'I did become that guy, for a while at least. I enjoyed having that kind of power over people, you saw what I was like. Even I couldn't have faked it that much,' I said softly.
'And that was how, you kept everyone alive. And that's how you have to be in order to survive,' she replied.
'You'll see differently, when the baby comes,' I told her smiling.
'I doubt it,' was all she said. After dinner I took her to bed, then I sat in the Keep, looking out into the darkness. All I kept thinking, was how to get her back. When I first took over the compound, yes I'd enjoyed the power, but after a while it took its toll on me. I would cover my head with a pillow, to drown out the screams, knowing I couldn't do a thing to stop it. I wasn't a good man, that much I knew. I'd done my fair share of awful things, when I'd found out about Lola and Byson, all I wanted to do was let them go. Let them have the life they wanted, but I couldn't. Maddox had told me, if I didn't punish them, my men would see it as a sign of weakness. He was right of course, but that didn't make things any easier. I'd murdered her baby, I'd destroyed her life, taken everything from her. Even now I could hear her screams, I didn't cry but I wanted to sometimes. I didn't know, if I could ever be redeemed. What I did know, was that I'd never let my child grow up to be like me.
As the dark night grew colder, I looked out into the trees to see a figure among them. I had my binoculars, I prayed that the person would not be someone I knew. As I zoomed in, I saw that it was a woman. A tiny, dark haired woman. I went down to the front door, and waited as she grew closer. Her eyes were as dark as the night itself, her hair as black as a raven's feathers. Her skin was pale like the moon, and her lips were red as a rose. I walked out to greet her, hoping it was no one from Sanctuary.
'I'm just looking for shelter,' she said in a soft voice.
'Where are you from?' I asked. 'Down south, near the border. I came looking for Sanctuary but it's gone,' she replied.
I wasn't sure whether to let her in, Maggie wouldn't do well around strangers, but I couldn't leave this woman outside. The temperature was dropping and it threatened to snow.
'I'm Nathaniel,' I said gently.
'Molly,' she replied smiling.
I opened the gate and let her in, I told her to be quiet as we entered the castle. I took her to the dining room and asked if she had food.
'I've got a bit, but not much,' she told me.
'Its alright, eat what you have and then I'll give you some of ours.'
'Ours?' She asked.
'My girlfriend is upstairs sleeping,' I replied softly.
'Is it just you two?' 'Yeah, we were at Sanctuary but it was attacked by some cannibal's. We're the only survivors that we know of, so we came here two weeks ago.' I couldn't tell her the truth, but I had to tell her something.
'Damn, well at least you got somewhere safe.'
'What are your plans?' I asked.
I had hoped she was just passing through, I couldn't have her here for long.
'Honestly, I don't know. I was over this way looking for a safe place to stay, but this castle is all I found.'
'My girlfriend, she's pregnant you see and after everything we've been through, she's not fond of strangers,' I said gently.
'Don't worry, I can take a hint. I'm just glad you let me in tonight,' she smiled.
Phew, at least she understood. Now I just had to keep Maggie from going off on one, not sure how I was going to accomplish that though.
'I'll show you to your room, you must be tired,' I said softly.
'Yeah, I'm beat. I've been on the road all day,' she replied gratefully.
I took her upstairs and put her in the room at the other end of the hallway from mine and Maggie's, her eyes widened when she saw the comfy bed a warm covers. 'Thanks a lot for letting me in, I might actually get some real sleep tonight,' Molly exclaimed. 'Ha, ha no problem. Just don't go wandering around in the night, I get up and check the place every few hours. Wouldn't want to mistake you for a walker,' I told her.
'Got it, no wandering,' she smiled.
'I'll leave you to it then.'
'Night,' she said happily.
'Night,' I replied. I went back to my room after I did another sweep of the castle, I went outside to check the grounds. The fences were still intact, there were no corpses loitering around so I went to bed. I opened the bedroom door, to find Maggie sat up clutching her knife.
'Where have you been?' She asked sounding panicked.
'Checking the grounds, as I do every night,' I replied calmly.
'What the hell do you think you're doing, letting a stranger in here?' She growled.
