Keeping his back to her, he said, “You should take Betty her warm milk.”
Chapter 13
Saturday morning broke sunny and clear. Not a cloud in the sky. Today was the day. Jackson would have to put on his best smile. No one else had to be in on the secret—his actions were all pretense.
He walked to the closet. Opened the doors. Took out his suit. He eyed the top shelf and gently lifted down the glove. Small. Her hands had been tiny next to his. He’d thought himself in love for the first time. And when she had agreed to go to the graduation dance with him, he had soared.
In her blue dress with little white gloves, she’d looked like a princess. And he’d felt like the king of the dance. Now, he wondered, had she agreed to go so she could get closer to Ted’s brother, Teo? One question that wasn’t answered; he never saw her again after she left the dance with Teo that night.
“Jackson, wake up. Time to get a move on.” His father’s steps sounded lively as he moved along the hall, rapping on doors, announcing the obvious. “Big day, big day. Up ’n’ at ’em.”
Jackson tossed the glove back on the shelf, putting an end to bad memories. He pulled his suit from the closet and brushed at an imaginary piece of lint. Anything to keep his mind on the day and not his ghosts.
Donning work pants and a flannel shirt for last-minute chores, he sat on the bed. He opened the nightstand drawer, pushed the packs of gum aside and pulled out his dog tags. The hard ridges of his name and number tingled the raw nerves in his fingers. Jackson Lee Judge. Good Southern name. Good fighting man’s name. He’d fought the good fight, isn’t that what Barbara had said? As opposed to what? A bad fight? The tags slipped to the floor.
Ollie’s tags had been in his hand. And they’d slipped through, too. Only Ollie had depended on Jackson to hang on. Hold him. Save him. Pull him from the burning water. With a kid’s faith, he had held his breath and plunged under the fiery wreckage until Jackson could support him under the arms and lift, but all Jackson hung onto was a scrap of shirt and tags.
After a few seconds of quiet, he lifted his boot and slammed it on top of his own IDs.
* * *
Betty had fallen asleep by the time Barbara had returned to the bedroom the night before. A gentle snore had emanated from the bride-to-be’s side of the room and Barbara had laughed in spite of the sadness that had lingered from her conversation with Jackson. Laughing had felt good after such a serious discussion. And she had laughed, only her heart wasn’t in it.
Only God could change a heart. When had Jackson officially stepped away from God? Perhaps it had been a gradual process. War did strange things to people.
She would smile and laugh for Betty’s sake today. Any day other than today and Bets would have noticed the difference, but this day her friend would have tunnel vision.
Glancing at the sleeping bride-to-be, Barbara decided she had a job to concentrate on. Roll Betty out of bed and play the part of drill sergeant. “Up and at ’em. Let’s go. Time to wake up.” She jiggled the bed, finally grabbing the edge of the sheet and yanking. “Time for breakfast. A bubble bath. We’ll fix your hair and slide you into the beautiful gown hanging in the guest room closet. Let’s go see if we can help your mother flip a few pancakes. Anything to get you married and get me—”
“Get you what?”
“In trouble if I don’t have you out of bed, dressed and down the stairs in time for breakfast.”
The rest of the morning flew by in preparations. Betty’s gown fit perfectly and Barbara adjusted the veil for the fifth time, admiring Betty in her cheval mirror. Her hair in soft loose curls looked so lovely Barbara hated to cover it. Mrs. Judge teared up and had to step away for a second.
Betty touched a hand to her mother’s arm. “We should join the others, Mother.”
“I know. I’ve waited for this day and now it’s here, I’m not sure how I’ll ever get through it.” She dabbed her eyes as she handed Betty the beautiful bouquet of blossoms. “Betty, you are the most beautiful bride.”
Barbara noticed Mrs. Judge had even lost her habit of ending every sentence with a question. At the bottom of the stairs, all the men but Teddy waited patiently. They had only a short distance to walk through to the back, but everyone had to be in their planned positions and start together. Once they arrived at the back of the house, Barbara took Teo’s arm, and she didn’t miss Jackson’s tight jaw when Teo leaned in and told her how gorgeous she looked. Maybe if Jackson would pay her a tad of attention, she could free herself of the pompous Frenchman.
