by J. S. Scott
Travis slammed his fist down on the wooden desk, making everything on the surface rattle. “Don’t you think I’ve tried? I don’t want anyone else. I can’t do another woman. I just want her. I want to kill any man who looks at her, anyone who hurts her in any way. I want to give her anything and everything she wants. I want her to be happy, dammit.”
Kade grinned at Travis. “Why didn’t you try to take her away from her asshole ex before?”
“Because I didn’t know he was a bastard. I thought she was happy. I’m an asshole, Kade. Everybody knows that. I thought she was better off with a nice guy.”
“And now that she’s single?” Kade prompted.
“She’s mine,” Travis growled. “I’m not giving her a chance to hook up with another loser. If she wants an asshole, she can just take me.”
Kade chuckled before he answered more seriously, “It’s your turn, Travis. You’ve spent your whole life taking care of the business, the employees, Mia, and me. It’s time for you to figure out what you need.”
“I need her,” Travis replied desperately. “Christ. I don’t know how you do it. How do you need a woman so much and survive?”
Kade smirked. “You don’t. So you make damn sure you get her.”
“She’s stubborn,” Travis grumbled. “She doesn’t even want to take the new clothes I bought for her. It’s in her damn contract. I provide her a new wardrobe.”
Kade grimaced. “Women are funny that way. Asha did the same thing.”
“And what did you do?”
“I ignored her protests. She got over it eventually and took them from Maddie as a gift from her sister.”
“Ally complains pretty loud,” Travis answered unhappily, knowing she’d make it difficult for him not to hear her. But he’d still try to ignore it. He wanted her to keep the clothes. Christ! It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford it.
“I know,” Kade said happily. “It’s one of the reasons I think she’s perfect for you.” He hesitated before asking, “What would you have done if Ally hadn’t found out her ex was a dick? What if she had actually gotten married?”
“I don’t know,” Travis answered honestly. “I tried not to think about it, tried to tell myself it didn’t matter. But if it came down to that day, that moment, I’m not so sure I wouldn’t have done just about anything to keep it from happening. The only thing that had ever stopped me was the possibility of ruining her happiness. Shit! I have no idea how I never noticed how tired she was, or how miserable things were for her. I didn’t know she had to work in a damn bar to make ends meet. I thought she had the perfect life, the perfect fiancé who was getting ready to start a prosperous career. I wanted her, but I didn’t think I was the best thing for her.” He was a murderer and an unfeeling bastard. He’d wanted Ally to have someone better than that.
“And now?” Kade asked solemnly.
“Now I’m taking her. After understanding the bullshit she put up with for years, even being with me would be better than that. I’d treat her good, Kade. I’d give her whatever she wanted.”
“Nobody knew what Ally was going through. She hid it very well. It isn’t your fault. I don’t think any of us could see beneath her tough exterior,” Kade told his brother thoughtfully. “I think she just needs a man who cares about her. From what Asha tells me, Ally’s self-esteem got hammered pretty badly. This asshole has obviously been knocking her down mentally for years.”
“He killed her dreams,” Travis said harshly. “Not only did he betray her and leave her stuck with his bills, but he didn’t support her writing either.”
“Ally writes?” Kade asked, surprised.
“Yeah. Incredible stories. She’s talented, and I’m not just saying that because I have a hard-on for her. She has a gift, and he never encouraged it. He made her give it up, manipulated her into thinking everything was her fault or her responsibility. All that the bastard wanted was a meal ticket to get him through school. I’m pretty sure he actually had no intention of going through with the wedding at all. He just played on all of Ally’s weaknesses to get her to support him.” Travis clenched his fists on top of the desk, wishing he had his hands around Ally’s ex’s neck. “She’s so damn smart and beautiful. I don’t know how he managed to convince her otherwise. But he did. Bastard!”
