"I—" before I could finish my sentence, Jax was pulling me across the cab, almost onto his lap. His lips crushed against mine in a passionate, burning kiss that seared me. All my previous worries and concerns flew out of my head and I wanted to crawl into that moment, into those feelings, and just stay there.
Jax's hands roamed up my hips, squeezing gently. He fed upon my mouth and I returned the assault, just as hungry for it as he was. Breathlessly, I pulled away. My head was spinning in an entirely delightful way.
"Sorry." Jax grinned mischievously, his eyes dancing. "I've been dying to do that again all night."
"Apology accepted," I said, hoping my voice didn't sound as breathless as I felt. I pulled away, my hand still on his chest. I needed to put some distance between us so I could think clearly again.
"You're running," Jax remarked, tilting his head and fixing me with a gaze I couldn't break even if I wanted to. The darkness made it hard to see those hypnotic eyes boring into my face, but still they held me, captivated like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. "Why do you run?" he asked softly, his right hand coming up to gently cup my chin.
I sighed heavily, biting down on my lip. "I'm not good at conversations," I warned him.
"That's okay," Jax told me, and I knew that it was okay. "Just try me."
I sighed again, my brows furrowed. I didn't want things to be complicated, but who was I kidding? They were already complicated. My feelings for Jax were strong and sudden, and they took over everything. Even my fears and the fact that I didn't think I was emotionally ready for another relationship.
"I want to be with you. I want to do this with you. I just..." I struggled to find words to verbalize my feelings.
"You're scared," Jax finished, the pad of his thumb brushing across my cheek. "That's okay, Harlow. It's okay to be scared. We'll take this slow...at your pace."
"I'm not sure what my pace is," I confessed, looking back up to meet his eyes. "Sometimes I want to run far away from you...other times I want to drag you into bed with me."
"If you run, I'll just chase you," Jax said, his voice heated with desire and promise. I felt my heart skip a beat in response to his words and the look in his eyes.
"That sounds creepy," I remarked, trying to lighten the serious mood we had fallen into. Jax laughed richly, shaking his head. The truth was, his words scared me because I could actually see a future with this man.
They unnerved me because I could very easily fall in love with him.
There was a connection between us that even I couldn't ignore or push away, and it was different from anything I had ever felt before. Even with Iain. And that stung; it felt like a betrayal to Iain and what I thought we had.
Jax grinned, his eyes sweeping across my face and settling on my lips. He could see through my comment and knew that I definitely didn't find anything about him creepy. "You're a challenge. I like a challenge. I like that you put up a fight. I like that you don't just fall into bed with me. I like that there are a thousand secrets in those beautiful green eyes. I like your sass, your spark, and I like you angry too."
"You haven't seen me angry yet," I warned, my eyes narrowing.
Jax laughed again. "I'm sure I will." He shifted, adjusting his body so he was facing me more. His hand fell away from my chin, but before I could miss the contact, he gently tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear. "The thing is...I want to be with you. I want to learn everything I can about you, I want to explore this connection I feel to you and find out exactly what it is."
I gaped at him, unable to think of a single thing to say in response. His words literally took not only my breath away, but my ability to think. He was undeniably wooing me.
"What do you say, do you want to give this a go?" Jax asked, motioning between the two of us with his hand. I stared at him for a moment, already knowing my answer.
"Yes," I whispered. I did want to give this—whatever it was—a try. I felt like I owed it to myself to explore it, to see just what it all meant.
Jax seemed to know what my basic core was about, and it didn't seem to scare him. The thought of me running, of me not knowing what the hell I wanted didn't intimidate him. He knew I had secrets, and he wasn't put out or turned off by them. I got the sense that he wouldn't be, even if he knew them.
Then and again, it was hard to judge how a guy would take to hearing that your heart might lie with someone else.
He smiled and leaned forward to kiss me again.
* * *
Jax didn't come up to the apartment that night. I didn't ask him, and he was respectful of my wishes to take things slow.
