Nothing came to mind that I thought a worthwhile topic to discuss. Our recent escape wasn’t a subject I wanted to bring up, so I ate in silence. Throughout the meal I could feel King Ansel’s gaze upon me. He’d turn to a dragon rider and exchange a few words, or laugh with a soldier, but I noted his laughter didn’t reach his eyes. Always, he drew his attention back to me.
My focus remained on my plate. I welcomed the numbness embracing me and found it easy to reject the cheerful mood that filled the dining hall. The revelry gave support to my desire for reclusion. Add to that, King Ansel’s nearness sent my mind hallucinating a multitude of impossible scenarios — some of which sent heat rising up to my face.
You are truly mad, Amáne. Have you always been this foolish? You are a commoner. Royalty does not associate with someone of your station.
Dark confusion whirled in my head. I knew my home lay somewhere in Teravinea. I was sure to be returned to where I belonged, but what then?
What if my memories never come back?
Dizzy with fear, I clutched the edge of the table until my knuckles turned white. A jagged sigh slipped from my lips.
The king’s eyebrows drew together. A shadow crossed his green eyes. “Amáne, I can see how hard this is for you. You’ll recover. I know you will. Trust me, there is good reason we can’t help with your memories. There’s a delicate balance with ... certain connections ...” he pressed his lips together and shook his head. “You must be patient. Don’t push it.”
Hot anger, radiated from the pit of my stomach and rose to a crescendo that I struggled to control. I leaned across the table toward the king. Tightening my hand around his wrist, I whispered between clenched teeth, each word distinctly pronounced, “King Ansel, you have no right to tell me —”
His jaw tightened and his head jerked back.
My eyes went wide. I let go of his wrist and bit my lip. Standing abruptly, I stepped back over the bench. “Your Majesty, I beg your forgiveness. If you all would please excuse me.” My voice quavered.
The king’s face fell in disappointment. “It’s all right, Amáne. There’s no need for you to leave.”
My heart constricted at his expression. He looked like a lost boy.
A lump grew in my throat. Oh yes, there’s great need. I need to get out of here before I scream — or start smashing plates. Or, before the king calls for my arrest.
I tipped my head, curtsied and said with surprising control, “I bid you a good evening.”
Trying for a dignified exit, I spun around, straightened my back and walked steadily through the door. Once I reached a safe distance, where no one in the hall could see me, I bolted out into the night.
I’ve insulted the king. Why didn’t he have me clapped in irons? He just let me walk away.
My hands closed into fists. I fought the urge to cry out — to beg for someone to tell me my past. Everyone treated me with such caution, catching themselves from saying too much, as if I would shatter.
What is it they’re trying to protect me from? Or, maybe they’re trying to protect something else ... from me?
The Healer had let something slip. She mentioned I had some kind of connection, or link that could be damaged if my memories were forced. King Ansel just admitted the same.
A connection to what, or to whom?
Tears streaked my face. I pressed my fists into my temples. My head throbbed. But I kept running.
I rushed on blindly, and wasn’t surprised my escape took me to where Eshshah lay. She lifted her head from her front legs and watched me approach. I gave her a dragon salute and stopped directly in front of her. The red dragon lowered her eyes to my level. I took hold of her fangs and brought her nose to my forehead.
Why does this feel so natural?
“Eshshah, I wish you could talk to me. I know you could give me the answers I need. If I’m not healed by tomorrow, please, I’d like to try again.”
Eshshah breathed her warm aromatic breath on me. I inhaled her spicy scent. It washed over me and eased my pain.
“But, whether I’m healed or not, I vow to you I’ll help you find your rider. Once we do and she is returned to you, I only ask that you not forget me. You need to know that you’ve become a part of my life. I hope that doesn’t break any rules. Perhaps your rider would let me take one last ride with both of you before we go our separate ways.”
Eshshah hummed a calming tune. Letting go of her fangs, I stepped back, but wasn’t ready to leave her presence. She was my comfort. I needed whatever I could get.
