“Get in your car,” I said. “Right now. Meet me at the diner on Main. I’ll buy you coffee and a massive dessert.”
A half hour later I was sitting in a booth at the diner across from Lacey. She’d stopped crying but her eyes were red. I ordered our coffee and a huge overindulgence of desserts—pecan pie, apple pie, lemon meringue, an ice cream sundae, and a chocolate brownie. The waitress raised her eyebrows when I placed the order.
I gave Lacey lots of room, didn’t pressure her, just let her speak when she was ready.
“I can’t believe what I’m about to say,” she said at last, after at least two mouthfuls of each dessert.
I nodded. Matt’s cheating was a fact we both knew but that didn’t make it any easier for Lacey to swallow.
“The thing is,” she continued, “I thought he was cheating on me. But he wasn’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“He isn’t cheating on me, he’s cheating with me.”
“Lacey, I don’t understand.”
“I’m the affair, Faith. I’m not the relationship. I’m the fucking affair.”
“What?”
“Matt’s got a wife.”
“What? You’ve been dating him for years. How could he have a wife.”
“He’s got a fucking wife, Faith. They have a fancy house together in Palo Alto.”
“But, I don’t understand. Haven’t you been to his apartment?”
“It’s a company apartment, for when he’s in the valley on business. I thought he went to the city for business. But no. He lives in the city. He came here on business.”
Lacey wasn’t crying. She was refusing to allow herself to cry. She was holding herself together through nerves of pure steel.
“Oh, Lacey,” I gasped.
She shook her head.
“How did you find out?”
“A voicemail.”
“A voicemail?”
“A fucking voicemail, Faith.”
I looked around the diner. It was pretty empty. No one could hear us. Lacey’s eyes had watered up but she was still holding it together. I felt like I should get her home. I didn’t want her to drive.
“What did it say?”
“It said his wife found out about me and he had to call the whole thing off. That’s pretty much all it said. After two years, that’s how he ended it.”
“Oh, Lacey. I’m so sorry.”
She started crying then.
“He said we’d never see each other again.”
“Lacey,” I said, helplessly.
“I loved him, Faith.”
“I know,” I said, soothingly.
“I loved that asshole, and all I got was a voicemail. I tried calling him and I’m blocked. I couldn’t get through, even to tell him what an asshole he is.”
“Fuck him,” I said.
“The entire time I thought he loved me, Faith. He had a wife at home waiting for him the entire time. It was all a lie. The night we met, oh God. I thought I’d found my soul mate. He had a wife.”
“Oh sweetie.”
“One great big, fat, fucking lie.”
“Let me tell Jackson,” I said. “He’ll take care of Matt for you.”
“No, Faith. You promised.”
“All right. I won’t say a word.”
“I just feel like such a fucking idiot,” Lacey said. “He’s one of those compulsive, pathological liars who likes to have two separate lives with two different women at the same time. And I was one of those ridiculous women who allows it to happen.
If I saw myself on a reality show I’d roll my eyes. When he told me he didn’t have a landline, or social profiles, I just ate it all up. The business trips. Fuck. He spent more time in the city than here.”
“It’s not your fault, Lacey. You didn’t know.”
“He’s crushed my heart, Faith. He’s shattered it. How will I ever get over this?”
“I know it’s hard to believe, but you’ll get over this with time, Lacey. He’s the asshole here. You’ll forget all about him.”
“Then why do I feel so dirty?”
I could see she was going to take this really hard. Only a woman whose been cheated on could understand the sort of pain she was going through. It was the ultimate betrayal.
I put my hand on hers. I prayed her ego would be able to bounce back from this eventually. I felt helpless to do anything.
“I just feel so worthless, Faith. Like no man will ever value me or love me.”
“We’ll get you through this, Lacey,” I said.
Chapter 35
Faith
I dropped Lacey back at the mansion. I wouldn’t have left her alone but Forrester and Grant were there. They wanted to know why she was crying, they were as protective of Lacey as they were of me, but we told them it was a female issue and they dropped it.
I felt bad about leaving her but I already felt guilty for dropping Sam off late and the last thing I wanted was to be late picking him up. I was definitely over the speed limit as I rushed into the school parking lot. I pulled up and could already see him standing by the steps of the school. He was crying.
I got out of the car and ran to him.
“Sammy. What is it baby? What happened.”
“Nothing,” he said.
There are certain things about being a mother that can straight up break your heart. There’s no pain you can experience that even comes close to what it’s like having to watch your kid suffer.
“Was it the same boys?” I said.
“Let’s just get out of here,” he said, opening the passenger door. He threw his backpack in before him.
I got in on my side. I could feel the tears right there, just beneath the surface, but he held them in. I held mine in too. I had to. It was my job to be strong for Sam. If he wanted to cry, so be it, but I couldn’t afford the luxury. At least not in front of him. For now, I was still all he had. Jackson wasn’t on the scene, just me. If I couldn’t hold it together and be strong, who would?