Despite that, I didn't get in until nearly an hour after our conversation. We made out in his truck for a bit, getting dangerously close to the point of no return before Jax put a stop to things.
"I have to work early tomorrow," he had whispered against my neck with regret. "But I promise you, we'll finish this very soon."
My skin still prickled with desire; my nerves were still on fire from him. But the moment I closed the door to the apartment, all the things that flew from my mind as Jax kissed me returned. Seeing someone who looked a lot like Andrew at the concert was at the front of my mind. I hadn't wanted to freak Jenna out, so I kept silent, convincing myself that it wasn't him.
All night long I tossed and turned in my bed, unable to fall asleep. On Sunday morning, I came up with a plan. I searched around my room, tearing open boxes I hadn't yet unpacked, searching through desk drawers. Finally, I found what I was looking for in the bottom of my night stand drawer.
I held up the card, reading the name printed on the front: Mike Turner.
I chewed on my lip apprehensively. Mike Turner was a police officer in North Bay. He was the one to help me during the Cooper ordeal, just as eager to see Carl Cooper and his son behind bars. At the time, Carl Cooper was the Chief of Police, but it never sat well with Mike to turn a blind eye to his dirty cop ways.
If anybody would know where Andrew Cooper was, it was Mike Turner. Only...Mike was the officer who arrested Iain. He was the one who questioned me about my relationship with Iain, and the last time I'd seen him he hadn't exactly held me in a high regard. He was one of Iain's best friends, and I'm sure he blamed me for ruining Iain's life. I blamed myself, too.
I took a deep breath and pulled my cell phone out from my back pocket. I dialed the number on the business card. I sat on the end of my bed, chewing on my thumbnail as I waited for Mike to pick up.
"Officer Turner." His crisp, clipped tone was all business.
"Hi, Officer? It's...it's Harlow Jones. You probably remember me from a few years ago..." I trailed off awkwardly, the silence on the other end of the phone overwhelming me.
"Yes, I remember you," Officer Turner said, his voice turning cold.
"Ok...well. I was wondering if you knew—"
"I haven't seen him since I arrested him," Officer Turner interrupted.
I bristled. "That's not why I'm calling."
"Why are you calling then?" Officer Turner demanded. I could practically feel his annoyance through the line.
"I was wondering if you knew where Andrew Cooper and his mom were." I took a steadying breath.
"They moved," Officer Turner answered. I could sense that he was frowning.
"I know that." I rolled my eyes. "Do you know where?"
"Why?"
"Because." I gritted my teeth, my own annoyance slapping out. "Jenna and I moved to Ottawa, and I...I get the impression I'm being followed sometimes. And I thought I saw him yesterday, only when I looked again he was gone." I paused, remembering Thursday night. "Plus, there's a man in the area attacking women."
"And you think it's him." Officer Turner didn't sound convinced.
"Do you know where he's living or not?" I struggled to control my anger. This was pointless.
Officer Turner was silent for a moment then sighed heavily. "I'll look into it," he said before hanging up on me.
I sat on th
e edge of my bed, staring at my phone and trying to process the conversation with Mike. So he hadn't heard from Iain either. Not that it surprised me; he was the one that arrested him and declared that Iain was no friend of his.
I couldn't say that knowledge made me feel better about the whole situation. Vaguely, I wondered what Jenna would have to say about it...only I couldn't ask her because I didn't want to scare her.
Over two weeks had gone by, and I hadn't heard from Officer Mike Turner about where Andrew Cooper was living. I was on edge about it, although there hadn’t been any more Andrew sightings' since the music festival. Something had me on edge though, and I couldn't pin point exactly what it was. I thought it had something to do with Andrew—seeing someone that looked a lot like him at that concert, but I didn't have any concrete answers.
A sexual predator was still plaguing Ottawa. Three women had already come forward. All three were sexually harassed while on the street, walking home at night. All three of them were young University students. Despite their statements, the police had no leads. Nobody had a solid description of what the rapist looked like; none of the women had seen his face.
