by JJ Knight
“He has a better chair,” she says, her voice small.
I fling my arms out so fast that the ice cream spoon flies across the room. “In his chair?” I push myself off the sofa to pick up my spoon, shaking my head. My sister, banging her guy in my father’s office chair. “You know I’ve got blackmail material now.”
She shrugs. “Can’t prove anything. And you have the ultimate proof of your transgressions about to start crying because he pooped his diaper.” She gestures at the car seat, where Rebel is squirming in his harness.
The smell hits me. She’s right. “A mother’s work is never done.” I pass her the ice cream and kneel down to free him from the seat.
“So what now?” Magnolia asks. “I thought you and Donovan hit it off.”
Her words gnaw at me. “We did. We have. Oh, Mags, I don’t know. He seems so far away. So impossible.” I lay Rebel down on the changing pad. He’s about to go at it, his eyes screwing up, face red. “You should have seen Brian. He was so excited about the baby. I think he fell right in love.”
“Loving the baby isn’t the same as loving you,” Mags says.
“Donovan doesn’t love me either,” I fire back. “And now he can’t even get to me.”
Rebel starts to howl, so I swiftly get him cleaned and changed and bring him to my shoulder.
“Don’t be in a rush as you go through this tough phase,” Magnolia says when it’s quiet enough to hear her. “Take your time. These decisions are a big, big deal. They affect everyone.”
Rebel mouths my shoulder, so I move him down so he can nurse. As he settles on the boob, happy and content now that he’s clean and getting fed, the whole situation falls over me like a heavy blanket.
What I do next will affect him most of all.
By the time my dinner with Brian arrives, I’m a wreck. Donovan not only canceled his visit, but he also skipped our usual phone call and has been super slow to respond to texts.
I know he’s busy, and his work is important. But a tendril of doubt has invaded my happy memories. Maybe Donovan is only best at a fling. His lifestyle doesn’t support a sustained relationship.
Brian, however, is in constant contact. I’ve sent pictures of Rebel and told the story of his birth, his name, and all the milestones since then.
I unload Rebel from the car in front of a modest restaurant near the Pearl. I immediately regret wearing my hair down when Rebel manages to capture a fist full of it and yanks. I spend long minutes in the heat trying to disentangle the strands from his tiny fingers.
I pause by the hostess stand, and she flashes a huge grin. “You must be Rebel’s mother! Your party is over here!”
Party?
She turns, and my whole body goes on alert. A huge table lined with people is covered in balloons and packages. Brian stands at the end of it. “He’s here!”
A great cheer goes up, and I plaster on a smile. “What a surprise!” I say, but nobody pays any attention to me. A mid-fifties woman and what appears to be her husband hurry over, peeking into the car seat at Rebel.
“He’s the image of Brian when he was this age,” the woman says. She turns to the man. “Isn’t he?”
The man’s eyes are shiny. “He is. Our first grandchild, Millie. Look at him.”
I start to say, “He’s two months—” but another woman butts in. She’s younger, with short-cropped hair the color of Brian’s. “Hi, Rebel! I’m your aunt Teddie! I’m going to spoil you rotten!” She turns to the older woman. “Can we take him out and hold him?”
I resist the urge to turn him aside and out of their clutches. They should be asking me!
Brian nudges his way forward. “Havannah, I’m so sorry to spring this on you.”
“Are you?” My tone is harsher than I intend, and suddenly the party quiets, looking at me.
“They were all so excited,” he says. “A new baby in the family. I should introduce you. Why doesn’t everyone sit down? We’ll all get a chance to meet Rebel.”
“What a name,” Teddie murmurs, her gaze fixed on me.
I try to hold myself together. Stay calm, Havannah. They don’t know you, and this situation is pretty awkward.
Brian leads me to his end of the table. There are about ten people total, and another young woman sits next to his spot. She’s clearly not another sister, her warm olive skin and sleek black hair standing out from the others.
