by Joanna Neil
The paramedics dropped her off at the house and then left, giving her a cheerful wave.
She started on some chores, desperate to take her mind off the image of Matt and Gina being together. It bothered her much more than she liked to admit. She’d wanted to stay free from entanglements, but somehow Matt had managed to slide beneath her defences and now she was suffering the consequences.
Some time later, she glanced through the local newspaper, studying the advertisements for cars. One way or another, she had to steer clear of Matt before she became too deeply involved with him. She could finish up being badly hurt, and she’d been through enough already, without adding that to her troubles. Having her own transport would be a start. But was she ready to get back behind the wheel? That one time she’d driven Matt’s car was still seared on her brain.
Around teatime, she went out into the garden to feed the hens. She filled up a bucket with grain from the wooden shed but as she was locking the door a huge clamour started up, coming from the chicken run. Filled with alarm, she hurried over there. Had a fox managed to get in? But hadn’t Matt told her there was wire mesh under and around the base of the pen to keep scavengers out? Besides, there were solid walls and fences all around the property.
The hens were squawking, making a huge din, scurrying about, flapping their wings in distress, and she was startled to see that, instead of a fox, it was Ben who was behind the disturbance.
He was running around, shouting, waving his arms and shooing the hens from one end of the compound to the other. How had he managed to get in there? She looked around and saw an upturned plastic flower tub by the side of the gate. He must have climbed on it to reach the door catch.
‘Ben! Stop that right now.’ Matt strode towards the enclosure as though he meant business.
Ben stood stock-still, his face registering dismay at being caught doing something wrong, swiftly followed by a hint of rebellion in the backward tilt of his head and in the peevish set of his mouth.
Matt opened the door to the run and he and Saffi both went inside.
‘I know you think it’s fun to get the hens running about like this,’ Matt said, ‘but they’re not like you and me…they could die from fright. You have to be careful around them.’
Ben’s brow knotted as he tried to work things out in his head, and Saffi wondered if he actually knew what it meant to die from fright. He certainly knew from Matt’s tone of voice that it wasn’t a good thing. In the meantime, the hens went on squawking, still panicked.
‘I’m sorry about this, Saffi,’ Matt said. ‘He’s been fractious ever since I fetched him from the childminder.’
‘It’s not your fault.’ She frowned. ‘I thought he was supposed to be with his father this afternoon?’
‘He was, for a while, but apparently James was called away again.’
‘Oh, I see.’ She made a face. ‘That can’t have helped.’
‘No. Anyway, I’ll take him away and leave you to get on.’ He turned to Ben and said firmly, ‘Come on, young man, we’re going back to the house.’
The boy went to him as he was told, but there were tears of frustration in his eyes and Saffi’s heart melted. He was obviously upset about his father and over whelmed at being in trouble, and maybe all he needed was some kind of distraction therapy.
She cut in quietly, ‘Perhaps it would help him to learn how to look after the hens instead of scaring them. I could show him how to feed them, if you like.’
Ben looked at him with an anxious expression and Matt smiled, relenting. ‘That’s a good idea. Thanks, Saffi.’ He looked at Ben. ‘You know, it’s kind of Saffi to do this, so make sure you behave yourself.’
Ben nodded, the tears miraculously gone, and Saffi showed him how to grab a handful of corn and scatter it about. He watched as the hens started to peck amongst the sand and gravel and giggled when they nudged his feet to get at the grain.
‘You’re doing really well,’ Saffi told him. ‘Your dad would be proud if he could see you now.’
‘Would he?’ He looked at her doubtfully, and then at Matt.
‘Oh, yes,’ Matt agreed. ‘He would. Shall I take your picture? Then you can show him next time you see him.’
‘Yeah.’ Ben threw down some more grain, showing off and smiling widely at the camera, and Matt snapped him on his mobile phone. He showed him the photo and the little boy grinned in delight.
‘I want to show Mummy.’ Ben’s expression sobered instantly and tears glistened in his eyes once more. ‘I want Mummy.’ His bottom lip began to tremble.