At last, it was Betty’s turn, accompanied by Mr. Judge. Little Ellen Sue Schroeder in her miniature version of the bride’s gown tossed flower petals, stopped, picked them up and then threw them again, taking her a good five minutes to go the full length of the path.
Mr. Judge leaned in and kissed Betty on the forehead. He was so much like her own father. Barbara fought back tears thinking of her family.
Once Betty and her father arrived in the front, Teddy dwarfed her hand in his as they both stood, side by side, under the garden gazebo, thick and white with blossoms. The flowers filled the air with the sweetest odors. Lily of the valley had been tucked into bunches in the tulle and the first blushes of white lilacs peeked around the bows on either side of them.
The minister spoke so softly at first, Barbara strained to hear the words.
“...in sickness and in health.”
In sickness. I’d take care of you, Jackson, no matter what happened. I love you. Want to be part of your life. Can’t you see that?
“...to love and to cherish.”
I’d cherish you, Jackson. All the days of my life. Right by your side no matter what.
* * *
Jackson cleared his throat. Discomfort seeped from his pores and he wiped his forehead. The sooner this ended, the better. He glanced over at Teo, eyes glued to the bodice of Barbara’s dress. Jackson gritted his teeth, tighter and tighter. For now, his jaw muscles twitched until they hurt. If only he and Barbara...
“...in sickness and in health.”
Be realistic. Will my back get stronger with time or give out from the injury? If it gets worse, will I be able to hold a job, support a family? “...to love and to cherish.”
I love you, Barbara, and I’ve cherished you from that first glance through the car window. I’ll always love you, but you deserve better than a broken man like me.
“...until death do you part.”
Until death.
* * *
If Teo grabbed her arm one more time, Barbara would slap him across his smug face. She drew in a deep breath and tried not to think about the loathsome man standing beside her at the punch bowl. All through the service, each time she had looked up, he had leered at her. He was apparently still under the misconception that she had an interest in him. That had to stop.
Soon, the guests would all leave. She could make clear to Teo how she felt. For now, it was time to relax—something she hadn’t been able to do since they were matched as wedding partners. But for the rest of the evening she had to at least be agreeable.
“Certainly was a lovely wedding,” she said. The blossom-covered gazebo took her breath away.
Teo held his hand against her elbow. “You were lovely. I couldn’t care less about weddings.”
All night Jackson had watched her every move. Almost as if he had guarded her from afar. Why? Teo was a boor, but harmless. She’d dealt with worse in New Castle where her affluent high school had been filled with one smug character after another. After enrolling and attending for a month, she had wished she could have stayed with her friends at the old school. The private school, as she had learned, was filled with privilege. Not exactly her style.
She covered her lips as a laugh slipped from her mouth. She remembered the braggart, Glenn Bassett, she had bowled with one Friday night in July. In his white duck pants, he’d pranced around the alley, flexing his muscles, smiling for all the girls. He was a popular fellow. When at
last it had come time for Glenn to bowl, he’d edged to the line, looked over his shoulder and winked at her. Then, with a large wind up, he threw the ball. Only his feet didn’t cooperate as they should have and he lost his footing, slipping all the way down the alley in those white pants. She’d laughed until she had cried. Nice guy, but what a show-off. A good sport, though. When he had stood, he raised both hands in the air and pranced around the pins as if he’d just trounced Joe Louis.
A voice on her other side caught her attention. Jackson. “You were smiling. Something funny you’d like to share?”
“Not really.” As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized he’d been trying to be sociable. He looked hurt.
Here she stood in front of a table laden with food, Jackson scowling on one side, the pompous Frenchman on the other. Trapped like a rabbit with no hole to hide in.