'She was alone, I didn't recognise her and I wasn't about to leave her out there to freeze,' I replied sternly.
'Doesn't mean that she isn't aware of who you are,' she whispered angrily.
'Just relax alright, she's only here for tonight and then she's gone,' I reassured her.
'Don't expect me to sleep well with a stranger under our roof.' I didn't say a word as I turned to take off my coat and shoes, I stared out the window for a moment, just wondering how things were going to get better. I didn't want my child to grow up like this, never knowing anyone else or being kept in this castle forever. I knew none of us could be normal in a world like this, but I didn't want to lose what little humanity I had left, same for Maggie. If our child was raised by her the way she is, there would be no hope for it turning out human. I got into bed, then took a large swig of water. Maggie laid with her head resting on my chest, I stroked her hair until she fell asleep. If only things could stay this way.
I woke in the morning to find I'd slept all the way through, the sun was peaking through the dull clouds. I jumped up to see that Maggie was gone, I didn't know how I'd slept, I always got up in the night to double check the castle. I raced to Molly's room, to find Maggie standing over her dead body with her knife in her hand.
'What have you done?' I gasped.
'She was from Sanctuary,' she said coldly.
The look on her face said it all, she was lying. 'No she wasn't, why did you kill her?' I demanded. 'I'm telling you, she was from there,' she looked at me with such a coldness that I wasn't sure if she was going to turn on me.
Despite the potential danger, I felt my anger rise. She didn't need to kill Molly, she wasn't a danger to us. I grabbed the knife from her hand and threw it on the floor, she stood up with that furious, challenging look on her face.
'God damn it Maggie, tell me the truth!' I shouted angrily. 'Fine, I killed her because anyone who isn't us, is a threat. We can't have people here, if one stays then more will want to. How do we know she didn't have a group? She could have gone back to them, and told them we were here,' she shouted back at me.
'You didn't need to kill her, I was going to follow her after she left. To make sure, for fucks sake woman, you've killed her for nothing. Not to mention, I'm not fucking stupid, you drugged me to keep me asleep didn't you?' I screamed.
'Yes, I did. And I'd do it again, you've gone soft since being here. You don't have it in you, to do what needs to be done,' she stared at me, in that way that made me want to crack her one.
I grabbed her by the shoulders, and shook her. I hated this, I thought being away from everyone would make her better.
'You need to stop, we don't kill people without a reason,' I told her angrily.
'You're making me feel sick,' she cried.
I let her go, she sat down on the bed next to Molly's corpse trying not to be sick. I knelt down in front of her, ignoring all the blood and just put my arms around her.
'Please don't be this person, our baby needs you to be a mother, not a psycho,' I said gently, letting all my anger ebb away.
'I can't help it, this is who I am now,' she replied quietly. I didn't bother to say anything else, I took Molly's body outside and laid it down on the frozen ground while I went to get a shovel. The ground was frozen, making digging a much harder job. It took the better half of the day to dig her grave, I gently placed her in it
, feeling sad as I did. 'I'm sorry this happened,' I said to her.
I covered her with the dirt, feeling thankful that at least Maggie had the sense to stab her in the head. I didn't know if I had it in me to end her if she came back. As I put the last of the dirt on her grave, I threw the shovel down and went back inside. Maggie had cleaned up the room Molly had been in, she was sat on the bed in our room just looking out the window.
'Are you alright?' I asked worryingly.
'I'm fine, just a little nausea,' she replied quietly. 'Dinner's downstairs, whenever you're ready,' I told her. I didn't wait for a response, I just went downstairs and sat at the table as I got out the food for today. It was only tinned vegetables and some cold, tinned pie but it would do. I was half way through my food when Maggie came down, she said nothing as she took some food for herself. I watched her eat it enthusiastically, feeling glad that today hadn't affected her appetite. In another six months we'd have a screaming baby to look after, I needed to go on a run to get supplies that would last. Not to mention, we needed things for the baby.
'I'm going on a run tomorrow,' I told her.
'Okay,' was all she said. I sat feeling lost, I had a baby to think of and a psychotic girlfriend to deal with. I lost hope that I would ever get her back to being herself, all I could do was pray that no one else came wandering by.
