Autumn Fields was an up-and-coming Canadian band that was quickly making waves in the music industry. The folksy vocals and the way they harmonized together made them instantly popular. We saw them perform at a fundraiser several months back, during the beginning of their Canada-wide tour.
Jenna had a huge thing for Kyle Russell. He was one half of the amazing singing duet, along with a girl whose voice could bring tears even to my eyes, not that I’d admit that to Jenna. They had good music, and Kyle was Hollywood handsome, so I could see Jenna’s appeal for him.
I personally delighted in her online friendship with Kyle. It was fun watching her melt over him when he’d reply to her comments or like her photos. Social media was such a strange place—one that I didn’t comprehend and rarely used. I didn’t have an Instagram account, I wasn’t signed up for Twitter and I very rarely used my Facebook. Jenna was obsessed with social media; and with Kyle. Each time he liked a photo or commented on something, Jenna would freak out and dance around the room like God Himself had clicked the thumbs up button.
“You’re such a fan-girl,” I joked, laughing again at the guilty look on her face before I turned my attention to the door to open it. My laughter faded quickly, and I couldn't stop the sharp intake of breath as my eyes hungrily lapped up the tall hunk of man standing before me.
Pretty sure I was also incredibly guilty of fan-girling over Jax.
Jax's head was tilted down, but he lifted his eyes when he heard the door open. They landed on my face, and my breath caught in my throat. His serious look quickly faded to one of rolling desire and amusement.
"Hmm, looks like I'm just in time for dessert," he said softly, his eyes dropping down to my lips. "Rocky Road this time?"
I quickly wiped my lips with the back of my hand, a faint blush dusting my cheeks as Jax laughed.
"You didn't have to do that. I would have licked it off," he almost growled. My skin burned at the delightful suggestion; I knew he meant every word.
"And...that's my cue to leave!" Jenna called out from the kitchen, closing the refrigerator door. Jax chuckled again, and I stood aside to let him in.
He was carrying his backpack with him, likely stuffed with clothes for tomorrow. I didn't comment on the bag as I closed the door; I was glad he was planning on spending the night. I locked up, driving the deadbolt home and making sure the chain was safely in place.
Needless to say, since the whole Andrew thing, I'd gotten even more obsessive with my locking ritual. Jenna was forever complaining about all the different keys she had to use to get in.
Jax arched a brow but wisely didn't comment on the obsessive way I double checked the door. He dropped his bag down on the ground and stalked toward me, the golden rim that lined his pupils almost sparking with his desire.
His eyes were incredible. Jax's whole damn package was incredible; he could completely derail any thoughts in my mind with his rugged handsomeness.
He caged me against the door, and my hand came up to grip his coat, the material cold from the subzero temperature outside; but Jax's body heat radiated from beneath it. His scent invaded my nostrils and made my mouth water. Amber with hints of sandalwood and spice mixed perfectly with his pheromones to make a combination that was a deadly assault on the senses. I felt my knees weaken and the desire pooling between my legs; I ached for him in a way I had never ached for anyone. Nothing I had ever felt before came close to what I felt for Jax.
My desire for him was insatiable.
Jax knew the effect he had on me, and he couldn't help but grin before his lips descended on mine.
Every time Jax kissed me, it was like the very first time. He made all the chaos and noise fade away to nothing; he drove out every insecurity, every fear. He made my skin hum; he made me feel alive in a way that I’d never experienced before. I came close once, but not like this. Jax brought out the good in me. I knew he’d always have my back; I knew I could count on him just as surely as I could count on the seasons changing. But Jax refused to be a Band-Aid. He wouldn’t let me bury my problems. He urged me to face them head on.
Jax’s teeth nipped my lips, tugging gently. My body buzzed with desire for him, and he chuckled again at my willingness to completely surrender to him. It was so easy to surrender to him.
"What would your roommate say?" he whispered against my earlobe.
"Nothing. She's made herself scarce for tonight," I replied coyly, tugging on Jax's coat in an attempt to free him from it.