While it was obvious no love was lost between the two men, Jackson carried his dislike to a whole other level. She moved, he moved. She went for punch, he went for punch. All the while, Teo followed as the third to be sure Barbara didn’t leave with Jackson. Smothered by them long enough, Barbara grabbed her shawl and slipped into the house, powdering her nose as a ruse.
Later, past the guests at the gazebo, she stumbled upon Jackson’s brother. “Hey, Barbara. What are you up to?”
“Oh, just going for a walk, Will.”
“Alone in the dark?”
She leaned forward, plastered on a wide grin and said, “All alone.” She pecked his cheek, getting the desired reaction. A red blush zapped his cheeks. “Don’t worry, Will. Just need to clear the cobwebs.”
She sailed past the men smoking cigars farther along the path, and beyond the treelike bushes of lilacs blooming profusely after the hot day. A quick peek over her shoulder showed a clean getaway. She should be ashamed; Jackson would be worrying and angry. Teo, insulted and incensed. Too bad. Those men suffocated her.
Listening to the night sounds, she felt her tension drain from the muscles in her neck all the way down her shoulders, into her arms, and finally her hands. Fingers flexing, she realized how stressed the men had made her. The clear, starry night belonged to her now.
Pink and delicate, wild roses grew in thick bushes along the path. She stooped to pick a handful, breathing in the heady scent. One of the leaves tickled her nose.
She continued along the worn path until before she knew it, she’d walked across the Judges’ property from the front to the back. Still, she could think of nothing but Jackson.
Oh, she’d messed everything up with her attempt to make him jealous. All it had done was bring out his anger and rightfully so. She should have listened when that small voice told her not to be deceitful.
Wanting to hide from God like Adam in the garden, she sauntered around the peach tree and slumped to the ground, a blanket of soft grass for a seat. It hadn’t worked for Adam; the plan had backfired on her.
Twigs snapped. She stopped and listened. Footsteps, heavy and close. Jackson, no doubt acting as her protector. At least that part of their relationship seemed to be inevitable.
The sound of a knee cracking, someone kneeling behind her. A soft whisper. “What are you thinking?”
Maybe he’d come to his senses. She plastered on a huge smile and turned. “That you don’t need to follow me around like—Teo?”
Looking into Teo’s face, unable to hide her disappointment, she figured now was as good a time as any to come clean.
“Who were you expecting?” He stood to his feet, towering over her like a dark shadow. Though his smile remained in place, something wasn’t right.
Stomach churning, instincts on alert, she rose.
“Is something the matter?” He offered his hand. “I thought we were having a good time.”
“No. I...” The churning switched to a steady burn that threatened to rise in her throat. He shouldn’t be here; she shouldn’t, either. Darkness had wholly settled in and she was so far from the backyard, she couldn’t see the lights behind the house anymore. “Just too many people. I thought I’d take a walk. Maybe we should return.” She smiled, moved to duck under the limb, but smaller branches clustered, preventing escape.
Teo pressed forward until an arm reached around each side of her, the tree trapping her and making flight impossible as he leaned in. “I rather like the solitude, don’t you?”
“I think maybe we should go back, Teo. I picked these flowers. Would you help me carry them?” She bent to retrieve the spray, but he grabbed her arm.
His solid body didn’t budge. Her heart pounded so loud, he must be able to hear and know she was afraid. “Teo. Let’s get back.” Her face tightened as she looked around for a place to run. “Please.”
“That’s not what you’ve been saying all week.” His hand circled her neck.
Why had she left the party? Her hands trembled as she grasped his arms, dug in and pushed as hard as she could. His grip didn’t lessen one bit. In fact, he tightened his hold on her.
“I want you to leave me alone.”
“I want. I want. You’re so self-centered, Barbara. Always thinking of yourself. How about what I want?”
“Please. I’m sorry if I led you on.”
“You weren’t just leading me on. I know true feelings when I see them.”
“You’re wrong.”
