I was torn. I knew I should tell her, rip the Band-Aid off and just get it out, but I couldn’t imagine doing that to her. Besides, I wasn’t entirely sure if it even mattered. Yeah, she wasn’t Iain’s biggest fan, but it wasn’t like Iain adopted the baby. His sister did. She seemed capable and loving and kind, so why cause an issue out of something that was potentially a non-issue?
But keeping a secret from Jenna just felt…wrong. After everything that she had been through, and after everything that we’d been through together, it felt wrong to keep this from her.
My cell phone chirped from my bedside table. I rolled over, snatching it and unlocking it as I pulled it towards me. Jax had texted me.
Hey, I know it’s early…but I know you sometimes can’t sleep. Did you want to go for breakfast now?
I glanced at the time. It was four o’clock. The prospect of seeing Jax made me feel lighter already, and I quickly texted him that I would be ready in twenty minutes or less.
I was careful not to make any noise so I wouldn’t disturb Jenna. I went to the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then I crept back to my room quickly, easing my door shut before I flicked on my overhead light.
I don’t know why I was so worried about waking her up; Jenna usually slept like a log, and the rare occasions that she didn’t were few and far between, especially when she was in her current mind-set.
I dressed in a casual pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt, leaving my hair down. I didn’t feel like ‘putting my face on’, as Jenna would say, so I settled for a little mascara. Once satisfied, I slipped into my jacket and headed out of our apartment.
Jax was waiting for me in his truck by the curb. He gave me a delectable grin when I opened the passenger door and climbed in. “Hey, gorgeous,” he breathed, leaning over to kiss me hello. His breath tasted minty and sweet, and I kissed him back eagerly. I’d missed his touch the last few days, especially after being denied it yesterday.
“Hi,” I responded, smiling.
“How was dinner with your mom?” he asked. He shifted his truck into gear and pulled away from the curb. He kept his left hand on the steering wheel and reached his other hand across the bed of the truck to rest against my thigh. Little gestures like this always made my breath hitch. Jax would search out any reason to touch me, even subtly. I hadn’t realized how starved I was for that kind of connection until I met him.
“It was fine,” I answered, forcing to keep the smile in place as his question prompted the memory of Jenna’s face after we returned home, and with it, my dilemma.
“Good, sorry I bailed,” he said, his thumb tracing slow and gentle patterns on the side of my hand. It was disconcerting how this simple gesture sparked such strong urges in me, and not just a physical craving to be taken by him either. The explosion of love within my chest, the desire to spend my life with him completely blindsided me even still, even with my fears sitting dormant. “I got held up at the gym. Besides, I figured you needed some time alone with her,” he finished, glancing at me to make sure I was okay with that.
“That’s alright, although Jenna and her mom were there too.” I smiled lightly before I had to turn my gaze away from those intense brown eyes of his. I didn’t want to unload on him about my stupid feelings of insecurity and guilt. But if he kept looking at me like that, I knew I would.
“What’s that look for?” Jax inquired, not missing the tightness around my lips. Inwardly, I cursed myself. Jax was skilled at seeing through my deflective bullshit.
“Oh…nothing. I guess I was wondering what held you up at the gym,” I responded. Although I fought to keep the disdain from my voice, I knew Jax could detect it. He shot a curious look at me from across the cab.
“My client was running a little late, then I had a meeting with my boss after,” Jax answered. He caught the ever-subtle drop of my shoulders and squeezed my thigh.
“That client wouldn’t have happened to be Delilah, would it?” I asked before I could prevent the words from spilling out.
Jax looked at me with surprise and caution. “You know Delilah?”
“She’s in my Creative Writing class,” I answered through clenched teeth.
“Ahh.” Jax nodded slowly, checking the road before his eyes landed back on my face. “I’m sensing some friction there. Care to fill me in?”
“Not really, no,” I answered honestly. I didn’t want to sound like the jealous girlfriend. “Where are we going?” I asked, attempting to change the subject. I’d already made a fool of myself enough for one day.