I moved to a spot behind her front leg and leaned my back against her, then slid to the ground. Eshshah curled her head around. One golden eye fixed on me. My tears fell freely before I succumbed to a restless sleep. Even with her extraordinary healing powers, Eshshah couldn’t completely relieve my misery.
When I awoke, the stars were bright in the sky. Dawn still remained several hours away. Rising to my feet, I said farewell to Eshshah and headed back to the inn. I wondered why no one had come out looking for me and then realized they’d probably been in communication with Eshshah. They knew I was safe. It occurred to me there was no privacy among dragon riders.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
I admonished myself for sleeping late. Already my chambers filled with the morning light. Sitting up, I squeezed my eyes shut and searched my mind. Nothing. No new recollections. I remained the same Amáne as yesterday, with no past beyond the last few days.
My lip quivered.
Enough of this weakness, Amáne.
A burning determination filled me. I stuck my chin out. Maybe my memories would never return. But I had to continue with the rest of my life. Decisions had to be made. I knew I had useful skills, however acquired. I’ll make good use of them. If I couldn’t hope for my recovery, then I would be hope for someone else. Eshshah’s rider would be my first task. She needed to be found. I’d vowed to Eshshah I would help.
I keep my promises.
A light knock sounded on my door and Mora’ina let herself in. She had a long piece of fabric draped over her arm.
Not another gown.
“Happy morning, Amáne,” she said cheerfully. “Meal in dining hall. Get up. You dress.” She spread the fabric on the bed. Just as I thought, a flowing gown, this one in green, made out of the same gauzy fabric as the other.
I rolled my eyes. “Mora’ina, are there no tights and shirts that I could wear instead? I don’t want to wear a gown.”
“Amáne want look like boy?”
“Yes. I do. I’m more comfortable that way.”
“This most comfortable. Amáne wear.”
“If it’s so comfortable, why aren’t you wearing one?” I indicated her cropped top. Colorful fabric that wrapped her breasts and left her midriff bare. And the just-as-colorful skirt that rested low on her hips.
She brightened. “Amáne want wear kikoi like Mora’ina? Tradition island dress. Make look very pretty. I bring.”
“No. No, thank you. I’ll wear the gown.”
I promised myself the first chance I got, I’d search the inn for tights and a shirt that would fit me.
Mora’ina smiled, then helped me don the gown.
“Mora’ina fix hair.”
“No, I don’t need my hair done. I’ll wear it down.” I said it with a bit more fervor than I intended. She shrugged and nodded.
“Then, Amáne, ready. Go to eat.”
“Mora’ina, could I ask you to bring some food here? I need some time alone so I can think.”
She dipped her head and turned toward the door. A short time later she returned with a plate of thin-sliced meat, some soft white cheese and a piece of flat bread. I nodded in appreciation as she put it on the table. I didn’t miss the look of pity in her eyes before she left. I sighed.
I reflected on my situation as I spread some cheese on a piece of bread and topped it with a slice of meat. Some riders mentioned they would be leaving for Teravinea today. No one had mentioned taking me with them. S
urely that would be the plan. After all, Teravinea, was my home. I knew at least that much. Maybe I should inform them I wouldn’t be going back just yet, but would go at a much later date. I could negotiate transport aboard a ship. There should be plenty that sailed south from Orchila’s port.
What would be my excuse to stay on the island?
You’re scared, Amáne. I huffed at the only reason why I would stay.
Orchila was all I knew. Teravinea held the unknown.
Nothing is working for me.
I closed my eyes and chewed at my lower lip. Indecision circled me like dark waters, pulling me under.
I should go to Teravinea to face whatever awaited me. But what about Eshshah’s rider? I needed to speak with someone who could tell me about the missing lady and when they planned to search for her. I’ll count myself in with the search party, whether they want me or not.
A weight lifted from my chest. I had a plan.
Pushing my empty plate away, I rose from my seat. I took a deep breath, smoothed my hair back and headed out the door. I’d go straight to the king and ask him, regardless of protocol. Perhaps I should have asked someone to make an appointment for an audience with him. Too late.