“Sometimes we don’t always see ourselves the way others do, Trav. If someone beats you down long enough, you start to believe it,” Kade replied sadly. “Ally obviously doesn’t see her own worth anymore except for her work. She may be confident in her job, but not in her value as a person. Look at what happened with Asha.”
Travis knew what Kade was saying was true, knew what it was like to be beaten down until you couldn’t see reality. He, Kade, and Mia had experienced that during their childhood and adolescence. Luckily, they’d all had one another. Travis had a hard time comparing Ally to Asha, their personalities on the surface so different. Asha was quieter, shyer. “Asha’s getting better.”
Kade nodded. “She is. But you and I both know that it takes time to undo years of conditioning. Asha and Ally have very different personalities, but I think the reason they became friends is because they understand each other in the ways that really matter.”
“How can I fix her?” Travis asked huskily.
Kade laughed. “She’s not a car, Travis. She’s a woman. They’re much more complicated.”
“No shit. And you aren’t much help.” Travis glared at his twin.
“I think you’ll figure it out. If you really care about her, that’s all that really matters. It’s a hell of a lot more than she’s had in the past.” Kade rose and strolled to the door. He turned around as he opened the door, looking first at Travis and then at his desk, and then smirked. “I think I figured out why you have a love/hate relationship with that desk.”
Travis watched as his brother left the office, letting the door close quietly behind him, still trying to figure out exactly what Kade meant by that comment. Certainly, Kade couldn’t know…
Shaking his head, Travis glanced at the clock, convinced that Kade could never guess why he was really having a “desk frustration” problem. It was three o’clock. Damn! Most days he didn’t give a shit what time it was for any reason other than appointments. Now, he willed the damn clock to move faster.
Irritated, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and sent a text to Ally.
Six o’clock instead of seven.
There. That was one less hour he’d have to wait. At least he’d get to see her sooner. If Ally wasn’t ready or she didn’t get his message, then he’d just wait…or think of something else to fill the time…
He put his phone back in his pocket and turned back to his computer, wondering if he’d completely lost his mind, and thinking he was the most desperate, pathetic guy on the face of the earth. What the hell difference did an hour make?
His phone pinged that he had a text, and he dug it out again eagerly. It was from Ally, and there were no words, just a picture. He touched the image and it came up full screen, a photo of the delicate red lingerie with barely there red panties and a red garter belt.
Travis almost dropped the damn phone.
He groaned quietly and decided that an hour was going to make a hell of a lot of difference.
Ally studied herself in the full-length mirror in her bedroom. It was only five thirty, but she was as ready as she was going to be. The red dress was simple, the neckline plunging a little more than she usually liked, and it clung to her hips in ways she wasn’t exactly certain were good for her figure. But she thought she looked passable. She’d taken time with her hair and makeup, leaving her blonde locks down to caress her back and shoulders. The hem of the dress came almost to her knees, and the three-quarter length sleeves hid her healing road rash. The three-inch stilettos made walking a little precarious, but if she stepped carefully she’d be okay.
Ally wished, not for the first time, that she was thin and pretty. She sighed as she turned away from the mi
rror, chastising herself for caring. She was just going out to dinner with the boss. Travis looked at her with hunger in his eyes, but she still had a very hard time believing that a man like him actually wanted her, or why he actually did. Maybe he was as lonely as she was sometimes. Even when she’d been engaged to Rick, she’d felt alone. She just hadn’t really had time to think about it then.
Fingering the chain around her neck as she walked carefully down the stairs, her heart lightened as she thought about Travis and the faith he’d had in her when he’d given her the unicorn. She wouldn’t—she couldn’t—make too much out of the attention Travis was giving her. While it might be good for her ego, there couldn’t possibly be anything more to his behavior than to lighten her spirits, and maybe a misplaced sense of responsibility for their accident in the parking lot. Men like Travis Harrison weren’t interested in women like her. Yeah. Maybe he would screw her if he was in-between women, but having a brief affair with him wouldn’t be good for her. It would leave her feeling even more empty when it was over. She needed to remember that.