Between Brian’s chair and my empty one, a sling is ready to hold the car seat. I set Rebel in it and sit down.
“Can we take him out?” Brian asks, and I’m relieved that at least he’s respecting my role.
“I just fed him. As long as his diaper holds out, he’ll probably be okay for a while.”
Brian nods and makes a great show of unclipping the harness as if he’s a master dad who knows all the moves. I sit upright in my chair, trying to be calm as he holds Rebel up for everyone to see, as if he’s the monkey on the rock on The Lion King.
The table erupts in happy gasps, “Look at him,” and “He’s adorable.”
“I’d like a turn,” the woman next to Brian says. “If I may.” She looks to me for confirmation.
I appreciate this. “Of course,” I say.
She takes the baby and arranges him carefully in her arms. She’s not practiced with babies and seems nervous, but she’s game. I wonder who she is. Finally I lean over to Brian. “Should I be introduced?”
He tugs at his collar and his neck goes red. What’s that about?
The woman glances up at him and lifts an eyebrow. “Havannah, it is nice to meet you. Brian told me about you yesterday. The news was quite a surprise.”
“I’m sure,” I say. I feel the penetrating judgment of the whole table as gazes shift to me.
“I’m glad you got the DNA test to confirm things,” the woman continues. “That way the family can be confident going forward.”
Going forward with what? Maybe this is a family lawyer. My belly quakes. Could they take him from me? Is there some legal loophole they can exploit since I didn’t let him know before?
I wish I brought Magnolia, my parents, anyone in my corner. I feel at a sharp disadvantage.
Instead of speaking with her directly about whatever she might mean, I say to Brian, “We have a lot to work out. Rebel is nursing full-time, so visitations away from me aren’t possible at this point.”
“Of course,” he says. “We’re just glad to meet him.”
Rebel makes a fuss, but when I move to stand and get him, the first woman hustles over. “Let me have that little guy. Grandma Millie has the touch.”
The woman passes Rebel to her, and I have to practically sit on my hands to avoid snatching him back. Now free of the baby, she extends a hand across the table. “I’m sorry we haven’t been introduced. I think Brian’s nervous. I’m Delphine, his fiancée.”
I barely register my hand reaching out to shake hers. I spot the diamond on her finger. His fiancée. Brian is engaged, and he didn’t say a word about it.
The red creeps up his neck. “We didn’t get around to all the relationships,” he says. “It’s been a lot to take in.”
Delphine releases me, and I tuck my hand back in my lap. I have no idea what to say to any of this, but I manage, “Congratulations.”
Rebel starts fussing harder, so I unclip his pacifier from the seat and walk it over to Millie, relieved to escape the latest surprise.
There’s an extra chair next to her, and she pulls it out. “Please sit here, Havannah,” she says. “We’d love to get to know you. We’re all family now. I’m Millie, and this is Jared, Brian’s father.”
I pass her the pacifier and sit in the chair. It’s probably easier to sit here than down there, next to the couple who no doubt have been shaken up by the news of the baby. It’s been a solid year since my hookup with Brian, but that doesn’t mean he met her after me. She might have just learned about him cheating.
There could be a lot more to their story and how it intersects with mi
ne.
Grandma is definitely easier.
“Do you have family here in Boulder?” Millie asks.
“Yes,” I say, relieved for an easy topic. “My parents are John Paul and Malina Boudreaux. They own the Tasty Pepper deli.”
Jared turns to us, his pale gray eyes alight. “I eat there all the time! It’s right next to my law office.”
“I’ve met him there many times,” Millie says. “It’s a lovely establishment.”
“My grandparents started it,” I say. “My sister and I opened a second deli a few months ago.”
Teddie leans forward from the other side of Jared. “I read about that. Tasty Mango. It’s a pretty place. I saw the pictures.”
They’re not as horrible as my first impression. “I decorated it. I only got to work a week or so before this guy came along.” I tweak Rebel’s shoe.
