by Leigh, Ember
She blinked away more tears. This couldn’t go on for much longer. The truth would come sniveling out sooner or later.
“Lila.” Lex shifted onto the couch beside her, draping an arm over her waist.
“Lex.”
He searched out her gaze, the dark chocolate of his eyes molten yet tender. Always swarming with emotion. Threatening to suck her in like an undertow.
“When will you be with me?”
The question slid out tentative and soft, as though he hadn’t fully made the decision to ask it. Her throat tightened, and she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hide the moisture threatening to betray her emotions.
“God. I thought you were going to ask me what post-coitus snack I wanted.” She cracked a grin, hoping to jar herself into a more lighthearted mood. To convince the tears to dry up, once and for all. But Lex’s lips only flickered toward a grin. His gaze didn’t waver.
“Answer me.”
“I don’t know.” She blurted it out fast, studying the black stitched seam of the cushion below his cheek. She did know. She’d be with him once she could pull her head out of her ass and tell him the truth. But she didn’t have the words now. She hadn’t prepared, somehow thinking it was still a distant eventuality. Like an idiot, not realizing the time to tell him had been years ago.
Lex deflated, his jaw flexing as he searched her face. “What else are you looking for?”
She swallowed past the tightness in her throat. “It’s not…you.”
“Your parents.” He narrowed his eyes, as if he’d deduced the real reason. “You don’t want to tell them?”
“No. It’s not them.” She drew a shaky breath. Though they didn’t help matters at all. “I just need more time. I thought that was fine with you.”
He gnawed at the inside of his cheek, his gaze distracted. “I don’t want to just fuck you, you know.”
She dragged her fingers over the caramel contour of his bicep. “I know. But isn’t that also a pretty great thing for now?” She sent him a hopeful grin, eager to break the heavy spell. Behind her forehead, one thought pulsed like a marquee: You have a son. I never told you. You’re a father.
But when he smiled at her, the confession dissipated like a genie returning to his lamp. They were fine. This could go on for just a little bit longer.
And she’d find exactly the right words to turn his entire life upside down.
Chapter 14
Lex waved as Lila pulled out of the parking space, her sexy grin streaked with the evening light as she drove away. He watched until she turned out of the lot, and then he headed back inside, tension prickling across his shoulder blades.
They’d had the hottest surprise visit in the history of time, followed by an impromptu snack session of saltines and hummus to sate that post-orgasm hunger. Lila didn’t budge an inch when he pressed her to stay. Lex wanted to accompany her personally to her appointment but figured that wouldn’t go over so well. Especially since she’d just take it as being clingy…even though the truth was much different than that.
Lex scanned the perimeter one last time before heading back into the apartment building. The lobby was empty, but it felt too quiet now that Lila was gone. Anxiety blossomed, reality crushing around him as he pushed into the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time.
When Lila had shown up two hours ago, Knuckles had been standing at the end of the hallway, leering at the two of them like some sort of escaped circus clown.
A warning shot. The Kings were good at that sort of shit, and Lex had been stupid to forget. Time blurred the edges on the fear and the tactics. But here they were again, crystal clear and jagged sharp.
Knuckles had seen Lila. He’d fucking rode up the elevator with her. All bets were off.
Lex’s stomach twisted as he pushed through the door at his floor. Bad news loomed, but it was the amorphous kind, like a thunderstorm hanging just a few miles away. He hurried down the hallway, his footsteps urgent on the Berber carpet as he headed back to his place.
When he rounded the last corner, his pace ground to a halt. Chest tighter than a rubber band.
Knuckles leaned against the wall in front of his door. Smile ten shades of sardonic. Knowing. Waiting.
Lex’s breath tumbled out of him. He approached slowly, like coming up on a tense dog.
“What are you doing here, man?”
Knuckles’ steely gaze didn’t falter. “Does showing up at your apartment convince you?”
Hearing his words thrust back at him kicked the rage up to a boil. “Why are you here?”
“You know why. I want you to tell me yes.”
Lex’s stomach took a nose dive. “I can’t tell you yes.”
Knuckles feigned confusion. “And why not? It’s so easy to say yes. It feels good to say yes.”
“Not anymore.” He tightened his fists, hardly daring to blink in the unwavering gaze of his former gang lord.
Knuckles rolled his neck in a slow circle. Lex could practically see the gears whirring behind his skull. “Well, how about I make this simple for you? We need you back. And more than that, somebody high up only wants you. We’ve seen you on television. He wants the celebrity.”
Lex swallowed a knot. “That’s how you found me.” A question disguised as a statement. But it was a repercussion Lex hadn’t even considered before signing on to the show.
“Correct.” Knuckles crossed his arms over his chest, seeming to swell in size before him. He was a brute of a man, six foot something but a thick wall, practically a bulldozer. Once, for shits and giggles, they’d pushed Lex into the ring with him for a fight. All the gang members had shown up for that one, hooting and hollering as the two of them jumped around under the glare of a swinging lightbulb. He’d gone easy on him, let the old guy win. But putting his fist into his shoulder had felt about the same as a brick wall.
“I’m not into fighting for money anymore.”
