I shuddered and nodded, fully aware of what he meant.
“Dorjan told me to take care of the sorcerer’s companion who had drawn his sword as soon as he saw us. It looked like he hadn’t been expecting a fight because he didn’t have his shield. He fared well enough without it, though. That was the first time I was glad I had so many older brothers. They used me for fighting practice from the day I could walk. It only made me a better fighter. Even so, there were a few minutes that I doubted myself.
“Dorjan, Gallen and the Healer dealt with the sorcerer. That Healer can wield a blade. The sorcerer had a sword, but he also used some kind of dark magic. He started hurling balls of fire at them. How they avoided so many, I couldn’t tell you — I was kind of busy myself. I finally got the advantage and dispatched my man.”
Kail remained silent for a moment. “It was the first human life I’ve taken. I always thought I would feel powerful after I’d sent an enemy to their ancestors. But it didn’t feel that way at all. I hope you never have to experience that, Amáne. I don’t know if it gets easier, but you don’t want to know.”
A shadow crossed my face as I thought about the man in the guardroom of Castle Teravinea, what felt like so long ago. The look on his face when he realized he’d been defeated and would soon be meeting his ancestors. That vision will always haunt me. He was my first ... and no, it was not a good feeling. I remembered my nausea and emptying the contents of my stomach afterwards. My second and my third men — they were not easy either. I’m ashamed to admit they were different, almost not as hard. I assisted in taking one more life, and truthfully, I blocked any further feeling.
Kail noted that I struggled with my thoughts. I could tell he knew I understood what he spoke about. He didn’t comment, but continued his story.
“I joined in their fight with the sorcerer and dodged a few fire balls myself. Then the sorcerer hurled one straight at the Healer. She lunged in the wrong direction and would have received a direct hit, but Gallen jumped in front of her and —” Kail’s voice cut short as he fought for control. Horror showed on his face as he relived that moment. “He burst into flames. The smell of burning flesh ... I can still smell it. I remember yelling at the sorcerer and I did a stupid thing. I charged him. When he turned to look at me, it gave Dorjan an opening. I’ve never seen anyone move that fast. He leapt behind the sorcerer and ran him through.” Kail demonstrated by plunging an imaginary sword with a thrusting motion.
He shook his head slowly. “I’ve always known him as the town blacksmith. I had no idea he held such power behind a sword.”
I nodded. “Dorjan is a master swordsman.”
Kail looked spent after relaying his story of the battle. He paused again and swallowed. He blinked hard in an effort to control the tears that filled his eyes. I put my hand on his arm and told him. “Go ahead, Kail, just let it out. It’s cleansing.”
I don’t know why men can’t understand that. I could see he was angry with himself and this unknown emotion. But he heeded my words, and dropped his head into his hands as his shoulders shook. I stroked his hair — the only way I knew to offer him support.
He sat up and wiped his dirty sleeves across his dirty face, smearing it more. Breathing a heavy sigh, he bent his head back and stared at the ceiling.
“Dorjan and I then carried Gallen to your chambers. Afterwards, we took the two bodies to the crematorium, and cleaned the blood off the floor. I didn’t want Fiona or her family to see what we had done.
“Then Dorjan went home to contact you, since what he called the communication disc was disabled. He said he’ll return later tomorrow — that would be today, I guess.”
He looked at me, shrugged and said, “That’s about it, Amáne. I thought you were going to fight with us. Where did you go?”
“I had to leave so I wouldn’t get caught here. It would have ruined the plans that the riders have been working on for so long. Eshshah and I are basically in hiding. I felt awful leaving while you risked your lives for us, but I had to follow orders. Thank you, Kail.”
“I’m glad I’m a part of whatever is going on. You can count me in.” Then he turned to me and took in my appearance, “You look like you’re ready to collapse, Amáne. Go get some rest.”
The remainder of the night passed in a blur, except for the last healing session near dawn. Eshshah and I had come to the end of Gallen’s treatment and were happy with our progress. He was healing remarkably well.