He’s in the outfit Donovan bought for him in Paris. A pang of need for Donovan to be here hits me hard. I had so much more confidence in his presence.
“We should have met there!” Millie says. “We’ll make a point to stop in more, meet the other grandparents.”
This is going better than it did at first. I relax my shoulders. This will work.
“Let me get a moment with that tyke,” Jared says. “I haven’t held a little one in twenty years, since Teddie was born.”
Millie turns to me. “Is he okay being handled so much? He’s quite small.”
“He’ll let you know,” I say.
Millie passes the baby to Jared. “How did you come by his name?” Millie asks.
“It’s my maternal grandfather’s middle name,” I say.
“And Rebel has Boudreaux for a last name, I take it?” she asks.
“Yes.” I’m about to add that I didn’t know Brian was the father, but think better of it.
“We have a lot of questions, of course,” Jared says.
“And they can wait for another time,” Millie adds.
Jared nods. I remember he’s a lawyer, and my belly quakes again. We’re not flush with money to hire someone if we have a fight. We sank everything we had into the second deli.
I pray I’ve done the right thing.
Millie reaches over to squeeze my forearm. “I can see your worry, Havannah. We’re not here to make things harder for you. We are excited to meet this baby, no matter how it came about. The rest is between you and Brian.”
I glance over at the end of the table. Brian and Delphine lean close together, talking quietly.
“How long have they been engaged?” I ask.
Millie glances over at Jared before answering. “Only a few months.”
“This is a big deal,” Teddie says. “They broke up about a year ago. Probably around when Brian met you. And while they were apart, they decided they were better together. Decided to get married but only made the engagement official in March.”
That explains a lot. Or at least that’s the story they’re putting out there. Regardless, Rebel’s here, and he’s Brian’s baby, and he’ll be part of their story.
I stay at the grandparents’ end of the table for the remainder of the dinner. A million pictures of Rebel are taken, me and Rebel, me and Rebel and Brian. Delphine declines to be in any of them, and I wonder if she’s distancing herself.
Rebel conks out, so he’s easy for family members to hold. When it’s time to feed him, I let them know we should go, with a promise for another meeting so everyone can get to know him.
“Havannah,” Millie says, “when you’re ready to leave him for longer periods, I will be happy to watch him if you want to work between feedings. I’m at home all day.”
Wow, that would be a help. “Thank you.”
She kisses my cheek. “I’m so happy to have met you and Rebel. Please let’s get together again soon.”
Brian walks me out to my car. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk much,” he says.
“It’s okay. Your parents were lovely.”
Brian opens the door, and I snap Rebel’s seat into place.
We stand by the car. I glance back at the restaurant and see Delphine by the window, watching us from inside as the rest of the table gathers their things. I have a feeling she might not like how quickly her future mother-in-law took to me.
“I hope this hasn’t caused problems with you and your fiancée,” I say.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. To be honest, I thought she might break it off when she learned about Rebel. She can be jealous.”
“So were you two broken up when you got on that app?”
Brian looks away, his hand on the back of his neck. “We were. Sort of. She said she didn’t want to marry me, and so I told her I needed to move on. It wasn’t as clean as a breakup, but then we didn’t speak for a few days. I got on the app as a dare to myself. I wasn’t in a good place.”
I hold up a hand. “Say no more. It’s fine. You two have worked it out, and she seems dedicated to proving she can handle the baby.”
“She does. We’ve got a ways to go on repairing this.” He turns to the restaurant and also spots her watching. She holds firm, though, arms crossed.
“I think maybe it’s best if we arrange things through your mom for a while,” I say. “Until Delphine gets used to this whole thing.”
“That’s a good idea.” Brian steps farther from me, as if trying to prove to Delphine that this isn’t anything intimate.
“It will be okay. As long as we put Rebel first when we make our decisions, we’ll be fine.”
