“That must suck.” I didn’t know how she—or anyone, really—handled it. I would hate having people rush up to me and scream in my face. I’d probably punch them. I said as much to Everly, and she chuckled.
“It gets tempting sometimes,” she whispered, winking. There was a lull in our conversation. “So…are you a fan? You don’t seem ecstatic to be here.”
“I am not really the ‘fan’ type. I enjoy your music, I have several songs on my playlist, and I enjoyed the concert. But…I’m not going to ask you to sign my tits or anything,” I responded honestly. “As for the lack of enthusiasm? That’s just my personality.”
Everly laughed, smiling again. Her eyes drifted over to where Kyle and Jenna were standing. They were desperately trying to get a moment alone together, but the other fans lingering were making it difficult.
“Are you and Kyle a thing?” I asked, following her gaze.
She looked at me sadly. “No, we aren’t. And we never were,” she replied earnestly. She leaned forward a little. “The record label likes to pretend, though. The fans apparently love it. Anything for the fans, right?”
“Right,” I felt a little sad for her. She was carrying something; it was evident in the haunted, sad look behind her pale green eyes and in the way she held herself. I wondered if it had anything to do with Kyle. “Are you into him?”
“No.” Everly shook her head venomously. “I can assure you that I am most certainly not into Kyle Russell. He’s a friend of mine, a very good friend. He’s been a major part of my life for a while now, but we are not and never will be romantically involved. In fact, he speaks very highly of your friend. Jenna, isn’t it?”
I nodded, still skeptical. “She’s into him too,” I responded, taking another sip of water.
“Good, he deserves happiness. She seems like a sweet girl,” Everly remarked, her eyes back on them.
“Jenna’s already been through hell. If he breaks her heart, I’ll have to break his vocal cords.” I said this seriously, my eyes focused on Kyle’s flirtatious smile.
Everly’s attention slowly slid back to me. Her expression was difficult to read; I couldn’t tell if she was curious, angry, or amused. Perhaps all three. “Noted.” she gave me the tiniest hint of a smile. Her eyes found the clock on the wall above my head, and her expression changed again. Wistful, maybe? This girl’s mask was too perfect to see through. And I thought I built walls. “Well, it was nice talking to you,” Everly said as she smiled tightly.
“Yeah, it was.” I smiled back, watching as Everly slipped away from the crowd and disappeared, accompanied by another security guard.
* * *
It was nearly two o’clock in the morning when we piled into our hotel room. I was exhausted, and passed out almost immediately. Jenna and Crimson stayed up a little late talking, but fell asleep by three. We slept until nine o’clock before we all made a mad dash to get ready before check-out.
“Do you guys want to grab breakfast before we hit the road?” Jenna asked, smiling at us. She appeared lighter, happy. Her night out had done her a lot of good. I mumbled my consent and we walked down with our suitcases to grab breakfast at the hotel restaurant.
Crimson was sitting across from me, absently fiddling with her hearing aid. She’d been doing it a lot since the concert. She seemed a little pale and pinched too.
“Are you okay?” I asked after the waitress disappeared with our orders. I was more than a little concerned.
“Who, me? Oh yeah, I’m fine,” Crimson said, waving away my concern. “I’m just trying to re-adjust the volume and get rid of the buzzing sound. I have a bit of a headache too, but otherwise, I’m peachy!”
“Oh, okay. Do you need anything?” I kept one eye on her while I distractedly fixed my coffee.
“No. Really, Harlow, I’m okay. This happens,” Crimson said, gesturing to her hearing aids like it was no big deal. She fiddled a little more before she was satisfied enough to stop. She sat back. Jenna and I exchanged a look, and Jenna shrugged as if to say she knows what’s normal and not. I dropped it.
“So, last night was so much fun!” Jenna stated, grinning.
“It really was.” Crimson nodded in agreement. “That concert was amazing, and the backstage passes were so awesome! Thanks for inviting me!”
“It was our pleasure. We’ll need to do it again sometime,” Jenna decided. “Maybe not a concert though, since Harlow didn’t seem to enjoy it…” She didn’t say this cruelly; she was just making an observation.
