on a rollercoaster that teetered between elation and panic. Tears were possible on either side.
She didn’t want to fall in love with the house—but she had. Color schemes and furniture filled her mind. Landscape and planter boxes, beds and rocking chairs, china and stemware clouded her thinking. If she told him all of her ideas, he’d for sure close the deal, and she wasn’t sure she wanted him to,
not yet.
There was the letting go she’d demanded of her mother that she was finding she couldn’t do for herself. If he bought the house and they got married and built a nursery, it was final. Everything she’d worked for would be no longer. Holly Jacobs would be no longer. She would be Gabe’s wife. She would be a baby’s mother. The inexorable motion of it terrified her. With or without the house, which she loved, she’d be a wife and a mother. She’d committed to those things. And there was no reason she couldn’t still be one of the best damn textile designers in the world. Then she knew she’d have to decide if that was really what she still wanted.
Gabe parked behind the kitchen entrance of the restaurant. The door was open, and the noise from the dinner crowd filtered outside into the alley.
“Sounds like we’re having a rush.” He turned off the engine and quickly tucked his keys in his pocket and then reached for the door handle.
He was the lifeblood of the restaurant. People relied on him. She’d disrupted his pattern of life by taking him out of the restaurant the night of her birthday. “I shouldn’t have taken
you away.”
Gabe let go of the door handle. “They’re going to have to get used to me being gone. I think they have it under control.”
“Why will you be gone?”
Gabe shifted in his seat and looked at her. “Holly, I want to be with you and the baby. I can’t keep the hours I was keeping and do that. I moved out here to move on, and this is how I did
it. Now it’s time to move on again and let go of some of the control. Chandra has a man coming in for an interview next week.”
Guilt pressed down on her chest. Because of her, he was giving up everything he’d worked so hard for. Who would Gabe Maguire be if he didn’t work so hard? How could they afford to raise a family, a child, if they both weren’t working? “You’re going to hire someone to take over?”
Gabe laughed. “We’ll find someone to take over the bartending duties.”
“What about Chandra?”
“It’s time she got the recognition for running the place, since she does it most of the time anyway.”
Holly nodded. Gabe was willing to give up so much for her, and here she was worried that things were going to change. When had she become so selfish?
She turned to him and pulled him close to her. The heat of his body against hers was as welcoming as the entry to the house as she pressed her lips to his. His mouth was pliant under hers, and his serenity calmed her.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” In the dim glow of the kitchen light, his eyes shimmered.
“No. You don’t understand. This is all crazy, and I’m trying so hard to accept it. I love you and I love our baby and I love the house.” She sucked in a breath. “I love this restaurant and I
love Chandra.”
The corners of his mouth turned up, and he pressed his brow to hers. “She’ll be glad to hear it.”
“I want it all. I want my career. I want my baby. I want a beautiful wedding.” She swallowed hard and placed a hand to her chest, covering her rapidly beating heart. “And, Gabe, I want the house.”
His eyes lit, but then narrowed as though he were waiting for her to slap him with something else. Why would she blame him? She was a crazy woman on the verge of tears blabbering a
million miles a minute in the alley in his car.
“You’re everything I wasn’t looking for.” He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. “I’ll make you happy, Holly. I promise I’ll spend my life trying to make everything perfect.”
“I’ve finally decided, I like things when they aren’t so perfect.”
When the horse was being run over by the cart, she was most happy. And in his car, in the November cold, she was very happy.
It was done. Gabe confirmed with Doug that they wanted the house as soon as he could make the deal. They would close on it just before Christmas.
Every night Holly put his hand to her stomach to urge him to feel the fluttering she felt in her stomach, but he still couldn’t feel the movement. It frustrated him, but he didn’t want to let on. More than anything he wanted to feel his child’s kicks.
Chandra had brought in the man she’d thought could handle taking over for her, and though Gabe thought he had ten too many tattoos, Chandra seemed comfortable with him. He was going to back her. If this was the man for the job, then he’d let her make that decision. Letting go of the ropes was going to be harder than he’d thought. But he owed it to Holly, who was trying to accept change too.
Dinner rush on Sunday was extremely slow. He decided to give Chandra the run of the place and he headed upstairs with a few empty produce boxes. It was time to pack up and make room for a potential renter. Though the prospect of rental income excited him, seeing his bachelor digs go, that was a hard pill to swallow.
He started in the kitchen. That chore took one box and ten minutes. It was pathetic to think that he’d lived for the past six years with four glasses, two coffee mugs, three plates, and a salad bowl. He’d emptied the dishwasher at Holly’s on more
than one occasion. The woman had enough dishes to fill the house without buying anything new.
Next, he cleared out the hall closet. A set of ratty sheets and a Red Sox Snuggie were all he had to take with him to the beautiful home he would share with Holly. There were a few beach towels and one from the Holiday Inn he’d stayed at before his uncle had offered him the apartment. He laughed. He’d gone through the motions of life for years. Finally, he was going to have a life. The very thought warmed him from his head to his feet, until he reached to the top shelf and pulled down
a box.