The doorbell rang and her eyes flew to the clock. He was twenty-five minutes early. Her pulse accelerated as she walked to the door and grasped the handle, wondering if she really should have sent that picture of the red lingerie she was wearing. It had been an impulse, a rare mischievous moment for her. Now, she wondered what he’d say.
The face that greeted her was not the one she’d been expecting, and the slight smile on her lips turned to a frown as she saw her ex-fiancé standing on her doorstep in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, looking more disheveled than she’d ever seen him. Ally took in his light brown hair and even features, waiting for the emotions she should be feeling to register. But she felt…nothing.
“What do you want?” she asked him calmly, wanting nothing more than for him to leave.
“I want to come back, Ally.” Rick sent her a tormented look.
“No,” she answered simply. Did he seriously think she’d even consider it? She might be codependent, but she wasn’t that damn pathetic.
He walked around her and into the foyer. “You got me fired. I think you at least owe me a place to stay.”
Ally closed the door and faced him. “I didn’t get you fired. And you should be in jail for the money you charged to me after you screwed someone else in this house and we broke up.”
“Bullshit. My boss knew exactly what happened. How would he know that? He didn’t think it was appropriate behavior for a new professional in the practice. They’re all family men. How would he have found out, if not for you? You, me, and Amber were the only ones who knew,” Rick said bitterly.
Ally gritted her teeth. “Get out. Go stay with your new girlfriend. You’re not staying here.”
“Amber doesn’t want me to stay with her. She said she’s reconsidered our relationship and she broke up with me.” His tone got whiney and less angry.
Maybe because you’re a cheating bastard! Did his girlfriend even know, or had Rick made up some fantastic story that the woman had bought into because she was young and naïve? “Did she know we were engaged?”
“I’d told her we were having problems. We were, Ally. You were gaining weight, and you came home every night smelling like alcohol, grease, and cigarettes from the bar. It wasn’t exactly good for our romantic relationship. You never had time for me. I needed you, but you were never there. So I slipped up. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but we were together five years. Do you really want to give all that up for one mistake? We should try again.” His blue eyes weren’t pleading or remorseful. His look was calculated and so were his words. “I was going to pay you back. I needed something to get me through until I started getting paid. I’d been thinking about us anyway. I think we could have worked everything out. We planned for years. It just got too hard having you gone all the time.”
Bastard! He’d needed the money to buy things to impress his new woman. No doubt he hadn’t thought for even a second about her until his girlfriend started having second thoughts. He’d all but admitted that.
She took a long, hard look at Rick. He was physically attractive, but the sight of him made her guts churn. This man, this unfaithful jerk, had been her whole life for years. Now, he wanted her to take him back? He wasn’t just an ass; he was sociopathic. “So you came running back here until you find another job and another woman to screw?”
“Ally, I need you. I didn’t realize how much until I didn’t have you anymore.” His eyes roamed her face and body. “You look good. Have you lost weight?”
She clenched her fists, trying desperately not to let him get to her. This man had been her life, her reason for existing, until he’d ruined everything.
He’s trying to make you feel guilty. He’s trying to get to you, make you feel like he’s justified because of your behavior.
Maybe she hadn’t been there every time he needed her, but she’d been working for them. “I worked my ass off for you, Rick. And I’m not responsible for you losing your job. And yeah, I let my appearance go because I needed sleep more than I needed a haircut or a manicure. And yeah, I gained a few pounds because I didn’t have time to work out or watch my diet. I was too busy worrying about you and what you wanted.”
“Ally, I regret—”
She held up her hand to silence him. “The only thing I regret is wasting five years of my life on you.” She yanked on the door and pulled it wide open. “Now get the hell out of my house.”
Rick shot her an angry look, no longer hiding behind his remorseful façade. “You’ll regret this, Ally. We built a life together. You were trying to get me back by making me lose my position. But I’ll get another one, and you’ll hate yourself for not giving us another chance.”