My decision is made.
The worse that could happen would be I’d be escorted out. Or, there was still the possibility he’d have me arrested for my insolent behavior the night before.
My heart beat louder and faster as I approached his quarters. I wiped my sweaty palms on my dress. My breath caught in my throat. The truth came to me. My anxiety had nothing to do with the impromptu meeting I’d decided upon.
You’ve fallen in love with him, Amáne. There, I’ve said it. And that is sheer madness.
The discussion I planned to have with the king wasn’t about me or whatever feelings I had for him. My attraction to him was irrelevant at this point. Eshshah suffered. I couldn’t allow that after all she’d done for me.
I promised. I will do this for her. The king need never know of my feelings.
Stopping several paces before his door, I tried to calm the tremors that coursed through my body. This meeting was necessary. I took several more deep breaths.
Moving a few steps closer, I raised my trembling hand to knock and overheard a conversation on the other side.
“I just want her back, Avano.” Anguish filled the king’s voice. It tugged at my heart.
“I know, Your Majesty. We all wish the same.”
I stood frozen. The door swung open. I jumped. Avano ran straight into me. I bounced off his chest. He grabbed my arm to prevent my fall.
“I’m sorry, Avano. I wasn’t ... that is, please don’t think I was trying to listen in. Er ... I hoped for an audience with the king. I ...”
King Ansel rushed up behind Avano. “Is everything all right?”
I smoothed my dress and inhaled.
His eyes sought mine. I noted at first a hopeful glint reflected in them, but was quickly replaced by shadow.
“Yes, Your Majesty.” I curtsied. He frowned. I stepped back in retreat, then looked over my shoulder. All I could see of Avano was his back as he headed down the corridor. I swallowed the panic rising in my throat, wishing he hadn’t abandoned me.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you m’lord. I can certainly return when you aren’t occupied.”
“No, please come in. Don’t curtsy to me any more.”
I blinked at his abruptness.
He has every right to be angry with me.
“If it pleases you, m’lord.”
“It does.”
He held his hand out for mine. Puzzled, I placed my hand in his and tried to ignore its strength, its warmth. Treating me as if I were a lady and not a commoner, he led me to a couch, and gestured for me to be seated.
King Ansel stared at me for a few moments, seemingly lost in thought, or maybe trying to collect himself. He smiled warmly and sat down with me.
“To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”
He surely bounces from curtness to politeness.
“Firstly, I need to offer my apology for my rude behavior last night.”
“No apology necessary.”
I nodded then pulled back my shoulders and with an official tone, I said, “King Ansel, I’ve come to offer you my services.”
He raised an eyebrow. The corners of his mouth lifted in a roguish smile. “Just what services do you propose to offer, Amáne?” He leaned in.
My eyes widened. My mouth moved, but nothing came out. I couldn’t stop the blush that rose in my face.
He’s enjoying my discomfort.
My embarrassment transformed to anger. I wondered what the penalty would be for striking a king.
As I looked into his dancing green eyes, I realized I couldn’t be the one to put a shadow on his amusement. I exhaled and decided to forbear my anger for his respite. He must be suffering greatly.
I cleared my throat. “Your Majesty, my services to help find the lady.” My words came out slowly and distinctly.
“The lady?” His head tilted.
“Yes. Eshshah’s rider, your friend, your mistress, your —”
“My wife.”
Instantly, the air was sucked out of the room. My chest tightened. I struggled to take a breath.
“Oh.” I scooted a bit further from him, and hoped it didn’t appear too obvious. My hands clutched the fabric of my gown. When my breath resumed, it came in short, shallow pants.
I have to find a way to excuse myself without offending him.
Jumping to my feet, my voice broke as I said, “I’ll do whatever you ask of me to help you find her.”
Why am I offering to torture myself?
My eyes stung as I curtsied, forgetting his request against the gesture. I backed away.