“What part of your job now isn’t for money, Cheshire?”
“Dirty money,” he clarified. “And that’s the end of it.” Lex attempted to walk past Knuckles, but his arm shot out like a sword, blocking his path. Lex stilled before he touched him, his eyes on the cuff of his sleeve. A four-leaf clover cufflink, dull and dingy, stared back at him.
“You don’t know how much money we want to give you.”
“It doesn’t matter to me.”
A tense silence erupted, one that made Lex shiver. He looked up at Knuckles and found something bordering perplexity there.
“I thought I’d made it clear,” Knuckles said in a slow rasp, his rank breath making Lex’s nostrils flare, “but let me spell it out a little differently.” He leaned in, so close that their noses almost touched. Lex forced himself not to flinch. “You fight, or the girl is in trouble.”
Dread washed over him, like ocean waves eroding a beach. Not her. If anyone knew how to find people, it was Knuckles. “Don’t bring her into it.”
“Don’t tell me how to do business,” Knuckles snarled. “She’s part of the deal. Wasn’t she the cute little blonde you ran around with back then, too?” He sniffed. “It’d be a shame if we brought her down to headquarters sometime.”
A low breath sidled out of him, like his entire body dumping its oxygen reserves. If Lila was at stake…there was no question. He squeezed his eyes shut as he ran through his options. Exactly none. Desperation churned through him. He couldn’t agree to this. Returning to this life was out of the question.
“Don’t fucking touch her.” Lex kept his voice low, to hide the quiver of rage. “She has nothing to do with this.”
“Then your decision is made.”
Lex brought a closed fist up to the space between his eyes. “If I do this…it’s just one fight, right?”
“Yes.”
Lex didn’t trust the glint in his eye. “I can do one. Nothing else.”
Knuckles grinned wide, showcasing a gap where a back molar used to be. “Sounds like a deal to me.”
&nb
sp; “But stay the fuck away from her. Forget her face. Just…leave her the fuck alone.” He swallowed hard. “Please.”
Knuckles raised his palms, like conceding. “Hey. Forgotten, as long as you stick to your end of the deal.”
Lex shouldered past him, towering over the door lock as he fished out his key. “Fine. Just send me when and where.”
Knuckles’ steps thudded down the hallway, a relaxed gait, the walk of a smug manipulator who’d cornered him into the worst deal of his life. “Always a pleasure, Cheshire.”
Lex scooted inside his apartment and dead bolted the door behind him. The air hung bloated and quiet, like the silence after a deep inhale. He didn’t want it to be true. That they were after him again. That he had been conned back into the dark side. That Lila was at risk.
He walked through his apartment on wooden legs, the gravity of his decision bearing down on him slowly, like an avalanche at half speed. There was no way he could share this with Lila. She’d freak out. And he wasn’t stupid enough to think that he could ask her to understand.
His whole mission was to prove to her he’d changed. But any whiff of the Kings would reduce all his hard-won progress to ashes.
He couldn’t tell her. No fucking way.
So it had to be like this. Just one and done.
Memories of Lex’s time in the Kings hunted him that night and through the next day as he awaited word about the fight. Things he’d thought were long forgotten…or buried. When he blinked he could feel the grit of cement against his cheek during the few times he’d been pounded into the floor. Underground rings never used mats, nor did they invest in things like refs or tests. Most fights abided by the simple policy of fight until unconscious. Sometimes, fight to the death.
Lex had killed a few guys during his stint in the ring. One he’d watch blink out right there in the parking lot while the spectators screamed like a goddamn gladiatorial fight. Another he’d found out about second hand; the guy made his way to the hospital somehow and passed the following day. Organ failure. Lex had pummeled his body into shutting down.
And when guys died, Lex’s earnings tripled. At the time, Lex had a whole arsenal of reasons why it didn’t matter. They were both in the life; that’s just how things went. Lex could have been the one to die, too. There was never any guarantee of making it out alive.
And maybe that was part of the attraction to the tormented youth with a death wish the Kings tended to reel in. Lex’s early life was peppered with suicidal thoughts. Skirting the edge of death while also fighting valiantly to escape its claws…there hadn’t been a greater high than that. Not even coke came close. It was maniacal. Cut throat. Supreme.
But not now. He didn’t want that high, he didn’t want that risk. Too much was on the line now.
He was clean, successful. And fuck, Lila would cut him out faster than the speed of light if she found out he was fighting underground again. It wouldn’t matter that he wasn’t dosing, or that he could do it while clean, or that they were holding a proverbial gun to his head. She wouldn’t stick around long enough to hear the words “it’s to protect you.”
The text with the date, place, and time came during a dinner date with Lila. They were at his place, making eggplant lasagna that was more an experiment in following directions without distracting each other with kisses. He ignored the unknown number alert for as long as he could. Once Lila took a bathroom break, he finally allowed himself to indulge the curiosity.
“Tuesday night at Tito’s. Fight’s at 8.”
