A Matter of Honor

by Stargate

  They were twenty feet away, no more. But the air was full of weapons fire and she could hear the stump, stump, stump of heavy boots approaching from the corridor beyond. Edging across the floor she flinched with every explosion, until a voice bellowed, "Jaffa! Sha'lokma'kor!"

  Gunfire rattled in response. "Carter! Run!"

  Scrabbling to her feet, she launched herself toward the door. Now or never. Now or- A blast caught her in the back. She was falling.... Someone yelled, not her. Gunfire filled the air until she couldn't breathe, and the floor came up to meet her with a bone-crunching thud that smashed her into darkness.

  Hiding in the shadowed doorway, Jack watched as Carter hit the floor. The zat blast caught her in the back and she fell like a stone, cracking her head and lying motionless as the blue light danced across her body. Behind her, Jaffa flooded into the room. One paused and turned her over with the toe of his boot. Jack felt his stomach dissolve as the man dropped to one knee and lifted her head by the hair. He was going to kill her. "Kree'ta!" barked another, followed by something unintelligible. The Jaffa holding Carter glanced up, shrugged, and let her head drop back to the floor.

  "Jack, we have to go," Daniel whispered urgently, pulling on his arm. "I've got Sam's pack."

  "And they've got Carter!" His weapon spewed another round, sending the startled Jaffa scattering. But more were filling the room, a fire storm of staff-blasts scorching the air. It looked like a whole damn platoon.

  "We cannot defeat them here, O'Neill." Teal'c's voice boomed through the chaos. "And we must not permit Major Carter's device to fall into Baal's hands."

  Screw the device. Jack's mind was red with panic. "We can't let Carter fall into Baal's hands!" Acid, daggers, cold white death again and again... Never. "We can't-"

  A staff-blast exploded into the wall behind his head, showering them with jagged, biting debris.

  "Jack, we'll come back!" Daniel yelled, hefting Carter's pack over one shoulder. "But we have to get out of here. Now!"

  Fight or flight? His mind was torn between the two, slowly pulling apart like a fraying rope. Don't let them take you! He'd blow his own brains out before he'd let them drag him back to that hell. But would he blow her brains out to save her from the same nightmare? His weapon dipped. He'd killed her before, once. He knew he could do it. He'd killed her to save her.

  His finger tightened on the trigger.

  "Jack!" Daniel grabbed his gun, horrified. "What the hell...?"

  Reality slammed home, his weapon snapped up. Oh God... Keeping his eyes on Carter, he started to back away. "Fall back," he barked. "Fall back!" Scanning the ceiling and walls of the control room, he took aim at an illuminated sconce and fired. "Kill the lights. We have to hide."

  Daniel and Teal'c understood, and as the lights shattered he watched Carter fall into shadow. "Go," he hissed to his friends, grabbing Daniel's arm to keep from losing him in the darkness. Together, in pitch black silence, they fled into the depths of Baal's fortress.

  He was leaving her behind. He was leaving her in hell.

  Bill Crawford stood before the Stargate, laptop in one hand and briefcase in the other, staring at the stubbornly inert `gate. A scattering of soldiers - or whatever they were called in the Air Force - decorated the edges of the room, all studiously avoiding his gaze and doing a good job of blending into the gray walls of the `gate room. He'd been there for twenty minutes and his patience was evaporating. There was nothing he hated more than being made to look a fool.

  At his side Lieutenant Ashley stood stiffly, staring through the empty Stargate as if she was wishing herself light years away. As well she should. He turned on her, glaring. "Five minutes, you said. Where the hell is he?"

  Ashley flinched. "On his way, sir. General Hammond is- He had some urgent business to attend to before-"

  "Urgent business my ass!" From the flush on her face he knew he was right. Hammond was yanking his chain, making him look a damn fool in front of the silent, sniggering men. Oh yes, he knew they were sniggering behind their impassive soldier faces. Sniggering at the suit outwitted by the uniform. Showed what they knew; when it came to real power he held all the cards. He turned on Ashley, coming noseto-nose with her. "I've had enough," he hissed, carefully setting down his laptop and briefcase. "You tell Hammond that he's violating direct orders and I'll see him in a court martial for this act of-"

  "I don't think so, son." The slow Texan drawl came from the doorway behind him.

