“The problem with knowing that someone can be a better person,” Marie said quietly, twisting her spoon through her potatoes. “Is that they have to do it. I could try to change someone else until the end of time and it typically will not happen. People change for themselves. Not for someone else.”
“That’s always been my thought, too,” Adam nodded. “And I was hoping when Jake came to Wickenburg, yeah, I was hoping he had changed. My family has told me about his behavior in several of the places he’s stayed over the last seven years. He always seems to get someone to take care of him. This time, it appears to be you.”
Color rose to Marie’s cheeks as she thought about the implication of that.
“It sounds to me like you’re saying he’s lived with women who took care of him before.”
Adam didn’t answer immediately; he just gave her a long stare.
“That is what you’re saying? So I’m not the first woman to be deceived by his charm.”
Adam shook his head. “I’m sorry to tell you, Marie, but you aren’t. And I’m surprised he is still living with you.”
“It’s really scandalous, isn’t it?” Marie said, giving Alice a small grin. “Something for people to talk about.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
JAKE IS SUSPICIOUS
JAKE IS SUSPICIOUS
Just as she was finishing her lunch, she glanced through the front window beside the table they were sitting at for the meal. She looked straight into the eyes of Jake, who was sitting on the other side of the street just in front of the saddle shop. He appeared to be watching them. When he saw that she had seen him, he stood up from the wooden bench seat and turned to walk toward their home street.
She frowned in confusion. “Excuse me,” she said. She scooted her chair back and hurried outside. “Jake!” she called out, lifting one hand. He didn’t turn around.
“Jake!” she called once more. When others around her looked at her, she was embarrassed and took a step back toward the restaurant.
She turned and went back inside. Adam and Alice had been watching the scene through the window and were both looking at her curiously.
“What happened there?”
Marie shook her head, trying to catch her breath. Her heart was pounding a mile a minute. “I don’t know. He didn’t turn around when I called. And he was watching us with a strange look on his face.”
“Do you think you should go after him?” Alice asked.
“No,” Adam said firmly. “You don’t go after him, Marie. You sit down and finish your dessert. You need to enjoy yourself and not worry about what is troubling him all the time. He has his own things going on and he only wants to keep you on a leash so that when he needs you, he knows he can count on you. If you can’t provide anything for him, he will leave.”
“Oh Adam,” Alice said mournfully. “I thought you said he had potential.”
“He does. But it’s that kind of behavior right there that makes me so infuriated. I don’t understand him. He should never be mean to you, Marie. In any shape or form. You don’t deserve it.”
Marie had heard that so many times by now, she was almost tired of hearing it. It was a phrase that implied she didn’t think she was worth anything. However, she had confidence in herself. She cared about herself.
She just cared too much for others.
Adam leaned forward, a serious look on his face. “Marie, I’m only telling you these things because you need to know them. You need to be ready for anything that might happen. And you need to guard your heart. You know it’s not a good idea to fall in love with a drifter. I hope you haven’t already.”
“She’s well on her way,” Alice said before Marie could reply.
Marie didn’t object. She just gave them both a look of regret.
Adam shook his head. “That’s unlucky. It’s really unlucky. I’m sorry to have to say it.”
“I’ve told her the same thing, Adam. She needs to guard her heart. I’m so afraid he will hurt her again. Once was enough.” She looked at Marie with sympathy. “You know we are only trying to do what’s right by you, Marie. We want you to be happy. I’d like for Jake to be happy, too. I’m not saying I don’t. But if his happiness is costing you yours, is it really worth it? It’s not, Marie. It really isn’t.”
“Alice is right,” Adam said. “You should never sacrifice yourself for someone who is not worth it.”
“How do I know he’s not worth it?”
Adam gave her a confused look. “You have been told how he was talking at Sam’s a few weeks ago. You tell us that you don’t trust him at all.”
“He wouldn’t hurt me.”
“His lies hurt you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I think I should get back to the house and see what he’s doing.”
Adam stood up. “He better not be messing up your property or breaking anything.”
Marie shook her head. “He’s not. He doesn’t do things like that.”
Adam and Alice watched her as she walked to the door and went through it, hurrying to the street corner to turn and go to her house. They looked at each other.
“He’s no good for her,” Adam said in a disgusted voice.
“You are right, Adam. But there’s nothing we can do about it. We’ll just have to see what happens. She’s probably going to need a friend after this, so I’m going to follow her and make sure she’s okay. I know you have to get back to work.”
“I do, don’t I?” Adam smiled down at his wife. “I’m glad we don’t have to deal with that in our marriage, Alice. I don’t trust anyone on earth like I trust you.”
“You are my rock, Adam. I’m blessed to be with you.”
They kissed before they parted, Alice hurrying in the direction of Marie’s house.
Marie was nervous as she walked. She quickly made her way down the pathway on the side of the road until she could see her house in the distance. She stopped suddenly and stared at the house, wondering what she was doing. Why was she running after this man? He was a drifter who thought only of himself. Why was she allowing him to make her feel this way? It was a wicked thing for him to do.
