“It’s just a procedure, Harlow. You aren’t in any danger and neither is Professor Sharpe,” Iain assured me.
“How do you know?” I whirled on him angrily. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as Jax backed away a little to lean against the front side of his truck. He was watching me with furrowed brows. “With my track record, it doesn’t look good. One or several of the other students will attest the praise he’s given me, and the time he asked to see me after class.”
Iain smiled patiently. “Yes, but I know Nick. Let’s just say…you aren’t his type.” I frowned, not understanding what Iain was implying. “Nick is gay; he used to date Jamie when we were in university. Like I said, you aren’t his type.”
“Still,” I muttered, shock momentarily washing over me. I allowed Iain’s words to calm me a little. At least I didn’t have to worry about Professor Sharpe losing his job and serving jail time. I’d seen how the entire town and the school board crucified Iain. Even if the so-called charges had been true, all the ‘female victims’ that came forth certainly weren’t. It had turned into a damn witch hunt. Male educators had a difficult time proving their innocence once accused.
My hands clenched into fists and released with the tension and aggravation I was feeling about the entire situation. There was still the fact that my grades were going to be reviewed, and that thought had me in a tailspin panic.
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Iain insisted, knowing where my thoughts had gone. His jaw locked, as if the memory was bitter for him as well. I knew it was.
“No, instead I get to worry about this following me everywhere I go, about this always being the under note. ‘Does Harlow have talent, or does she just sleep with people to get ahead?’ will be the question that follows me everywhere,” I ranted angrily. My head was throbbing and I was so sick of the past constantly coming back.
Iain paled at my words and swallowed hard. He stepped towards me, his eyes focused on only my face. Jax stood up straighter, ready to intervene if needed, ever watchful. His usually gentle brown eyes flashed with barely controlled rage. “Yeah, Harlow…this might follow us. You don’t think I get questioned about it still? You don’t think I don’t relive my mistakes every day? I do. You’re not the only one who’s paid for it.”
My mouth opened and closed as I thought desperately for something to say. Iain was right, and he’d suffered more than I had. He’d lost his job, his career, his home and a lot of his friends. He’d gone to jail.
It appeared that we’d reached an impasse. “Thank you for checking up on me, Iain,” I said, my voice strained. “But I think we need to go our separate ways now.” It hurt to say those words to him, especially with the way he was looking at me. It hurt to inflict more pain, but being around each other wasn’t helping. It was just reminding him of what he’d lost. I’d moved on. I was with Jax, and I was happy with him. Seeing Iain just made me live in guilt and regret; it just reminded me of what I’d cost him. Everything. I had cost him everything.
Iain’s eyes locked with mine. “You’re right. I’m sorry all this happened, Harlow. I’m sorry for any stress or anxiety today has caused you,” he said sincerely. “You’ll be okay. This will blow over,” he added, glancing at Jax. He clenched his jaw and nodded once before turning and walking away.
I let out a sigh of relief. I looked back at Jax apologetically and he had a perplexed look on his face. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, my eyes dropping to the ground with shame.
“Harlow, don’t be sorry.” Jax sighed. He closed the distance between us and raised his hand to stroke my face. “You’ve had a really shitty day. I understand that. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But I did. I keep letting my past affect things,” I replied, closing my eyes against his touch. I could feel a tear escape and trail down my cheek. He moved closer to me, using the pad of his thumb to brush away the lone tear.
“You’re talking to someone who understands completely how the past can boomerang to your present and fuck everything up,” Jax reminded me gently.
I snorted with disbelief. “Your past never seems to knock you down. You are easygoing and affectionate and…stable. You’re stable, Jax. You’re the most stable person I know, despite what you’ve been through.”
Jax smiled sorrowfully at me, his finger brushing against my jaw as he looked deep into my eyes. The gold that edged his pupils seemed more intense than it ever had before. “My past knocks me down, Harlow. I just get back up again. I’m good at concealing it because that’s all I’ve ever done, but I’m not unaffected by it and it does still pain me. Every day. Even more before I found you. Now, I have more good to focus on…more light. There’s more value in my life, all because of you. You may not see it this way, Harlow, but you saved me. I was drowning in myself, a smile in place to curtain it. Now I’m not drowning because I have you. Now when I smile, it’s real…because of you.”
“How is that possible when I make everything harder?” I whispered, my heart breaking and expanding at his beautiful words.
He swallowed hard. “Nothing in life is easy, Harlow, and I never said this would be easy. I just said you were worth it. And you are—you are completely, undeniably worth it,” he added. My heart swelled at his words, and I smiled. I felt his lips brush against mine in a tender kiss. His hand rose to the nape of my neck, his fingers twisting gently in my hair as he deepened the kiss.
Rumors swirled around the school about the scandal in North Bay and the allegations Delilah made about Professor Sharpe and me. Our next Creative Writing class after the incident was canceled so that each and every one of the students could be questioned individually. The process took several weeks, and it was incredibly difficult for me.
Finally, the board decided that Delilah’s allegations were just that: allegations of a petty and jealous individual. Professor Sharpe returned to teaching, and things returned to normal. The university atmosphere was constantly in motion, with new scandals replacing the old ones almost weekly.
