"Detailed," I remarked, shaking my head as Jax smirked in response. I turned my body so I could look into the back seat. "What about you, Lucas? How was meeting Jenna's parents?"
"It was interesting," Lucas confessed, earning a smack in the chest from Jenna.
"He did fine. They liked him," Jenna told me, almost proud. I knew that her parents’ approval was very important to Jenna. "Oh! And guess who I ran into?"
"Who?"
"Callie." Jenna pursed her lips. "I had to run to the convenience store to get cigars for my Grandpa, and she was there."
"How was that?"
"Oh, alright," Jenna said slowly, glancing at her nails as if there was something extremely interesting on them. "She's pregnant."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, says it's Riley's baby." Jenna looked up, giving a small, forced smile. "I congratulated her."
"That's good of you. It's a good thing I didn't run into her, punching her in her teeth wouldn't have been very appropriate."
"Who's Callie and why would you want to punch her in the teeth?" Jax asked, intrigued by our conversation.
"Callie is one of Jenna's old high school friends. She's a massive bitch, and I don't like her," I replied, thinking about all of the times Callie and her comrade in arms, Tara, had made Jenna feel like shit. They called her a slut and spread rumors that she was making up the charges against Andrew because Andrew didn't want to be with her. All because Callie had a thing for Andrew.
I was also undeniably positive that Callie was one of the alleged victims that came forward after Iain's arrest to claim that he made unwanted advances toward them too. She was an attention seeker, and I knew she wouldn't miss an opportunity to stir the pot.
We had nearly reached Ottawa city limits and I was thankful. I couldn't wait to get back into my own apartment and relax. I'd been anxious the entire time we were there. Nothing happened, and things had gone about as smoothly as they could have, but being home was still difficult.
When it was time for bed that night, I had finally gone into my old bedroom. Everything was as I left it, and I knew without looking that the photos from my trip to Niagara Falls would still be in the locked box under my bed. Everything reminded me of him just as I feared it would. Only...the pain of remembrance was slight.
I tossed and turned all night, unable to fall asleep. I couldn't stop dissecting everything. I couldn't help but think about Jax, asleep in the guest room down the hall, and yet wonder where Iain was. I wondered what he was doing, and if he was okay. I didn't know how I still felt about Iain, but any time I thought about saying goodbye to Jax, my heart furiously rejected the idea.
By morning, I had figured out that I cared deeply about Jax, that I wanted to be with him, and I didn't want a ghost of someone I used to know—and maybe didn't even know all that well—holding me back from truly falling.
The problem was, how did I say goodbye to the ghost of the past? How did I move forward with my future?
A large part of me felt that I had to tell Jax about Iain. I had to explain to him what was truly holding me back. He had a right to know. Another part of me argued that it was redundant; I was with Jax and we had a good thing going. Hearing about past loves would only ruin that. I certainly didn't want to think about Jax with another girl, meeting her family and making her laugh.
"Don't forget, we have to meet Brianna, Alissa and Crimson at noon," Jax reminded me, drawing me back from my complicated thoughts. "Professor Pedersen is expecting the first draft of our reports by next Friday to check on our progress."
"Ugh, fine." I sighed, my lip curling in disdain. Jax reached across the seat, taking my hand from my lap.
"We'll get it over with quick." Jax winked at me. "I could think of a hundred better things to do today than hang out with them," he added.
"Ew, guys...we're still here." Jenna snorted.
"Not for long," I retorted, watching our apartment building quickly approach. "We'll see you later," I told Jenna, nodding a goodbye at Lucas. We didn't have much time before we had to meet with Crimson, Brianna and Alissa, but Jax's earlier promise had me long for some alone time. I watched as Jenna and Lucas grabbed their bags and jumped out of Jax's truck. They walked up to the apartment, holding hands and smiling at each other.
"So we've got an hour to kill before we have to meet them," Jax said, putting his truck in drive. "What do you want to do?"
"Could we go back to your place?" I asked coyly. Even though Jax rented a room and shared the living area, his room was completely off limits to any of the other house dwellers, meaning we wouldn't be interrupted.
