by Susan Lewis
Deciding there was no point in arguing any more, Sarah went to her mobile which was next to the photograph on the chest, and scrolled to John’s entry. After reading out the number she said, ‘I’ll have to tell Simon I’ve done this …’
‘No, sweetheart, please try not to tell him anything for the time being. Has he met John? Does he know …?’
‘They met last night, and yes, he knows that you and John have a history and I have to tell you, Mum, he’s struggling with it.’
‘Oh no,’ Rose whispered shakily. ‘Dear Simon, I can’t … What did John say to him?’
‘He hardly had a chance to say anything, because Simon turned on him …’
‘But why? He has no reason to …’
‘He thinks you and John had an affair, and he’s angry. You know how close he was to Dad. Mum, please, you can’t keep shutting us out …’
‘I know, and it won’t be for much longer, I swear. Once I’ve talked to John … Tell me, darling, how is he? Does he seem well?’
Hearing the tenderness in her mother’s voice, Sarah cried, ‘Oh my God, you did have an affair, didn’t you?’ Tears for her father were burning her eyes.
‘No, we didn’t, it wasn’t that … I swear, I never did anything to hurt Daddy. I was always completely faithful to him, always … Listen, I know this is hard for you, and I probably should have told you a long time ago – Daddy always said I should, but it’s very difficult for me even to think about … When you know, I’m sure you’ll understand …’ She took a breath. ‘I’m going to ring off now. Thank you for giving me the number, and thank you, my darling, for not mentioning anything to Simon or Becky about this call, or about anything until I can speak to you all myself.’
After putting the phone down Sarah stood beside the chest staring blindly out at the fields, where a lingering dew was glistening and winking in the sunlight and the trees seemed to droop under the weight of their leaves. She was trying to imagine what her mother might be doing now – was she still standing beside the phone too, gazing out at the Med as her secrets started to surface from their hidden depths, like ghosts returning from the dead? Or was she talking to Sheila, asking her advice, needing to know what she should do next? Maybe she’d already dialled John’s number.
The landline suddenly rang beside her, making her jump. Remembering she’d meant to call Lucy, she quickly picked it up. ‘Hello?’ The sound of her own voice seemed hollow and strange.
‘Sarah, it’s John. I hope I’m not too early.’
Feeling her legs starting to weaken, she sank into the cushions of a window seat and pushed a hand through her hair. ‘No, not at all,’ she assured him. ‘I was just … Are you already at work?’
‘No, I’m still at home. I rang Lucy a few minutes ago to let her know that I probably won’t be able to join you until after lunch today.’
Sarah’s head was starting to spin. Why was he calling to tell her too? ‘Is … Is everything all right?’ she asked. There had been no time for her mother to speak to him, so it couldn’t have been because of that.
‘Yes and no,’ he answered. ‘Lucy just told me that you’re both aware of Philippa’s medical history, and I’m afraid she hasn’t had a very good night. She’s insisting she’s fine, of course, but I’d rather not leave her this morning, or not until I can feel sure she’s perked up a bit.’
Buoyed by the warmth of her feelings for Philippa, Sarah said, ‘Of course you must stay with her, and you know, if there’s anything I can do, you just have to say the word.’
‘That’s very kind of you, and Lucy said the same, God bless you both. I’m very sorry to let you down today, but Carl’s going to do his best, and I’m sure Joe will help out. I was hoping we might prevail upon Simon …’
‘Of course,’ Sarah broke in. ‘I’ll get him up right away.’
With a slight catch in his voice John said, ‘I’m afraid I might have to stand down from our morris dancing too, which is a pity, but …’
‘It’s not important,’ she said. ‘It was just a bit of fun. What matters is that you’re there for Philippa.’
Sounding more like his sardonic self, he said, ‘Knowing her, she’ll be trying to throw me out within an hour, but I shall be putting my foot down.’
‘Good for you, and if you’re faced with a rebellion just let us know and we’ll come and sort her out.’
Chuckling, he said, ‘She must consider herself warned.’