Jax grinned, stepping back to take his coat off and hang it on the rack. He turned to face me, arching a brow with that delicious smile still on his face. "So, I picked up a movie and thought we could watch it toni—"
I didn't let him finish what he was about to say before I launched myself into his arms. I didn't want to watch a movie, and I didn't want to talk. Not yet, anyway. I wanted to lose myself in Jax.
He kissed me back with fervor, effortlessly picking me up. I tightened my thighs around his hips and allowed him to carry me down the hallway, to the bedroom where I’d been attacked a little over a month ago. I wasn't even thinking about that. In fact, none of the memories that usually crashed into me the moment I stepped foot in my bedroom were in my mind. The only thing I could think about was Jax's hands on my body, his lips on my lips, the way his tongue danced with mine. His entire being consumed me; made me burn with fire and that emotion that both terrified and thrilled me: love.
Jax gently shut my bedroom door with his foot without pausing as he continued walking toward my bed. He deposited me on top of my unmade mattress. The look in his eyes promised I was about to receive the very work out I craved, the very thing that would drive the demons away.
* * *
For the first time in over a week, I slept peacefully. No nightmares haunted my subconscious mind, no anxiety gripped my heart, making falling asleep and staying asleep impossible.
I awoke feeling well rested. I blinked the sleep from my eyes, taking a moment to adjust to the soft sunlight streaming in from my partially closed blinds. I stretched my legs out, my toes barely brushing against the warm body of the man sleeping beside me.
Jax's thick lashes rested against his perpetually tanned skin. A soft smile played against those full lips. His breathing was slow and steady with sleep.
I took a moment to study him, biting my lip as I attempted to ignore the onset of heady emotions.
I couldn't deny the fact that on the nights I slept without the anxiety and nightmares, Jax was with me. It sort of pissed me off—mainly because it scared me. I had never needed anybody the way that I needed him, and that was a terrifying feeling. I couldn't help but be left wondering what would happen to me if he ever left, but I also didn't want to need him to the extent that I did.
Jax stirred, his eyes slowly opening and immediately seeking out my face. The smile on his lips remained, but the easy lightness behind his eyes changed slightly as he assessed me.
One brow arching high in unspoken question, Jax pulled me closer to him, his arms locking around me. The warmth radiated off his naked body, heating the chill from my skin.
"What's got you all twisted?" he murmured, his voice vibrating through my very being.
"Nothing," I said, smiling at him. I didn't have to force a smile with Jax, and in that moment, I was happy. I didn't want to ruin our time together with my insecurities, with my darkness and confusion. I just wanted to enjoy the light he brought.
I curled my body even closer to his, using my hands to explore the hard muscles of his defined chest and abdomen. The muscles clenched beneath my fingertips, the desire as evident on his face as it was beneath the blanket.
I pressed my lips against his, wanting to kiss him good morning. Jax didn't let me pull away, though, despite my protests and worries of morning breath. Jax didn't seem to care in the slightest. He slowed the kiss, rolling so that he was positioned over top of me. His strong arms were on either side of my body to hold his weight. His abdomen pressed against mine, his len
gth pressing against my inner thigh, but he made no move to take it further. He looked down at me, his long hair falling around us like a curtain, obscuring us from the world.
I always thought it would be a turn off to date a man whose hair was better than mine, but it was impossible not to love Jax's hair. It was thick and soft, and I knew he took pride in caring for it. Jax rocked the long hair and still managed to ooze sexual appeal in the most annoying ways.
Jax inclined his head slightly, and the strands of his hair tickled my neck and face. A strange sound escaped my lips and he grinned. "Was that a giggle?" he asked, deeply amused.
"Definitely not," I said, quickly schooling my features. "I don't giggle."
Jax snorted in disagreement, lowering his face closer to mine. I bit my lip, trying to hold in the secondary giggle that threatened to erupt at the sensation of his beard against my cheek and neck.
"That's not fair. You're purposely using your furriness to tickle me." I almost pouted.
Jax lifted his head up again, his face aglow with amusement."My furriness? What am I, a dog?"