Gabe sat in the floor. When he opened the box, all the warmth left his body. Inside was Jasmine’s bridal bouquet. The air whooshed out of his lungs as though he’d been punched. He’d completely forgotten he’d kept the box all those years.
The colors were unfaded, the purples and yellows and reds, but the flowers were brittle and dry. He didn’t dare pull it from the box.
A sudden headache made him pinch the bridge of his nose. But, looking at the bouquet, he knew that although some part of him would always miss Jasmine, his grieving was over. He’d moved on from needing her when he realized he loved Holly. In his own demented dreams, Jasmine had given him permission to move on—so why was this stupid bouquet bothering him
so much?
He lifted his head. This bunch of dried flowers was the last thing he had that was Jasmine’s. Everything else of hers was gone—and so was she. The pain of losing her had been real, and he was afraid of feeling that again. That was why he had never dated or moved on until Holly happened along. Now his biggest fear was that he’d lose her too.
If something happened to her or the baby, he’d be devastated—again.
His cell phone rang, and he tossed the box back on a shelf in the closet and jumped up. He pulled it from his pocket.
“Yeah?” he answered quickly, snapping at the person on the other end.
“It’s Holly.” Her voice shook, and there was a lot of noise behind her. The number hadn’t come up as her number.
His stomach knotted. “Where are you?” Panic filled his voice.
“Gabe, can you come get me?” She was yelling above the noise. “Gabe, I’m at home. There’s a fire.”
Chaos on the street surrounded her as she pulled the heavy blanket a fireman had given her around her shoulders. The heavy smoke stung her eyes and burned in her lungs. Holly tried to blink to keep her eyes moist, but she was fearfully fascinated a
t the crackling fire that was wiping away everything she’d worked so hard for.
She’d been lucky she had a pair of shoes by the door so at least she wasn’t standing in the snow barefooted as some of her neighbors were.
Flames shot out of the top of her building, and she could see smoke billow from her bedroom window. Five days before her wedding, and she was homeless. Everything she’d bought herself over the years was in flames. Everything except the wedding dress she’d picked to marry Gabe in, which was safely tucked away at her mother’s house so he’d never see it.
“Holly! Holly!” She heard her name shouted over the sounds of the water and pumps from the fire trucks. When she turned, she saw Gabe racing for her.
His face was white, his hair rumpled as though he’d been tugging on it. He was adorable and completely full of panic.
Gabe grabbed her shoulders and looked her over. “Are you hurt? Did you get burned? The baby…” He reached under the blanket and touched her stomach. “I should get you to a
hospital.”
It wasn’t the time for laughter, but it brewed in her belly, rose to her throat, and escaped. Holly placed her hand over his
and hugged it against her stomach. “I’m fine. I got out the minute I heard the alarm.” She looked up at the fully engulfed building. As flames shot from her bedroom window, the dire situation hit her, and she felt her knees lock.
Gabe must have felt her shift. His arms came around her, and he pulled her back across the street to a bus bench and sat her down. He knelt in front of her and watched her.
“Everything I own is in there.” She watched the flames build behind her living room window. There was a loud pop and the window gave to the heat and exploded down onto the street. People in the crowd screamed and Gabe pulled Holly into her arms, shielding her. But he couldn’t protect her from the sickness stirring in her belly knowing more people joined the crowd fascinated by the flames, not realizing material possessions were being stripped away one ember at a time.
“It’s not important.” Gabe tugged at the blanket around her like a parent would with a child. “What’s important is that you and the baby are okay. I can replace anything of material value that you want me to. Just tell me you’re all right.” His eyes were desperate as they continued to scan over her. He was the only person there not focused on the fire destroying her life. His focus was completely on her.
Holly nodded.
Gabe touched her face. “What happened?”
Holly shifted her glance from the fire to him. The shimmer of tears that filled his eyes squeezed at her heart. The worry that creased them made her tremble. He’d worried about her. This man knew tragedy firsthand. She couldn’t help but feel guilty that she’d put him through the worry. She knew she never wanted to see that kind of pain in his eyes again. “The lady upstairs was cooking. She started a grease fire and dumped water on it. She said the kitchen went up immediately. By the time she’d made it to her front door, it had spread from the kitchen to her living room.”
He looked around the crowd, and the creases around his
eyes deepened. She knew, because she was learning quickly about the man, he was desperate to help everyone. “She’s okay? Was she hurt? Did they call her family?” He tugged again on the blanket, and though she felt cocooned, she knew he was protecting what was his. Holly nodded. “They took her to the hospital for burns on her arms. Everyone made it out. Only a cat is missing.” Holly looked at the woman across the street, bundled in a similar blanket, clutching another cat. The cat she’d lost was like a child to her, and that ripped through Holly. She instinctively wrapped her arm around her stomach, shielding her own child.