"Hell yes." Jax grinned, revving the engine.
Jax's house was nearly empty. Everyone had gone home for the holiday and had yet to return. I heard the sound of one person fleeing up the stairs when we came in, but by the time we made it up to the landing where Jax's room was, the person had vanished.
Jax didn't seem bothered by it, so I let it go. He unlocked his room, standing aside to let me in. Everything looked the way it had the last time I was in his room. I turned and faced Jax, opening my mouth to speak.
My head was telling me to talk about this weekend, to talk about our relationship and maybe tell him about Iain, but my heart and body were vigorously telling me something entirely different.
Fueled by the way Jax was watching me with unmasked desire, my blood heated and my mind quickly shut off. I pulled him towards me, our lips meeting with fevered intensity. His hands tugged at my shirt, pulling it up over my head. I stood back, allowing him the space to take his own shirt off. My hands roamed his chest again, trying to commit to memory the exact curve and dip of each muscle.
While I was busy exploring him, Jax's hands were roaming my torso, igniting my skin as he traced my waistline. His fingers drew patterns upward until he was expertly unclasping my bra while he kissed my neck. I shrugged out of it, tossing it carelessly to the side. Jax's head dipped forward, his mouth dusting kisses from my collarbone to my breasts.
I moaned, my head falling backwards and my hair spilling behind my shoulders.
"You're stunning," Jax told me, effortlessly picking me up. My legs went around his hips. I felt like there was truly nowhere else that I would rather be.
Our first time together was more rushed; I was so desperate to just have him in me. This time, Jax was taking his time. He was intent on getting to know me in ways he hadn't yet. It was as if our bodies were speaking a different language, one that they were fluent in.
"Jax," I pleaded as he pulled my jeans and the lace underwear off. He tossed them carelessly to the ground. It hardly seemed fair that I was completely undressed and he was still wearing his jeans. I writhed, trying to shimmy myself up so that I could help rectify that problem.
"Not yet." He grinned, lowering his head between my legs.
* * *
Jax and I were a little bit late for our meet up with Crimson, Brianna and Alissa. The chosen venue was The Buzz Restaurant, and I could see Brianna and Alissa waiting at a table. We approached them, Jax holding my hand. Brianna looked at the contact and pursed her lips. I had absolutely no doubt that she was hoping the drama that happened at her party would put an end to Jax and I.
"Where's Crimson?" I asked, sitting down across from Alissa. Jax dropped down into the chair beside me, his hand absently finding my thigh under the table. He gave me a reassuring squeeze, letting me know he was right there with me.
"Oh? You didn't hear?" Brianna's expression could almost be described as delightful. "Crimson's boyfriend tried to kill himself. He probably got sick of listening to her excessive babbling," Brianna added, smirking cruelly as if she found it hilarious. She probably did.
"Brianna, that was really mean," Alissa scolded, frowning at her friend.
"Sorry," Brianna said without meaning. She shrugged as if it couldn't be helped.
I felt the air leave my lungs in a whoosh. "What do you mean?"
"I mean he tried to kill himself." Brianna rolled h
er eyes, as if she found me completely obtuse and had absolutely no time to explain things. "We've already done our part in the project, so let's hear yours." Brianna sighed, bored.
I didn't need to ask why Cole would try and kill himself. The harsh things I said to him the other night came rushing back to me. The colour completely drained from my face. I could feel Jax's hand squeezing my thigh again, trying to comfort me. It was a strange situation.
"But he's okay?" Jax asked, giving Brianna a no-nonsense look.
"Yeah, I think he's fine. Crimson found him in time and got him to the hospital," Alissa explained. "He's at the Ottawa Hospital. She's there now with him, from what her text message said."
Jax took a deep breath. "Don't you think it's imperative that we wait for Crimson to be here? This assignment isn't due for another week. It seems kind of inconsiderate to meet without her, given what she's going through right now."