As I turned for the door, he said, “You don’t have to leave ... Amáne. Your presence is a comfort to me.”
I let out a quick breath. My steps halted.
I’m a comfort to him? Now I find it’s his wife that he is lamenting and somehow I comfort him? What kind of role did I play in his life?
Panic rose, my throat tightened as he moved close behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder. He turned me gently. I lifted my face. King Ansel’s passionate eyes drew me in.
Stepping closer, he whispered, “May I kiss you?”
I gasped as I struggled between anger that he would betray his wife and my desire to kiss him, ashamed of myself for even considering it.
I dropped my eyes. “Excuse me m’lord, I must go ... I have to go ... I need to go ... I ...”
Trembling, I spun around and rushed away from him, toward the door.
I heard his heavy sigh. “I want you to know,” he said quietly, “I won’t give up on you — I’ll wait for you. I promise.”
My hand hovered above the door latch. I blinked. A violent storm assailed my memories. My pulse throbbed in my ears. Without turning, I said, “What did you just say?”
“I said, ‘I’ll wait for you. I promise.’” With a note of fear in his voice, he added, “But, I ... I’m afraid I’ve said too much.”
I’ll wait for you?
Episodes of my life illuminated around me — my linking with the beautiful red dragon.
“Eshshah?” I said silently. “Speak to me, please.”
“Amáne?” Her tentative voice floated gently in my thoughts. “Are you back?”
“Yes, Eshshah ... I’m here. Now I understand ... it was our linking that was in danger ... the reason everyone had such concern.”
“Yes.”
Her relief and love flooded my heart.
I clenched my fists and squeezed my eyes shut as more scenes of my past played before me — rescuing Ansel in the dungeons of Castle Teravinea; the battle for the throne ... our wedding. Pain erupted in my head. I bit my lower lip.
I wanted to rush to Eshshah. I wanted to rush to Ansel. Instead, I stood as if paralyzed.
“Amáne, I long to see you, but I can feel
King Ansel needs you more at this moment.”
I took in a great calming breath, then slowly turned and met Ansel’s troubled eyes. “You said those words to me a long time ago ... Ansel.”
He dipped his head in a slow nod, prompting me to continue.
“I know who I am.” A smile grew on my lips.
He took a step toward me, but stopped. His eyes flashed with concern, eyebrows raised in hope.
“I’m the missing rider — your wife. I’m back. All of me. I’m here.”
My heart beat so loud, I could barely hear his response.
“Amáne, my love.”
I threw myself at Ansel, wrapped my arms around him and pressed up against his warm body. My whole being shook with sobs. He buried his face in the crook of my neck. We clung to each other.
Ansel pulled back. His fingers entwined in my hair as he held my face, studying my eyes, my nose, my lips. He covered my mouth with his.
A wild surge of heat flooded through me. Our kiss ignited the room.
Breathing hard, he said, “Let’s go home.”
I raised an eyebrow and said, “Let’s take up where we left off ... first.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
When I set out to write my story, I thought the series would be a trilogy. The characters, however, called for more. They had me wrapped around their fingers, insisting I wasn’t done. I had to listen to them. So I continued the story. And truthfully, I can’t see that it is finished yet. Too many more adventures left to be had.
Of course, as I’ve said before, the support and encouragement I received kept me writing. My family, including my daughters, April and Alanna gave me valuable input with grammar as well as flow. Their daughters, Rio, Mila and Kira are my muses. My husband and my sister, are big fans. Again, Scott Saunders adjusted and improved upon my fight scenes, Michael Clark shared his creative suggestions, thoughts and ideas, the dancers of Linda Armstrong’s School of Highland dance were a few of my beta readers, and Forrest Vess offered his design input for my cover (and nodded graciously as I babbled on about the various issues of the writing process). My Tuesday Meet-and-Critique group, including but not limited to Alison, Candace, Craig, Donna and Jeanne raised the bar high to improve my writing skills.
Amáne of Teravinea - Black Castle (The Teravinea Series Book 4) Page 19
