"What?" Jax demanded, catching my reaction.
"Nothing," I said, schooling my features. I didn't want to admit how irrationally angry this girl was making me—between dealing with her in class today and seeing her practically panting like a dog in heat over my boyfriend. Yeah, I definitely wasn’t a fan of Delilah.
I didn’t trust her as far as I could throw her, and judging by her height, I couldn’t throw her very far, but it sure would be fun to try…
* * *
Jax's warm, large hands gripped my hips from behind. He carefully adjusted my body, using my hips to guide me into the stance he wanted me in. He pressed down gently, forcing me to bend my knees and gain surer footing on the blue mat.
I swallowed hard, my blood feeling hot and thick beneath my skin. Jax's touch was making it difficult to concentrate. He raised his hand to brush back the sweaty hair that had fallen loose from my sloppy ponytail, his fingers grazing the nape of my neck.
I closed my eyes against the sensation of his fingers against my skin. It was impossible to ignore the fact that the gym was empty; we'd completely lost track of time. Most of the lights were off, and Jax and I were the only ones who remained. My skin erupted in goose bumps as Jax's warm breath breezed across the back of my neck. I could sense him standing directly behind me, my body completely aware of how close we were.
"I'm going to keep knocking you on your ass if you don't keep your stance." I could hear him smiling; I didn't need to see it. His hand gently squeezed my hip once more before he slowly walked around me and turned to face me.
His large hands were wrapped in tensor tape, and his long hair was piled up in a sloppy bun that made him somehow appear even more imposing. I never thought I'd use that word to describe a man rocking a sloppy bun, but it was true. Jax rolled his head, cracking the kinks in his neck. His white tank was drenched in sweat and his workout shorts hung loose against his muscular legs.
There was no doubt about it: my attraction to Jax completely melted my brain. He was distracting me, making me lose my focus. All I could think about was his hands and lips on my skin. I lost the urge to work out.
Seeing the distracted look on my face, Jax tilted his head and grinned, slowly standing up to his full height of 6 foot 2. "It seems I've lost you again, young grasshopper," he remarked.
I smirked. "Maybe I need a different kind of distraction tonight," I replied coyly.
Jax grinned, taking one huge step towards me. His hand came up to the back of my head before his lips leisurely set me on fire."It's about time we called it a night."
"Is the gym totally empty?" I asked, arching a brow. "I need a shower..."
Jax's face lit up. "Are you inviting me to join you?"
"That depends. Are you coming back to my place tonight?" I smiled mischievously. His hands felt incredible on me, and I didn't want to step away. I didn't even have time to feel self-conscious about the sweat trailing down the middle of my spine.
"Well I could be persuaded, I think…” Jax trailed off, eyeing me hungrily.
"I’m sure you could," I said, allowing my finger to trail down the middle of Jax's broad chest. He inhaled deeply, a slow smile teasing his thick lips upward.
"Meet back here in ten," he said quickly. "Then we'll head to your place."
It was the fastest shower I'd ever had; I barely let the water heat before I jumped in and washed the sweat off. It was freezing out, so I begrudgingly had to take a little time to blow dry my hair. The last thing I wanted was to get a cold from heading outside in subzero temperatures with wet hair.
Jax was waiting for me by the door. His hand found the small of my back, and he guided me out to the parking lot where he'd parked his truck. We barely spoke on the short drive, the electricity between us zapping and sizzling. My skin was prickled pleasantly with goose bumps, and I knew it had little to do with the weather outside.
Jax parked in the small parking lot behind the house. We quickly walked up the steps to my apartment, holding hands. "It's surreal that you're going to be right here in a couple months," I commented, looking toward the set of stairs that led up to the apartment that Jax would soon be living in.
He grinned at me, his eyes dancing. "How will I ever keep you out of my bed now?"
"Guess you won't." I shrugged.
"Does that mean you're going to move in with me?" Jax inquired, perking up.
I slid the key into the lock of my door, sending him a wary look. "I haven't even mentioned it to Jenna yet," I told him, opening the door. I withheld admitting the other part of the problem: that I wasn’t entirely sure if I was ready to move in with him. I hurried into the warmth of my cozy apartment, coming to a sudden stop as I took in the extremely clean space.