“Sorry.” I shrugged. “I enjoyed the concert part, and talking to Everly was pretty cool too.”
“I saw that,” Jenna said slowly, working to keep her smile in place. She appeared a little vulnerable and insecure. She dumped a packet of sugar into her green tea. “So…what did you guys talk about?” she asked as casually as she could.
“Well, she gave me props for shutting down Cam. Then we talked a bit about how crazy it gets for them, I guess. Then I asked her if she and Kyle were together.”
“Harlow!” Jenna scolded, trying to appear stern. The glint in her eyes was evidence that she wasn’t as mad as she wanted to seem. I knew she wanted to hear more.
“She said they weren’t and that nothing was going on—and that nothing had gone on. But that the label didn’t like to address it because they preferred to give the fans the impression that they were.”
“Kyle said the same thing.” Jenna shrugged, clearly put at ease by my words. “It makes sense, I guess.”
“To a certain degree. The label is all about the dollar signs. Everly didn’t seem too happy with the whole thing.”
Jenna hummed, shrugging again. “Small price to pay for their level of success, I guess.”
“I certainly wouldn’t mind pretending to be in a relationship with someone as hot as Kyle,” Crimson chirped, grinning.
“What about Marcus?” Jenna asked, smiling invitingly. “He was talking to you quite a bit last night.”
“He has a girlfriend.” Crimson’s shoulders dropped. “Back home. We mainly talked about her and –“ Crimson stopped abruptly, flushing almost as deeply as her name.
“And…” I urged, arching my brows. “You didn’t talk about Cole, did you?”
“A little.” Crimson shrugged helplessly. “I was missing him a lot last night. Talking about it to someone helped ease it a bit, and it prevented me from going off and calling him.”
The waitress reappeared with our plates of food. Jenna had ordered waffles; Crimson had ordered Eggs Benedict. I got a regular plate of sunny side up eggs, home fries and sausage with a side of bacon. I started salivating at the sight of all that grease. We were all too hungry to make much conversation, and fell into an easy silence broken only by the scraping of utensils on plates.
After we had nearly finished eating, Crimson cleared her throat. “So, I was thinking…” She pushed a lone home fry around on her plate. She looked up at Jenna and I. “Will you be looking for a new roommate, Jenna? When Harlow moves in with Jax? ‘Cause…I was just wondering if I could maybe, I don’t know, rent a room off you or something? My last semester is almost up and I’ll have to find a new place or risk having to move home to my parent’s house and I really don’t want to do that. I like Ottawa. But the idea of looking for my own place is kind of terrifying so I thought maybe, well. You know…” The more Crimson spoke, the redder she got.
Jenna smiled with ease. “Of course! If Harlow’s okay with that, as in…if she’s actually really truly moving out, then you’re welcome to take her room over.”
I took my time replying, chewing the rest of the food in my mouth before I washed it down with a small sip of coffee. “I’m fine with that. Jax gets the keys on the first of March.”
“Really?” Crimson’s face lit up, as if she couldn’t believe her luck. “I mean, you’re not just saying yes because you feel like you have to? ‘Cause you don’t. I could probably find my own place. If I started looking now, I could—“
“S
eriously, Crimson, I’d be happy to have you as a roommate,” Jenna interrupted, grinning. “You’re nice and funny and genuine. I doubt you’d take my clothes without asking.”
I felt a little better knowing that Jenna wasn’t going to be completely alone once I moved out, but I was still a little sad. I couldn’t help but feel like it was the end of an era.
I was not looking forward to my morning shift on Sunday. I knew Jamie would be there, waiting for me to return from my day off to grill me on the whole Iain thing. I wasn’t looking forward to it in the slightest.
Still, I was never one to blow off work, and I wasn’t about to start now. Besides, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in questioning Jamie myself. Did he know that I knew Iain? Did he know our history?