“Get out,” she spat out angrily, her hand on the doorknob trembling.
Rick slowly walked out the door, shooting her a murderous expression. “You’re throwing everything away. Everything we worked so hard to get. You’re not so young anymore, and you’ve never been exactly beautiful. I was the most successful guy you were ever going to find.”
Ally slammed the door and bolted it, the wood hitting him in the ass on his way out the door. She just stood there for a moment, her whole body quaking with anger.
Why did his barbs still hurt? She didn’t feel anything but loathing for him anymore, but her mind was plagued with doubts.
You gained weight.
You never had time for me.
You’ve never been exactly beautiful.
I needed you. You never had time for me.
Rationally, she knew he was an asshole, but for some reason, his negative words still made her stomach roll.
One tear rolled down her cheek, and then another. And she wasn’t even sure why she was crying. Maybe it was because of the empty years she’d been with Rick, or maybe it was because of his manipulative comments meant to hurt her enough to take him back.
She sat on the couch, trying to make sense of her jumbled thoughts. She’d gone from her verbally abusive alcoholic mother to Rick, and she could hear both of their voices in her head. Her mother hadn’t ever really had anything nice to say when she wasn’t in a comatose state, rambling on about how her father had died, leaving her with an unappreciative, ugly child to feed. Ally knew they were the ramblings of a bitter alcoholic, but they’d still shaped the way she felt about herself. And then she’d met Rick, and although he hid his criticism beneath a veneer of manipulation, his veiled disparagement had hurt just as badly.
Had she wanted to be loved so desperately that she’d been willing to take what Rick had to offer because it was better than nothing?
A strangled sob left Ally’s mouth, her tears falling more readily. Really, it all boiled down to the fact that she had wanted to be loved. “He never loved me,” she whispered in an anguished voice. “And I don’t think I ever loved him.” Rick had used her, and in a way, she’d used him, too. She’d wanted to fill the aching loneliness inside her, and she’d fooled herself in
to believing that if she worked hard enough, if she gave up enough for Rick, he’d love her. “I’m a stupid, stupid woman.” She hadn’t loved Rick either. She’d just convinced herself that she did because maybe he was right. Maybe she had felt he was the best she’d ever get or that he was all she deserved.
Ally was openly sobbing when the doorbell rang. Choking back her emotions, she hastily swiped her palms over her cheeks, trying to hide her tears.
Travis.
Any excitement she’d felt earlier about an evening with her boss had fled. She didn’t want to go out with him. She didn’t want to see anyone. All she needed was some time to get herself together again. Seeing Rick had left her a mess, emotionally vulnerable. There was no way she could face Travis right now. Her emotions were too close to the surface.
She went to the door, but she didn’t open it. Checking the peephole, she could see Travis’s face. “I have to cancel for tonight. I’m not feeling well,” she called through the door in the calmest voice possible. “I’m sorry.”
“Are you sick?” Travis’s low baritone sounded concerned. “Open the door, Alison.”
“Can’t. I might be contagious. I’ll call you when I’m feeling better.” Her voice trembled, and she cursed herself for allowing her anxiety to creep into her tone.
“You’re upset. Open the door now,” Travis demanded. “I’m not leaving until I see if you’re okay.”
Dammit. Why did Travis have to be so damned persistent? And stubborn! “Why can’t you just go away? I don’t want to see anyone right now.” Her desperation to get rid of him made her break her pretense of being ill.
“You’re not sick. You’re upset. Open the door or I’ll break a window,” Travis threatened ominously.
Problem was, Ally knew Travis never made empty threats, and the last thing she wanted was to replace a window. He’d do it without a thought. Part of her was angry because he was threatening her, but another part was touched because it appeared like he genuinely cared. None of this was Travis’s fault. The least she could do was face him, let him know she was okay.