The weeks flew by. I attended my classes and got my work done. I worked on my novel, still due at the end of the term. I didn’t see Delilah around, and for that, I was thankful. I wasn’t sure where she’d gone, nor did I care. I was more focused on collecting the pieces of my life and rearranging them so that they made more sense. I was focused on the good.
It was surprisingly easy to focus on the good. I’d added an additional routine to my daily regimen: meditation. I wasn’t the best at it at first, but I was getting better. It helped me to center my thoughts before I started each day.
I had also started to spend more time at the gym again, helping Jax demonstrate different moves for his students. It proved to be a good distraction. I liked helping teach the students something positive.
“Just think, Harlow: in a couple of months, you’ll be doing your own thing at the other gym. That evening support group,” Jax reminded me, stepping up behind me and wrapping his arms around my damp waist. We’d just finished cleaning up after that evening’s Mixed Martial Arts class for troubled youth.
Despite feeling sticky and gross, I didn’t push Jax away. I leaned into his embrace and smiled. “And just think, you’ll be able to do this more, give kids more reasons to stay out of trouble.” Renovations for the gym were nearly completed, and it was set to officially open at the end of the summer. Jax would be managing it and teaching several classes. He’d even gotten me on the schedule, with my monthly support group meeting for women. Women who attended the support group meeting would get extremely discounted memberships and be able to take the self-defense classes for free. Jax’s vision was beautiful, and I was happy that he wanted me to be a part of it.
“Yup,” Jax said in agreement, pressing his lips to the side of my neck. I could feel his smile. “What did Professor Sharpe say when you submitted your final project?”
“That it was incredible, of course.” I rolled my eyes, my smile widening. Professor Sharpe hadn’t just sung praise for my finished
manuscript; he’d had a lot of constructive criticism for me, but the important thing was that I’d aced the project and had his complete recommendation for anything I wished to pursue in the future. He’d even given me several job leads.
“Are you going to try and get it published?” Jax asked.
I turned around to face him, looping my arms around his neck. “I don’t know. I can’t think about that right now,” I answered, plopping a quick kiss on his lips before dancing out of his embrace. I wanted to hit the showers. I had a lot to do that evening.
“Why?” Jax tilted his head, confusion on his face.
“Well, I have to finish packing—Crimson starts moving in this weekend,” I reminded him, arching a brow. “And I need to finish a couple of applications.” I was surprised at how quickly my three years at university had flown by. June was nearing, and with it… graduation and the completion of my Bachelor of Arts in English (with an emphasis on women’s studies, of course). I had to find a job in the real world and prove to my mom and Larry that it was definitely possible to get a job in my field with my credentials.
I wasn’t being picky about my job hunt. Any chance I could put my degree to use, I intended on doing so. I’d already applied to work at the library and I’d sent a resume in for a job as an editor for a small local paper. But my eyes were really focused on local publishing houses. I’d sent out my resume—and Professor Sharpe’s letter of recommendation—to every publishing house I could think of, hoping to land a job as a literary agent.
“That’s right. We’re going to be roomies soon,” Jax joked, his hands shooting out and gripping my waist gently. He tugged me towards him, a playful glint in his eyes.
“Yes we are.” I smiled. We practically were roommates; I spent nearly every night over at Jax’s place. I just needed to commit by bringing everything I owned up that flight of stairs, then it would be official. “Seriously though, I need to shower. Meet you out front?” I tilted my head, grinning.
“Of course.” Jax smiled, his fingers gently squeezing before he released me. I shook my head, glancing at him once before I left the training room and made my way into the woman’s change rooms.
I showered quickly, wrapping a towel around my body as I exited the shower. I felt light and happy; content. Things had come full circle, and for the first time in a long time, my life made sense. Sure, it was still hectic and dramatic at times and I certainly still stressed about the hazy future, but I loved the people in my life.
Not only did I have Jax’s stable, loving presence giving me everything I didn’t know I needed and more, but I had Jenna, Crimson, Jamie and Mark. I still considered Jamie and Mark to be close friends of mine, even after everything that happened between Iain and me. Jamie wouldn’t hear of me cutting ties. He was sad that I was looking for work elsewhere, but he completely understood.
I also had Mom and Larry. I was still working to repair my relationship with my mom and step-dad, but things were better. I made it a point to call her at least once a week and fill her in on things, and that action alone changed the dynamic of things—not just between us but for her as well. She worried less and she wasn’t so overbearing. She was able to relax more and do her own thing.
I smiled to myself while I dried my hair. The girl in the mirror didn’t look so unrecognizable anymore. I was getting to know her still, but at least I could meet the emerald eyes looking back at me and not sneer when my gaze dropped to the faded scar on my cheek. I had to give myself credit; I’d been through a lot and I was still kicking, still fighting.
I set the dryer down on the counter and made my way toward the locker where my clothes were. Rounding the corner, I came to a stop when I saw a dark haired girl tying up the laces of her shoes.
Delilah Moreno looked up, seeing me in the doorway between the locker room and shower area. “Oh, hi,” she said, straightening up.