Matt put an arm around him and gave him a hug. ‘I know you do. We’ll go and see her at the hospital after tea.’
‘We could pick some flowers for her,’ Saffi said. ‘I think she’d like that, don’t you?’
‘Yeah.’ Ben rubbed the tears from his eyes and looked at her expectantly. ‘Can we do it now?’
‘Okay. Let me finish up here and we’ll find some for you.’
They made sure the hens were contented once more and then Matt locked up and removed the flower tub from the gate while Saffi went with Ben into the walled garden, carrying a trug and scissors.
‘I wonder what your mummy would like?’ Saffi said, looking around. ‘What do you think, Ben?’
‘Those ones.’ He pointed to a trellis that was covered with delicate sweet-pea blooms, and Saffi nodded.
‘That’s a good choice, Ben. I think she’ll love those.’ She started to cut the flowers, frilly pink-edged blooms along with pale violet and soft blues, placing them carefully in the trug on the ground. The four-year-old went down on his knees and put his nose against them, breathing in the scent.
She smiled. ‘These were Aunt Annie’s favourites. She planted them every year.’ She put down the scissors and handed him the basket. ‘I think that’s enough now. Why don’t you take them into the kitchen and I’ll find a ribbon to tie round the stems?’
‘Okay.’ Ben hurried away, taking extra care with his treasure trove.
‘You remembered…’ Matt was looking at her in wonder, and Saffi stared at him, not knowing what he was talking about. ‘Your Aunt Annie,’ he prompted, ‘planting sweet peas.’ She gasped, stunned by the revelation.
She laughed then, a joyful, happy laugh, full of the excitement of new discovery. ‘I remember her showing me how to grow them when I was a small child,’ she said, suddenly breathless with delight. ‘And then we picked them together and made up little wedding baskets for some children who were going to be bridesmaids.’ She laughed again, thrilled by the memory and the unlocking of part of her mind that she had thought was gone for ever.
Matt put his arms around her. ‘I’m really glad for you, Saffi.’ He hesitated, then asked on a cautious note, ‘Has it all come back to you?’
She shook her head. ‘No, but I do remember living here when I was a child. She was a wonderful woman. She always had time for me and I loved her to bits.’ There was sadness with the memory, and as he heard the slight shake in her voice, Matt held her close, knowing what she was going through.
‘I think you’ve absorbed a lot of her qualities,’ he said softly. ‘You were so good with Ben just now. I’m not sure I would have handled the situation as well as you did. But now you’ve given him something to look forward to.’
She smiled up at him. ‘He’s not a bad boy, just overwhelmed with what’s going on in his life right now. He’s bewildered by what’s happening to him. I feel the same way sometimes, so I think I understand something of what he’s going through. His world has turned upside down.’
He sighed, gently stroking her, his hand gliding over her back. ‘I know. I wish I could make things right for him…and for you. It was great just now to see you laugh. It lights up your face when you do that,’ he said huskily, ‘and when you smile, I’m helpless…I tell myself I must keep away, and not go down that road but, no matter how much I try to hold back, I just want to kiss you…I’m lost…’
Inevitably, the tho
ught led to the action, and slowly he bent his head and brushed her lips with his. It was a gentle, heart-stopping kiss that coaxed a warm, achingly sweet response from her. As her lips parted beneath his, he gave a ragged groan as though he couldn’t stop himself, and he held her tight, drawing her up against him so that her soft curves meshed with his long, hard body and her legs tangled with his muscular thighs.
She ran her hands over him, loving the feel of him. Elation was sweeping through her, the ecstasy of his kisses sending a fever through her blood and leaving her heady with desire—a desire that seemed altogether familiar all at once. She needed him, wanted him.
Had she been wrapped in his arms this way at another time? Her feelings for him were so strong…She loved being with him this way, feeling the thunder of his heartbeat beneath her fingers—could it be that she simply couldn’t help falling for him? He’d been so caring, so supportive and understanding of her. Or was there more to it…had she felt this way for him long before this, before her memory had been wiped out?