I was uneasy and so was Jenna. Even though I still hadn't told her that I thought I saw Andrew, she was not at all happy to be living in the same part of town where all the occurrences were happening.
Even Jamie was on edge about the whole thing. He tried to switch all of my shifts to morning ones, and when my schedule didn't allow it, he made certain someone else was there with me. If it wasn't him, it was Lucas. I tried to argue that I could take care of myself, but Jamie refused to hear it.
"Not on my watch, sugar. It's too dangerous to have you walking at night," Jamie had insisted.
I suppose it was too dangerous and a lawsuit waiting to happen; he didn't want to chance it.
I walked to school with Jenna, mostly out of habit but also because she feared walking alone. I wasn't exactly comfortable, but I was used to it. I had walked the streets of Toronto by myself pretty much since I was fourteen.
On Monday morning, when Jenna and I parted ways, I saw Jax waiting outside of the lecture hall for me. He was leaning against the wall beside the entrance door, holding two paper coffee cups in. He kissed me good morning while I admired him. He was dressed in his usual, understated style of dark denim jeans and fitted thermal shirt. He had his brown leather jacket on.
"Figured you'd appreciate this," he commented, smiling as I took a cup from him. He had no idea how much I appreciated it, and not just the delicious coffee. The view was pretty nice, too.
I inhaled the delectable fragrance, closing my eyes a fraction and almost moaning. I had overslept, and hadn't had time to make a stop of my own.
"Thanks," I murmured, taking a slow sip. My eyelids fluttered open to rest upon his face. Jax looked incredible with a five-o-clock shadow. He was making my ovaries announce their presence. I could swoon under the heat of his gold rimmed eyes. I blinked, trying to clear my mind of the lusty thoughts that enveloped it.
I opened my mouth, longing to clarify our conversation from the other night. We talked about a lot of things, but we hadn't really clarified on what we were. Jax said we would take things slow and at my pace...but I still didn't know exactly what that meant. Jax's morning coffee gesture seemed very relationship-like to me, and I didn't necessarily feel single.
Part of me was happy. I felt like this was the start of something new, something free. With the other part of me, thoughts of Iain snuck up on me to remind me that I wasn't completely over him. I wondered if I would ever truly be free of Iain, or if he would always be a shadow on my happiness.
I sucked in my bottom lip, sinking my teeth into it to silence my buzzing, confused mind. This wasn't the time or the place to sift through my emotional baggage.
"Shall we go?" Jax asked, grinning as he held the door opened so we could walk in. The lecture hall was nearly full, with only five minutes to spare before class started. Crimson sat in the middle of the hall, waving frantically and gesturing to the two seats beside her with enthusiasm, her bright red hair impossible to miss.
I avoided making eye contact with Professor Pedersen as I climbed the stairs to our seats. I noticed with disdain that Brianna and Alissa were sitting in the same row, in the seats beside the vacant ones Crimson had saved for us. I sat down beside Crimson and Jax ended up between Brianna and I. Brianna's eyes hungrily swept over his body, and she smiled coyly at him.
"How was your weekend, Jax?" she purred. I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at her shameless flirting. I was surprised to detect the undeniable swell of jealousy.
"Amazing," Jax answered, winking at me. His single worded reply and the way he was looking at me eased the jealousy.
"That's good," Brianna said, drawing Jax's attention back to her by resting her hand on his bicep. She hadn't caught the heated look or the wink he had given me. "Listen, Alissa and I are having a party this weekend. You should come; it'll be at our house!"
"Oh! That sounds like fun!" Crimson interrupted gleefully. Brianna sent her an amused look. The invitation hadn't been for anyone but Jax. Crimson didn't seem to know that though.
"It starts at nine on Saturday. Be there," Brianna finished, looking directly at Jax.
"Alright, I'll see if my girlfriend wants to come," Jax answered, looking at me with amusement. He knew my answer would be not a chance in hell. Still, my heart jumped at his words. It appeared that Jax had already defined our relationship—to himself, anyway, and I suppose to me as well. I could have argued with him; I could have told him that we weren't a couple, but I found myself not wanting to. I found that I wanted that status with him. Instead of sending him a dirty look, I smiled almost timidly.