Our apartment was usually neat and tidy, but it downright sparkled now. Every surface glistened, every framed photo or decorative piece was arranged just so. It smelled of lemon cleaner and air freshener. The floor shined and even the coat and shoe racks were organized and neat.
In short, something wasn’t right.
I could hear the distant sound of scrubbing coming from down the hallway where the bathroom was. "Jenna?" my voice started in low and then rose with alarm.
The scrubbing stopped and after a moment of silence, the toilet flushed and the sink taps started to run. A minute later, the running water ceased and Jenna stepped out into the hallway.
She was dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a ratty old t-shirt. Her eyes were red rimmed, as if she had spent the better part of the evening crying. She smiled at Jax and me in greeting, but it looked forced.
"Oh, hey. I didn't hear you guys pull up," Jenna said, fighting to keep her tone cheerful and relaxed.
"I'll see you later," Jax whispered, his lips catching mine quickly. I loved that he picked up on everything and he never took anything personally.
"Okay, I'll call you," I told him.
He nodded, smiling warmly at Jenna. "Have a good night, Jenna," he said before disappearing out the door.
I locked up before I turned to face Jenna. "So, what's up? Why are you obsessively cleaning?" I asked.
“I’m not obsessively cleaning,” Jenna argued, folding her arms across her chest.
I gestured to the entire apartment. “You could have fooled me.”
Jenna's shoulders sagged. "Fine. I broke up with Lucas," she said, her voice shaking.
“I’m so sorry, Jenna…what happened?” I asked, concerned. Jenna didn’t reply at first. She made her way over to the freshly vacuumed and plumped couch and sat down heavily, grabbing the throw pillow and desperately hugging it to her chest as if it were a childhood teddy bear.
“Well, I just…I don’t know.” She sighed. “I’m okay with it…I initiated it, but…I just feel guilty.”
“Was Lucas pressuring you?” I demanded. My eyes hardened at the thought. I sat down beside her, tucking my legs underneath me.
“No, it wasn’t that…” Jenna considered her words. “I just got tired of it. There were no sparks, and I can’t wait around for sparks, Harlow. I want a love like you and Jax have.”
I swallowed hard. It wasn’t uncommon for Jenna to make a statement like that, but I still wasn’t used to it. “The right guy is out there somewhere,” I told her instead of addressing her comment. “You’ll feel sparks with him,” I added, sure of it.
Lucas was a nice enough guy, but I could see why sparks and chemistry would be missing with him.
“I think I already found him,” Jenna muttered, catching me by surprise. Her cheeks reddened and she dropped her gaze to the throw pillow in her arms, suddenly deeply interested in a thread that had come loose.
My eyebrows rose so high with surprise that they almost disappeared in my hairline. “You’re giving me half-answers, and that’s not cool. You hate when I do that to you,” I said, calling her out on her shady behaviour.
She smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry.” She shrugged. “It’s just so…weird.” She frowned. “I don’t know how to say
it without feeling like a total dork, and I really don’t want you to judge me…”
“The only ‘weird’ thing right now is your behaviour. I’m not going to judge you, Jenna…just tell me who it is. You’re making me nervous.”
“It’s Kyle Russell. I feel the sparks with Kyle Russell,” Jenna blurted before hiding her face in her hands. Her complexion was a strange reddish purple. She was mortified.
I blinked at her slowly, not comprehending what she was attempting to tell me. “Are you sure you aren’t just reacting to his celebrity status?”
Jenna’s head rose ever so slowly, and she pinned me with a scathing gaze. “No, Harlow. I’m not reacting to his celebrity status.”
“I didn’t realize you guys spoke regularly, aside from the Facebook comments.” I shrugged, still grinning. Truthfully, the whole social media thing escaped me—I didn’t know what constituted as flirting and what didn’t.
“He asked for my number last week,” Jenna whispered. “We’ve been texting and he asked if he could call me.”
“Did he?”