Chapter 24
Frankie
For fifteen days we'd been mindlessly travelling Scotland, trying to figure out what our next move was. We'd been in the town of Aviemore for three days, we were no closer to hashing out a plan than we were when we'd left Sanctuary. Jensen was still dealing with the loss of his sister, Brooke was in pieces over the death of her husband. Jade and I were mourning Tamara, while Tessa and Troy had lost their home and everyone they knew. Delilah had lost all of her friends, she was also at a loss. None of us knew what to do, we'd radioed Finn and found that he and Ellen had got back safely. Faye told us that Gail and Cammi were both dead, but her mum Morgan had found a cure to the virus. The news should have been joyful, but how could we hope to distribute it when all our friends were dead. We couldn't even think, how we'd get to the lab. The cars had ran out of fuel, and there were none round here. We were sat in an old church, we'd barred the doors and reinforced the windows.
'Did any of you ever hear about the pirate?' Troy asked suddenly.
'No, what pirate?' I asked confused.
'A guy who came to Sanctuary told me, he met a pirate named Julian. He lived on the Isle of Bardsey, and travelled around trying to find survivor's,' he told us.
'Dad, that's just a legend it's not real,' Tessa said shaking her head.
'The guy I met actually knew him.'
'Even if it's true, how would we even find him?' Jade asked tiredly.
'I've no idea, but I just thought it was worth mentioning,' Troy shrugged.
'Anyone else got any bright idea's,' Delilah chimed in.
'Leicester, we could go there,' I offered.
'Why there?' Jade wondered.
'Before I met you, I found two survivor's. Andi and Bob, they were with Nikkita for a while in Leeds,' I said.
'Oh yeah, she told us about them,' Delilah remembered. 'It's because of them that I thought she was dead, they got trapped in some warehouse and they couldn't find her afterwards. But anyway, they were going to Leicester in search of family, maybe they found them. Maybe there's a safe haven there,' I offered.
'It's too vague sweetie, plus its just too far,' Jensen told me softly. 'Yeah, you're right. Sorry I just thought it was an idea,' I replied sadly.
'I know, and it's something to think about. Just not right now,' he said.
'Well, just what are we going to do? We've barely any food, or water. It's freezing up here and if we don't do something soon, we'll all die,' Brooke piped up.
Brooke had barely spoken two words since we'd left that night, I knew there was more to her than meets the eye, she was smarter than she gave herself credit for.
'What about the castle?' Delilah asked.
'Too risky, if any of the men survived that's where they'd go,' I replied.
'Surely we can take them?' Delilah asked.
'I wouldn't chance it,' Troy chimed in.
'I still think getting back to the lab, should be our first priority,' Jade told us.
'I think you're right, but how are we going to get there?' Troy asked. 'We'll scour the town, just in case we missed any fuel. If not, we'll have to walk. We have no other choice, its too cold up here. At least further south, we know the territory and its warmer,' Jade replied.
'Let's put it to a vote,' Delilah said.
'All right, anyone who's in favour of going to the lab, raise your hands,' I told them.
Brooke, Troy, Jensen, Delilah, Jade and I all rose our hands, it was only Tessa that didn't.
'Its six against one,' Troy told her.
'I know, and I'll go with what the rest of you think. I'm just not sure okay,' she said shrugging.
'Alright then, its decided. We'll leave at first light,' Jade replied.
'Let's get some sleep,' I chimed in.
I laid there, in Jensen's arms, trying to calm my nerves. Going back to the lab was the right call, but deep down I knew, we weren't all going to make it.
I woke at the crack of dawn, the light was dull but getting brighter as the sun rose above the horizon. I got up and stretched, Jade and Jensen were awake but everyone else was still asleep.
'Morning,' I said to them.
'Hey sweetie, you sleep alright?' Jensen asked. 'As well as can be expected,' I replied. Jade murmured good morning as she went to check outside, she hadn't been herself since we lost Sanctuary. I think losing Tamara and Maggie had been too hard on her, we were like her children and to lose two of them in one night was just too much. It was like she'd checked out, I wanted to follow her out but chose to give her some space. I went to wake the others up, Delilah was fast asleep it took me a while to wake her up.