"Or a bear." I shrugged. "You're hairy, and you're using it against me."
"Should I shave?" he contemplated, bringing his hand up to rub the scruff on his jaw.
"No. If you shave, you have less time to spend with me," I pointed out, lifting my own hands to brush against Jax's chest. They trailed lower still, to the legendary V muscle that still made me swoon, despite the fact I was lying down. The playful glint disappeared from Jax's eyes, completely consumed by his passion for me. He shivered as my hands traveled even lower, his lashes brushing against the tops of his cheeks again as I gripped his thick, long length in my hand. "Don’t you enjoy spending time with me?" I inquired coyly, arching a brow.
He opened his eyes, smirking at me."I think you know the answer to that," he said before lowering his lips to mine again.
Jax focused on lavishing my lips slowly, as if we had all the time in the world. I was withering beneath him, almost panting and arching my body against his impatiently when he finally slid inside me without breaking the kiss.
Jax made love to me slowly and thoroughly, bringing me to several orgasms before he finished. Sex with Jax was always incredible; the man really knew how to read me, and he had the moves. This knowledge coupled with his sex appeal made it virtually impossible for me not to be in the mood around him, so our sex life was active…very active. Even after the attack. Most girls would have been traumatized of a male’s touch after the things I’d been through, but Jax’s touch calmed me.
My thirst for him was insatiable; my stomach swirled and danced with desire as Jax's thumb brushed across my lower lip.
As I looked into those brown eyes so full of promise, I wanted to tell him to stay, to move in with us. I wanted to wake up every morning like this; I wanted to sleep, to feel at peace all the time, but the words remained lodged in my throat. I couldn't get them out. It seemed wrong to ask Jax to move in just because I felt better when he was around. Naturally, I wanted him around because I enjoyed being with him, but the mere fact that I seemed to need him just made me all that more stubborn and determined not to ask.
"I have some news," Jax said. "I wanted to tell you last night...but you distracted me."
"Oh? Sorry about that." I smirked. He knew I wasn't sorry.
“I can go ahead and start the program next month.” Jax grinned, his eyes lighting up with excitement.
“Oh my God, Jax,” I exclaimed, my eyes widening. “That’s huge!”
“I know.” He exhaled, his eyes roaming my face. I don’t think I’d ever get used to the way he looked at me; each time it was as if he was seeing me for the first time. It was as if he was content to just look at me. “I’m going to start advertising for it next week. I need to come up with flyers. I’m going to put them around high schools and group homes.”
“That’s an awesome idea.” I smiled, completely excited for him.
“There’s another thing too,” Jax warned, his expression becoming serious and brooding. He hesitated for a long moment and my heart jumped with fear. This is it, I thought. He's going to break up with me. The thought came out of nowhere, and my stomach twisted with anxiety and fear. I tried to rein it all in and tell myself I could survive if that was the case, but I honestly didn't know if I could. I felt all panicked simply thinking about it.
"I'm moving," he finally said. "I can't stand living in that...place anymore. I've been looking for a while now, and I actually found an apartment."
"Where?" I couldn't ignore the sadness that washed over me. It almost consumed me completely. I felt heavy with sorrow that I desperately tried to ignore and push away. I was naturally assuming that Jax was leaving me when that likely wasn't the case. I didn't even recognize myself anymore.
"Actually," Jax's dazzling grin eased the sorrow and dread, "it's an apartment really close to you. In fact, it's here."
Aside from the two bedroom unit I shared with Jenna, there were four other units in the converted Victorian house. The house had been sliced in half and sectioned off. The main floor had two apartments, the east and west side. Mrs. Smith lived in the west side apartment, and across the hall from her was our landlord, Richard.
Stairs from the main foyer lead up to the second floor to two more units. Our apartment was above Mrs. Smith’s on the west side of the house, and a smaller one bedroom apartment rented out by a timid librarian and her painter boyfriend that had only just moved in a week ago. They had a Scottish Terrier that yipped a lot when they weren’t home, but aside from that, they seemed friendly enough. Jenna had spoken to them on several occasions, apparently. That’s how I knew she was a librarian and he was a painter.