Drained and exhausted, I wasn’t sure I could even crawl back to my bedding on the floor with Eshshah.
Gallen stirred, and cried out, “Nara!”
“I’m here Kaelem,” the Healer responded, as she sat on the bed next to him.
“Don’t leave me, Nara.”
“I won’t.”
I raised my eyebrows at that interchange but kept my thoughts to myself ... and Eshshah. I don’t think they were aware that I was in the room.
I woke up a few hours later pleased to see Gallen sitting up in bed, the Healer beside him. They were deep in a quiet conversation. I couldn’t make out their words — I wasn’t fully awake. My eyelids, too heavy to hold open, closed as I fell back into my dreamless sleep.
At midday I awoke alone on the floor in my chamber. My bed was stripped and candles were lit— the scent of lemon grass, rosemary, sage and lavender oil filled the room. Eshshah sunned herself in the courtyard. She informed me that Dorjan had arrived while I slept. He and the Healer had helped Gallen upstairs to his room. Kail had taken Fiona and her family back to their home.
I made my way up to Gallen’s chambers and found him with Dorjan and the Healer in serious discussion. Eshshah’s healing powers had assured his recovery. It would probably take a while for his scars to heal completely. His handsome face had been spared. Hopefully, his once-beautiful blonde hair will grow back. I silently sang a song of thanks to see he had taken well to the treatments.
They stopped talking when I entered the room, which made me uncomfortable. Maybe they were having a discussion about me, or about something to which I was not privy. I excused myself and turned to leave.
“Amáne, don’t leave, please come in,” said Gallen. “I’ve thanked Eshshah a dozen times, but haven’t had a chance to thank you for saving my life. You seem to have acquired the healing powers of your dragon.”
“It wasn’t me, it was all Eshshah, but I’m pleased to see you looking so well.”
He shook his head, “No, Amáne. It was you, along with Eshshah. The two of you worked together and believe me, if it weren’t for you two, I would either be with my ancestors, or wish I were. Thank you.”
I didn’t want to argue with him, and wasn’t about to contradict his belief that I had any kind of healing powers. It was all Eshshah. I just did what I could for him. I smiled, nodded and headed to his bedside to give him a gentle hug and a kiss. He kissed my forehead. The Healer looked at me with unprecedented gratitude. I felt a change in her. She looked younger at that moment. Moving to the other side of the large bed where she sat, I put my arms around her and gave her a long hug.
“The Dragon Rider Council is less than two weeks away,” said Dorjan, “and we were just discussing that we need to finalize our plans to get you back into the castle for a dragon egg. We’ll have to lay out our strategy to propose to Lord Ansel. We like your idea, Amáne, and Bern is already working on his part. You’ve met Bern on the communication disc. He’s in Anbon, not far from the City of Teravinea and has started making the arrangements. We believe this can work.
“As I’ve mentioned before, we have a man inside. He’s high up in Galtero’s court. We don’t know his identity, but Bern does. A short time after Galtero took the throne, this man, we only know him as Ellard, contacted Bern. He told him he’s regretted playing a part in Galtero’s plans when he took the throne. To make up for it, he decided he’d side with us, but remain in his position in the king’s court. He’s been an indispensable ally for many years in our efforts to end Galtero’s
reign. We plan to tell him soon that the heir to the throne lives and that there is now a dragon rider in Teravinea. Ellard will help us in your quest for the egg, Amáne.” Dorjan continued. “Does this still sound like a mission to which you’d agree?”
“You know it does. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. My only concern is that Ansel ... I mean Lord Ansel ... will overrule my quest. He’s already said as much.”
“Well, we’ll have to ensure that won’t happen. We’ll be successful. Of that I’m certain.”
I didn’t even try to stop my flow of tears as I shuffled through the ashes of what was once my mother’s cottage. I found hardly anything salvageable in all of the rubble. A few walls were left standing. They reminded me of the weathered rib bones of whales that had washed up on our shores. Most everything was destroyed. A half-melted piece of jewelry here, a broken piece of pottery there. Everything gone. My entire childhood — gone.