My eyes narrowed. Residual anger boiled in my blood. “Really? That’s all you’re going to say? ‘Oh, hi’?”
Delilah’s shoulders slumped. “I see you still haven’t forgiven me.”
My eyebrows practically shot up to my hairline. “Forgive you? You caused unnecessary drama and almost cost Professor Sharpe his job.”
“You can’t blame me for drawing that conclusion,” Delilah argued. “Anyone else would have thought the same thing. I shouldn’t have said it, but still.”
If I wasn’t standing with only a towel wrapped around my body, I would have flung myself at her and punched her in her pompous nose. “You are seriously messed up,” I said, shaking my head. I strode past her, towards my locker to grab my clothes. I looked back at her; she was still staring at me. “Seriously, why are you still here?”
Delilah’s lip trembled, making me feel a little guilty for the way I was treating her. Then I reminded myself all of the damage she’d needlessly caused. “I just wanted to say that I am sorry. It’s…hard for me to admit that I was wrong, and…well…I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
“Noted,” I responded.
Delilah pursed her lips and nodded. She went to leave, then stopped by the doorway. “You know, I’d hoped that we could be friends…” she remarked.
“You need to work on your friendship skills. Trying to destroy someone’s academic credibility is not going to earn you any friends around here,” I snapped, glaring at her. Delilah bit her lip and nodded, her eyes welling. She left before my guilt could win out and before I could retract my coldness.
The encounter unsettled me a little, but I did my best to shove it aside as I finished getting dressed and met Jax outside.
“Guess who I ran into,” I told him after I climbed into his truck and slammed the door. He looked at me, arching his brow in question. “Delilah.”
“Huh. Haven’t seen her in a while,” Jax remarked. After the incident with Professor Sharpe and Iain, Jax had made it perfectly clear to his boss and Delilah that he would no longer train her. One of the other personal trainers at the gym took over, but even still, Delilah hadn’t been seen in a while.
“I feel a little bad for being so bitchy, but after what she did, I didn’t exactly want to roll out the friendship carpet.”
“Don’t blame you.” Jax shrugged. “You can forgive someone, but you don’t have to forget what they did—and you certainly don’t have to bring them back into the folds of your life.”
I knew Jax was talking about more than just Delilah. He was talking about his mom too. In the past several months, her phone calls had become so frequent that Jax had to block the number. All she wanted was to plead for forgiveness and ask for money to pay off the debt his father had accumulated.
It made me sick, but it also made me appreciate my mother more—as imperfect as she was.
* * *
I hadn’t seen Iain since the day of Delilah’s allegations; since he walked away in the parking lot. I still heard about him sometimes. He was on several local talk shows and his book was on the New York Times Bestsellers list. Sometimes, Jamie would forget about all the things between Iain and me and proudly relay information about Iain’s life. During one of my shifts, he’d happily reported that Iain was about to publish another novel; a psychological thriller. Mark had given him a warning look and Jamie stopped mid-sentence.
I didn’t mind hearing about Iain. Secretly, hearing that he had found success made me feel better. It made me feel like I could be happy. I was thankful for him, thankful that he was flourishing in his new career and not rotting away in a jail cell, twisted and angry over the way things had happened.
Almost a month after graduation, I was sitting on the sofa in the apartment I no longer called home, having a girls’ night with Crimson and Jenna. We had ice cream, a rom-com, and nail polish. I was more invested in the tub of Double Chocolate Delight than I was the nail polish or the rom-com, but still content to be there among my friends.
It was still a little strange, not living there with Jenna anymore, but it still sort of felt like home. Jenna made sure I came
over once a week for these silly girls’ nights. The old me would have scoffed at the notion, but I found that now, I appreciated it.
Part of me had worried that things between us would change for the worse when I moved in with Jax, especially after Jenna found out the secret I’d kept from her. Things between us had been rocky for a bit, and sometimes still were, but we persevered through it. I think it helped that we both knew exactly what would trigger turbulence: Iain.
“So, how’s work been?” I asked, looking at Crimson. My mouth was full of ice cream, and my words weren’t exactly clear but she somehow managed to understand my meaning.
“Incredible!” Crimson gushed, stars in her eyes. Not long before graduation, Crimson had applied to work at a hospital as a Social Worker after earning her diploma in Child and Youth Work. She wasn’t expecting to land such a position so quickly after earning her degree, but she rocked the interview and got hired on the spot. It was her second week working there. “I still can’t believe I got the job! I’m not going to lie…it can be hard, so hard,” she added, her starry eyes misting. “But I know I’m making a difference, and I love it.”
“It’s so awesome.” Jenna grinned in agreement. “Wish I could get that excited about my job,” she added, her smile fading slightly. Jenna’s father had scored her an entry level job as a certified financial planner at his friend’s business. Jenna didn’t have stars in her eyes when she spoke about her work, but she didn’t hate it. I’d find it difficult to get excited about that job too. Then again, numbers had never been my strong suit.
I was still applying. I hadn’t heard back from any of the places I’d applied to, except for the editor job—which had already been filled. Presently, I was still at the café feeling like a major failure.
Collide Series Box Set Page 68
