“Do you think you’ll ask him to request an assignment somewhere else?” Maryanne asked.
“I’m not sure. I know he loves it here, so I don’t want him to go somewhere he wouldn’t be as happy, but at the same time, he’s right. It’s very hard for me here because of the cold. Sometimes there’s nothing we can do to shield me from it. Leg spasms are very painful.” Lisa sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ve looked forward to you ladies coming here for seven days, and you get here and all I can do is complain. Please forgive me.”
Elaine shook her head. “Most people would complain a great deal more than you do in your position. You have nothing to apologize for.”
Lisa smiled. “You only say that to spare my feelings. You know I’ve complained more than anyone should have to listen to.”
“Yes, you have,” Maryanne said. “I love you, so I can say it.”
Lisa wrinkled her nose. “So much for loyalty!”
“I’m as loyal as they come. I’m also honest. If you want someone who won’t tell you the truth, you should find a new friend.”
Lisa turned to Isabelle. “It seems I’m in need of a new friend…”
They all laughed, and Isabelle shook her head. “I think you’re stuck with Maryanne. You two have been extra close since our first day at Miss Hazel’s house. Though I’m pleased to call you both friend.”
Maryanne shook her head at Lisa. “I can’t believe you’re trying to give me away after all we’ve been through together! Did Jo try to get rid of Beth in Little Women? I don’t think so!”
Lisa made a face. “No, but they were sisters and had a blood bond. We just have a mail-order bride bond.” She stopped for a moment, thinking. “But you know…a mail-order bride might just be stronger. We did travel across the country together to marry friends.”
“So now you have to love me forever!” Maryanne said, nudging Lisa with her elbow. “You’re stuck with me, just like Isabelle said.”
Lisa glared at Isabelle. “Why would you say such a thing?”
“Just seemed like the thing to do at the time.” Isabelle jumped up. “We should bake a cake or something before we head home. I think Lisa would like that. You wouldn’t even have to tell Wesley we helped you.”
“Yes, I would. I don’t lie to my husband.”
“Not even about cougars?” Maryanne asked.
“Hey, I never lied. I just didn’t say that a cougar had once been here. I honestly said that she wasn’t at the time Wesley asked.” Lisa knew it was splitting hairs, but she didn’t care at that moment.
Maryanne shook her head. “Whatever. You know it was a lie of omission.”
“I never said I was perfect,” Lisa responded. “Only mostly perfect!”
They spent the rest of the afternoon baking and laughing with one another, and Lisa couldn’t believe how much happier she was after spending time with her friends. She’d never thought that she would have a friend who made her laugh the way Jess and JoAnn had again, but here she was, joking around with women who had been strangers just two months before. She said a quick prayer, thanking God for sending these wonderful women into her life.
When Wesley came home that evening, he shrugged. “Seems like that rogue cougar has stopped bothering all the villages. It’s about time. We were about to have to go hunting for her.”
“I’m glad she stopped. What if she’d had a baby? Killing her would have made that baby an orphan!”
He sighed. “Better to have an orphaned cougar than a bunch of dead villagers.” He sat down, looking at her carefully. “Good day or bad day?”
“Good day. We enjoyed our visit and laughed a lot.” Lisa served some of the chicken pot pie she’d made onto two plates and carried them to the table. “I’m glad we’re still close enough to be able to meet every week. It makes me feel less isolated here.”
“Do you miss your family?”
“Of course I do. I’ve been with them every day of my life, and they’re so far away now. Do you realize until I went to Miss Hazel’s bride training, I had never spent a night anywhere without my mother in the house? I’m twenty-two!”
“You didn’t have overnight parties with your friends? I thought all girls did that.”
“I did have them. Quite often, really, but we always had them at my house because Mom wanted to be there to make sure nothing happened to me.”
He frowned at her. “I’ll bet she wasn’t pleased when you decided to move all the way across the country to marry a stranger.”
“You know…I think she really was. I think she was happy that I was finally spreading my wings.” She sat down opposite him and bowed her head for his prayer.
After the prayer, he said, “I’m glad she wanted what was best for you.”
“She did. Even when she made me crazy by hovering over me all the time, I knew that she wanted me to be strong and independent. She just didn’t always do the right things to make me that way.” Lisa shrugged. “She once told me that children don’t come with a manual. You just do what you think is right every day and you pray for the best.”
He smiled at that. “Do you think we’ll know what to do when it comes our time to be parents?”
Lisa shrugged. “I hope so. I really, really hope so.”
When she went to sleep that night, she had a dream that she was playing with her little girl—a sweet blond child just like her father. The child ran away from her and fell, and Lisa couldn’t reach her. She screamed and screamed for help, but no one heard her.
Wesley woke to hear Lisa moaning in her sleep. He took her and pulled her close to him. “It’s just a dream. You’re all right.”
Lisa rested her head on his shoulder, breathing deeply. It wasn’t just a dream. There was a good chance that would be her future.
*****
When Maryanne visited the next day, she noticed how sad and withdrawn Lisa seemed. “Are you having a bad day?”
