by R. R. Banks
I made my way down the long driveway that lead to the gate in front of our house. The mailbox was attached to a narrow stone column that anchored the gate but was positioned so that I didn't actually have to leave the property in order to get my mail. I wasn't really expecting anything. I had opted out of every magazine and mailer that I possibly could. All the bills for the house went directly to Gabriel so I didn't even get those. Often the mailbox was completely empty. Sometimes Jess would send me a postcard or a letter just so that I didn't feel left out from those who still routinely received snail mail. My favorites were the ones that she created and printed herself. One of those was waiting for me in the mailbox that day and I stopped to read it. The front was a picture she had taken of the laundry room at my old apartment complex. 'Wish you were here' was written across it. I laughed as I flipped it over and read the short paragraph in Jess’s tiny, perfect handwriting. It always amused me to see her handwriting. It didn’t fit her personality at all. In fact, one day during college she revealed that during high school she hated her natural, messy scrawl and had spent months teaching herself to write in this perfect typewriter style. That story made every postcard that much better.
"Cherry Reed?"
The voice startled me, and I jumped slightly before looking out the gate. A postal worker was standing on the other side near the mouth of the mailbox that allowed me to receive mail without leaving the property. He looked apologetic as I gripped my belly. Georgia was either as frightened as I had been or thought that the whole situation was hilarious because she was now kicking frantically and seemed to be bouncing her little butt against my spine.
"You scared me," I said.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to. I realized I had forgotten to bring this to you. It wouldn’t fit in the mailbox. I'm glad I caught you down here. It saves me from having to get buzzed in and walk up that deadly driveway."
He sounded like he thought he was hysterical but considering that I was less than a month away from giving birth and had just hazarded what I hoped would be the last ice of the year to make it down here, I was less than amused.
"Is there something I can help you with?" I asked.
He held up the envelope that he was holding.
"Like I said, I forgot to bring this to you."
I reached through the bars of the gate to get it, but he shook his head.
"I can't give it to you until you sign for it," he said.
"Sign for it?" I asked.
"It certified," he said. "I have to get a signature that confirms you received it."
I stepped closer to the gate and accepted the pen that he held out to me, signing the slip with something that looked more or less like an actual signature. I hadn't gotten accustomed to signing my name with Gabriel's last name yet. I got used to just scribbling something that looked like a signature and letting whoever saw it assume it said Reed. He took the paper and held the envelope out to me.
"Thank you," I said.
Curious, I started opening the envelope while I was still walking up the driveway. As soon as I got it open I stopped and felt like I couldn't take another step forward. I couldn’t breathe. It seemed like it wouldn't matter anymore if I could remember my new last name or not.
I was served divorce papers.
"I expected this. I knew this was coming. So why does it hurt so much?"
I had the divorce papers spread out on the table in front of me and was sitting with my elbows propped on the table, my head resting in my hands as I scanned over the document again and again. Jess finished making me a cup of peppermint tea and brought it over to the table, setting the mug beside me as she sat down.
"You didn't expect them until after the baby was born," she said. "Besides, whether you know they are coming or not, divorce papers will never be something fun to receive. It’s normal for you to feel at least a little bit sad about them."
"But it just hit me so hard," I said. "I'm the one that told Gabriel that it wasn’t working, and I wanted to move out of the house but getting this just knocked the wind out of me completely."
"I'm sorry," she said. "You shouldn't be having to deal with this. Not now. Not so close to the baby coming."
I dropped my hands to the desk and straightened my spine.
"No," I said. "You know what? Yes, I should. This is exactly the right time for me to deal with this. It's better for me to get it over with before she's born. This is what is going to work out best for everyone. This way we'll be officially separated by the time she arrives, and we won't have to deal with all of that while also taking care of a newborn. If she was already born and then we got divorced, it would make things much more complicated." I drew in another breath, desperately fighting back feelings of devastation. "This is right," I said. "This is the first step in getting my life back. Can you find me a pen?"
Jess dug a pen out of the junk drawer in the kitchen and brought it to me. Her expression was sad and sober when she handed it to me.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked.
"Aren't you the one who told me I shouldn't let myself get wrapped up in him? That in the end, this was just an arrangement? A means to an end? Well...I've done the means...and now it's the end. Besides, it's not like I can argue with him. I signed a contract. Several of them, in fact. This was never meant to last forever and, honestly, why would I want it to? Would I want to stay in a marriage where my husband and I don't live together, and barely even talk to each other, much less see each other? We got married because it would make the families happy and that our baby deserved to know that we were married and that she wasn't a mistake or some weird obligation. But I think it would do her more harm than good if she was aware of what we were like now."
So even though my heart was breaking, I took the pen and signed each and every page. It was time I moved on with my life. The contract that we had signed even before I got pregnant was very clear about visitation and responsibilities, so there wasn't really anything to think about. In fact, it was a harsh reality that we put far more thought into detailing how we were going to handle the pregnancy and raising the child than dissolving our marriage.