'Come on, sleepy head,' I said gently.
'What,' she replied groggily.
'It's time to get up,' I told her.
'Alright, I'm up,' she groaned. The others were already getting up, Troy wasn't very talkative in the morning. We left him to it, disturbing him only made him mad. Tessa was as nice in the morning as she was an other time, Brooke was just groggy but still pleasant. Morning's never bothered Jensen or I, well I could be crabby if I hadn't had enough sleep. Jade's mood was never affected by the times of day, Delilah just slept like the dead. We all got up and ate breakfast, not that we had much left. It was lucky for us that prior to the battle, Vera had put some food and supplies in the cars. If it wasn't for that, we'd have been screwed.
'I'm still hungry,' Delilah moaned.
'I know, we all are. Let's get out there, hopefully we'll find some more,' Jade told her.
'I hope so,' Troy said. We split into groups, Jensen, Delilah and I went together. Troy and Tessa, Jade and Brooke, we all agreed to meet back at the church in two hours. It was still pretty dark outside, I could feel the winter chill. I pulled my coat tighter around me, Jensen took my hand and put it in his pocket, I smiled at him. If it wasn't for him, I don't know if I'd be alright. We walked into the town, keeping an eye for walkers as we went.
'Crazies, dead ahead,' Delilah told us. I got out my knife and looked to where Delilah was pointing, there was four corpses. Two were shuffling along, one was crawling on the floor, it had a broken leg. The other ran towards us, at top speed. I braced myself as it came at me, the others grabbed it before it got to me. They held it back while I tried to stab it, it was like the ones we'd faced before coming to Scotland. It almost threw Delilah and Jensen off, but I threw myself on it. I drove my knife deep into its skull, I wiped my face as I got up to help with the other corpses. I stomped on its head before it could grab me, Delilah and Jensen managed to take out the other two without any trouble.
'That one was fucking tough,' Delilah said.
'It wa
s just like the ones we faced on the way up here,' I told them. 'Yeah, I remember,' he replied. We carried on walking until we came to a little newsagents, I told them to keep an eye out while I checked it out. I opened the door just a little to peek inside, I couldn't see or hear anything. I went inside, my eyes opened wide as I saw that the shop hadn't been touched. There were shelves stacked with food, water and other things we needed. Finally, we caught a break I thought happily.
'Come in, it's safe,' I told them.
'Holy shit,' Delilah gasped.
'We've hit the mother lode,' Jensen said.
'Come on, lets grab what we can,' I replied. We searched the place high and low, I looked in the flat above the shop. We took painkillers, a few pots and pans and all the food we could carry. There was pasta, tinned food, rice, bottles of water and pop. I smiled, thinking that lady luck was smiling on us.
'I think this is enough, I told them happily.
'We've got enough here, to last a good while,' Jensen replied.
'Come on, lets head back,' I told them. We walked back to the church, feeling happy with what we had. If the others had found anywhere near to what we had, we'd all be in for a pleasant journey. I just hoped that our luck continued, if we could find some petrol we'd been back at the lab in a day. The cold wind blew fierce as we walked, I kept a tight hold of the bags. I looked up at the sky, to find the pale flakes floating down. Oh great just what we need, more fucking snow.
'I sure hope the others found some fuel,' I said hopefully.
'So do I, I don't fancy walking all the way to the lab,' Jensen chimed in.
'Let's keep our fingers crossed,' Delilah piped up.
As we neared the church I could hear noises, scuffling noises. We looked at each other and ran, clinging to the bags as we went.
'Get out the way!' I heard Jade shout. We pulled open the doors to find Jade and the others cornered by two dozen corpses, they were trying to take them out but were struggling. Some of the walkers were the extra strong ones we'd dealt with. We put the bags down on the pews and ran into the fray, I stepped back and picked up my crossbow that I'd left here. I took out two of them from a distance, while Jensen and Delilah killed a few of them. Jade took out one that had got near her, Tessa and Troy were holding the strong ones at bay while Brooke tried to kill one without getting bit. I kept my distance, still shooting them.
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