“Yeah.” Jenna swallowed. “And I swear to God, I’ve never felt that many butterflies in my life. And it was over a phone call, just hearing his voice.” Jenna appeared to be bewildered; her eyes were wide and innocent and full of hope.
I couldn’t help but wonder if Jenna was placing all of her attraction on an unattainable guy simply because it was the safer bet. I knew she was still hurting after everything she’d been through, and I knew that she feared that she would never have a normal physical relationship again. It seemed perfectly logical to me why she’d cling to this notion, but I didn’t want to rain on her parade or make her feel foolish.
“Realistically,” I sighed, leaning back against the couch, “what are your expectations?”
“I don’t have any.” Jenna shook her head quickly. “I’m just saying…I felt butterflies with someone, they do exist. I just don’t have them with Lucas.”
I was silent for a few moments, digesting her words. A part of me wanted to lecture Jenna about it. Kyle was a flirt and according to every gossip magazine and website that mentioned him (more and more every passing day), he was in a relationship with his bandmate. But I wisely kept my mouth shut: this wasn’t about Jenna’s crush on Kyle; this was about her needing to justify her breakup with Lucas. She hadn’t felt sparks with him and that was the important part, not her new crush.
“Makes sense,” I replied. “So…you’re sure you’re okay? About the Lucas thing?”
“Yeah.” Jenna exhaled. “I just feel guilty, you know? Lucas was pretty hurt.”
“I don’t blame him. You’re a catch. He’d be a fool to not be upset over it.”
“Thanks, Harlow.” Jenna gave me a tiny smile. “I hope I didn’t ruin your night.”
“It’s nearly midnight.” I shrugged. “We were just going to crash.” Well, after I worked out more frustration. But still, Jenna didn’t need to hear that.
“Aside from my meltdown, how was your day today?” Jenna’s question prompted the day’s events to wash back over me. I thought about my lunch with Crimson, running into Iain, meeting Delilah, the encounter with Mr. Sharpe…and Jax. Everything that he’d said, everything that I was feeling. Jenna watched the subtle changes in my expression. “Your turn—spill.”
“Well,” I huffed, pursing my lips for a moment. “I had a lovely lunch with Crimson.” I paused, noting Jenna’s skeptical look. My use of ‘lovely’ was usually sarcastic, but in this instance it wasn’t. “No, I mean that. We talked, cleared the air, and I may have gotten her a job at The Bean.”
“That’s great! I’m happy to hear that. Maybe you could mention the girls’ weekend?” Jenna asked hopefully. “Crimson could use a little trip too. I think she needs a distraction.”
“Girls’ weekend…” I trailed off, confused as I tried to recall a hazy memory.
“Yes, the girls’ weekend we talked about last Ben, Jerry and Ryan night,” Jenna patiently reminded me. “I’ve planned it for two weekends from now.”
“Oh, right.” I’d nearly forgotten about it. “And…um…what are we doing?”
“We’re going out of town.” Jenna grinned, leaning forward. Her blue eyes glittered with excitement. “My dad is driving my car up this weekend. I’m sort of sick of cabbing it everywhere and it’d be nice to actually leave Ottawa at my own will. I think I can finish up my university experience without having to take a bus to the mall…”
I grunted in agreement. I missed the freedom having a vehicle brought. I sold my car when we moved to Ottawa, knowing that the insurance and the parking pass for our building would take up a hefty chunk of my monthly income. It seemed foolish to keep it around, especially when the university offered a free bus pass to students. Jenna had left her car at home, deciding to try and live like an authentically struggling university student. At the time, I’d found it a little amusing—Jenna’s family had a lot of money, and I doubted she was getting the full taste of what a struggling university student dealt with. Her attempt was admirable, though.
“We need to get away for a weekend,” Jenna pleaded, sensing my hesitation. “After everything you’ve been through—everything we’ve been through—we need this. Plus you didn’t let me make a big fuss for your birthday, so consider this a birthday present.”
“Consider what a birthday present?” I asked cautiously. It was true, I had animatedly told both Jenna and Jax that I didn’t want any birthday festivities. Jenna had listened to me simply to appease me, but naturally, Jax ignored me to an extent. He didn’t make a huge fuss about it, but he did bring me a cupcake and a gift (boxing mitts, so I couldn’t really be mad at him).