Lisa shook her head. “Well, I am, but not in the way you mean.” She quickly related her dream to Maryanne. “It feels like it’s a foreshadowing of what life would be like when we have children.”
Maryanne shook her head. “You can do more today than you could when I met you. You get stronger every day.”
“In some ways I do. In other ways, I’m never going to be stronger. I’m just learning to cope better. Like the things Wesley made for me. They’re crutches.”
“But they’re not really crutches. They’re helps for you. You need to stop worrying about the future, because you’re strong and capable. If all else fails when you have children, you can have one of the unmarried Indian women live with you. The older girls are sometimes considered a burden and would be happy to help you if they could.”
“That’s true.” Lisa sighed. “Thank you for always being here for me. I know I get silly notions in my head at times, but you’ve become my rock.”
Maryanne smiled. “It’s my job.”
“That’s the thing, Maryanne. It’s not your job, but you’ve always treated it like it was. So thank you for loving me as a sister.”
Maryanne’s face fell at Lisa’s words, and Lisa immediately felt guilty. It was hard to always say the right thing. Maryanne was always strong for her, so she sometimes forgot that her friend had her tragedies as well. Someday, she’d have all the right words. She hoped.
Chapter Nine
Before Lisa realized it, December had begun, and with it the secrets of the gift-giving season. She was working hard to make Wesley some new socks, with the help of Maryanne.
“I don’t know how I’m going to get done on time!” Lisa told her friend. “I feel like I’m having more bad days than good right now. Even with the extra things that I’m doing to ensure good days, it’s just too cold.”
“Have you talked to Wesley about it?” Maryanne frowned at her friend with concern.
Lisa shook her head. “No, because I don’t want him to have to leave the job he loves to go south and do something totally different. That wouldn’
t be fair to either of us.” She stretched out her bad leg, covered with a skirt, a pair of pants, a pair of long underwear, and two pairs of socks. She couldn’t possibly wear more clothes. “I think I’m going to need to get used to doing more than I do on my bad days.”
“I think you’re already pushing it, but you can do more if you’re careful.”
“I’m going to start walking on the bad days. I can toughen myself up and get more used to the cold. I think that’s the best answer, don’t you?” Lisa had made up her mind. She was going to do it. There was no way to get stronger other than to push herself beyond what she thought was possible.
“I’ll walk with you, if you’d like.”
Lisa shrugged. “If you want to. Otherwise, I can take Sophie. I’ll drag my wagon and sit down when I need to.” She paused for a moment, thinking about it. “It would probably be better if I did it alone so I could learn to be stronger.”
“Just be careful. Always let me know when you’re leaving so I know when to watch for you to come back if I don’t go with you. I would hate it if you were hurt somehow.”
Lisa shrugged. “I won’t get hurt. Sophie will protect me.”
Maryanne frowned down at the little fuzzy dog. “She will?”
“She’s a vicious attack dog! She could fend off wild animals!”
“With her tongue?”
Lisa made a face at her friend. “Just because you’ve only seen her be friendly doesn’t mean that it’s the only way she can be, you know!”
“Sure…”
Lisa refused to argue the point any longer. “I think I’m going for that walk right now.” She walked to the peg by the door and took her coat, scarf, hat, and gloves. “I’ll be back in a few minutes. I won’t go far today. Only to the river.”
“May I come?”
Lisa thought about it for a moment. “This is a way for me to become more self-sufficient. Not a way for you to take care of me. Wait here, and come find me if I’m not back in twenty minutes.” It was a five-minute walk to the river and five-minutes back. Her leg was extra slow, so she figured double time would be more than enough. “I’ll see you soon.” She called Sophie, attached her leash, and walked out into the frigid cold outside.
The cold told Lisa that all of Wesley’s theories were correct. Her leg started spasming worse than ever, and through the thick coat she wore, her arm throbbed with pain. She put Sophie onto the wagon, which had the sleigh runners attached, and she pulled the contraption through the snow.
All the way to the river and back, Lisa shivered and hurt. But she made it. When she reached the cabin, she pushed the door open, panting for breath. The snow was deep, making the way even more difficult than usual. She would make it though. She was determined.
Maryanne met her at the door, helping her to pull off her outerwear. “You’re frozen solid. I don’t think this is a good idea.”
Lisa shrugged. “Maybe it’s not, but I’m determined to do it. I want to be strong. I need to be strong.”
“I made you some hot cocoa. You sit, and I’ll serve it.”
Wanting to protest, but not sure how she could with as frozen as she was, Lisa nodded. “Thank you.”
After two cups of the hot chocolate drink, Lisa felt mostly revived. “I’m going a little further tomorrow. It’s good for me.”
“I’m not so sure about that. I think it may be really bad for you.”
Lisa shrugged. “It’s good for my future. I want to stay where Wesley is happy, not force him to go south with me for my health. I will be as healthy here as I’ve ever been back in Ottawa. I’m determined.”
Maryanne didn’t try to argue any longer. There was obviously no point.
*****
For the next two weeks, Lisa pushed her boundaries. Every day she walked a little further, and every day she came home frozen. Her limbs ached, and the spasms were getting worse, but she could make it further. She was fighting through the pain. Taking breaks frequently by sitting on her wagon, she learned that she could do what she set her mind to.