Jax went with it, of course. “We’re heading to a diner that’s open twenty-four hours,” he answered, making a left. The streets were mostly empty at this hour. “It’s got good food,” he promised, winking at me.
The diner ended up being just off the highway, a popular stop for truckers and weary long distance travelers. It was long and rectangular, with vinyl booths lining the straight wall of windows. I could see a counter with stools and the kitchen just behind that.
This diner was vastly different from the flashy one I’d once worked at. There were no decorative flashing neon signs (save for the open sign that hung beside the door), and no vinyl records or other various fifties memorabilia mounted to the walls. This place was simple and aged. Despite the sheen of grease that seemed to cling to every surface, it seemed clean and charming.
For five thirty in the morning, it was pretty full. An older gentleman sat at the counter, sipping a coffee and slowly eating a piece of blueberry pie. Every so often, he would stop and gaze off into the distance, as if remembering some fond memory from his past.
A trucker sat in one booth, drinking coffee and eating a heart-attack worthy plate of sausage, eggs and home fries. His focus was completely zeroed in on the food in front of him as if he was strategically avoiding conversation. A middle aged couple enjoyed two heaping plates of pancakes and spoke softly to each other with comfortable smiles.
The clink and clang of cutlery on plates and the comfortable buzz of conversation created a relaxing atmosphere for me, and the coiled nerves in my belly started to ease up as I slid down in the seat across from Jax. He grinned at me from across the table, his eyes setting a slow burn of desire rolling through me.
We hadn’t even sat down before the waitress was standing beside our elbows with her notepad poised in her hands and a seductive smile on her face as she eyed Jax. Our waitress (Lindy, or so said the name plate pinned to her left breast) was a bold one, with dark hair trapped in a perm from the eighties and red framed glasses. She appeared to be in her late forties, but the obvious age difference between she and Jax didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest as she shamelessly eyed him up. “What can I get you to start?” she drawled.
“Coffee,” I grumbled.
“Coffee for me too.” Jax grinned at me and just as surely as that smile turned my insides to liquid, I knew it was doing the same thing to our waitress, Lindy. “We’ll also have the Ultimate Special.”
“Of course. I’ll be right back with your coffees,” Lindy eagerly responded as she quickly wrote down our orders without once looking down at the page. Her eyes hungrily swept across Jax’s broad chest, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. I couldn’t help but snicker as she walked away.
“What’s so funny?” Jax’s brown eyes were full of amusement and a love for me that always knocked me off my feet.
I fought to catch my breath before answering. “The way anyone with a uterus practically squirts when they look at you,” I responded finally, smirking.
“Oh, whatever.” Jax rolled his eyes. “You should see how the guys eye you up. I constantly have to keep myself in check before I hulk out on them.”
“I’m sure.” I laughed once, quickly, and it faded away. I glanced down at the table, sensing that Jax’s eyes were still on me.
“So…” Jax tilted his head ever so slightly. “Do you mind telling me what’s putting a shadow behind those gorgeous eyes of yours?”
> Jax bled beautiful words; it was one of the things that I loved about him. He always knew just what to say. I sighed, feeling my resolve to keep the whole Jenna-problem-secret slipping away. I had no secrets with Jax. That was the one thing that I’d promised him—and myself.
“Part of it is Delilah,” I admitted. Jax nodded without surprise, his brow arching slightly in unspoken encouragement for me to continue. I took a deep breath. “I don’t like her. There’s something off about her.”
“If it’s any consolation,” Jax told me, leaning forward, “I don’t like her either. She’s snotty and annoying. Trust me, Harlow, I’d rather spend every minute of the day with you.”
I eased up even more at his words and gave him a small smile. “Well, she’s only a small part of it. Mostly…it’s Jenna,” I explained, my eyes drifting to look out the window. The world outside was still dark, but the sky was slowly turning grey as dawn crept closer. “She triggered herself again.”