Dorjan had ridden to the cottage with me because the Healer wouldn’t allow me to go alone. I needed to see what was left of my home — I had to face one more outrage after the terror of the last two days.
The cottage had been my last refuge where I could be close to my mother. I could sit at my table with a cup of tea and imagine that she sat with me. I could confide in her — where the sound of her voice still lingered. But now, just the muffled sound of my footsteps in the ashes remained.
As I surveyed the destruction, my mother’s final blessing came back to me, “Amáne, accept whatever befalls you, in great misfortune be patient.”
I let my head fall back and searched the sky, “How much misfortune do I have to endure before I no longer need to be patient?” I wanted to scream these words at the birds overhead, at the broken walls around me, at the boulders that had shielded me, but I felt it wasn’t right to upset Dorjan. Already pacing anxiously, he looked unsure of how to handle my dark mood. So, instead, I swallowed the words and kept them to myself.
I felt myself easing into depression and self pity, and made no effort to stop it. Eshshah had allowed me to wallow, for which I was thankful. Wandering through the destruction, I found the spot where our kitchen table had been. I slumped down in the cinders. A little cloud of ash whirled up around me.
Many hours were spent at this table where my mother told me about her life in the city of Teravinea before she came here with my father, Duer. She had fallen in love with him and for some unknown reason Duer had taken her from the city she loved and brought her here to Dorsal, the farthest corner of the kingdom. To this place, where you had to be born to understand its harshness and its beauty. How difficult must that have been for her?
And then, as if that wasn’t hard enough, he left. Whether or not he knew that I was conceived, he left her here, alone — and let her believe he had more important things to do in working for Galtero. He promised her he would return, and made her promise she would not leave Dorsal. She went to her ancestors still waiting for him. There were times when I caught a sadness in my mother’s eyes that she couldn’t hide. I believed that had he stayed, she wouldn’t have had to work so hard. She would still be here, I would have siblings, we would have been the family I longed for. For these reasons I loathed the man. I never told my mother, but there was a vengeance buried deep in a small black corner of my heart, that if I ever were to meet Duer, I would first make him understand what he had done — shown him what he had missed, and then I would gladly send him to his ancestors. No, I would wish that he never found his ancestors. I should have been ashamed that thought had ever crossed my mind, but at that moment, I had no remorse.
Were my feelings of abandonment related to the struggle I’d been having with my feelings for Ansel? I knew my quest had a lot to do with keeping him at a distance, but what if that was just a surface reason? What if my true fear lay in the possibility that he would abandon me after I’d fully given him my heart — like my father did to my mother? This thought struck me, heavily — my chest constricted, an iron fist gripped my heart. I couldn’t breathe, and this time, I could not swallow my next word.
“No!” I cried out loud.
Dorjan rushed to my side, blade drawn. He scanned our surroundings and seeing that there was no danger present, he said, “Get up, Amáne. I’m taking you home, now.”
Broken, I didn’t argue. He pulled me to my feet. I didn’t even dust the ashes off, but numbly allowed him to lead me to the horses.
After a deep breath, trying to pull myself together, I said, “Wait, Dorjan, let me just walk over here for a minute.” Without waiting for his response, I pulled my hand out of his and headed toward the last place I had been that fateful day, before I had to run from the sorcerer and his companions. Poor Dorjan looked like he couldn’t decide what to do with me, but he let me go without protest.
Walking in the ruin of my mother’s studio, my boot kicked something solid. I stooped down and dug through the ashes. My heart lightened as hope began to show its rays. I blinked the tears away to see what I didn’t think possible — in my hand was the dragon goblet on which I had worked so hard for Ansel’s birthday. I couldn’t believe it. I found it in near-perfect condition. Not broken. It’s final firing completed by the inferno that had destroyed everything else. I used my skirt to wipe it off, and admired the effect the ashes had given the glaze — a unique dark finish.
I stood up slowly and held the goblet in front of me. The dark cloud that had been wrapped around me began to fade as I gazed upon the two dragons, nose to nose, having risen from the ashes.