‘You’re so beautiful, Saffi,’ he whispered, his voice choked with passion. ‘It’s been so tough, being with you again after all this time, longing to hold you…and yet…I just can’t help myself…’
He broke off, kissing her again, his hands moving over her, tracing a path along her spine, over the rounded swell of her hip, down the length of her thigh. It felt so good to have him touch her this way. It felt right…as though this was how it should be.
Her hand splayed out over his shoulder, feeling the strength beneath her palm. ‘I want you, too,’ she said. She ached for him, but her mind was suddenly spinning with unanswered questions. ‘What happened to us, Matt? After all this time, you said…were we together back then?’
A look of anguish came over his face. ‘In a way,’ he said.
‘In a way…?’ She broke away from him, looking at him in bewilderment. ‘What do you mean? What kind of answer is that?’
‘I can’t…’ He seemed to be waging some kind of inner battle, struggling to get the words out, and finally he said in a jerky, roughened voice, ‘I can’t tell you how it was. I’m sorry, but…’ he sucked in a deep breath ‘…I think this is something you need to remember for yourself.’
His eyes were dark with torment. ‘I shouldn’t have kissed you. I don’t want to take advantage of you, Saffi…and perhaps for my own self-preservation I should have held back. I should have known better.’
She stared at him in bewilderment. What did he mean when he talked about self-preservation? What was so wrong in them being together—was he so determined against commitment? What was it he’d said before—once bitten? Had he been so badly hurt in the past that he didn’t want to risk his heart again? But as she opened her mouth to put all these questions to him, his phone began to ring.
At the same time Ben came out of the house, look- ing indignant. ‘I thought we were going to the hospital to see Mummy?’ he said crossly. ‘You’ve been ages.’
Matt braced his shoulders. ‘We’ll go soon,’ he told the little boy.
‘Do you promise?’
‘I promise.’ He looked at Saffi and held up the phone, still insistently ringing. ‘I’m sorry about this,’ he said on a resigned note. ‘It might be about the girl in the rid- ing accident.’
‘It’s all right. Go ahead.’ She was deeply disappointed and frustrated by the intrusion, but she took Ben’s hand and started towards the house.
The moment of closeness had passed. He might not be forthcoming about what had gone on between them before, but whatever his reasons one thing was for sure…it was much too late now for her to guard against falling for him. She had so many doubts and worries about him, but he’d grown on her and she didn’t want to imag- ine life without him. She was already in love with him.
He pressed the button to connect his call. ‘Hello, Gina,’ she heard him say, and her heart began to ache.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘CAN I DO that?’ Ben watched Saffi as she picked runner beans, carefully dropping them one by one into a trug. It was the weekend and the sun was shining, and the only sounds that filled the air were birdsong and the quiet drone of bees as they went about their business. A warm breeze rippled through the plants, mak- ing the leaves quiver.
‘Of course you can. Here, let me show you how to do it. We snap them off where the bean turns into stalk—like this, see?’ He nodded and she added, ‘Why don’t you try picking some of the lower ones and I’ll do these up here?’
‘Okay.’
They worked together amicably for a while, with Ben telling her about his visits to the hospital. ‘Mummy’s still poorly,’ he said. ‘She’s got lots of…um…acid…inside her, and it’s hurting her. They don’t know why she’s got it.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that, Ben. But the doctors are look- ing after her, and I’m sure they’ll soon find out what’s causing her to be poorly.’
‘Yeah.’ His eyes grew large. ‘Uncle Matt says they’re going to take some pictures of inside her tummy.’
‘That’s good. That should help them to find out what’s wrong.’ Saffi guessed he meant they were going to do a CT scan. She winced inwardly. That sounded as though they suspected something quite serious was going on.
‘Hi, Saffi.’ Matt came to join them in the garden, and immediately she felt her pulse quicken and her stomach tighten. He was dressed in casual clothes, dark chinos and a tee shirt in a matching colour, and it was easy to see why women would fall for him. His biceps strained against the short sleeves of his shirt and his shoulders were broad and powerful. He looked like a man who would take care of his woman, protect her and keep her safe.