Brian’s gaze meets mine. “You’ve changed since that crazy night last October.”
“That’s what being a mother does,” I say. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”
He nods. “Did you get Mom’s number?”
“I did. She’ll let you know when we’re meeting up again.”
“Good, good.” He ducks back inside the car, where Rebel sucks fiercely on his pacifier. I have about ten minutes before he goes full howl from hunger. “Goodnight, Rebel. See you soon.”
When I’m finally heading home, my nerves start to calm. This night was completely unexpected. Probably Brian is not the man I’d choose under normal circumstances. But his parents are going to be a blessing and a help.
So maybe it was even better than I thought.
34
Donovan
The door to my office opens, and I instantly recognize the wild curls of Arianna’s head as she peers in. “Are you decent?”
Damn. I’m supposed to have changed for the charity event tonight.
She steps inside and tilts her head as she surveys me. “I know some of these balls have gotten casual, but I don’t think that’s black-tie.”
I quickly round my oversized cherry desk and head for my private bathroom. “Three minutes. I’ll change faster than Superman.”
“I believe he does it in about three seconds!” she calls as I lock myself inside.
I can’t believe I let this slip. My head isn’t in the game. I kick off my shoes and quickly switch out from my business suit to the tuxedo. A whole week has passed since my aborted trip to Boulder, and I’ve spent the majority of it brooding over Havannah like a lovesick kid.
I’ve been following hashtag trails on Instagram and comments on Facebook, all connected to images of Havannah being welcomed into the rather prestigious Miller family, who own an established law firm in Colorado. The original founder is Rebel’s grandfather.
Based on the images, they threw a party for her, and the most popular picture is one of her and Rebel’s father, all cozied up with the baby between them.
They look great together. If they have more children, they will probably all be stunners.
She’s taken care of. I can let go.
The thoughts of losing her completely have slowed me down in getting changed, so I speed up buttoning my shirt. I can do my cuff links in the limo. I’m still shrugging on the coat jacket as I exit the room.
In the meantime, Dell has also entered
my office, looking anxiously at his watch. “I don’t like to be late,” he says.
I snatch my keys from my desk. “I thought Grace broke you of all those bad habits. Timeliness and worry.”
Arianna fusses with Dell’s bow tie. “I wish,” she says. “But I think baby number two is going to be the one that fixes everything.” She steps back and pats the bulge beneath her silver satin dress. She’s starting to show more every day.
Dell glances around the room. “I thought you had a date for this.”
I shake my head. “I gave my ticket to the new girl on staff. I assume she’ll figure out how to get there.”
He nods. “We should go, then.”
“Give me that,” Arianna says, taking my bow tie from me. “And don’t forget your cuff links.”
“Yes, Mom.”
She whacks me lightly on the shoulder. “Someone has to keep you in line.”
When we’re in the private executive elevator, she works on my tie. “Speaking of which, how is Havannah?”
“Fine,” I say, lifting my chin to give her room as she works the tie. I refuse to admit out loud that I haven’t had any communication with her in a couple of days. It seems our affair has wound to its conclusion.
“I don’t like the sound of that fine,” Arianna says. “I like her. You seemed happy with her. And that baby was precious.”
My eyes meet Dell’s over Arianna’s head. He lifts his eyebrows and shrugs.
“She’s pretty tied up back in Boulder,” I say. “Seems like she’s connected with Rebel’s paternal family.”
Arianna pauses, her hands still near my throat. “Really? I thought she wasn’t saying who the father was.”
“She is now.” I’m not going to elaborate. I don’t know what Havannah wants known.
The elevator doors open, and I step away from Arianna. “I can finish this in the car.”
The limo waits in the garage just outside the door. We load inside and speed into New York traffic.
When we’re settled, Arianna leans over as if she’s about to ask me another question.
Dell puts his hand on her arm. She tosses him a look, but leans against his shoulder. They’re good at this, the silent communication.