He pulled her to him, her face pressed against the softness of his T-shirt, and she could feel the rapid pace of his heart beat against her cheek. “I was so worried, Holly. I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” His voice cracked and he sniffed. She knew the tears that had been pooling in his eyes had finally fallen.
“I was afraid for the baby too.”
Gabe pushed back. His eyes, shielded by worry before, were now narrowed by anger. His lips were thin as he stared down at her. “Do you think that’s all that you are to me? That I’m only in this for the baby? I thought I made it clear how I felt about you.”
Holly swallowed hard and nodded again.
“I love you. And had I had the chance to know you before the baby, I’m fairly sure I would have fallen in love with you then. But as it is we’re going to be a family, and that doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
He stood and paced a circle as he raked his fingers through his hair.
“Do you have to stay here? Will they let you go?”
“I can leave. I should tell them where to find me.” She stood and pulled the blanket tighter.
“Go do that. I’ll wait for you here.”
His words had gone sharp, and she didn’t like what she’d
done to him. He’d been upset enough when he arrived. Why was it she always turned his feelings around?
Holly gave Gabe’s phone number to one of the firefighters and handed him the blanket she’d had wrapped around her. He informed her they would call when the fire was out, and when it was safe, they would remove the items they could salvage.
Gabe sat against the hood of his car, a heavy jacket draped over his arm. When she approached, he slipped the coat over her shoulders, and she slid her arms through the sleeves.
He looked up at the building engulfed in flames. “You don’t have anything at my place, do you?”
Holly shook her head.
“Let’s run by the store and get you a few things. I’m sure when my mother and my sisters get here tomorrow, they’ll be more than happy to help you replenish your wardrobe.” He turned to open the car door.
More than even the smoke in her lungs, his eyes had burned through her, and she hated that she’d hurt him. Holly reached for his arm. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” But his voice was flat as though he were just repeating what she’d said.
“No. Gabe, I love you. I’m sorry for doubting you.”
His lips tightened again and his eyebrows drew closer together. “Should I take you to Tracy’s or to your parents’ house?”
A loud breath escaped her as she felt as though he’d punched her in the gut. “Why?”
“I just want to give you options. If you come home with me, we’d be living together. You made it quite clear you didn’t want me to expect that just because we’re having a baby that you’d be moving in.” He tunneled his fingers through his already mussed hair. “I know I’ve been staying here, but right now I’m not sure you want to be living with me.”
“I never want to live anywhere without you.” She moved in closer and rested her head on his shoulder. Gabe lifted his
arms around her and held her tight. At that moment, a fiery explosion blew out the rest of the windows from her condo. She covered her ears as Gabe moved in and the crowd gasped and screamed. Loss, grief, and sadness enveloped her. But as she felt the distinct movement of the baby, she knew nothing else mattered. She pressed harder to Gabe, but he didn’t react. He didn’t feel the new life inside of her.
Gabe opened the car door, and she sat inside the safety of the car and closed her eyes against the flames. If there was a time to move forward with her new life, the time was now. She was sorry she’d ever been so selfish about the life she’d built for herself. Obviously she’d made it very clear that what was hers was hers, because now even Gabe doubted that she could be happy living with him.
Chapter Twelve
The phone rang at seven that morning, and Holly wasn’t surprised to hear Tracy’s voice on the other end.
“Don’t you dare come into the office today. In fact, I don’t want to see your face at your desk until after your honeymoon.”
“Tracy, I’m fine. Gabe has checked me over at least a hundred times, and all I have is a tiny scratch on my arm
from where I hit the door as I started down the stairwell.”
“I said don’t you dare try to come in. I’ve called the clients who are waiting on designs and told them about the fire. They’re very understanding.” Tracy let out a loud breath. “I drove by the building today on my way in. Oh, honey. What
a mess.”
“I know.” Holly walked to the window and looked down at the street below. The day was beginning, people were making their trek into town. “Gabe’s been so patient with me. I cried over my shoe collection and my furniture. The book collection my grandmother gave me is gone. But Tracy…” She stepped back from the window. “I’m blessed. A few more hours and I would have been asleep. I made it out alive, and that’s all that matters.”
“Damn straight that’s all that matters.”
Holly settled into the chair in the living room. She saw the picture frame lying facedown on the table next to her and turned it over. Jasmine and Gabe smiled up at her. She looked up on the mantel where she’d put it before, and a sharp pain pierced her chest. He’d needed to look at it again. “I think
Gabe was more scared than I was.” She stood the picture on the table and tucked her feet under her. Then she settled her hand on her stomach, which she realized was almost double the size it had been a few days earlier.
“He has a lot to lose. More than some stupid Italian shoes.”
“I know. I feel guilty that I even cried over it. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose someone you love.”
Their conversation stilled, and in the quiet Holly wondered just how bad Gabe had been when Jasmine died. Seeing his reaction and having him hover over her all night had been enough to drive her mad. But he’d been afraid, that much was obvious. Holly knew she’d scared him back to six years ago when the woman he loved died.
Cart Before The Horse Page 17