“Did she get another letter?” Jax asked, his tone full of empathy and understanding. He knew how much the adoption update letters upset Jenna.
I shook my head. “No, it was…something she said. After dinner, we came home and she was lecturing me about avoiding my mom’s calls, and she said something like ‘if my daughter was –‘ and immediately turned green after. I thought she was going to faint.”
Jax exhaled heavily, nodding once. “Yeah, I can see how that would do it.”
I picked up the set of cutlery in front of me, gently tugging the corner of the napkin off. “Yeah. I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about…” I trailed off again, sighing. I hadn’t told anybody about what Iain had to do with Jenna’s birth daughter, but the secret was consuming me. I took a deep breath, steeling myself. “So, you know how I sort of dated my English teacher, right?”
“Yeah.” Jax exhaled, the lines around his eyes hardening slightly at the reminder. I ignored it, knowing that it was the typical way anyone reacted to a girlfriend bringing up an ex.
“Well, he mentioned that if Jenna couldn’t get an...abortion,” I almost spat the word out, tripping over it, “that she should consider adoption. So, I suggested it to Jenna and obviously she did that.”
“Yeah, and?” Jax was clearly confused; he had no idea where I was going with this.
“Iain only knew so much about adoption because his sister was going through it. She and her husband couldn’t conceive and wanted to adopt. Well, it turns out that the birth parents that Jenna chose for her daughter were actually Iain’s sister and brother-in-law. Jenna didn’t know this because Iain’s sister goes by her married name.”
Jax was silent, absorbing my words thoughtfully. “So, Iain’s the uncle.”
Before I could respond, Lindy came over with our coffees and a bowl of creamers. “Sugar is right there, sugar,” she purred to Jax before sauntering off. I couldn’t even drum up the effort to be angry with her for the way she was blatantly flirting with Jax. Lindy had a ring on her finger and a bad perm. Lindy wasn’t Delilah. I swallowed back the distaste and focused on my current, more prominent issue: Jenna. Delilah be damned.
“Yes,” I responded once Lindy had disappeared again. I fixed my coffee silently, ripping open three packets of sugar and three creamers. Jax put one of each in his coffee.
“And Jenna doesn’t know that.”
“Ding, ding, ding.” I sighed, looking up at him with tired eyes. “At first, I was in shock over…well, everything. The arrest, the media shit storm. Then my brain shut down for a bit. Then when I realized I hadn’t yet told Jenna, six months had gone by and she was receiving her first adoption update and breaking down in the worst way over it. I couldn’t bear to add on to her pain, and I didn’t know if telling her would be harmful or not. I mean, Sarah—the adoptive mother—is really sweet. I met her at the hospital when Jenna gave birth. The way she looked at that baby girl…I just knew that they should be together, you know?”
“Yeah,” Jax commented, frowning into his cup.
“What are you thinking?” I asked, panic fluttering in my heart. “Do you think I’m a terrible person for not telling her?”
Jax looked up quickly with shock in his eyes, as if the thought hadn’t even occurred to him. He swallowed hard, shaking his head. “No, that’s not it.”
“What is it then?”
Jax sighed again, leaning back. He rested his arms on the back of the booth casually, a move only made possible by his height. He studied me quietly for a few moments before speaking. “I don’t know what to think, to be honest. I obviously don’t know the guy, and I don’t respect him at all for what he did. I don’t care how fucking sexy you are—if I was your teacher, I would never consider…” He shook his head. “Anyway. You know how I feel about that. But hearing that the adoption thing was technically his idea, and hearing about how Jenna eventually chose his sister to be the birth mom…yeah. That makes me think he steered you in that direction purposely.”
My stomach sank at his words. I wanted to believe that Iain Bentley was good, that his intentions had been pure, but having my deepest fears voiced by Jax of all people was unsettling. I opened and closed my mouth, searching for something to say.
“I don’t think he did that intentionally,” I finally said, my brow creasing.