Jess didn't stay much longer after I signed the papers. Usually I liked having her with me, even if it just meant that we sat silently and watched TV. But that day I wanted to be alone. I needed the time to myself to reflect on the changes that were coming. I had just laid my head down to take a nap when my phone rang. I looked at it and saw that it was Gabriel. For a moment I didn't want to pick it up. The last thing I wanted to hear right now was his voice. I couldn't imagine why he bothered to call me in the first place. He must have known that I had gotten the papers already, so what more was there to say? On the last ring, I scooped it up. I needed to remind myself this was the way it was supposed to be. We had talked about it from the very beginning and I had always told myself I wouldn’t feel like a scorned woman when it finally happened. We were supposed to be able to get through this because we had been friends for so long. The least I could do was respect that now. He had more than lived up to his end of the agreement. I needed to be responsible for mine.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Cherry," he said.
He sounded happy, almost excited, and that made my heart hurt even more. He must be relieved to know I had signed the papers. Soon, Gabriel would be free of the wife he had never wanted in the first place.
"Hello."
"How are you doing?"
How was I doing? What the hell kind of question was that?
"I've been better," I said.
"You are getting pretty close to the end of your pregnancy," he said. "I'm sure you must be feeling a little bit uncomfortable."
"What do you want, Gabriel?"
"I called to ask you to meet with me tonight."
"Meet with you?"
"I think that we need to talk. I can send Harlan to pick you up."
"No. I'll drive myself. When and where? "
I hung up the pho
ne and stared at it sitting there on the table like I thought that it was going to magically transform into something else. What just happened? Gabriel had asked me to meet him for dinner only a few hours after I signed our divorce papers. Suddenly, it occurred to me that was the reason he wanted us to meet. I had signed the papers and now he needed to. Meeting with me today would save all the time of having me turn the papers over to a lawyer to be brought to him. If we met up and he was able to sign them tonight, we could end this marriage much faster.
I dreaded walking into the restaurant, but I kept my head up as I walked through the tables and approached the private alcove where Gabriel sat. He looked up and smiled when he saw me. There were flowers on the table and I noticed that he had opened a bottle of my favorite sparkling juice. We had used it at our wedding because I couldn't drink champagne.
"Here are the papers," I said to him, taking the folder I had out of my purse and setting it on the table in front of him.
"Thank you," he said. "Come on, sit down. I've already ordered our appetizers."
I sat, and Gabriel cheerfully poured me a glass of sparkling juice. This all felt surreal. it was so strange to be sitting there with him, the reality of the papers that he had served me hanging over us but unspoken. I had only been sitting there for a few moments when the waiter walked up and settled plates of appetizers in front of us. I was instantly reminded of the first time that he had brought me to dinner in the gorgeous restaurant at the top of the vintage hotel. That seemed like so very long ago.
"Thank you," I said.
The waiter walked away, and Gabriel picked up his glass. He held it out to me.
"To us."
"To us?" I asked incredulously.
Gabriel took a sip of the juice and set the glass down. He reached for my hand and took it in his.
"Thank you for coming to meet with me tonight," he said. "But I do want to warn you. I think that we should take it slowly. I'm going through a divorce."
He laughed, and I felt my cheeks burning with anger. I stood up sharply and tossed my napkin to the table. I glared at him, trying to say something, anything that would tell him how I felt, but no words would come out. I turned and started out of the restaurant. The other people there started furiously whispering, but I didn't care. Let them stare. Let them whisper. It didn't matter to me.
I could hear Gabriel calling my name as he chased me, but I didn't stop until I was outside of the restaurant. He reached out and grabbed me by my wrist to turn me around to face him.
"Leave me alone, Gabriel."
"Cherry, stop. What's wrong?"
"What's wrong?" I asked. "Are you serious? You think that you’re funny? I know that none of this was ever real to you, but that doesn't mean you need to make fun of me. This divorce isn't easy for me, and I'm not laughing."
I started to walk away again, but he pulled me back.
"I thought that this would be what you wanted," he said.
"I know I said I couldn't handle living the way we were, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt that you think us getting divorced is hilarious. This is still painful for me."
"I didn't mean for it to be painful," he said. "I did it because I love you."
I stopped cold, my brain trying to process what he had just said.
"What did you say?"
"I said that I did it because I love you."
"You served me with divorce papers because you love me?"
"Yes," he said. "Neither one of us were happy in a fake marriage. I hated that you thought it didn't matter to me and that I was still seeing other people. I wanted to show you just how much you mean to me and that even though it wasn't something we had originally planned on, from the moment I married you, I meant it. I wanted to be able to show you how much I love you and that I want us to be together."
"So, you want to divorce me."
"This way we can start again. When the divorce is final, we can start dating again and…"
"That is a terrible idea."
Gabriel stopped.
"What?"
"Do you know how bad it would look to people that you divorced your wife three weeks before she was due with your baby? How am I going to get insurance?"
"I didn't think about that."
"And then super weirdly started dating her?"
"I didn't think about that, either."