With a smile, Sarah said, ‘We’ll call in a couple of hours to find out how she is, OK? Meantime, John, there’s something … Well, I should probably …’ The words were coming before she could think them through. Did he need to know that her mother was about to call? Should she stop her? ‘I ought to let you know that I’ve just been speaking to Mum,’ she said, ‘and she asked for your number. I don’t know if you wanted me to give it to her, but I couldn’t …’ She stopped, waiting for him to speak, hoping he’d tell her she’d done the right thing.
The silence stretched into excruciating seconds before he said, ‘How is she?’
‘I think … She’s fine, is what she said, but … John, I’m not sure when she’s going to ring, but with Philippa not being well, if you like I can ask her to put it off – I mean, if she was intending to call today, and I don’t actually know that she was.’ How much longer was she going to ramble and stumble around a situation she didn’t understand?
‘It’s all right, Sarah, we’ll let her ring when she’s ready, but thanks for telling me and for passing on my number. Does … Does Simon know?’
‘Not yet. She doesn’t want me to tell him or Becky anything until after she’s spoken to you.’
‘I see. Well, I think that’s for the best. I should probably go now. I’ll be at the end of the phone if you and Lucy need to ask me anything, and if I can I’ll pop up later in the day to see how you’re getting along.’
As the line went dead Sarah pressed the connectors and dialled again. Whether John wanted her to tell her mother about Philippa or not, she was going to.
Leaving the shower running, Lucy slipped into her robe and opened the bathroom door a crack, expecting to find Joe sneaking in after being out all night. To her surprise she saw Hanna tiptoeing around, putting things into a holdall, and clearly completely oblivious to the fact that she was being watched.
Guessing what was going on, Lucy felt a surge of fury engulf her. However, until she was certain, she was going to hold her temper in check and wait to see what happened.
When Hanna had finished and was creeping back to the door, Lucy said, ‘Just a minute, young lady, exactly where are you going with that?’
Hanna spun round so fast she almost fell over the bag. ‘Don’t do that!’ she protested. ‘You could give someone a heart attack.’
‘Maybe, but it won’t be you. Now, I repeat, where are you going with that?’
Hanna’s expression turned mutinous.
Lucy folded her arms and leaned against the door frame.
‘OK, it’s Dad’s, all right?’ Hanna huffed belligerently.
‘Yes, I can see that, and I’m still waiting for an answer.’
‘He wants me to take it to him.’
Struggling again with her anger, Lucy said, ‘Where is he?’
‘I don’t know.’
Lucy raised incredulous eyebrows.
With an impatient stamp of her foot, Hanna said, ‘All right, he asked me to meet him at Moonkicks.’
‘Wait there,’ Lucy told her, ‘and don’t even think about making a run for it.’
After turning off the shower, she belted her robe more tightly and returned to the bedroom. ‘Put the bag down,’ she ordered, walking past Hanna to stand in front of the door, ‘and pick up the phone.’
‘What?’
‘You heard.’
‘I don’t know what you’re making all the fuss about,’ Hanna grumbled. ‘It’s only a bloody bag for God’s sake.’
‘Call your father now,’ Lucy snapped
, ‘and tell him to come for the bag or I will take it to Moonkicks myself. The choice is his, but either way you will not be taking it.’
Letting the bag go, Hanna stormed across the room. ‘God, I hate it when you get all bossy and stroppy. He just rang and said could I …’
‘It’s OK, I get the picture. Now give him my message and then you can go to your room.’
Hanna’s eyes widened in protest. ‘No way! I haven’t done anything wrong.’
‘Do as you are told,’ Lucy said through her teeth.
Grabbing the phone, Hanna prodded in her father’s number and turned to glare at her mother.
When he didn’t answer Lucy realised he must have seen the landline number come up, and assumed it was her. ‘OK, let’s go and get your mobile,’ she said to Hanna.
Hanna scowled blackly. ‘I don’t know where it is …’
‘Don’t lie to me,’ Lucy shouted, ‘now get the damned phone.’