She didn’t tell Wesley how hard she was pushing herself, because she knew he’d never approve. Moving to the South wouldn’t make her stronger, it would just keep him from living his dream.
“I saw you out walking while I was on patrol today,” he told her as he came in after a particularly difficult day at work.
“Oh, you did?” she asked casually, trying to act like it was the most normal thing in the world for her to be out wandering around in the dead of winter.
“Yes, I did.” He frowned at the thick, hearty soup she’d put in front of him. “Why were you out in the cold? Was Maryanne feeling poorly?”
“No, she was fine. I’m just learning to make it out on my own.”
“But it causes you extra pain! I don’t want you to do that again.”
Lisa didn’t respond. She wasn’t about to lie to him and tell him she was going to stop her walks, but she wasn’t going to stop her walks. So he was going to have to get used to the idea of her walking on her own.
“Lisa? I said I don’t want you walking outside when it’s this cold again.” He’d been insisting that church services took place at their home so she wouldn’t have to be out in the snow. He was even paying one of the local women to do their laundry so she wouldn’t have to do it. How could she think it was all right to undo all the good he’d done just so she could walk around outside?
“I heard you, but thank you for clarifying.” She calmly took a bite of her soup, waiting for his response. She’d never truly seen him angry, and she knew that she was pushing her luck.
“And you won’t do it again, will you?”
Lisa shrugged. “I’m trying to get stronger.”
“By hurting yourself? Why would you do that?”
“I need to prove to myself that I can handle the cold weather. I need to prove it to you as well. I’m a strong woman, Wesley. I won’t spend the rest of my life wrapped in wool in case I might get cold.” She looked at him for the first time since they’d started the argument, and she let him see the defiance shining from her eyes.
“You’ll stop.”
Lisa looked down for a moment, toying with her soup. “I won’t. I’ve lived my whole life doing what other people thought was best for me. It’s time for me to be strong now.”
He shook his head at her, obviously confused and more than a little angry. “You won’t get strong by killing yourself! What if you get stuck out there? What if your leg spasms and you can’t make it home?”
“My leg spasms every step of the way! That’s why I take the wagon. I sit down when it gets bad, and I take a break. But then I walk the rest of the way home.”
“What are you going to do when you can’t make it back? You could die out there!”
“I could. But you know what? I’d do it on my terms. I’m careful. I keep a quilt in the wagon along with some wood and some matches. If it gets too bad for me to walk home, I’ll make a fire.”
Wesley closed his eyes and counted to ten. “I don’t want you hurting yourself. What happens if you still can’t make it home after you’ve heated yourself by the fire? What happens then?”
“Maryanne always knows that I’m going and about how long I think I’ll be gone. I give her the route I’m walking. If I don’t come back, she’ll come looking for me.”
“But she can’t bring you back!”
Lisa met his eyes, knowing hers were full of determination. “She can come get you. She can help me onto the wagon and drag me back if she needs to. I will survive. Do you know why I’ll survive?”
His eyes were flashing with anger. “Why do you think you’ll survive?”
“Because I’m a survivor. I was only four pounds when I was born. Did you know that? The doctors all said there was no way I’d make it. But I fought to live, and I surprised everyone. Now look at me! I’m an adult, and people still think they know what’s best for me, but you know who does know what’s best for me? I do! And I’m going
to walk through the snow every day, because I think it will make me stronger.” Her words got gradually louder as she spoke, until she ended on a near-shout. She was sick of people acting as if she was an invalid, because she was capable of doing anything she set her mind to. All of the blocks and barriers over the years were there because people said she couldn’t do certain things. Well she could! Anything she wanted to do.
Wesley stared at his sweet bride with shock on his face. He’d never heard her raise her voice. “So you’re going to continue to do what you want, even if I forbid it?”
“Haven’t you realized yet that I have my own mind, and I’m my own person? You married a sassy woman with cerebral palsy, and I’m not going to change into someone else just because you think I should.” For the first time since she’d arrived in Moose Lick, Lisa hated the little cabin. She wanted to go into another room and slam the door, but there was no other door. And she wasn’t stupid enough to go outside in the cold for the second time that day just to avoid him. “I think it’s time for you to walk Sophie, because I need a little time where I don’t see your face!”
She cleared the table, ignoring the look of utter shock on his face. Once he was outside, she’d open the door just so she could slam it. She might throw a shoe at it too. Nothing felt better than throwing a shoe when she was angry.
Wesley sat for a moment, struggling with his anger. She was right though. He needed to go for a walk to avoid saying something he would definitely regret later. He hooked up Sophie’s leash and left without another word.
As soon as the door closed behind him, Lisa rushed over to the door and opened it as far as she could before slamming it. That felt good. Almost as good as throwing a shoe. She found one of his boots in the corner of the cabin and threw it against the closed door, shocked when it opened immediately after it hit.
“Did you just open the door so you could slam it?”
RNWMP: Bride for Wesley (Mail Order Mounties Book 5) Page 8