  Turning, Crawford saw the general march into the room. He wasn't in his usual uniform, but instead was dressed in the same drab greens that O'Neill and his team had wom on Kinahhi. And he appeared to be armed. Behind him followed four other men, similarly dressed and clutching ugly guns. "What the hell are you doing?"

  "Following orders, Ambassador." Hammond turned and looked up at the control room. "Dial the Kinahhi home world, Sergeant."

  Crawford gaped as the `gate began to spin. "You're coming with me? Why?"

  Hammond smiled. "To investigate the allegations in your report. You've accused my people of a serious offense, sir. I intend to get to the bottom of it."

  "But-"

  The general took a step closer, head cocked slightly to one side. "Unless there's some additional information you'd like to share that might save me the trip, Ambassador?"

  Swallowing his anxiety, Crawford jutted out his chin and followed his father's advice. Never look weak "You know everything I do, General. I have nothing to hide."

  "Is that so?" Hammond asked quietly. Before Crawford could answer the Stargate burst open, startling him with its wild blue flare. At least he stayed on his feet this time. The general gestured to the four men behind him. "Colonel Tyler, proceed at your discretion."

  The colonel, yet another mook in uniform, nodded to Hammond and waved his team forward. "Allen, Kendall, with me. Barker, stay with the general."

  As the soldiers stepped up onto the ramp, Hammond moved to follow. "After you, Ambassador," he offered generously, and with a smile added, "I don't get to do this nearly enough."

  Suppressing his irritation, Crawford picked up his laptop and briefcase and strode up the ramp. Hammond wasjust a soldier - what did he know about the intricacies of diplomacy and politics? The only thing he'd find on Kinahhi was the evidence to condemn his precious SG1. And with that cheerful thought Crawford set his jaw and stepped into the icy vortex of the wormhole, praying that this time he wouldn't lose his breakfast when he emerged on the other side.

  He'd blow his own brains out before he'd let them drag him back to that hell. But would he blow her brains out to save her from the same nightmare? His weapon dipped. He'd killed her before, once. He knew he could do it. He'd killed her to save her.

  The memory twisted like an over-wound clock spring, turning and turning until his mind was too tight to move. He sat locked in rigid immobility, watching as the scene played over and over in his head. He'd been ready to kill Carter. He'd been ready to kill her to save her from his own nightmare. What the hell had he been thinking? A terrified laugh bubbled up in his throat and he sucked it back down hurriedly. Quiet. He had to be quiet. Teal'c and Daniel were resting, sleeping after the hours they'd spent creeping through the ruined fortress with the Jaffa snapping at their heels. Not wanting to be trapped, he'd insisted they make camp in this cold, damp corridor that hadn't seen life for months. Water and the icy night air were seeping in from somewhere, and a soft light that might have been cast by a moon followed where they led. It was cold, but better that than being trapped like rats in a room with no way out. A room that twisted and turned, upside down and right side up. He shivered.

  The image of Carter's body, sprawled lifelessly on the floor, bled into his mind. But he pushed it away. He refused to think about where she was, what they were doing to her. He couldn't bear to; it threatened to cut the last few strands binding body and soul together. He just prayed that Baal wasn't there, that she wouldn't have to see that slick, careless face as the knife cut into her-r />
  Memory erupted as keen as a blade. He jerked so hard that water sloshed from the canteen he was clutching and splashed coldly onto his leg. His damn hand was shaking.

  "Jack?" It was Daniel, roused from a half-sleep.

  "It's nothing."

  But Daniel wasn't stupid. "Did you hear something?"

  "Go back to sleep."

  "I wasn't." He pushed himself upright and rested his back against the wall next to Jack. He shivered. "It's cold in here."

  "Air conditioning courtesy of Lord Yu."

  A soft grunt was his answer, and they drifted into a silence interrupted only by Teal'c's deep breathing. Odd to see him sleeping, Jack thought. He wondered what he dreamed about. Did he have night mares? Did he relive all that he'd been forced to do in the name of Apophis? Had he ever ripped a man's soul from his body, piece by piece? Life by life. Endlessly, hopelessly-

  "Jack?"