She stood in one spot, getting angrier and angrier until she felt a hand on her shoulder, surprising her out of her thoughts. She turned to see Alice standing next to her.
“Are you okay? You’ve been standing here for a long time.”
“Oh Alice, you scared me.” Marie let out the breath she’d been subconsciously holding. She took a few deep breaths and narrowed her eyes. “I have upset myself.”
“Uh oh.” Alice reached out and pulled her friend into a hug. “Tell me about it, Marie. Let it all out. I will listen.”
Marie didn’t want to cry. She didn’t want to waste tears on a man who didn’t deserve them. However, she cried anyway and Alice held her close.
“There, there, Marie. It will be okay. It will be all right.” Alice spoke to her in a soothing voice.
“I don’t want to feel like this, Alice,” Marie moaned. “I don’t even know what the next step is. There’s no control left in my life and I don’t like it. I need it to change.”
“I understand, dear. I really do. You have always been very independent and structured in the way you do things. I have noticed a change in you. It’s not a bad change, mind you. It’s just that you don’t seem as confident as you used to be. You’ve helped drifters before. Why do you have such an attachment to Jake? Especially when it doesn’t look like he feels the same way.”
“I don’t know. I don’t know why I am the way I am. I’ve lost people that were special to me before. Maybe that’s why I feel this way now.”
Alice shook her head. “But why is he precious to you? What has he ever done for you? He fixed the porch steps. Well, that’s something he should be doing because he’s staying with you.”
“It doesn’t feel good to love and not be loved in return.”
“I know, sweet friend. I know.”
Marie’s tears
didn’t last long. Minutes later, she pulled away from Alice and wiped her face with her fingers. Alice pulled a small handkerchief from her bag and gave it to her to wipe her tear-streaked face.
“Why am I doing this?” Marie asked, shaking her head. “I shouldn’t be doing this.”
Alice was confused. “What are you referring to?” she asked.
Marie turned her eyes to look at the house down the street. “I’ve been on my own for a long time. Why am I wasting my tears?”
Alice nodded. “I agree with you, Marie. I’ve always thought of you as a strong woman. I know you don’t want to be dependent on a man, do you?”
Marie shook her head. “No.”
“And Jake has demons he’s battling every day. You need to get back to being who you were before. You never worried about what anyone thought of you before.”
Marie looked at Alice with a confused face. “I think that’s what it is. I know everyone in Wickenburg likes me, those that know me. I have many friends. But he sometimes acts like he doesn’t even want to be my friend, much less anything else.”
“Maybe he is afraid.”
Marie lifted her eyebrows. “Of me?”
“Of what it would do to his manliness.”
Marie thought about it for a moment. “I think I understand what you’re saying.”
“Men like to think they have to be tough and strong in every situation. But since I’ve been married, I’ve learned a lot about how sensitive men are underneath. That’s why you can tell how a man will treat his wife by looking at how he treats his mother. They need someone to nurture their sensitive side. Adam told me that Jake lost his mother. He doesn’t have that nurturer in his life anymore. So now what can he do? He can only fend for himself, and when he fails, he has no one to encourage him, to lift back up again.”
“He has a gambling problem,” Marie said bluntly. “And he drinks too much liquor.”
“He has always been that way, Marie,” Alice responded. “Adam says from the moment he lost his wife and house, he has been on a downward spiral. He was like this before he met you and he’ll be like that if you ever part ways. It’s who he is. But does it make him a bad man that he does those things?”
Marie shook her head. “He’s entitled to do what he wants. It’s the lying about it that gets to me.”
“He doesn’t want you to think badly of him.”
“Why should he care what I think about him?”
Alice gave her a look that made her laugh. “Come now, Marie. You know he cares about you. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t lie.”
“That’s backward thinking.”
“It may be, but it’s the way he is. I truly believe that. He thinks it is safer not to tell the truth than to deal with the consequences of doing so. Look how well you two get along on a general basis. If you didn’t get along with him, he would not still be in your house. He would be at the Horse N Saddle. Or he’d be off gallivanting with one of the street ladies. I think he just wants to be left alone like he has been for so long. Your meeting was a coincidence. Unless you want to believe it was meant to be, which it also could have been.” Alice smiled.
“I fear for him sometimes. I’ve seen what happens when he gets in too deep at the bar. He has been beaten several times.” She shook her head. “I just don’t know what compels him to go. He would be safer here at home.”
Alice laughed. “I don’t think safety is what concerns him and I definitely don’t think his safety should be a concern of yours. You aren’t obligated to take care of him, Marie. You are either being his mother or his wife, neither of which you are. Don’t feel like you have to.”
“I guess I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Alice’s smile spoke volumes. “None of us know what we’re doing. You should know that.” She got a smile out of Marie and looked satisfied. “There’s that smile. Do you feel better?”
“Yes. I do. Thank you for talking to me, Alice. You didn’t have to follow me.”
