Finding Our Way
Ahren Sanders
Copyright © 2014 by Ahren Sanders
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
This book is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locations and incidents are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, locales or events is entirely coincidental.
Editing: Anna Gorman Coy with AGC Editing
Cover Design: Melissa @MGBookCovers and Designs
Formatting: Erik Gevers
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Other Books
Meet The Author
Prologue
Tonight’s the night. It’s not just my eighteenth birthday, but also my high school graduation. I’ve been dreaming about this day for six long years. Not only because I am moving on to another chapter in my life, but also because this is the day Bryce Randolph will finally realize I’m an adult.
I fell in love with Bryce the first time my brother brought him home after football practice when I was twelve years old. He was the new guy at school and my brother, Nate, and he hit it off on the first day. As soon as they walked through the back door that afternoon, my world changed. Bryce was the most beautiful guy I’d ever seen. Even at fifteen, he and my brother were more filled out and muscular than the other guys their age.
Bryce became a permanent fixture at our house. Neither of the guys ever treated me as the pesky little sister. Even though they were in high school and I was in middle school, I hung out with them all the time.
My best friend, Quinn Jackson, and I made the varsity cheerleading team in high school as freshmen and traveled with the rest of the squad to all the games. We always got questioned about Nate and Bryce from the other girls, which made me uncomfortable, but there was nothing I could do about it.
Quinn is the only person in the world who knows how I feel about Bryce. She’s known since the first time she saw the goofy grin on my face when we watched him playing catch in our backyard. I think my mom was suspicious, but she never said anything.
The first time Bryce dated a girl more than a few times, I cried myself to sleep for a week. It was a ridiculous reaction, but I was a hormonal teenage girl. Unfortunately, the girl was also on the cheerleading squad and carried animosity towards me when she learned how close he and I were. During one particular game, when he and Nate ran a play that resulted in a touchdown and lead for the team, they both came to me on the sidelines taking turns swinging me around as I screamed.
Bryce was single soon after that because he broke up with her for being a massive bitch to me. It was one of the best days of my life.
I turned fifteen the week Nate and Bryce graduated. Quinn and I concocted this elaborate plan for me to get Bryce alone so I could kiss him. I’d never been really kissed before and I wanted him to be my first. My parents had a party and almost all the newly graduated senior class was there. Bryce hung out with mostly the guys by the pool, but I saw him walk down to the deck and knew it was my chance.
He hears me behind him and when he sees me, his face lights up in a smile. He motions for me to come over and I walk into his arms. The smell of his cologne surrounds us and I inhale deeply.
“You know we’re only a phone call away if you need us, right?” he asks.
“I know.”
“You have a few more years of school left and it kills me and Nate that we won’t be here in case some jackass gets the wrong idea. Or worse, someone fucks with you. I know how guys think, Devon, and I hate that we can’t stop the way they’ll look at you.”
“What do you mean?” I‘m truly confused.
He sighs and pulls me closer. “You’re a beautiful girl, inside and out. Without Nate and me around, I’m scared some guy will try to take advantage of you. Promise me you’ll be careful.”
Boldness takes over and I press him for more. “Is that because I’m like a little sister to you?”
“Yes, no. I don’t know.”
My heart deflates. There’s no way he’ll kiss me if he considers me a little sister. But I decide to take a chance and rotate in front of him, staring into his blue eyes. Not really knowing what I’m doing, my hands go around his neck and I lift up on my toes to reach his mouth. As soon as our lips touch, my nervousness dissolves. He takes over and when my lips part and our tongues swirl, my knees go weak. What started as sweet quickly turns frantic. His hands grip my scalp, holding me hostage. Our mouths move in sync, devouring one another. Lack of oxygen makes me dizzy, but I don’t dare pull away.
His hands go to my hips and squeeze lightly. I’m lost to him and all too soon, he pulls away. His eyes met mine with anger and confusion.
“Jesus Christ, Devon! I’m so sorry. What the fuck?” He steps back and runs his hands through his hair looking around to make sure we are still alone.
Heat runs up my cheeks and tears fill my eyes. “Why are you sorry? I started it. I wanted to kiss you. I’ve been crazy about you since I was twelve years old!” Yep, just blurted it out like a true lovesick teenager.
His face softens and he pulls me in for a hug. “Devon Harris, when you turn eighteen, I hope to God you still feel this way. Come on let’s go back to the party.” He leads us back to where things were getting wild and winks at me before joining the other football players.
As the years went by, we never mentioned the kiss again, but I began to understand what he meant by being eighteen. It wasn’t just an age, it was maturity. I’d grown so much in the last few years. The few boyfriends I had never lasted long because nothing could compare to the men Nate and Bryce had become.
Both joined the ROTC and went to college with the intention of joining as Officer’s in the Navy after graduation. Quinn and I visited them one weekend on our college scouting trip, our minds were made up. We are both going to attend University of Tennessee as well.
