning with emotions.
“That was me finally taking what is mine.”
Chapter Eighteen
I wanted Meghan so badly, that I became desperate with need.
In all of my years of training, I knew better than to give in to your own needs. I had been beaten, starved, and hunted down and still, I had held better resolve than when I am with Meghan. With her, I crumble at the slightest smile. Her touch could undo me in a heartbeat. And, it did.
I had told myself that I would wait before I kissed Meghan. I would have some self-restraint and wait until she was more comfortable being with me. I knew I needed to gain her trust first. I know it sounds absurd, but dealing with a broken woman is like being out in the fields.
When you are hunting the enemy or trying to get a victim to trust you that you are the bad guy here to save the day-- well, it requires a level of expertise. And, if I had been in combat, I would have been dead or lost my target. Meghan blinded me to everything else and this was a dangerous game we both were playing.
Too bad, I refused to stop playing.
Still holding her in my arms, I saw the look in her eyes that told me, she was beginning to see that I wasn’t, in fact, the enemy but a good guy. Her heart was racing wildly against my chest as we both struggled to breathe.
“What exactly do you think is yours?” Meghan asked me, that sassy attitude back.
I could throw another comment back and continue our normal banter, or I could dive right in and tell her exactly what I wanted. Looking deep into her eyes, I smiled.
“Meghan, I want you. We have both been burned and lost those we cared about. We don’t have to run from the bullets and pain anymore. Give me a chance,” I pleaded.
This was the moment of truce. Either she would agree or I would be left cold and alone.
Meghan looked at me like she was trying to reach deep down into my soul. I knew she was trying to read me, I had seen it by CIA operatives over the years. For someone with no military background, Meghan sure did have the tactics of one.
“I want to stop running, but I don’t know how,” she admitted, and there it was. She finally broke down and admitted something aloud that I knew she had been holding in for far too long.
Holding her tighter, I needed to not only hear my words but feel what I was saying. “This won’t be easy and we will both make mistakes. But, we will take it slow. Go out on dates, get to know one another. But, I won’t give up on showing you that love can exist after heartache,” I told her.
I heard her gasp as a tear rolled down her beautiful face. I wanted to crumble under her touch and do everything in my power to fix her hurt. In time, hopefu
lly, I would. Taking my tumb, I captured the tear and wiped it on my jeans. Her face was too precious to have tears smearing her skin.
Grabbing my hand, Meghan sighed. “I don’t know what I am doing, and maybe tomorrow I will wake up and realize it was all a mistake, but…” she paused, as she struggled with the next words to say. I waited breathlessly. As she continued, I felt her hand squeeze mine. “I am willing to give this, us a try.”
That was all I needed to hear to know that I had hit my target and everything was going to be fine. “That’s all I am asking for,” I admit.
Meghan smiles and suddenly, it’s like the world was turned back on again. The city lights are brighter and the noises come rushing back again.
“Come on, let’s finish our drinks,” I say, wrapping an arm around her thin shoulders.
We begin to walk back toward our table on the patio. “Are you going to continue questioning me like we are in an interview?” Meghan asks, her eyes twinkling with mischief.
I chuckle, glad to have her sense of humor back. “Possibly. I need to see if we will be compatible in ten years,” I joke.
Playfully punching my side, Meghan laughs before sitting back down in her chair. “You are such an ass.”
“And you love it,” I resolve, smoking.
Chapter Nineteen
Ryder has to be the most stubborn, big-headed, arrogant, and kind man I have ever met. For all of his faults, he has a sweet side to him that makes you want to break down all of your own walls.
I let Ryder get to me last night and now, waking up to a new day, I am questioning if I made the right decision. To be honest, I haven’t felt this alive in years, but that also makes me feel guilty.
Grumbling, I rolled over in bed and cringed at the bright light filtering in through my bedroom window.