"The owner is renovating the attic unit. It’s pretty small, but it’s actually really nice. Beats trying to make breakfast on a hot plate, and it's cheap too." Jax twirled my hair around his large hand, grinning. "And maybe...if you’re ready…you could move in with me there." He winked. His suggestion made my stomach do summersaults.
I allowed myself a moment where I freely pictured what Jax was offering. Living with him in a place of our own. Falling asleep in his arms every night and waking up there in the morning. Sharing meals together. Building a life together. I wanted it so badly that I could taste it. I imagined myself able to jump into something like that without feeling afraid.
But the reality was that I was afraid. I was already scared of how intensely I felt for Jax; I was already overwhelmed. The mere idea of him leaving twisted me up hard; I couldn't imagine starting to build a life with him only to have him leave me—because everybody leaves, in the end. Or at least, that’s what I’d been conditioned to feel.
I felt more at peace around Jax than ever before, and I desperately wanted to cling to that, but I was also scared of things changing between us. My thoughts were going around in circles and Jax was watching me expectantly, waiting for me to answer him. "Jenna needs me," I said softly. And it was true; Jenna did need me. She hated being alone.
Jax's expression was easy to read. I always knew where I stood with him; he didn't mask anything. I knew he could—I knew he could hide every emotion. I'd seen that talent come into play a few times before, usually when he spoke about his family when anybody else was in ear shot. But Jax chose to let me in. He chose to let me see it all.
So I saw the patience, the understanding and desire on his face as if he'd spoken the words, naming the emotions. His thumb brushed across my lip again. "The offer still stands whenever you want to take me up on it...whenever you—or Jenna—are ready."
"When do you move?" I asked.
"It's mine as of the first of March, so you’ve got plenty of time to decide what you want to do. If you choose to move in with me, you'd obviously still be near work and Jenna. I just got the call with my approval yesterday. I signed the lease last night before I came over," Jax answered as he absently played with my hair, twisting it around his fingers.
"Yeah…" I trailed
off. I was having a difficult time coming to terms with what I was feeling. Things between Jax and me just felt...serious. They felt right, of course, but the seriousness of them unnerved me a little. The fact that I could see a future with him unnerved me. I'd never had that before, not even when I was with Iain. When I was with Iain, it was all about living in the moment. It was as if I knew our time would come to end, and I wanted to enjoy whatever happiness while I could.
Jax’s brown eyes locked on mine, his gaze full of sincerity. "I want this, Harlow," he said, his hands roaming the length of my body. "I want to wake up to your beautiful face every single day. I want to build a future with you...if you'll let me."
"Woah," I exhaled, feeling dizzy. "That's a pretty heavy sentiment."
Jax's lips pressed against the nape of my neck and I squirmed, his beard tickling my skin. "Is it?" he murmured, his warm lips buzzing against my skin pleasantly. My stomach rolled with desire and my eyes suddenly felt heavy. I struggled to keep them open and focused on him. It wasn’t the time to drift off into euphoria with him; he’d just asked me to move in.
My throat felt tight, as if all the words I wanted to say were just…stuck. "Jax…I don’t know. It feels like it’d be too soon, and I don’t want to move too quickly. I want it all to be for the right reasons." I choked on the last of the words as they spilled from my mouth. I was exposing my tattered heart to him, and it was a scary experience.
Jax nodded, his eyes full of understanding. I knew it wasn't a show with him, either. "Whatever you need, Harlow. If time is what you need, I’ll give you all the time in the world," he whispered, and I knew he meant it.
* * *
I had to rush to make it to my first period class. By the time I fell into my seat, I was completely out of breath.
My hair was tossed back into a messy, careless braid and I hadn't had time to put any makeup on, but I still felt the incredible aftershocks of being with Jax and I couldn’t fight the smile as thoughts of our goodbye replayed in my mind throughout class over and over again.
Collide Series Box Set Page 49