But it was so hard.
“This has to stop, sweetie. I have to talk to the school again.”
“No,” he insisted.
“But they’ll help, honey.”
“They’ll make it worse.”
“They’ll look out for you.”
He started crying, and it broke my heart to hear the pain in his voice. He was so strong, so brave. He was trying to hold back the tears but he couldn’t quite manage it. If only I could take that pain from him and suffer it myself. I’d have given my life to take that pain from him.
“It’s my problem,” he said. “They think I’m weak, but I’m not. I can take this. And I don’t need you to speak to my teachers.”
“They’re bullies, Sam. We owe it to the rest of the students to stand up to them.”
“Please, Mom,” Sam begged. “I know you want to help, but I need to figure this out for myself.”
I shook my head. What was he talking about? Was that really the way kids saw the world? I couldn’t understand it. Maybe it was a guy thing. For months I’d been begging him to let me speak to his school, and for months he’d been resisting.
The one time I went behind his back and spoke to them, it only made matters worse. They said there wasn’t much they could do without Sam’s cooperation, but Sam wouldn’t speak to them. I lost it. I lashed out at the principal, but none of it helped Sam.
Looking at him, I realized he was so similar to his father. I hadn’t ever thought about it before, I’d shied away from thinking of Sam and Jackson together because I didn’t know if Jackson was coming back. Now that he’d returned, I realized that the same stubbornness that led Jackson on a twelve year protective killing spree, was flowing through Sam’s veins too. It made perfect sense.
I shook my head. I’d tried everything, but Sam didn’t want any of it. When I took him out of school and kept him home, he’d fought me so hard I’d been in tears when I brought him back. He was convinced this was something he had
to deal with by himself. He didn’t want me protecting him. He didn’t want me interfering. He made me take him back to school, and I promised him I’d step aside and let him deal with it his way.
Wasn’t that what Jackson would do?
That had been six months ago. He tried his best to hide the bullying from me, but when I saw it, it was heartbreaking. How could kids be so cruel? How could their parents allow them to be that way?
I put my hand on his lap as I drove. He took hold of my hand.
“We’re going to a movie tonight,” I said.
“Really?”
“Yes. And then we’re going for sundaes.”
“Mom. You don’t have to spoil me.”
“I’m not spoiling you. It’s for me as much as it is for you. We both deserve a treat, once in a while.”
“Want to eat popcorn for dinner?” he said.
I looked at him. I knew he was being strong for my benefit as much as his own. Eleven years old and he was already more of a man than some guys ever got.
“Oh, we’ll eat popcorn, but not for dinner. For dinner, we’re going to Harry’s.” Harry’s was Sam’s favorite diner.
“Mom, stop looking after me.”
“Stop looking after you? Do you know it’s my job to look after you?”
“I’m almost twelve years old, Mom.”
“So?”
“So that means I’m almost a man.”
I pulled into the Harry’s parking lot, stopped the car, and hugged my little son so hard I thought I might crush him. “You’re absolutely right, you know. You are a man. You’re a fine young man. But you’re also my baby, and you always will be, even when you’re six feet tall. And I’ll always look after you.”
He hugged me back so tight I felt his little arms quiver. Why did God give us something we loved this much? It was almost unbearable. I felt as if my heart would break if those little assholes at his school hurt him one more time.
“All right,” he said. “Let’s get some burgers. We can put this day behind us.”
Chapter 36
Jackson
“I don’t want to know where you disappeared to last night,” Grant said.
I looked at him but didn’t answer.
“I know that look, Jackson.”
“You don’t know shit, Grant.”
“Grady, Forrester, tell me this boy ain’t going soft on us.”
The four of us had just plowed one of the lower fields in my father’s vineyard. It was on the valley bed, which meant it was full of rock and gravel. It was work better suited to oxen and draft horses than men. It was real hard work.
My hands were blistered, my back was burned, and my shirt was drenched in sweat. I was grateful to them for taking the day to help me out. I was taking over the vineyard from Grant, he was ready to move on to a new project, but between the farm and the house there was more work than I could handle alone. They knew I was trying to fix the place up for Faith so they were happy to pitch in.
I took my shirt off and threw it over the back of the truck. Grady opened the icebox and pulled out four beers.
“It was right in the back of this truck here that it happened,” I said.
The others nodded. When we were younger, we used to recount our sexual exploits with each other. Now that we were men we did it less often. Only when it was something out of the ordinary. I’d been playing coy all day and they wanted to know what was up.
“I can’t imagine waiting twelve years for one girl and then finally being reunited with her,” Grady said.
Grant, Grady and Forrester were all single, all confirmed bachelors, all still skeptical of the idea of true love.
I knew better.
“Ain’t it ever happened to one of you?” I said. “Ain’t you ever just found a girl and known she was the one? Known it like a bullet in the chest?”
“Never let it,” Forrester said.
“Life’s too short,” Grady said.
I shook my head. There was a time when I would have agreed with them. I’d have one-hundred-percent agreed with them, right down to the very core of my being.