I looked at him and the slightly confused expression he had on his face. My heart swelled, and I burst into laughter. I laughed so hard that I felt tears streaming down my face and soon I heard Gabriel laughing along with me. When I finally had control of myself again, I stepped up as close to him as my belly would allow and wrapped my arms around his neck.
"Please tell me you don't have another set of papers that you signed hidden away somewhere?"
"No," he said, shaking his head. "Dad's lawyers gave me very specific instructions."
"Your dad's lawyers?" I asked. "You didn't use your own?"
"No. I figured that I had already put them through enough with the baby contract, and the second baby contract, and then the wedding contract. I thought they deserved a break."
"Well, maybe they would have liked to bring it full circle."
"Maybe. But Dad's lawyers said that even though some couples each sign their own copies and then exchange them, they preferred to have one person served and then meet to have all of the copies done."
"So… we're still married?"
"Yes."
"Good. Because I love you."
Gabriel grinned widely, and I finally felt like things were back to normal again. Our normal, anyway. He leaned down and kissed me.
"I love you, too." He gave me another kiss. "But I still want to date you. You might be my wife, but you should be wooed."
I laughed and held him tighter.
"I would be happy to be wooed by you."
I brought Gabriel home with me that night. I wanted to spend more time with him, but I wasn’t ready to go back to the house that we had shared. Not yet. It may be time soon, but for now I wanted him to make the effort to come be with me. He sat beside me as I lay in bed, his hand gently rubbing my belly as we talked. He stayed with me until I fell asleep before going off to sleep in the guest room beside me. I woke the next morning to the sound of him in the kitchen. I headed toward the concerning crashing and found him banging through all the cabinets.
"Good morning," I said.
He glanced over his shoulder at me.
"Good morning. I wanted to make you some peppermint tea that you like so much, but I can't find any."
"I don't have any."
He let the cabinet swing closed.
"That would be why. Remind me to have a couple of packages of that delivered to you every week."
"Delivered here?" I asked.
Gabriel stepped up to me.
"I didn't know what you were thinking about that. It’s up to you. Whenever you're ready to come home, I'll be waiting for you."
"Thank you," I said.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and drew me closer, leaning down to give me a kiss.
"But for right now, let's talk about today. It's Sunday. I don't have any work to do. No meetings. No obligations. What do you want to do?"
"Well," I said. "There is something I've been thinking about. I'm not sure if you'll be up for it. It's a little wild."
Gabriel raised one eyebrow at me and I smiled mischievously.
Twenty minutes later, we were sitting up against the headboard of my bed. I changed into a fresh pair of sweats and Gabriel had put on one of the pairs of lounge pants and a t-shirt he had left here when I first moved in, so he would have clothes here. Each of us held a bowl of ice cream in our laps and I was squeezing chocolate syrup over mine as Gabriel spooned walnuts over the whipped cream he had swirled over his rocky road.
"Wait...so why did she take his bowling bag?"
I pointed at the screen with the bottle of chocolate.
"She's been married t
hree times to the same guy and now she lives with this guy, Steve, but he doesn't want to marry her. He goes out drinking and bowling all the time but doesn't have a job. Then she gets fired from her job teaching dance lessons and thinks that it is the perfect sign for them to start over again in Chicago, but he turns her down and is kind of a jerk about it. Well, not kind of. He's a major jerk about it. So, she leaves him and brings his bowling bag with her because it's what he always cared about so much."
Gabriel took a bite of his ice cream and nodded.
"There's a deep lesson in there somewhere. I'm sure there is. What happens now that she's in Chicago?"
"Why don't we just watch the movie?"
"Because I want to make sure that everything works out." He said, drawing the spoon out of his mouth and gesturing with it as he spoke. "Does she teach dance in Chicago? Does she regret going to Chicago? Does Steve ever get his bowling bag back?"
"Yes, Steve gets his bowling bag back."
"Is it just the bag, or is the ball actually in there?"
"You see, I'm not sure. Because right at the beginning when she pulls it off the shelf in the bedroom closet and says that she's taking it, it looks heavy. So, I would assume that would mean that there was a bowling ball in it, right? Besides, who just has a bowling bag sitting around with no ball in it? But then later in the movie when she throws it at him, it hits him and doesn't cause any obvious injury, which I would think would happen if the ball was in there. That and she is just an itty-bitty thing and is always teetering around on those spiky heels. I don't think that she'd be able to haul it at him like that."
"Why does she throw the bag at him?"
"Just watch the movie."
He took another bite of his ice cream.
"Fine, but next we're watching Die Hard."
"Do people die in it?"
He stared at me for a few seconds like he couldn't decide if I was being serious.
"Yes."
"Okay, good. I don’t want to watch anything with false advertising."
I took another bite of my ice cream before setting the bowl on the table beside the bed and swinging my legs off the side so that I could head back to the kitchen. There was a time when I would have run in there and back, but at this point all I could muster was a moderate scurry. When I got back into the bedroom I was holding a bottle of maraschino cherries. I curled back up against Gabriel and placed my bowl of ice cream back in my lap.