‘It’s here, all right?’ Hanna snapped, whisking it out of her pocket, ‘and you don’t have to get your knickers in a twist with me …’
‘Just shut up,’ Lucy cut in furiously, and grabbing the mobile she dialled Joe’s number.
He answered on the first ring. ‘Hi sweetie,’ he whispered. ‘Everything OK?’
Wanting to hit him, Lucy said, ‘I’m going to hold back on what I’d really like to say to you, because Hanna’s here – our daughter, who you are using in the most despicable way.’
‘Lucy, listen …’
‘No, you listen! If you’re too much of a coward to come and face me yourself, then you can go back to London without your damned bag,’ and before he could say another word she cut the call and tossed the phone on the bed. ‘This,’ she said, snatching up the bag, ‘is coming with me, and you, young lady, are going to your room where you will stay until I have time to deal with you.’
‘It’s not my fault. I didn’t ask …’
‘Go!’ Lucy roared, yanking open the door.
Treating her mother to the most venomous look she could muster, Hanna blazed past and slammed the door behind her.
Carrying the bag to the bathroom, Lucy dumped it in the bath, put in the plug and turned on the taps.
Ten minutes later she returned to the bedroom, dragged on an old pair of denim shorts and a T-shirt, loosely braided her hair and went downstairs to the kitchen. Her and Hanna’s breakfast dishes were still on the draining board, and the radio was still blaring. Turning it down, she loaded the dishwasher, then went to unlock the door.
Joe was sitting on a rickety bench just inside the courtyard, with one arm stretched across the back of it and one ankle resting on the other knee. She could see right away that he was attempting to emulate the chirpy, debonair scoundrel he liked to consider himself. What he was actually managing was unshaven, crumpled and guilty as hell.
Since Hanna’s bedroom looked out over the other side of the house, Lucy closed the door behind her and in a voice loaded with fury she said, ‘Staying out all night would have been bad enough, but getting Hanna to aid and abet your pathetic escape sinks you beneath contempt. What the hell were you thinking?’
‘OK, OK, it was a bad call,’ he admitted, raising his hands, ‘but I had to get my stuff somehow …’
‘And being too damned cowardly to get it yourself …’
‘You’re right, it was cowardly, I’ll hold my hands up to that too. I guess I wasn’t thinking straight, but when she rang to find out if I was all right …’
‘She rang to find out where the hell you were. She was worried when you didn’t come home …’
‘I know, and I told her I’m sorry. I’d had too much to drink …’
‘But you weren’t driving, and you have a phone. So what stopped you ringing to let us know you were still alive?’
He peered at her sheepishly. ‘Does that mean you wanted me to be?’ he asked.
Feeling another urge to slap him, she said, ‘I might have, until I realised how you were using Hanna. She’s fifteen years old, for God’s sake. What kind of example are you setting, getting her to creep around the house like a damned thief, assisting you in your disgusting deception …’
‘Look, I knew you were going to kick up and I thought it would probably be for the best, with you being so busy and everything, if you didn’t have to deal with me today. So I asked her to bring my stuff so I could get a train back to London without having to bother you.’
‘No! Without having to face the consequences of failing to come home all night. Does she know where you were?’
‘No, of course not.’
Lucy’s eyes bored into his. ‘So you have something to hide?’
Colouring deeply, he said, ‘All I did was call up an old friend who doesn’t live far from here, OK? We had a few too many so I stayed the night.’
Lucy had no idea who the friend might have been, but was in little doubt it was a woman. However, she really didn’t want to get into it now. What she wanted was for this not to be happening at all so she could get on with her day.