  The canteen in his hand was shaking so hard water was dripping from his fingers. Not just his hand, he realized. His whole body. It must be the cold. Daniel was right; it was freezing and-

  "I'm sorry."

  "For what?" Damn, his teeth were chattering.

  "I shouldn't have let you come back here."

  Jack snorted. "And it was your decision how?"

  In the faint ambient glow of their makeshift campsite, Jack saw light flash against Daniel's glasses as he stirred. "I was there, Jack. I know what happened. I saw what Baal-"

  "Stop!" He couldn't hear this. "Just stop it."

  But Daniel was relentless. "No one could go through that without being... damaged. It's not surprising that you-"

  "Damaged?" The word escaped like steam from an engine. "So now I'm a basket case?" A shivering, pathetic basket case willing to kill a friend in the name of his own fear.

  "No!" A firm hand on Jack's wrist accompanied the word. "Jesus, Jack, anyone who'd been through that would have some kind of reaction to being back here! You're only human."

  "Am I?" His weapon dipped. He'd killed her before, once. He knew he could do it. He'd killed her to save her. He yanked his arm out of Daniel's grasp, still shaking. He damn well couldn't stop shaking.

  "Yes, you are." Daniel's words were calm and even, spoken with such faith that Jack almost bought the fiction. "He couldn't take that from you."

  The bloody, pulped face of a dead Jaffa seemed into his memory, his own hands slick with blood. He shivered. "You sure?"

  "He didn't break you, Jack. You protected Shallan. You saved her!"

  But he was wrong. "I was lucky, that's all. Without you..." - he laughed, the sound scarily on the edge of hysteria - "...and without Yu, I would have talked. I almost did. You know that. I was this close to it." He sucked in a shivering breath. "Why else would you offer me ascension?"

  "To save your soul, Jack." There was a pause. "Maybe I was wrong?"

  "You were a Higher Being, Daniel. How could you be wrong?"

  Daniel shifted again, moving close enough that Jack could feel the faint warmth of another human being through the chill air. But it didn't stop him shaking. "I was wrong just now."

  "What?"

  Daniel's head leaned back, landing softly against the stone wall. "Sam didn't think you should come back here. She thought it would be too difficult. She wanted to protect you. And for a moment there, I thought-" He sounded like a kid at confession. "For a moment there I thought she was right."

  Jack looked away, staring down at the dim outline of the canteen clutched in his still shaking hand. He'd aimed his gun right at her head, finger tight on the trigger. "She was right," he rasped. "You should've listened to her."

  "No. Think about it. Why are you here?" When Jack didn't respond, Daniel answered his own question. "To save Henry Boyd and SG-10. You're not here for revenge, or because you're following orders. You came here to save people, knowing how hard it would be. Knowing you'd probably be fighting more nightmares than Jaffa."

  Jack just stared down at the canteen. His fingers were freezing. "So?"

  "Don't you get it? If Baal had broken you, if he'd destroyed what makes you human - what makes you Jack - then you wouldn't be here." His tone warmed, a trace of a smile on his lips. "Come on, who else but Jack O'Neill would be this stupidly brave?"

  Brave? "Wrong again, Daniel. Scared stupid, maybe. Not brave." If he was brave he wouldn't be so afraid he could hardly breathe, so traumatized that even the thought of seeing that room again made him want to vomit. So screwed up that he'd considered putting a bullet in Carter's head.

  "It is you who are mistaken, O'Neill." Teal'c had woken up, or perhaps he'd never been sleeping at all. "There is no courage without fear."

  For crying out loud. "I shot you, Teal'c! I could have damn well killed you. If Daniel hadn't-" His voice choked on humiliation. "I was afraid. Scared shitless. And it nearly killed you."

  "And yet you are still here," Teal'c observed calmly. "You have not given up on Henry Boyd. Or Major Carter. A lesser man would retreat in the face of such overwhelming fear."

  "Don't think I don't want to!" He surged to his feet, control slipping. He tried to hold onto it, but it flailed away like a rope cut under tension. "Don't think I don't want to run for it and never, ever set foot in this stinking hole again!" He stopped, turning and pressing his forehead against the cold wall, sucking in a raw breath as the truth leaked out quietly and shamefully. "Don't think I haven't thought about giving up. On Boyd and Carter."