When I was younger, I’d rather have lost my cock than give it up to any one woman. But that all ended with Faith. That girl had me good, and she had me since the moment she first set eyes on me. I couldn’t ever get her out of my heart, and if I could have, I wouldn’t have wanted to. She was my purpose now. My very soul. Without Faith, there could be no Jackson. Not after all we’d been through for each other.
Not after she’d given me a son, a son I still had to meet.
“Grant,” I said. “Come on. You must have fallen hard for a woman at some point in your life.”
Grant shook his head. He wasn’t trying to give me a hard time. He wasn’t trying to pretend that being a lone wolf was better than finding true love. All he was saying was that it hadn’t ever happened to him.
“I never met a girl that amazed me so much I thought I should give up all the other women in the world for her,” he said.
“Shit,” I said. “Maybe I am getting soft.”
“Look,” Grady said. “Don’t let us knuckleheads get to you. You’ve found what we’re all still searching for. We’re all talk. If any one of us found a love like what you have with Faith, we’d give up everything for her, just like you have.”
I nodded.
“Shit, you’ve still got Sam to meet,” Forrester said. “You’re going to love that little kid. He’s as stubborn as you, Jackson.”
I let out a long sigh. I was dying to see Sam. I’d been dying to see him his entire life, and I was nervous of what he’d think of me. I mean, I didn’t even know if Faith had ever told him about me. Who’d he think his father was? What was he hoping for?
“I thought it was nice when Faith named him after your father,” Grady said.
“I did too,” I said. “I did too.”
The other three looked at me, then looked at each other, then burst out laughing.
“You’re getting really sentimental in your old age, Jackson,” Forrester said.
“Shut up.”
“Is that a tear in your eye?” Grady said.
“Fuck you guys,” I said, joining them in laughter.
“All you need is to go back down to the Rusty Nail tonight, and you’ll be right as rain,” Forrester said. “Hell, lets all go. There’ll be some tail there tonight. I’ll bet dollars to donuts all four of us will get our socks blown.”
They were teasing me. They knew there was no way in hell I’d get with another woman, but I played along.
“Sure, let’s get finished up here and go for a few drinks. We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”
“It’s like you’ve been in prison,” Grady said. “You know the guys who go in for a long stint, come out changed men. Found Jesus. You need to get out and get good and drunk with your brothers, Jackson. We’ll set you straight.”
I nodded. I loved those guys. I’d have given my life for them. They’d have done the same for me. The years away had done nothing to lessen the bond between us.
Then I thought of Faith. That moment when my cock slid into her soaking wet pussy. That was something. That was something real.
“Grant,” I said.
“What is it, little man?”
“How was Lacey last night?”
“She was pretty quiet. Knocked back a few shots like she had something on her mind. Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know, I’ve just been worried about her.”
“She’s going through something with that guy she’s dating.”
“The secret guy?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I’d like to know what’s going on, but if she wants to keep her love life private, that’s up to her.”
“All right,” I said. “Just, keep an eye on her.”
Grant nodded. “Don’t worry, she’ll be fine. She always is. She’s been let down by jerk offs before. We never get involved. She and Faith can handle it.”
; Chapter 37
Faith
“What did you think?” I said to Sam. We were sitting in a booth at the ice cream place by the theater.
“I loved it, Mom.”
“What did you like best?”
He looked up at me and thought about his answer.
“I liked the way the boy looked after himself. He knew he could beat the bad guys. All he had to do was train.”
“I liked that part too,” I said. I didn’t say that the kid in the movie had a father to help him. That it was his father’s mentorship that made all the difference in the world.
“Did you like the part where the dad showed him how to defend himself?” Sam said.
“I did like that part,” I said.
The waitress came over and asked what we were having. Sam looked at me.
“Go ahead,” I said. “Order whatever you like. No limits.”
“No limits?”
I nodded. He scanned down the menu, which was cute because I knew exactly what he was going to order. We’d been coming to this place his entire life and he always had the same thing.
“Hot caramel fudge sundae with cream and a cherry,” he said.
The waitress took down his order. “And for you?” she said to me.
“Just a coffee,” I said.
She left and Sam looked up at me, his big, bright eyes like two stars in the heavens. I was spoiling him. He’d had hamburgers, popcorn, now ice cream. It wasn’t good for him, but being bullied at school wasn’t good for him either.
“Have you been thinking about what sport you’d like to sign up for?” I said.
Boy’s liked sports. It helped them make friends. Sam had enjoyed baseball when he was younger. Soccer too. He was an active kid. It was just recently that he’d become more withdrawn. He seemed to have lost his confidence. And I didn’t know how to help him find it again.
He shook his head. “All the mean kids are in sports,” he said. “I think I’d rather steer clear of them, at least for now.”
I nodded. I didn’t want to pressure him. Tonight was about being kind, helping him find his feet after a difficult day. We’d deal with his real issues another time.
First Time Lucky Page 37