Brianna sighed dramatically. "Alright, pretty boy. We'll postpone the group meeting. I still want to read what you guys have though, to make sure I don't have to re-do it."
"Right," I muttered sarcastically, pulling out our notes to hand to Brianna and Alissa. They read it over while Jax looked at me.
"Let's meet up in another week," I suggested, challenging Brianna by looking at her through narrowed eyes. "When Crimson can be here." I was practically daring her to say something else about Crimson. She looked as if she was about to take the bait, but Alissa nudged her sharply.
"Sounds fair." Alissa nodded, giving Brianna another warning look. "I hope she's okay."
Jax stood up, looking down at me. I wordlessly grabbed my bag, nodded to Alissa, and narrowed my eyes at Brianna as I took the papers from her and carefully put them back in my bag. I followed Jax outside.
"What are you thinking?" Jax asked once we were walking to his truck.
"That I should go..." I knew that aside from myself and Jax, Crimson only really talked to Brianna and Alissa. By the looks of things, neither girl was going to show up and offer support to Crimson during this difficult time. Plus, something was telling me that I should go.
If the guy was going to kill himself over it, maybe he did have something to say that I needed to hear. Attackers who felt absolutely no remorse did not track you down to apologize then try to commit suicide. Something just wasn't sitting well with me.
"I'll drive you," Jax offered. I nodded my thanks, relieved to have him near me as he reached out for my hand.
I didn't know where the hospital was, but Jax seemed to. We drove in silence, with me locked in my own head.
I didn't know if going to see Crimson at the hospital was a good idea. I wasn't sure if facing Cole right now was a good idea. I wanted to look at him and demand to know why he thought he had a right to check out early.
If I was being honest with myself, I was doing it of guilt. I felt guilty that I hadn't listened to Cole, and that he had tried to kill himself as a result. There was a time that I really cared about him, that I was enthralled with him. Of course, that time had long since passed...but still.
Plus, I had a request to make of him. If he really wanted forgiveness from me, he was going to have to do something brave and selfless and I wasn't all that sure if he had it in him.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Jax asked, parking his truck and waiting for me to respond.
"Yeah...if you don't mind," I answered, chewing on my lip. What I was going to ask Cole was heavy, really heavy.
We walked into the hospital. Jax took my hand without question, encasing me with warmth. I loved that I didn't have to explain myself to him. Any other guy would demand to know why I was going to visit the girlfriend of my rapist in the hospital. Not Jax; he just understood.
We walked around, not really knowing where to look for them. Jax approached the information desk. "Hi," he said, smiling at the young nurse behind the counter. "Could you tell us what floor Cole Carmichael is on?"
The nurse, dazzled by Jax, blinked a few times before she quickly got to typing on her computer. "What are your names?" she asked, not looking up.
"Jax Walker and Harlow Jones," Jax answered.
After a moment, the nurse looked back at him and smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, honey. He's got a restricted visitors list."
"Darn." Jax sighed, scratching his head. "Well we're here to pick up Cole's girlfriend. She hasn't slept in days...I just can't remember what floor she said he was on, and she isn't answering her phone."
The nurse seemed to be thrown off by Jax's dashing smile. "Sorry, I can't give you that information. Why don't you try the cafeteria?" She gestured to the corridor to the left of the information desk.
Jax smiled at her. "Thank you so much for your help."
I shot him a bemused look. I'd never actually seen a guy attempt to work his looks to get information from someone before. Usually, females were guilty of that.
"Nice," I remarked. We made our way down the corridor, following the signs that directed us towards the cafeteria. I gave Jax a wan smile as he reached for my hand.
We didn't have to look long for her; the shock of Crimson's hair against the off-white walls of the hospital drew my eyes almost immediately to her. She was heading back from the cafeteria, a cup of coffee in her hand.
Her red hair was a tangled mess of knots, as if she hadn't brushed it in days. Her eyes were red rimmed from crying, and her nose was irritated, probably from blowing it too much. She was wearing clothes that looked wrinkled and had a few tiny old coffee stains. She obviously had been at the hospital for a few days.