"I didn't know you had a girlfriend." Brianna's eyes narrowed slightly, but I got the impression that she didn't really care.
"Yup, I do," Jax answered, not elaborating. He could sense that although I wanted the couple status, I wasn't ready for public status. Crimson shot me an inquisitive look. I shrugged, acting as if I had no idea what he was talking about.
"Oh, well, the more the merrier," Brianna said, looking as if she had swallowed something extremely sour.
"Could I bring my boyfriend too?” Crimson asked hopefully “He's dying to meet my new friends!"
"Sure, sweetie." I didn't like the way Brianna's expression changed or the way her voice dripped with false sweetness.
Before I could call her out on it, Professor Pedersen stepped up to the podium, demanding attention as her stern eyes swept across the room.
The coffee that Jax had supplied me with made it easier to focus, but the covert glances he sent me and the brush of our arms had me distracted.
I found myself entertaining the idea of skipping the rest of the day to just be with him. I had yet to skip a single university class, and there was something wrong about that, like I was missing out on a rite of passage.
I had spent the last two years attending every single class, almost as if in a daze. After my night of no sleep, I felt like I needed to wake up a little.
"Wanna skip with me?" I whispered at the end of our lecture, my eyes dancing with mischief.
"Of course." Jax grinned. We packed up our things and broke away from the group as quickly as we could. I knew I would likely face questioning from Crimson if I stuck around for our next class, and I honestly wanted to recharge before my shift at The Bean.
Plus, I was starving.
"Let's go get food, preferably the greasy kind," I suggested.
"Sounds like we need to make a trip to Big Burger." Jax smiled. I looked at him curiously, having never heard of Big Burger before. "It's only my most favourite place to go for burgers," he added, almost appalled that I didn’t know what it was.
"Alright, where is it?"
"We'll drive. I brought my truck today." Jax gestured towards the student parking lot. He took my right hand in his left one. I liked how big and strong even his hands were. Iain hadn't been a tiny guy, but
he hadn't been very large either.
Jax squeezed my hand with his, bringing me back to the enjoyable present. We started walking towards the parking lot.
"So, you have a girlfriend, huh?" I asked, blinking innocently up at him.
He smiled down at me, never faltering in his steps. "I hope so. I mean, I thought I made it clear the other night...and she made no arguments so..."
"Natural progression of things, I suppose." I sighed, pretending to be disappointed by this news. "She's a lucky girl. You're kind of hot. I mean, in that Barbarian, throw-me-into-bed-right-now kind of way."
"Um, what?" Jax laughed, shaking his head.
"Don't act like you don't know that you’re undeniably sexy," I said flirtatiously, spinning around so I was standing in front of him and walking backwards, still holding his hand. I was smiling—actually smiling. I felt free and light when I flirted with Jax. I didn't feel like I was doing something wrong or bad like I had when I flirted with Iain.
I was surprised at how that particular thought of Iain didn't hurt as badly as it would have before.
I didn't want to spend all my time comparing two vastly different guys, but at the same time...it was comforting to feel the differences in them and to not feel that sting of rejection and heartbreak. It still ached a little; a dull, barely there ache. I looked at Jax, still walking backwards. I almost tripped over a speed bump in the parking lot. Jax caught me, his other arm snaking around my waist to secure me before I could fall.
He pulled me against his chest, his face dangerously close to mine, our lips separated by mere inches. His warm breath washed across my face. "Do you want me to throw you into bed right now?" he asked deeply, the sound of his voice vibrating into my very being.
"Well, we're outside, in a parking lot. There are no beds around," I pointed out, trying to catch my breath and appear unaffected by his closeness. I was very aware of the feel of his heartbeat underneath the palm of my hand. It was pounding in his chest, the same racing intensity of mine.
Collide Series Box Set Page 34
