by Susan Lewis
‘In the end, after I’d been formally charged and remanded in custody our lawyer warned us that though there wasn’t any actual evidence to prove I’d done anything, it wouldn’t be the first time someone had been found guilty without it, and the signs for us weren’t good. That was when …’ She turned to John, and her eyes were only on his as she said, ‘That was when John went to the police and offered a full confession if they’d let me go.’
Stunned, Lucy looked at John too, but he only had eyes for Rose.
‘He’d decided, along with his best friend, Douglas,’ Rose told her, ‘that the only way to end the ordeal was for him to give the police what they wanted so that I could go home to the twins. They could manage without him, he said, but they couldn’t without a mother and of the two of us he would be more able to cope with prison. I argued with him, and begged him to change his mind, but he wouldn’t listen, and nor would the police. They had a signed confession, which was all they needed to get the case cleared up and off their books. It didn’t even seem to make a difference that there was still no body, or that John, in the early stages, had provided an alibi for where he’d been that day. According to them the crime could have been committed at any time, so the fact that he’d been at work while I was causing a scene at the station was no proof of anything.’
As the unimaginable horror of what they’d been through folded its terrible weight around her heart, Lucy could only wonder what Daphne and Brian had been doing while this was going on. With so much media attention they must have known they were devastating the lives of innocent people. How could they have let that happen? The people she’d known as her parents surely never would have behaved like this.
‘So the police went ahead with the prosecution,’ Rose continued, ‘and John was given a life sentence. I was allowed to see him before they took him away, and that was when he told me about the pact he’d made with Douglas. Douglas had always had a strong affection for me, and because John didn’t want Simon and Becky growing up with a convicted murderer as a father, the best thing I could do for everyone was divorce him and marry Douglas. He even wanted Douglas to adopt the twins so they wouldn’t be Mckenzies any more.’
Her eyes went down to where her hands were bunched around John’s on the table. ‘The only reason I went through with it was because I wasn’t in my right mind, and of course for the children. If it hadn’t been for them I know I’d never have agreed to the divorce, no matter how long John was forced to serve.’ She looked at Lucy again. ‘Over the years Douglas never stopped trying to find you, in spite of knowing he’d lose me and the children if he did. I lost count of how many private investigators he hired, but none of their leads ever came to anything. He wrote to John, quite often I believe, but John didn’t write back, nor would he allow either Douglas or me to go to see him. His only visitor was Pippa.’
John nodded. ‘It wasn’t easy cutting myself off like that,’ he admitted, ‘but I was convinced it was the right thing to do, unless you were found. Obviously everything would change then, but it never happened, and by the time I was released it would have been wrong of me to try to disrupt Douglas’s family then. Simon and Becky believed he was their father and because I knew what an honourable man he was, I was in no doubt that they loved him too. I knew Rose would too, in her way, so the best thing for me to do then was to go north with Pippa, back to our roots and the small electronics company she had bought with her inheritance from our father.
‘And that is where we stayed, building the business together until we had several factories, and plenty of offers to buy us out. We eventually sold just after Philippa’s cancer was diagnosed. Her health had to come first, and I knew if I continued to work then so would she. As you know, she’s in remission now, thank God, but it was her brush with mortality that made her determined to see me reunited with my family before it was too late. Ironically, it was while she was sitting in a doctor’s waiting room, in fact on the very day he gave her the good news, that she came across a newspaper advertisement for a house to rent in Cromstone Edge. It seemed like fate, and I couldn’t disagree, and so we came.’
As the journey reached a place she was familiar with, Lucy sat back in her chair knowing that later she’d probably have a hundred questions to ask, but right now all she could think of was the extraordinary, almost breathtaking way in which life had contrived to bring them to where they were now. The manor house, Douglas, Daphne’s ambition, Philippa’s illness, even her own failing marriage, had been used, even exploited, by a wayward and uncaring fate to map their lives and break their hearts. How shocking and terrifying it must have been for her mother when she’d found out who the Bancrofts and Mckenzies really were. It was no wonder she’d turned to God, but hadn’t He already forsaken her by bringing her here? Wasn’t He treating her with the same sort of indifference that He’d once shown towards John and Rose?