I felt bad. It was no way to spend Thanksgiving weekend.
"What are you doing here?" Crimson's voice sounded nasally, raw from crying. I shifted from foot to foot, uncomfortable.
"We wanted to make sure you were okay," I answered, looking at Jax. He had his hands in pockets, and his jaw was tense, but he looked at Crimson with warmth and compassion.
"Oh yeah, I'm grand," Crimson said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. I almost laughed. It was so different from her bubbly, vibrant regular self. She saw me biting back a smile, and her lips perked up slightly.
"I heard about...what happened," I said, lifting my hands slightly before I dropped them at my sides again. I had no idea what to do with them. Part of me wanted to hug this girl who was clearly suffering, but I didn't really 'do' the whole hug thing, at least not with people I wasn't close to.
She sighed deeply. "I'll be okay, I guess. It's just a shock. I didn't realize Cole was hurting that bad...like, I knew he felt bad about everything...but..."
"Do you think Cole would talk to me for a minute? I think I'm ready to hear him out," I said, my voice wavering.
Jax's hand found mine and squeezed gently. "You don't have to do this," he whispered.
"I know I don't have to," I told him, keeping my voice even. "But I'm more than what happened to me. I won't let it take control of me anymore...I need closure."
Jax nodded, understanding. Crimson watched our exchange with sad eyes.
"Yeah, that's not possible right now," she replied sadly. "He's in a medically induced coma. They pumped his stomach. He took his entire bottle of Effexor and had a major seizure in the ambulance. He's had five more since..."
"Oh," I muttered.
"Yeah," Crimson said, drawing in a shaky breath. The bags under her eyes hinted at how exhausted she was.
"Do you need a lift home?" Jax asked, his expression gentle.
"No, I'm waiting for Cole's parents to get here. They were in Whistler for Thanksgiving," Crimson answered, distracted. "I appreciate you guys coming by, but honestly, I would kind of like to be alone right now."
"We understand," I told her, hesitating. "And Crimson...if you need anything, let me know, okay?"
"I will," Crimson assured me, heading down the hallway towards the bank of elevators.
Jax and I walked back to his truck in a heavy blanket of silence.
"I don't know what you're thinking," Jax commented,
reaching into his jacket pocket to grab his keys. He kept his eyes trained on my face, imploring me to look at him. "But you should not feel guilty about what happened. You had every right to say what you did. Cole's actions are Cole's alone."
"I know," I said, and I did know it. I wasn't just agreeing with him to shut him up. I lingered for a moment, wondering if I should fill Jax in on the dark things I was thinking. "I just figured..."
"What?" he asked, gently guiding my chin up so that he could look into my eyes.
"If he truly feels remorse for what happened why doesn't he turn himself in? Why doesn't he give a statement?"
Jax drew in a deep breath, considering my words as he studied my face. "That's why you wanted to come tonight."
"Yeah." I dropped my gaze. I was uncomfortable with the confession. I didn't want to seem like a cold-hearted bitch, which...I suppose I kind of was, considering I was prepared to walk into Cole's hospital room and demand that he turn himself in. "When he came by my work the other night...I didn't truly believe he was sorry for it. I still don't want to hear his why, not really anyway. I realize now that I want to see justice. I want to see something done."
I had been asking "why" for years, and then when I ran into Cole again, I realized that I didn't really need a reason why my first boyfriend had betrayed me like that. I needed closure, the kind of closure I could only get from seeing those that hurt me suffer legal repercussions—or any kind of repercussions.
My memories of the night had always been foggy, due to the Rohypnol in my system, but I knew without a doubt the whole thing was premeditated. Who brings roofies to a party for any other reason?
It angered me to think that Iain had severed time for being with me, with my consent, while Cole and the other guys at that party suffered no repercussions for the horrible things they had done.
A constant, reoccurring fear of mine is that they continued to do that to other girls—girls like Jenna. I could have stopped it back then, or at least reported it. It was too late now, unless I had a witness willing to testify.
Collide Series Box Set Page 41