When I pushed open the door to The Bean twenty minutes before my shift, I was greeted by the sound of coffee brewing and the oven beeping. I could hear Mark in the kitchen, whistling while he went about preparing the day’s menu. I didn’t see Jamie out front, so I went directly into the staff room to put my stuff in the locker.
I had to pass through the kitchen to do so and Mark was in there, just as I’d figured. He had his back to me so I ducked into the staff room quickly without saying hello. On my return, Mark was at the counter.
He looked up and caught my eye, his hands pausing over the dough he was rolling. His expression softened when he saw me. “Harlow,” he said warmly.
“Hey, Mark,” I said. “Where’s Jamie?”
“He just went out front,” Mark answered, his eyes still on me as his hands slowly kneaded the dough. I started to move toward the swinging door that separated the kitchen from the front of the café. “Wait a minute.”
I halted, slowly turning to face Mark again. I crossed my arms, feeling a lot like I was about to get lectured by my boss—which was odd, because Mark wasn’t one to lecture or meddle. That was more Jamie’s thing.
At the thought of Jamie, my stomach sank with dread. What if he was going to fire me over this? After all, I was the reason why his brother went to jail and lost his job.
I knew Jamie cared about my well-being and wanted me to find happiness. He skirted on a thin line between boss and friend, or dare I say it…father figure. Jamie cared about me and so did Mark.
But they took their business seriously; they wouldn’t put it in jeopardy for anything. If someone wasn’t working out, they were gone—regardless of any personal attachment.
I couldn’t help but worry that I was going to get fired over this. Then what would I do? I was going to need my job more than ever, especially if I moved in with Jax. There was no way I’d let him cover all the rent and bills.
I swallowed hard. Mark seemed to sense my anxiety and his dark brown eyes softened even more. He always looked like a giant, cuddly teddy bear: tall and burly, with wavy dark hair and a scruffy beard he wore tight to his face. Every time I saw him, he was wearing two hairnets—one over his head and one over his beard. “Relax, okay? You are certainly not in trouble. We love you, kid. Okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Mark tilted his head, sending me a patient smile. “Mind if I give you some advice?”
“Um…sure?” I was curious and a little shocked; Mark didn’t usually do the whole advice thing.
“If you let it, your past can cloud your present and make you hesitate on your future. You have to let things go, release them into the universe and be content with your decisions.”
“Sounds like a fortune cookie,” I responded, narrowing my eyes suspiciously.
“It was.” Mark chuckled. “I read it two weeks ago when we ordered Chinese for dinner. It’s still true though.”
I smiled and shook my head. “Okay, I’ll remember that,” I promised before turning back around and pushing the door open.
Jamie was putting on a pot of decaf coffee. He ripped open the bag of ground coffee beans and poured it into the filter, slid it in carefully and hit the start button. Thick brown liquid started to trickle out of the spout.
He looked up when he heard the kitchen door swing shut. “Hello, Harlow,” he said. His voice was void of its usual cheerfulness, in fact…he appeared on edge.
“Hello, Jamie Bentley,” I responded, my eyes narrowing on their own accord. Huh, guess I was madder than I thought about this whole situation.
Jamie winced a little. “Ah, yeah. Well. I haven’t gone by my last name in years. I go by my middle name—my mom’s maiden name. I thought it sounded better. Jamie Hunter. I don’t know.” Jamie shrugged apologetically, his light eyes seeking out mine. “Listen, Harlow…I didn’t know about the whole…thing between you two. It never even occurred to me that you were…her. I didn’t mean to spring Iain on you like that.”
Now that I knew the truth, it was impossible to not see the similarities between Jamie and Iain. Jamie was tanner, his eyes were lighter and his nose was a little wider, but aside from that, they shared a family resemblance.
How in the hell had I missed that? Especially during all that time I had spent pining for Iain to return? Or maybe I’d been drawn to Jamie in the first place because of it. That thought unsettled me.
No, that’s not it, I told myself. Jamie was warm, inviting, and the kind of person whose soul just exploded out from their bodies. I wanted to think that I had been drawn to him because of his enthusiasm for life because I’d been lacking that at the time, not because he’d reminded me of Iain.