Hearing a car passing and pulling into the lane leading to the barn, she guessed it was Michael or Carl arriving, and feeling suddenly angrier than ever she went over to Joe and grabbed him by the lapels. ‘I don’t know what her name is,’ she hissed, ‘nor do I care. All that matters to me is that Hanna doesn’t get dragged into your tawdry little affairs …’
‘Hey, hey,’ he cut in angrily, ‘who said anything about another woman? I told you it was an old friend …’
‘Whoever it was, you’ve crossed the line, Joe, and it’s not going to happen again. Now, I want you to leave and if you ever attempt to use my daughter like that again …’
‘Our daughter,’ he corrected, ‘and the real problem we’re having here is that you don’t have time for her father, so quit trying to make me the villain of the piece …’
‘And you quit trying to twist this round to make it my fault.’ Letting him go, she turned back to the kitchen and pushed open the door. ‘You’ll find your bag upstairs, already packed,’ she informed him. ‘Hanna’s in her room, but before you go in there I want you to think about what you’re going to say, and whatever it is, please try not to diminish yourself in her eyes any more than you already have.’
‘That was below the belt,’ he retorted, ‘and anyway, she didn’t seem to mind helping her dad out of a hole.’
‘She’s your daughter, not your accomplice!’ Lucy cried. ‘For God’s sake, when are you going to grow up and start taking some responsibility around here?’
At that his eyes sparked with anger. ‘Well, seeing as I’m not very welcome around here, I don’t suppose it’ll be any time soon,’ he shot back, and straightening his shirt he started along the hall towards the stairs.
Needing some time to collect herself, Lucy went to put on the kettle. She didn’t want a drink, she only wanted to put the last half an hour behind her before going to face her team. Damn you, Joe, she muttered furiously to herself as tears suddenly stung her eyes. Why did he have to do this now when she was too busy even to know how she felt about it, never mind work out what to do? All night she’d been trying to persuade herself that she wouldn’t have cared if he’d found someone else, she’d even decided that it might have been a good thing, at least then she’d stand a chance of making him face their separation. Yet here she was in the cold light of day feeling every bit as hurt and betrayed as she had after the other times she’d suspected him of being with another woman.
Hearing voices upstairs, she took a deep breath and let it go slowly. She must try to think about this rationally and not let it get out of perspective. What was making this occasion worse was the fact that he’d done it in Cromstone, where she was trying to earn people’s respect, not ridicule, or pity.
‘Oh, Christ, Lucy,’ she heard him groan as she reached the bottom of the stairs.
Realising he must have found his bag, she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh or apologise – or tell
him it was what he bloody well deserved.
‘What is it, Dad?’ she heard Hanna saying as she went into the bedroom. ‘Oh my God! Did Mum do that? Mum, you are so fierce.’ She started to giggle, and when Lucy got to the bathroom she found Joe laughing too.
‘Well, I’m glad you think it’s funny,’ she told them, unable to suppress her own smile.
‘And there was me thinking you didn’t care,’ Joe grinned, coming to hug her.
‘I don’t,’ she told him.
‘No, right, I can tell.’
If they’d been alone she’d have asked it he’d been with a woman, but she couldn’t with Hanna there, and perhaps it was a good thing, because she really didn’t have time to deal with it now.
‘I’ll get it,’ Hanna announced as the phone started to ring, ‘I expect it’s for me anyway,’ and bouncing into the bedroom she grabbed the receiver. ‘Hello, Cromstone Farmhouse. Oh, hey, Granny, how are you? We were wondering if you’d got there all right.’ Her eyes came to her mother’s as she listened to the reply. ‘So where are you now? Oh, I see. Yes, she’s right here, I’ll pass you over.’
‘Where is she?’ Lucy asked as she took the phone.
‘In the car somewhere. She drove till she got a reception.’
‘Mum, at last,’ Lucy said into the phone.
‘I know, it’s a blinking nuisance not having the right phone,’ her mother grumbled, sounding exasperated at her predicament, cut off in the wilderness. ‘We’ll get it sorted out by the end of the week, so not to worry. Is everything all right there? Your messages sounded quite urgent.’
‘Because they are,’ Lucy told her. ‘I thought you’d call back yesterday after we lost the connection – or did you hang up on me?’
‘Hang up on you?’ Daphne repeated incredulously. ‘Why on earth would I do that?’
Signalling for Joe to take Hanna out of the room, Lucy waited for the door to close and said, ‘Maybe because I was asking questions you didn’t want to answer.’