“What did you find, Amáne?” Dorjan came over and I showed him the goblet.
“I made this for Ansel’s ... Lord Ansel’s birthday,” I whispered, “and it survived.” I hugged it to my chest. “I’m ready to go back to the Healer’s now, Dorjan.”
His face softened, “Amáne, when the time is right we’ll help you rebuild this place.”
I looked up at him as my eyes filled. Allowing a slight smile, I placed the goblet carefully in my satchel, then turned toward the horses.
Eshshah was waiting for me when we arrived back in the courtyard, concern in her thoughts. I hugged her tight, and she hummed to me.
“I don’t like the dark spot on your heart that you’ve saved for Duer,” Eshshah admonished, “nor the depths of where you’ve just been.”
“I don’t like it either, Eshshah, but I’m not sure what I can do about it.”
“It’s called forgiveness, Amáne.”
I had no response.
We went straight to our chambers and I shared with Eshshah the few things I had salvaged. I washed the ashes off the goblet, set it on the table, and stepped back to gaze at it.
“It’s beautiful. I know that Lord Ansel will love it,” she said.
My mother’s necklace beside the goblet still had a few stones left in it. It gave me a great idea. I replicated what Ansel had done with the walking stick he carved with Eshshah’s likeness. I attached a set of green and amber stones to the eyes of the dragons. I nodded, quite pleased with the results.
The Healer, Gallen and Dorjan, along with his wife and young son, planned to leave the following day for Trivingar. It should take them four days on a fast merchant ship. The Healer had decided that it wouldn’t be safe for Eshshah and me to remain in Dorsal by ourselves. We would leave tonight for the Dorsal Outpost. I didn’t want to arrive at Ansel’s manor too much in advance — the less I saw of him before the Council, the better I thought my chances that he would allow our quest. The first and most important priority was for the success of our mission to bring back a dragon egg.
Eshshah and I planned to stay at the Dorsal Outpost for five days and leave for the Arevale Outpost the day before the ball. I figured that day would find Ansel too busy to pay much attention to me. Then, of course, the ball would require his full attention, after which was the Rider’s Council. If I could stay out of his way until the Council, I hoped he would give us his blessings — or at the least, his approval.
M
y desire was to see our quest completed before I could consider rethinking the contradictions of my heart. Suddenly, my fear of abandonment that had immobilized me that day at my mother’s cottage returned. Before panic could set in, I took a deep breath and willed the doubts from my head. This was a matter that would have to reside in another corner of my heart, to be dealt with at a later time. It was hard to believe that Ansel’s and my friendship had gotten even more complicated.
As we all gathered in the courtyard at dark to say farewell, Gallen put his arms around me and kissed my forehead and then saluted. I saluted him back, “Gallen, you don’t know how happy I am that you’ve healed so well. If the Healer can spare you,” I shot a smile at her, “please save a dance for me at the ball. I’ll be your partner for a pavane. I think it’s a slow enough dance, and if they don’t elaborate, I might be able to perform it without tripping over my feet.”
“It would be my pleasure. I’ll make sure you don’t miss a step.”
The only evidence left from Gallen’s brush with death was a slight limp and some scarring. We were all fortunate he would be making the trip in such good health. I shuddered as I recalled the condition in which we had found him only a short time ago.
Dorjan then gave me a strong fatherly hug, kissed my forehead and we saluted each other. “I think I might be jealous unless you promise me one dance. I’m sure my wife would appreciate the break. I’d prefer a little livelier dance than the pavane, though, maybe the galliard?”
I laughed and said, “I think that one might be a little difficult for me. You’re forgetting I’m from Dorsal, and I’ve never been to a ball. I’m more comfortable with the jig. Do they play jigs at courtly balls?”
“Yes, they do. It would be a dull feast if they didn’t. Then it’s settled. I’ll seek you out for the first jig.”
Amáne of Teravinea - The Prophecy (The Teravinea Series Book 2) Page 6