“Well, I guess the cat’s out of the bag now.” I sighed. “I don’t particularly want to be around for that book signing thing.”
“I understand.” Jamie nodded. His eyes were full of empathy and sadness. I could tell he was holding back. It appeared—for the first time since I’d met him—that Jamie was speechless.
I tilted my head, considering him. The café was still empty; none of our early bird customers had arrived yet. “I can see you have questions, or something to say. So for the next fifteen minutes before my shift starts, I’m not your employee. Let’s get this out of the way,” I said, raising my arms in defeat.
Jamie stared at me for a moment, and then he quietly walked around me. He locked the door to his café and flipped the sign over that read back in five minutes. Then he walked back behind the counter. He quickly poured us both a cup of coffee and motioned to the nearest table. We sat down across from each other.
“Iain would kill me if he knew I was talking to you about this.” Jamie sighed, massaging his temple. He fixed me with a considering gaze. “But I feel like I need to.”
“Yeah, I figured you’d say that. You’re kind of uber invested in our lives, aren’t you?” I joked, easing the sting of my words with a smile. “I like that about you. Prior to meeting you, I didn’t have people like that in my life. At least, not people who were willing to push through the walls I threw up. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I owe you. What do you want to ask? Or say, whatever.”
“I think you both need closure,” Jamie said, making a face as if it pained him to say. “I know you’ve moved on with Jax—you are happy, you are with who you’re supposed to be with. But…you didn’t collect all your boxes from your last relationship.”
“I don’t need to talk to him,” I argued, my eyes narrowing at the suggestion. “I don’t have anything left to say. What could I say?”
“No, no. That’s not what I’m saying,” Jamie said quickly, shaking his head. “You don’t need to talk to the other person to get closure. You just need to accept your own decisions, your own part.”
“What are you talking about?” I demanded, confused.
Jamie sighed, inspecting me carefully. It was as if he was trying to sift through his thoughts and all the things that he wanted to say to find the right words. “When Iain was released from jail, he moved in with Mark and me. He didn’t have anywhere else to go. Our parents were appalled about…what he did. Our sister, Sarah, was busy with her new family and although she didn’t blatantly show her disgust over his actions t
he way our parents did, she made it clear that she didn’t approve. So, Iain just had…me. He never talked about you; the only thing I knew was what everyone else knew: your age, the circumstance of how you met. But I also knew that my brother—my brother that had never broken a law before in his goddamn life—was madly in love with this girl he’d lost it all for. I didn’t have to understand it; that’s love. You can’t put pretty labels on it. The age of the girl he’d lost his heart to was almost irrelevant, and had he not been her—your—teacher, I doubt it would have mattered at all. But he was your teacher, and that shouldn’t have happened.”
I said nothing. My hands trembled slightly. It hurt hearing from someone that knew Iain well. It hurt.
“The other day, the look on your face when you saw Iain…it was as if you were seeing a ghost. A ghost that terrified you,” Jamie continued carefully. “I thought you were scared of Iain. That pissed me off, you know?” He chuckled without humor. “I never agreed with my brother’s decision to ‘follow his heart’ and carry on with a student. But I feel protective over you—I always have. Ever since I met you. I wanted to punch him, and I am a non-violent person.”
“It wasn’t like…that—like what you’re thinking. I knew what I was getting myself in to. I was in a very strange place back then, although I wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone. I was too stubborn to admit that I was lonely. Too stubborn to admit that losing my friend impacted my life in more ways than one. I didn’t have the best relationship with my mom—probably my own fault—and I didn’t have anyone else to lean on. The way Iain looked at me…it made me feel worthwhile. I felt a spark for him. I fell for him; I wanted the happy feelings he evoked in me because I was sick of feeling numb. I was naïve and selfish,” I told him. “I did care about Iain, and I did until I met Jax…and even still, I care for Iain. But…I fell for Jax. Hard. In ways that are different from how I fell for Iain. I’m different.”
Collide Series Box Set Page 57