‘Hi.’ She tried to shut those images from her mind, but even so her heart turned over as she recalled the meeting between him and the nurse. They’d known each other for a long time, and from the tension that had sparked between them she guessed there was still a good deal of charged emotion on the loose.
‘It’s a beautiful day,’ she said, trying to get her thoughts back onto safer ground. ‘Do you have plans for today, or are you on call?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t have any plans. It’s not really possible to make any while I’m looking after Ben.’ He sent her a thoughtful, hopeful glance. ‘I suppose we could all go down to the beach after breakfast, if you’d like to come with us?’
‘Yay!’ Ben whooped with excitement. ‘Come with us, Saffi.’
Saffi smiled at the four-year-old. He hadn’t said a lot to her over these last few days, being quiet and introspective, but if he wanted her to go with them, that was a heartening sign. It made her feel good inside to know that he had warmed to her.
‘I’d like that,’ she said. She sent Matt a questioning glance. ‘What would you be doing if you didn’t have to look after Ben? How do you usually spend your weekends?’ She didn’t know much about his hobbies or interests, but from the looks of him he must work out quite a bit at the gym.
He shrugged. ‘Sometimes I swim—in the sea, or at the pool—or I might play squash with a friend. I go to the gym quite often. On a day like this, when there’s a breeze blowing, a group of us like to go kite-surfing at a beach a bit further along the coast. There’s a good southerly wind there and a decent swell.’
‘Kite-surfing? I’m not sure if I know what that is.’
‘You go out on the sea on a small surfboard, and with a kite a bit like a parachute. The wind pulls you along. It’s great once you’ve mastered the skill.’
Her mouth curved. ‘It sounds like fun. Why don’t you join your friends? I’ll look after Ben on the beach. We can watch the surfing from there. What do you think, Ben?’
‘Yeah.’ He was smiling, looking forward to the trip.
Matt frowned. ‘I can’t do that. It’s too much to ask of you.’
‘No, it’s fine, really.’ She started to move away from a doctor to remember the vegetable garden, but at the same time Ben went to Matt to tug on his trousers and claim his attent
ion.
‘I want to see the kites…please, Uncle Matt,’ Ben pleaded.
Saffi sidestepped him, trying to avoid a collision, and caught her heel against one of the bean canes.
‘Ouch!’ She felt a stab of pain as she untangled her foot from the greenery.
‘What is it? Have you twisted your ankle?’ Matt looked at her in concern, reaching out to clasp her arm as she tried to look behind her at her calf.
She shook her head. ‘No. It’s a bee sting.’
‘Come into the house. I’ll have a look at it.’ He turned to Ben, who was watching anxiously. ‘She’ll be fine, Ben. Bring the trug, will you? Can you manage it?’
‘Yes, I’m strong, see?’ The little boy picked up the basket and followed them into the house.
‘Sit down.’ Matt showed her into the kitchen and pulled out a chair for her at the table. He reached for a first-aid kit from a cupboard and brought out a pair of tweezers. ‘Let’s get that sting out. Put your leg up on this stool.’
She did as he suggested. She was wearing cropped cargo pants, and he crouched down and rolled them back a little to expose the small reddened, inflamed area where the bee had stung her. Then he carefully pulled out the sting with the tweezers. Ben watched every move, his mouth slightly open in absorbed concentration.
‘Okay, now that’s out, we’ll get something cold on the leg to help take down the swelling.’ He fetched a bag of frozen peas from the freezer and laid it over the tender area. ‘Are you all right?’
‘I’m fine.’ She made a wry face. ‘It’s not a good start to my beekeeping, is it?’
He smiled. ‘I expect you disturbed it. They don’t usually sting if you’re calm with them and keep your movements slow. When you’re working with the hives it might help if you go to them between ten o’clock and two in the afternoon, when most of the bees are busy with the flowers…and make sure you always wear protective clothing. That’s what Annie told me.’