As her eyes went to Rose she saw the woman who’d screamed in her nightmares, and she felt such pity for her that her heart could barely contain it. How could her mother – Daphne – have comforted her during those troubled nights and pretended there was nothing to be afraid of, when all the time she knew what she’d done? How heavy had her conscience been at the time? How heavy was it now?
‘Of course Becky and Simon don’t know any of this yet,’ Rose told her.
‘When they come on Saturday,’ John said, ‘we’re intending to tell them everything, of course, and at last we can introduce them to the sister they …’
‘Actually,’ Lucy said, getting to her feet, ‘would you mind excusing me for a moment?’ and before anyone could even express surprise she ran upstairs to her room.
Chapter Twenty-Two
A WHILE LATER Lucy was still curled in the window seat of her room gazing down at the lawns below, trying to work out why she’d rushed off like that – apart from suddenly feeling that she couldn’t take any more, at least for a while. Were they thinking her rude now, or sick? A coward, or someone who was unfeeling? Were they still as certain she was theirs – as certain as she now was?
Letting her head fall back against the window, she closed her eyes in bewildered despair. All these years she’d been living a life that wasn’t hers, with people she didn’t belong to, in places she should never have been, so was it any wonder that nothing had ever felt right? She wondered how she could have forgotten the Underground train, and yet she hadn’t, because a dislike of travelling that way had obviously been born that day, along with the morbid dread of letting go of anyone she loved. And how was she supposed to feel about it all now? Angry? Cheated? Betrayed? Joyful that something was making sense at last? Vengeful towards two people who loved her so much? Happy for the parents who’d lost her? How could she even begin to know what to do?
Hearing a knock on the door, she looked up as it opened. Her heart contracted when she saw it was Rose.
‘May I come in?’ Rose asked.
Inhaling deeply as she pushed back her hair, Lucy nodded and lowered her feet to the floor.
‘Sarah’s just arrived to start work,’ Rose told her, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. ‘She hopes you don’t mind, but she knows there’s a lot to do so she thought she ought to carry on.’
‘No, it’s fine. I’m glad she’s here. How did she …? Is she all right?’
‘I think so. She was shocked, of course, when we told her, and upset about her own father, but pleased about you.’
Lucy swallowed dryly. Sarah was her half-sister. How was it going to be when she next saw her? Or when Simon came? Knowing Lucy as a friend was one thing, finding out she was a member of their family was another altogether. Would she seem like an intruder, an impostor even? Someone who was trying to break into their exclusive world? It was how she felt. ‘I’m sorry I ran out so abruptly,’ she said.
‘You don’t have to apologise. It was a lot to take in, and expecting you to share our joy this soon … Well, it’s asking too much.’
Appreciating her understand
ing, Lucy looked down at the floor as she tried to think what to say. ‘I keep wondering if there’s been a mistake,’ she said. ‘Do you think there has? We haven’t had the results yet.’
Rose’s eyes were gentle as she looked back at her.
Lucy’s head went down again, and as she thought of her parents she felt another unsteadying rush of emotion. ‘I keep remembering how nervous my mother was before she left,’ she whispered. ‘I thought it was to do with the business, but now I realise it was because of John.’ She took a tremulous breath. ‘She kept going to church to pray. She must have been so afraid.’ She paused again as she tried to cope with her mother’s fear. ‘They’re very simple people, my parents …’ She stopped suddenly, as though the word were a block. Keeping her eyes down, she said, ‘I don’t suppose I should call them that any more, should I? Their names are Daphne and Brian.’
Rose said nothing, and Lucy didn’t even want to try to imagine what she might be thinking.