My brother’s excited about me following him to school and my parents are thrilled I’m going to be close. Once again, only Quinn knew I’m partly following the love of my young life.
A knock at my door jolts me out of my trip down memory lane. Quinn walks in with an outfit similar to mine.
“We look hot. I can’t wait to see the look on people’s faces when they see our shoes.” She refers to our hot pink heels.
“Me too! Are you guys the first ones here?” I ask, referring to her family.
“Yeah, but a huge truck pulled up behind us. A girl I didn’t recognize was getting out of the passenger’s seat.”
“Huh? Wonder who that is?”
“Okay, let’s get downstairs and get the hundred pictures taken so we can party as soon as this ceremony is over. I’m ready to throw down tonight.”
We head down the stairs to the sound of laughter and greetings. The familiar scent of Bryce fills the room and my stomach does somersaults thinking about seeing him. Even though we’ve spoken a few times, I haven’t physically seen him since Christmas Break.
As soon as I hit the bottom step somethin
g is very wrong. I can feel it. Quinn steps behind me, and puts her arm through mine. She knows too. Everyone, including my parents and Nate, Quinn’s parents, and the Randolph family turn to face us.
The unknown woman is in the middle of the room standing next to Sheila, Bryce’s mom, and Bryce. She has her arm linked through his in a possessive manner and when our gazes meet there’s a flash of something. I can’t tell what but when I look into Bryce’s eyes, they are sad and pleading.
“Hi, everyone,” I squeak, trying to find my voice.
All the parents rush over engulf us in hugs and kisses. Nate holds onto me a little longer than normal and when his eyes meet mine, they’re filled with concern. He doesn’t get to say anything because Bryce breaks in and hugs me tightly and then stands back. Unknown woman is still hanging onto him, giving me a sneer.
“Hi! I’m Devon.” I hold out my hand to her and she looks at me with recognition.
“I’m Holli. I’ve heard a lot about you.” She shakes and drops my hand roughly. “I’m Bryce’s fiancée.” Her hand moves over her to her flat stomach and rubs gently, with the tell-tale sign of pregnancy.
Those words cause me the most pain I have ever felt in my eighteen years. They also change the course of my life.
Chapter 1
Year and a Half Later
“When will I ever get used to Virginia winters?” Quinn shivers besides me as we walk to the Communications Building.
“Probably about the time we graduate?”
“Have you decided yet about the holidays?”
“Yep, I’m going to fly directly into Aspen and stay the ten days. Then I’m coming right back.”
“How’d your mom and dad take it?”
“Alright. They didn’t push too hard because they knew I may bail all together.”
“Want me to come back early so you won’t be alone on New Years?”
“Nope, I’ve been invited to a few parties. I’ll be fine.”
“We’ll see. I haven’t spent New Years without you since we were like eleven years old. No need to break tradition now.”
I love my best friend. She can read me like a book and knows how much I’ll miss her over the holidays, but would never ask her to give up her family time for me. God knows, I already disrupted her life enough. To this day I’m not sure her mother forgives me for Quinn being in Virginia.
The day of my high school graduation became a blur after Holli and Bryce’s announcement. It wasn’t hard to stay away from either of them, especially when we walked into my favorite Mexican restaurant for my celebration dinner and Holli became ill. Bryce had to take her home and I never saw him again that night.
The next day, I set about changing my entire future. There were several schools I’d been accepted to prior to deciding on UT. One of my top choices was University of Virginia in Charlottesville. I called them and spoke to the Dean of Admissions and did everything short of begging to get my slot back. Somehow, I even got Quinn’s back too explaining she was my roommate. The only caveat was we had to attend summer school, which started three weeks later.
I wasn’t sure of Quinn’s reaction to the drastic change in plans, but she was surprisingly excited. When I sat down and told my parents that night, my dad hit the roof, but my mom was understanding. She followed me to my room and sat on my bed as we made of list of things needing to be done. When we were finished, she pulled me down next to her and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.
“I know why you are doing this, Devon, and I completely understand.”
Tears stung my eyes and a sob escaped.
“Are you upset with me?”
“Not at all.”
“Aren’t you going to tell me how unreasonable I’m being? How I need to grow up?”
“Not at all.”
“Nothing? Not even this is a rash decision I may regret?”
“Nope”
“Why?”
“Because when your heart breaks, my heart breaks. And I saw your heart break yesterday at two-thirty pm. Watching the light die out of your eyes was one of the hardest things I’ve had to witness in your life. I’ve known for years how you feel about Bryce Randolph and even though your level of devotion worried me, I understood it. Part of me wishes you would have gotten over it through the last year, but you continued to live your life and become this beautiful young woman.”
“You don’t think I’m acting like a silly eighteen-year old love sick fool?”