“Then why didn’t he mention it to you? Or better yet, his sister. Why not tell his sister that it was a conflict of interest?” Jax demanded gently.
“We weren’t exactly talking at the time,” I shot back, defensive. Still, I knew Jax’s concerns were valid. I sighed, massaging my temple with my forefinger and thumb. “I’m sorry, Jax. I’m tired and cranky and I really don’t know what to do about this.”
“What are you so afraid of?” Jax asked, leaning forward to catch my hands in his. His eyes searched into my soul, looking for answers I couldn’t find words for.
I swallowed. My brain was spinning and whirling with pictures and thoughts. “I’m worried that Jenna will freak out and hate me forever. I’m worried that she’ll decide to somehow unpick Sarah and her husband as the adoptive parents.”
“I don’t think that will happen,” Jax said, his eyes full of compassion. “Do I think Jenna will be mad about it? Absolutely. Will it hurt her? Probably. But the adoption is final, right?” I nodded in response. “There isn’t anything she can do, arguably. No judge would undo an adoption that’s been finalized unless there was just cause to do so. Iain’s sister wouldn’t pay the price for his actions.”
I sighed again, looking out the window while I considered Jax’s words. The sky had lightened to a pale grey, the first lines of pink dotting the horizon. What Jax was saying made sense—a lot of it. I just somehow had to get over this hurdle of terror and tell Jenna the truth.
It was Crimson’s second day on the job, and she was a natural. She struggled with learning how to use the cash register at first, but by the end of her first shift, she got it. She did occasionally confuse an order, but she picked things up a lot quicker than most. Her hearing impairment barely seemed to hinder her, although I knew she occasionally struggled to hear the customers.
Thursdays were usually pretty busy at the café and we saw a steady flow of traffic from when our shift first started at 3 p.m. It was the first week of February, and it was coming in like a lamb with a high of 2 degrees Celsius. It was sunny, and more people seemed to be out and about.
It had been just over two weeks since Jenna broke up with Lucas, and he hadn’t exactly taken the break up well. He stopped talking to Jenna and refused to acknowledge me. He showed up for his shifts, but I’d caught him a few times when I stopped in for a coffee break and either he was miserable in general, or he just really didn’t like me anymore.
I couldn’t bother to feel bad about it; after all, I was never really friends with Lucas. I disliked that it made things a little awkward at work, and I knew Jamie was dying for the inside scoop. He was invested in Lucas’s happiness, but he also adored Jenna. Thankfully, with tax season arou
nd the corner, he was occupied with the business accounts and spent more time locked away in his office muttering about numbers than he did fishing for details.
My shift was almost up. I was scheduled to get off at 5 p.m. to allow Crimson a chance to close up shop on her own (with Jamie lingering in the background). Tomorrow morning, we were heading to Toronto for our girls’ weekend. I found myself actually looking forward to it—almost. If I pretended that our destination wasn’t the city I’d left a bunch of baggage in.
Crimson was vibrating with excitement over our girls’ weekend trip. She’d confessed that this was the first time she had been invited to do anything like this before. She was ecstatic to be included, and I knew that she was looking forward to a little break from studying and worrying about Cole.
Shortly after our heart-to-heart, Crimson spoke to Cole. He finally told her that he needed space and she was doing her best to give it to him—or at least as much as Crimson could; space wasn’t really in her vocabulary. I had to delete his number from her phone for her, just so the temptation to text him would ease. I told her that when (and if) he was ready, he’d reach out to her. Begrudgingly, she accepted it and did her best to keep distracted and busy.
There was a lull in customers and I’d just finished making a fresh pot of coffee. Crimson was kneeling on the ground, restocking paper cups. She stood up and brushed the dust off of her knees, meeting my gaze with an excited grin. “I can’t wait for this weekend!” she squealed for the fifth time since our shift started. “I need to get out of this town for a little bit.”
“How’s the Cole thing?” I asked, knowing my question was awkward and rather brash.
Collide Series Box Set Page 54