Tito’s. If that wasn’t a blast from the past. A hotspot for underground fighting; Mexican restaurant by day, fight club by night. Lex had won too many matches there to count. Behind the brightly colored walls and the Dia De Los Muertos–infused decorations of the restaurant side, a dingy, spartan warehouse sat, perfect for almost a hundred spectators to watch two grown men scuffle and curse under fluorescent lights.
Lex pocketed his phone just as it vibrated with another message. No more for now. He wanted to act like it wasn’t the worst decision of his life. Like it wouldn’t strip him of everything positive he’d fought for.
The Kings had let him go four years ago because they’d tired of him, and Lex’s move to the professional leagues was something they, for whatever reason, supported. It probably helped their payouts to boast professional, award-winning fighters in their past.
But their renewed interest left a bad taste.
If he’d learned one thing during his time fighting for the Kings, it was that they served themselves first and foremost. This had nothing to do with Lex…and everything to do with their own payday.
Someone was betting high, and the Kings knew that Cheshire would get the job done.
Because he had to.
His life depended on it.
Chapter 15
THEN
“Christ, Lex.” Lila shook her head in disbelief, watching as he hopped around the kitchen, punching imaginary foes. “Can you stop for a second?”
“What?” The nonchalance in his voice told her he had no fucking clue how weird he got when he was on coke. “I’m training.”
“In the kitchen?” She gestured around her, at the books piled up on the coffee table, notes strewn around her on the couch. “I can’t focus with all your Street Fighter shit going on over there.”
He deflated, shaking his head. “Whatever.” His hand went into his pocket, a tic she’d come to recognize too well. Instead of turning back to her studying, she watched him carefully. He was lost in his own world, the bags under his eyes betraying just how little sleep he got anymore. And why would he, when he had at least a couple grams of coke on hand whenever he needed?
He headed for the bathroom. Lila leapt up to follow him. “Where are you going?”
He cast her a strange look. “To take a piss. Why?”
“I want to come with you.” She followed him into the bathroom, even though he tried to shut the door on her. Under the glaring white light, she crossed her arms, watching him.
“Lila, I love you, but this is weird.”
“Go on. Take a piss.” She gestured toward the toilet.
His haunted gaze fell to the toilet seat, then came back up to her. “You know, I don’t have to anymore. Not with you watching me like a creeper.”
She didn’t return his attempt at a smile. “You just came in here to do another line. I know it. You need to stop this shit, Lex!”
His face was an eerie mask of impassivity as he watched her. “Why?”
She scoffed. “Um, hello, I might not be in nursing school yet, but I know that cocaine is bad for you. You should know that, too. Look at what it does to you! You can barely stand still. You’ve just spent the last hour beating up imaginary people in front of the trash can. Like, who are you anymore?”
His mouth contorted into a sneer. “Oh, please. Coke is not the problem.”
“Then what is the problem?” She balled her fists, taking a step toward him. “Come to think of it, maybe you should stop fighting too.”
“Anything else you want from me, Lila?” Her name came out so caustic on his tongue it surprised her that he wasn’t bleeding. “Christ, I literally do this so that you can afford school now that your dad stopped paying. But sure, I’ll just go get a job at fucking Best Buy. Make $10 an hour, selling shitty printers or whatever. Is that what you want?”
“No. I want you to do something productive with your life.” She swallowed a knot of emotion. She had to stand her ground. “It’s not just fighting or nothing. You have options. You can go back to school. You already finished some classes and—”
“Lila, do you even fucking know me?” He grabbed at his hair. “Have you stopped to look at me even once in the year and a half we’ve been together?”
She scoffed, but he barreled on. “I’m not a school type. Okay? I know your dad wants you to be the valedictorian of the entire world and the President of the United States, but that’s not me. I hate reading, I’m fucking dys
lexic, I don’t take tests, and I’m not going to school.” He kicked the cabinet. Toiletries clattered inside, and she jumped. “Do you hear me yet?”
Her limbs felt wobbly as she mustered the strength to respond. “But that doesn’t mean you should just snort coke until your brain disintegrates!”
“Maybe. I. Want. To.” He punctuated each word by slapping his palm on the bathroom countertop. “You ever think about that?”
She steeled herself to say the words that had been flitting around inside her head for weeks now. “You’re addicted.”
He let out a sardonic laugh. “To what? Coke? Fighting?” He leaned in, his lips twisting into a sick smile. “Let’s be real here. Maybe I’m just addicted to you?”
She groaned. “Oh, come on. Don’t make this about us. About me. You’re fighting so much, and you’re getting hurt.”
“Take it or leave it, baby.” He held his hands up in the air, a smug cloud hanging between them. “You love me? Then prove it. Take me as I am.”
Chapter 16
Lila stalled in the doorway, purse dangling from the crook of her arm, legs paused midstride. Lane raced around her, shrieking with laughter as he launched himself into his play area, revealing toys with reckless abandon. Normally she’d tense while watching him undo her previous cleaning spree in ten seconds flat, but not now. She had to make sure she read this text right.
“Babe, I need a rain check. Can we hang out tomorrow night?”
Lex had just cancelled their Tuesday night plans to Netflix and chill. And though she tried to tamp down the urges to write back with “WHAT???!!?”, she couldn’t deny the fact that she was floored.