  Teal'c rose fluidly to his feet. "The fact that you do not, O'Neill, is testament to the man I am honored to call brother. Our choices, not our impulses, define us."

  "He's right," Daniel added, also standing. "Whatever you feel, you'd never abandon them. I know you, Jack. You're a better man than that."

  He closed his eyes, forehead knocking gently against the cold stone. ""Aim IT'

  "You're still here, aren't you?"

  He supposed he was. Despite the nauseating sense of dread coiling in the pit of his stomach, he was still here. He blew out a shaky breath and felt it reflect off the wall, walling an ephemeral warmth against his face. I'm still here. I'm still alive. I'm still Jack O Neill

  And Majors Boyd and Carter still needed him. No one gets left behind.

  He didn't move, forehead still resting against the wall. "Daniel? Where do you think the power unit is?"

  Daniel's back came to rest next to him. When he spoke, his voice was deliberately matter of fact. Businesslike. Jack could have hugged him. "I've identified a couple of ceremonial chambers in the complex. My guess is one of those. Perhaps an altarpiece, a focus of worship."

  "Can you find it?"

  "I think so."

  With both hands, Jack pushed himself away from the wall and turned. All he could see of Teal'c was the faint gleam of moonlight reflecting off the brand on his forehead. Just like the moment he'd nearly shot him. He swallowed hard and pushed past the memory. "Carter said we need a ship. If there're Jaffa here, there must be a TicTac around someplace."

  Teal'c cocked his head in a moment of pointed silence. "There is likely to be a tel'tak close to the fortress. Most probably a landing platform on the roof"

  "Good. Go with Daniel to find the power unit, then head to the roof and get yourselves a ride. A fast one."

  Daniel moved again, glasses flashing in the dim light. "What about you?"

  "Me?" Standing up straight, Jack squared his shoulders and took a deep breath. It was steady. He wasn't shaking anymore. "I'm going to find Carter."

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  am woke slowly and groggily, her head aching and nerves jangling with the familiar, slightly toasted sensation of a zat blast. Must have been at close range, she figured, to keep her out this long. She knew it had to have been a while because she found herself staring up at a low, unfamiliar ceiling.

  Without much hope she reached for her P90 - it was gone, as was her Beretta, her zat, and even the dive knife she carried. No radio either, but at least the flashlight was still in her ve
st. Slowly standing, she switched on the light and glanced around the odd-looking cell. It was long and rectangular, with a ceiling she could almost touch. At the far end, molded into the wall, were what could have been benches if the wall had been the floor. As it was, she couldn't guess their purpose and turned her attention to the other end of the long cell, where a hefty metal grate covered the square entrance.

  Cautiously she approached, ears open for any sounds. But all was silence. The grate itself was heavy, dark and roughly made. A low hatch had been cut through the metal, secured by a very crude-looking bolt. Had her hands been smaller, and her arms about a foot longer, she could have reached through and opened it; not exactly the kind of technology she'd expected from Baal. It was curiously makeshift. It occurred to her that the cell might once have been secured by a force shield that had been disabled during Lord Yu's attack. Her heart did a little nervous skitter as she considered the possibility that this was where the colonel had been detained.

  Banishing the thought, Sam tucked her flashlight into her belt, curled both hands around the bars and gave them a good shake. Nothing - didn't move an inch. Standing back, she leveled a hefty drop-kick at the center of the grate. It reverberated with a satisfying clang, but achieved little more than a substantial jarring of her knee. Improvised it might be, but the door to her cell was as impenetrable as any force shield.

  Swallowing a growing sense of frustration and panic, she pressed her face against the grate and tried to see farther down the corridor. She angled the head of her flashlight through the bars, revealing a row of open, square doorways just like hers. Except hers was the only one barred; all the rest were dark and empty.

  "Hello?" she called, her voice echoing thinly back to her. No answer.

  She tried to take it as a good sign; at least the rest of her team must have escaped. She fervently hoped they'd taken the Kinahhi anti-gray device with them. At the very least, she hoped they'd destroyed it. The idea of Baal turning Earth's sun into a black hole with the aid of a weapon built by her own hands was an irony too bitter to contemplate. Kinsey would love it.