“We’re going to Toronto!” Jenna squealed. I tried to ignore the sensation of my stomach dropping at the mention of the city I once lived in. “The hotel is already booked, and I’ve already snagged up the tickets for our Saturday night entertainment.”
“Which is?” Jenna’s secretive behaviour was beginning to put me on edge. I closed my eyes, the panic bubbling in the back of my throat.
“We’re going to see Autumn Fields at Massey Hall.” Jenna grinned. “Crimson loves them just as much as I do, and you don’t mind them. I figured it’d be a happy medium for us.”
Jenna looked so hopeful, and I didn’t want to stomp on her excitement by telling her that the last thing I wanted to do was go to Toronto. I didn’t want to tell her that the thought of going back there twisted my stomach and made me want to breathe into a paper bag with my head between my legs.
But I hadn’t been back to Toronto since I’d left for North Bay.
“I think that’s a great idea,” I finally said, forcing the words out. We were silent for several moments, both of us locked in our own heads. It’s one weekend, I told myself. I won’t even see anybody I know.
“What are you thinking about?” Jenna demanded, pulling me away from my memories. I looked up at her to see that she was frowning. “Are you not excited about the trip? You don’t have to freak out about taking the time off. I already spoke to Jamie about it.”
“It’s not that.” I bit my lip. I’d told Jenna a little bit about Lauren at the end of high school, but I didn’t go into detail about it. I couldn’t talk to anybody about Lauren. Instead, I latched on to the first topic that came into my head that wasn’t Lauren. “I just…I ran into Iain again.”
The atmosphere changed, and suddenly I had Jenna’s undivided attention. The happy, excited look on her face had been replaced with a serious, concerned expression. “What?”
“Yeah, when I was leaving The Bean after lunch, I ran into him outside. Like, literally. I dropped my phone and it shattered and everything,” I added, pulling my phone out of my back pocket to show her.
Jenna’s worry lines were back. “What did he say?”
“He wanted to tell me something, only he didn’t get around to telling me whatever it was. Crimson came out and we left. I was kind of pissed off to see him, an
d I didn’t want to hear him out, but now…”
“You want to hear him out,” Jenna finished, sighing. She wasn’t impressed with me. I had heard her opinion on Iain Bentley several times over the last few years, more so now that I was with Jax. In high school, when Jenna found out that my boyfriend, “Ben”, was really our twelfth grade English teacher, she had romanticized it, looking at the whole relationship as a Romeo and Juliet type story.
Then Iain got arrested and several female classmates came forward to testify that he’d been inappropriate with them. I knew that wasn’t true in my heart of hearts, but I had a feeling that Jenna wasn’t so sure. She never said as much, but her frigid attitude towards him could only mean so many things.
“Yes and no,” I replied. I lifted my hand to push my hair out of my face, my fingertips gently touching the edge of my scar. I dropped it quickly back into my lap, taking a deep breath to steady myself. “I appear to have a hard time letting go of the past, but I don’t want to revisit it. I guess I just feel guilty.”
Jenna didn’t respond at first; she listened to me and then thought about what I said. I knew she understood. She wanted to break up with Lucas, knew it was the best thing for her, and she still felt guilty about it.
“I guess I don’t like how he’s just suddenly…back. Like, he went to jail and didn’t bother trying to contact you. He supposedly was here the whole time, and again…didn’t bother trying to contact you until we accidentally ran into him. Now he wants to talk? What’s his angle?”
“Maybe he doesn’t have one.” I shrugged, uncertain.
“Or maybe he does,” Jenna countered, arching a slender brow.
I exhaled deeply. I couldn’t argue with Jenna about that. She was likely right. “Maybe,” I said noncommittally. “But back to the girls’ weekend…we’ll talk to Crimson about it.”
“Awesome.” Jenna grinned. “I can text her right now.” She pulled out her phone, firing off a text message with rapid precision that I envied. Jenna’s device typing was ridiculously fast.
Collide Series Box Set Page 52