‘What they did,’ Lucy continued. ‘I know it was awful, unforgivable, but if you knew them … Of course you wouldn’t want to, but you’d never imagine them hurting anyone …’ She felt a catch in her heart as she thought of how deeply they’d hurt Rose and John. ‘Knowing what they put you through, what they must have known you were going through when they’d lost a daughter themselves …’
‘What’s important,’ Rose said gently, ‘is that they were good to you and gave you the best life they could.’
Thinking of all the loneliness and never seeming to fit in, Lucy gave a humourless laugh. ‘What they gave me …’ She stopped, realising she was about to sound resentful, which she was, in a way, when she imagined the kind of life she should have had. They’d never been cruel, or neglectful, though. In fact, they’d done everything in their power to make her feel happy and safe. ‘They never did anything but love me,’ she said softly.
‘Then given where we are today, that’s the best we can hope for to help us go forward.’
‘But it still doesn’t make it right.’
‘Of course not. Nothing will ever do that.’
Not blaming her for the note of bitterness in her voice, Lucy heard a note of contempt in her own as she said, ‘You read the letter they sent. They saw me as a gift from God. It was how they tried to justify what they did.’
‘I’m sure it worked for them,’ Rose responded, her tone as flat as the light in her eyes.
Lucy looked at her and wasn’t sure whether to apologise, or defend them, or swear some sort of awful retribution.
‘From the little I’ve heard about them,’ Rose continued, ‘I’m sure they’ll be judging themselves very harshly now.’
Not doubting that for a moment, Lucy felt her heart tearing in two. ‘We don’t even know where they are,’ she said hoarsely.
There was a small irony in Rose’s tone as she said, ‘Well, it’s sad but true to say that they have something of a skill for disappearing.’ Then, ‘I’m presuming it was Brian who was on the train.’
Lucy said, ‘I presume so too.’
‘All I really remember about him was how sad he seemed. After that he turned into a monster in my eyes.’
‘I’m sure, but he wasn’t, at least not in that sense.’ She took a breath. ‘I guess he was sad because they’d lost their little girl. I found some newspaper cuttings … She died in a fire.’
It was several moments before Rose spoke again, and Lucy wondered if she was asking herself how someone who knew what it was to lose a child could have inflicted such pain on somebody else.
‘Do you remember anything about that day?’ Rose eventually asked.
Lucy shook her head. ‘No, nothing. Maybe I’ve blocked it from my mind, or …’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’
‘So you have no idea where they might have been hiding you when the search was going on?’
Lucy shrugged. ‘We lived on Lundy Island until I was four and needed to go to school, but whether or not we went straight there … My dad – Brian – worked for the Landmark Trust back then.’
‘And no one recognised you from all the publicity.’ It wasn’t so much a question as a sad statement of fact.
‘I don’t remember much about being there,’ Lucy said, ‘but I don’t think there are many people on the island, and for all I know there was no TV at that time. Maybe no one saw me. Perhaps I was kept shut up in the house, except I’ve seen photographs of myself on the beach.’ Thinking of how forlorn she looked in them, playing with stones on her own and trailing after Brian on a fishing trip, made her want to weep when she recalled the vibrant little soul hugging John with all her might.
It was a while before Rose said, ‘What would you like to do now?’
Lucy’s head came up and she felt suddenly afraid as she said, ‘You mean about tracking them down?’
Rose met her eyes. ‘We will need to at some point, of course, but what I was meaning was would you like some more time to yourself, or is it OK for me to stay and chat for a while?’
After giving it some thought, Lucy said, ‘There’s so much to try and get used to. I know I’ll have a lot of questions once I’ve taken it all in and I’m sure you will too, but for now …’
‘Say no more,’ Rose said, getting to her feet.
Lucy looked up at her. ‘I hope I haven’t offended you.’
Coming to cup a hand gently round her cheek, Rose gazed incredulously into her eyes as she said, ‘Not at all. I think we all need some time to assimilate and decide where we go from here.’