Alice shook her head. “You looked so very upset. I don’t like to see that. I just wanted to make sure you are okay.”
They hugged. “I’ll let you go home and you come to the house if you need to, all right?” Alice said.
Marie nodded. “I will. Thanks again.”
“You’re welcome, Marie. Any time.”
Alice turned to walk back toward town and Marie went in the other direction. As she got closer to the house, she inhaled deeply and prepared herself. She had no idea what she was walking into, why Jake had left and not turned back when she called to him or why he was even upset. The look on his face was obvious. He had seen something he didn’t want to see.
She wondered if there was any way he had heard their conversation. She felt ashamed that she’d been talking about him, but she needed to get advice from her friends. Especially since Adam knew Jake better than anyone else in Wickenburg. Moreover, what they had told her was the truth. Without deception or lies told for reasons only God knew.
She went up the few steps to the front door and rested her hand on the knob. All was silent on the other side.
She turned the knob and went inside.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
AN ARGUMENT
AN ARGUMENT
Jake was in the bedroom she had given him. She went to the doorway and stood, watching him. He had piled the clothes he wore on the bed and was folding them all, putting them into a trunk. She eyed the trunk.
“Where did that come from? I don’t recognize it.”
He looked at her. “I didn’t hear you come in. I got it from someone in town. Someone at Sam’s. I asked Sam about it, he relayed the message and here it is.”
His voice was deep and irritated. She could see anger in his normally peaceful face.
“Why are you angry, Jake?” she asked. Better to just get it out there than have an elephant in the room.
“I’m not angry.”
“You are lying.”
He stopped folding the clothes and looked at her. “I saw you in the café with Alice and Adam. I know you were all talking about me.”
“What makes you say that?”
He pressed his lips together and licked his teeth before answering. She could see that he was trying to keep control of himself. “I know you were. That’s all that matters.”
“If you know we were talking about you, what makes you think it was bad? Do you have a guilty conscience?”
“You are provoking me.” He began to fold the clothes again. “I won’t let you provoke me.” He leaned over and picked up a bottle of whiskey sitting on the bedside table she had bought for him. “I don’t need to argue with you. I don’t want to and I won’t do it.”
“I’m not trying to argue with you,” Marie said, folding her arms over her chest, staring at his angry profile. “I’m trying to find out what made you stomp away when I was calling you. You could have joined us. Maybe you and Adam could repair your relationship.”
“There was never a relationship there to repair.”
Marie noticed his voice had softened a bit. “Family is family. Sometimes it’s all we have to keep us here.”
“And I didn’t hear you calling me. When did you do that?”
“As you were leaving. I saw you outside. You saw that I saw you. Didn’t you?”
He nodded and she continued.
“I came outside and called to you to come back, but you didn’t. I was embarrassed and went back inside.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t hear you. I apologize.”
“Would you have come back if you knew I was calling you?”
He didn’t say anything at first. She was about to repeat the question when he looked up at her. “I don’t know. If you want me to be honest, I don’t know.”
“Why are you so angry with me for having lunch with my friends? Why do you think we were saying bad things about you the whole time?”
“I know Adam and I could see the look on his face. I could also see the look on yo
ur face and I’ve gotten used to your moods and actions. I know you well.”
Marie’s first thought was that Jake didn’t know her well. Two months was not long enough to truly find out what another person is like. Even when you lived together. “I’m not so sure that you do. So, what are you planning now? You are leaving because you think we had lunch in order to talk bad about you?”
“I figured they would convince you to make me leave. So, I got a head start on it.”
“They didn’t convince me to make you leave.”
“I know they don’t want me here with you anymore. They think I’m hurting you somehow. I haven’t done anything to hurt you. I wouldn’t. I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I really don’t. That’s the last thing in the world I want to do.”
“I don’t want you to leave unless you want to.” Marie wondered why she couldn’t make up her mind whether she wanted to let him remain in her house or make him leave. She’d told Alice the truth when she said she felt used. She moved to the bed and put her hands on his to stop him from packing the clothes in the trunk. He looked down at her. She saw pain in his eyes. It hurt her to see it and she wanted to comfort him, but she didn’t think that’s what he wanted from her.
“You don’t have to go, Jake. It’s nice to have a companion here to talk to. It’s been a long time since anyone has been here living with me. I like it. You’ve been alone for a long time. What do you think of it?”
“I…” he hesitated. It was all he’d been thinking about lately, taking over his mind when he did odd jobs for Sam or someone in the town. He didn’t want to go into detail with her. He didn’t want to tell her he’d lived with women in Louisville and other places, but had never settled down with anyone anywhere. “I don’t really want to leave unless you want me to. It’s up to you.”
Marie didn’t like it that he put the decision on her. If it failed, he could blame her and say he was ready to leave. It also left her wondering whether or not he truly wanted to stay with her.
Saved By An Angel (Family of Love Series) (A Western Romance Story) Page 11