“Well, yes, but that’s okay. You fell in love with an amazing young man. Bryce is one of the finest people I know. He’s noble and respectable. His decisions are selfless. He’s determined to serve his country with honor. And until yesterday, I’d never thought poorly of him. But when he walked into my house with that girl and killed the hope and longing you had, on one of the most important days of your life, I lost respect for him.”
I can’t control the sobs that rack my body.
“Mom, it hurts so much. Such a stupid thing to say but I’ve had a crush on him forever. He made me feel safe and special and one night, many years ago, I spilled my guts and told him I was crazy about him. Instead of embarrassing me, he told me he hoped I felt that way when I was eighteen. And I still do! Every other guy I have ever gone out with can’t compare to him.”
“Young love is devastating, Devon, and you never gave anyone else a chance. The reason I didn’t talk to you sooner is because I fell in love with your dad the first day of sophomore English. You’ve heard the stories of us being high school sweethearts. But it wasn’t always easy. Even with my own self-doubts throughout the years, I never stopped loving your dad. I saw the same love on your face the last few years when you looked at Bryce.”
“You don’t think I’m too young?”
“No, but now things have changed. I’m going to support and help you move on. Bryce was sad yesterday, it was obvious, but he’s going to do the right thing with that girl. It’s the kind of man he is. Will he be happy? I don’t know, but it’s my job to make sure you’re okay. Whatever it takes and however long.”
“I love you Mom.”
“Love you too, now let’s get some rest before we tackle getting you ready to leave for college. I thought I had seven weeks to get used to my baby leaving. It may be you consoling me soon.”
The next day we started a whirlwind of packing and shopping. My brother had a conniption when he learned what I had done, but when he saw the hurt on my face, he realized something was wrong.
Bryce tried several times to contact me, but I was able to avoid him. He took Holli back to UT campus and started his own summer semester.
Since my departure was so rushed, we did a small dinner with Quinn’s family as our going away party. At the last minute, the Randolph’s found out and insisted on coming. They were so wrapped up in the news they were going to be grandparents, they didn’t ever ask me about my change in plans.
Three weeks to the day after graduation, I drove away from Nashville with a new outlook on life. My heart was broken, but for the first time, I was focused only on me. There was no longer the possibility of a Devon and Bryce. And I vowed to never be a lovesick fool again. Young love or not, it hurt like hell.
“Hello! Earth to Devon?” Quinn waves her hand in front of my face, bringing me out of my trance. “Where’d you go?”
“I was just thinking about us moving here.”
“Best decision we ever made.”
“Yep. I think so too.”
“Our paper is due next week for World Journalism, do you want to head to D.C. this weekend and see if we can catch a protest or something?”
“Yeah, actually that sounds great. I’ll bring the camera.”
“I hate it that you’re a double threat. Besides journalism, your photography skills will get you into the Master’s of Fine Arts Program with no problems.”
“We’ll get in together, just like we do everything else.”
When we get to the building, we head to our separate lectu
res. The small group I always sit with saved me a seat and I smile greeting everyone. It’s a running joke among my peers that Quinn and I are the babies. Since we both graduated with AP credits and came straight to summer school, we’ve always been the youngest in our classes. Technically we’re both juniors.
My pocket vibrates with an incoming message and I almost drop it when I see whom it’s from.
Bryce’s name appears with a single sentence:
We need to talk
Staring at the screen, it seems like a good idea to ignore him. But in the back of my head I think about my ‘Getting over Bryce Randolph’ program and the steps involved. I created this personal program the first summer at UVA. It was three weeks after moving here and Quinn finally convinced me to get my head out of my ass. We started meeting new people. Then I gradually started dating. We both made the cheerleading team, which helped keep our social lives busy.
I still thought about Bryce all the time, but it was becoming less and less painful. Unfortunately, no other guy caught my attention either. But that was okay. I enjoyed the new friends and my college experiences so far.
Seven weeks after I left home, my mom called and broke the news that Holli had lost the baby at thirteen weeks. All of the Randolph family, including Bryce, was devastated. I sent a sympathy card to everyone, and even included a separate note to Holli. I learned she was staying at Bryce’s parents house for a week to recover.
Bryce sent me a very nice text thanking me for my kindness, and I didn’t hear from him for months. It was easy to avoid going home the entire semester since it was football season. My parents and Nate flew into a few of the games and we spent the weekends in Virginia. When I learned he and Holli planned on spending the entire holiday season in Nashville, I begged my mom to plan a family trip away. It had been seven months since I’d seen him, but I still wasn’t ready.
My parents thought it was a great idea and so we started the tradition of going to a ski town to celebrate together. With creative planning and the help of my mom and Quinn, I have successfully been able to avoid any situations that would require being around the Randolph family and Holli. In the last year and a half, I’ve been home a total of fifteen days and stayed incognito. Sheila and Dave, Bryce’s dad, noticed my absence but my parents are brilliant covering for me. Yes, even my dad knows the truth about my devastating crush on Bryce.
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