Remembering that she’d only arrived yesterday – to see John for the first time in so many years, and then to have this thrust upon her – Lucy could only wonder how she was seeming to cope so well. She didn’t look like the frail depressive Sarah talked about, but maybe finding her missing daughter was all the cure she had needed.
As Rose reached the door, Lucy said, ‘I can’t imagine what you and John must be feeling towards Daphne and Brian at the moment, but can I ask you … Would you mind not going to the police yet?’
Turning back, Rose said, ‘At the moment, Lucy, you and I are strangers, and the people who’ve called themselves your parents have made us that way, so in my heart I have little compassion for them. However, I do understand that you’ve had a very long, and apparently loving, relationship with them, so it’s only natural that you want to protect them. Fortunately for them, John and I have been through too much to start wasting time now on vengeance. All we want is to go forward together, hopefully with you too, so we will let you decide what has to be done about the Fishers.’
The Fishers. No longer her parents, just the Fishers.
By the time Lucy went back downstairs, an hour or so later, only Hanna was in the kitchen, making herself some lunch.
‘Hey Mum,’ she said, glancing over her shoulder as Lucy came in. ‘I thought you were in the office.’
‘I’m just on my way there,’ Lucy told her, presuming it was where she’d find Michael, since his car was still outside. ‘Are you OK? What are you doing this afternoon?’
‘Juju and I are getting the bus into Bath, if that’s all right. They’ve got some really cool shops there apparently. Where’s the ketchup?’
Taking it from the fridge, Lucy said, ‘You need to keep an eye on that cheese, it’s starting to burn.’
Leaping to the rescue Hanna yanked it from under the grill, and slid both pieces of toast on to a plate before coating them in sauce. ‘So, that was OK at the school last night, do you think?’ she said, starting to eat.
‘They all seemed very nice,’ Lucy agreed, feeling as though the meet and greet had happened in another lifetime. In a way it had. ‘I particularly liked your form tutor.’
‘Yeah, me too. She reminds me a bit of Granny, but younger.’
With an unbearable heaviness in her heart, Lucy attempted a smile as she said, ‘So how was Philippa this morning?’
‘Oh, you’ll never guess what,’ Hanna chirped excitedly. ‘She’s only go
ne and ordered a Wii dance thing. It’s so cool. You should see it. We were watching it online. She says we can use it whenever we like, and if we can get John boogieing on down, that’s what she said, boogieing on down, it was hilarious … Anyway, if we can get John to do it we have to let her know so she can secretly video him and put it on YouTube. She is so out there, that woman. John always says she’s a real handful and I can see what he means. Do you want some of this?’
Having nothing even resembling an appetite, Lucy dropped a kiss on Hanna’s forehead as she said, ‘All yours. Have you heard from Ben today?’
‘Not yet, but he said he was going on some elephant ride in the jungle so he might not be in touch till he gets back.’
Trying not to imagine drug lords and guerrillas leaping out from behind every bush, or deadly snakes dropping from trees, Lucy went to pour herself a coffee to take to the office with her. ‘I don’t suppose you’ve heard from Granny and Grandpa either,’ she said lightly.
Biting into her toast, Hanna shook her head. ‘Have you?’
‘I had a letter yesterday letting me know they’d gone on a little trip. They didn’t say to where, but I guess they could be back in Exmoor by now.’
Hanna shrugged. ‘Do you know when Dad’s coming, Friday or Saturday?’ she asked.
Already dreading the prospect, Lucy said, ‘I think Saturday, but I expect he’ll let us know.’
‘So have you two made up yet?’
‘I’m not sure, we haven’t spoken much since last weekend.’
Looking almost parental, while sounding very sure of herself, Hanna said, ‘I honestly don’t think it’s serious between him and Annie, you know. She’s not really his type, for a start, not when you compare her to you, and I think he only did it because he was mad at you for ignoring him so much, and you can’t really blame him for that.’
Thinking with a tinge of irony how little time it had taken for the issue to become her fault, and even accepting that in part it probably was, Lucy said, ‘How would you feel if it was serious between him and Annie?’