He was stronger, bigger and she had walked too far from the house. They must be more than a half mile away. What could she do? He might not be able to hold on if she slipped to the ground—dead weight; then maybe she would have a chance to get up and run. She drew in a deep breath and dropped against his grasp. Free for only a second. Teo was there when she jumped up, hands snatching for her shoulders once again. He played with her like a cat might a helpless, frightened mouse.
“Please, go away!”
Teo’s face contorted. “Now listen here.”
A moment’s silence lay thick between them as if time had suspended.
Deep, heavy breathing like someone who’d been running. “No. You listen.”
The voice. Barbara whipped around—Jackson. Now her heart tripped in her chest, but without the fear. He moved closer, his face a mixture of anger and pain. “Leave...the lady...alone.”
Teo’s eyes narrowed. He stepped away from Barbara. “You use the word lady lightly, old man. You’ve seen her fawning over me all week. Led me out here so we could be alone. Or maybe you think she’s interested in you?”
Barbara ducked just in time. Jackson’s fist sailed through the air and drove into the middle of Teo’s face. Like a wounded bear with its foot in a trap, he bellowed, but Jackson proved relentless. Barbara stayed out of the way by hiding on the other side of the tree. Yet, she couldn’t stop watching.
Jackson grabbed the front of Teo’s jacket and with one hand lifted the Frenchman off his feet. “Apologize to the lady!”
Though his face was cut and bleeding, Teo managed to slur out the words, “Not on your life. I’m not apologizing to—”
Whack. Jackson released his grip as Teo fell to his knees.
“S-sorry, Barbara.”
She covered her mouth with her hand to keep from crying out. Please, God. Don’t let Jackson get hurt. This is all my fault.
Jackson wedged himself between Teo and Barbara. “I think you should leave.”
Teo rose, his eyes locked on to Jackson’s and he limped away, clutching his stomach. Once out of Jackson’s reach, Teo yelled, “We’ll finish this, Jack. This has been a long time coming and it’s not over between us.”
Jackson stood, feet shoulder width apart, his muscles tensed and ready. “You can’t run away, Teo. And you’ll never hurt another woman as long as you live. So help me.”
Teo shouted over his shoulder, “You help yourself, you pathetic freak. Don’t worry about me. I’ve always been able to get whatever girl I want. Remember?”
Jackson went rigid, his arms like bars of steel. Barbara wasn’t sure what Teo had meant. Whatever, Jackson was angrier
than she’d ever seen a man.
To keep him from following Teo, she wrapped her arms around Jackson’s neck. He looked from Teo’s fading figure back into her eyes and crushed her to him. His words like rain on fire to her ears. “You all right?”
Burying her face in his chest, she said, “Now, I am.”
“If anything happened to you I don’t know what I’d do.”
“Don’t worry. I’m fine.”
As soon as she said she was fine, she looked up. His face darkened. He slipped her hands from around his neck, his forehead creased in a scowl deeper than the Mississippi. He spoke low like he might speak to a child who’d been caught misbehaving. “Barbara, listen to me and listen good. As a woman, you have every right to say no to a man, but with rights come responsibilities. You’ve been telling Teo yes all week long. Men are simple creatures. We believe what we think we hear and Teo thought you were telling him that you were very interested in him.”
She tried to contradict him but words, honest words, wouldn’t come. She tried again to hold him, feel safe in his arms.
“What did you expect him to think?”
“What? How can you say that? This is my fault?”
“No. He should have respected you when you told him to leave. But you can’t play with people’s emotions. If I hadn’t come along when I did—”
Jackson removed his jacket and placed it around her shoulders. Then he turned and stalked away, Barbara stumbling along behind him.
“Jack, wait.”
“I think it’s way past time.”
“Time for what?”
“For you to grow up, Barbara.”
* * *
Women. If he lived to be a thousand... What did she think Teo would do? Hug her? Hold her? Protect her? Show her respect? She couldn’t have been more wrong. Jackson stormed into the backyard, watching all the time for Barbara to catch up. If Will hadn’t told him where she’d gone, this story might have had a much different ending.
With Eyes of Love (Heartsong Presents) Page 12
