The car bumps over the tracks and I look around. They boys are all strapped in the back, making crazy noises, and fighting with each other. Next time we will put Thax in the middle. Rome gets on to them but usually just laughs at how silly they are. “There just little boys.” is his usual response unless one gets hurt. “Where are we going?” I ask. We are now driving down a residential street, just 2 blocks from the The Diner. “Here is my next surprise.” he pulls up in front of a small house, it needs repairs and the lights are off, but something about it is beautiful. It just screams at me home. Whoever lives here has to be happy, it’s a home with love written all over it. “Whose house is this? If I had known we were visiting friends I would’ve cleaned me and them up.” pointing to the back seat. Smiling Rome says “No one lives here, yet. I actually um well …ok this is harder than I thought.” He squirms. “Get out a second, so we can talk in private.” cutting his eyes at the back seat. “Boys stay in the car a second so I can talk to Princess.” He opens his door and steps out and I follow suit. “Ok Rory, I um, I rented this house.” I blink and smile “That’s awesome Rome, you and the boys getting out of the park is wonderful news.” Then my smile fades “Oh you’re not going to be walking distance at night, I see, it’s ok Rome you doing better doesn’t change us. We will always be friends. The baby and I can stroller over. It’s ok.” He blinks hard and rapidly “What? No! Princess I rented it because it has enough room for us all. Me, the boys, you, Thax, and the baby, there is plenty of room. We stay together till time to sleep anyways, so it makes sense. The boys will all have a yard here to play in, the baby will be safe, and it will be cheaper really with one rent. Please say you will do it.” I let out a squee and grab his neck “Heck yes!” we laugh and he drags me to the windows pointing out all the rooms. It’s amazing “We can afford this?” I ask him. “Yep, I work on the owner’s bike at the shop and he is pretty cool, he is giving us a great deal. He is going to supply the materials and I am going to fix it up for him.” Back in the car “When can we move in?” I had to ask, I am so excited. Cutting those beautiful eyes at me “Sunday your stuff comes over while you work, so pack what you can till then. I will get it all and when you get off you will come home there.” Looking out the window as we travel back to the park I feel weightless. “I can’t take anything from the trailer except our rooms stuff. Carol owns everything else kind of.” Rome puts his hand on my knee “It’s ok Princess, I have everything we need other than your clothes of course.” He winks when I look at him “She won’t give you crap about Thax, will she?” I shake my head no. “She won’t as long as I let her keep him on her food stamps. She will be fine not dealing with us, it will be ok. I don’t eat much, so he can have mine, besides I signed up for w.i.c. and they give me foods I need for the baby.”
We talked the rest of the way home about everything, apparently with Rome’s new job and the bar singing he is making plenty. Then you add in my new hours and my new gig at the bar, we shouldn’t struggle as long as we live within our means. We will finally get basic cable, 13 channels of clear TV. It’s better than anything we’ve ever had.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The next week goes smooth enough. I didn’t hear from Toby and my heart hurts, I thought he would call when he found out about the baby. I miss him so much. I have 1000 things to tell him but he isn’t around anymore, it’s like he died, maybe he wasn’t even real. The house looks great, Rome done a great job, and as predicted Carol didn’t give a crap. She still isn’t speaking to me because of the baby anyways. We painted the baby’s room last night and plan to show the boys today. It’s our way to tell them what the gender is, we wanted them to be a part of it. So I bought this cheap little stars that glow for them to help me put all over the walls. Mando about blew my ear drum when I called to tell her what we found out and I say we, because of course Rome was right there for it all. He is best friend a girl could ask for. They pick on him at the clinic calling him the rent a daddy! He laughs but I know it bothers him because for all intents he is the daddy. He will love this child as much as I do.
“Are you guys ready to see what color the room is?” Rome asks the 3 over eager boys standing at the door. All three scream “YES” and he throws the door open. They all run in and look around, it’s not a normal room but it’s ours. A twin bed on one wall, a crib on the other, a small table between with one lamp on it, and a dresser that will house mine and the baby’s stuff together. I look at them and they are all fist pumping and jumping saying different variations of “YES, HECK YEA, and WHOOP WHOOP” I laugh at they are such little nerds. “Are y’all happy about this?” I ask. “Yes, we need another girl around here, so you’re not alone.” I reach down and hug Rio. “I’m not alone silly boy, I have you guys and I love you all.” I feel another little hand on me. “We wove you to wowy.” I reach back and snug him close. “Love you more Denver.” I laugh thinking about their mom naming them places she wanted to go. Then a tear slides down my face thinking about Denver. Rome told me once, when she got sick she wanted to go to Denver because for her that was home, and she wanted to be there when she passed. She never made it back. She would be so proud of Rome for raising them right.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I am sweating as I stand to the left of the make shift stage. I cannot believe Rome talked me into this. I am a nervous wreck, but he knew that, so he sat the keyboard beside him but back just a bit so the shadows will cover most of me. He looks up at me from his perch on his stool and winks. I smile back waiting for him to finish so I can join him. He hits the last string of notes “I would like to introduce you all to someone extremely special to me, Aurora Wilde, better known as my Princess.” He smiles at me again over his shoulder while I get seated. “She is amazing y’all, her voice is like honey and her fingers shred a piano like no one I have ever heard. She can turn an opera song into rock with those keys, no joke.” I hear the hoots and squee’s and I smile out at them, I bet I look like I have been swimming. He turns to me “Start when you’re ready, you got this beautiful.” I smile and set my hands on the keys. Once I close my eyes my reflexes take over and I let go, my fingers move so fast I don’t even feel like I am controlling them. I open my mouth, I can feel my body swaying to the beat and I feel my lungs pushing out the words but I can’t hear myself. I do however hear when Rome starts in with his guitar and then the rest of the room comes back slowly. I don’t look out at anyone. I just watch the space in front of me. We changed up the rap song Heartless by K. West, we slowed down the beat, and by adding the guitar it changed the whole dynamics. It was a gamble but when we finished the room stood up, clapping, and screaming so I guess we nailed it. Rome jumped up grabbed me by the hand and bowed us both. I started laughing and waving. “I can’t believe I done that!” I exclaimed in complete ecstasy. “I feel so high on life right now, wow.” He hugged me as he pulled me from the stage “You were amazing Rory, man I swear you should be playing Madison Square Garden.” We laughed and ran right into Red as we were walking out. “I want you both back as soon as you can. They loved it and they want more. “He said as he pointed to the room where everyone was still looking at us. I shook my head ok and Rome let him know we would set it up next week. He handed me $200 and said “Good job, here’s your cut.” My eyes bugged out and I looked at Rome “Tomorrow after my shift at the The Diner, we are going to get the rest of what we have to have for the baby.” shaking his head “OK!”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
AS the time draws near we have everything we need for the baby, except a name. I have that as well but if I tell Rome it may hurt his heart, so I decide to wait. Works going great, I stay behind the counter more now, less walking on my feet, and my hours have shifted. I work a few hours each day, instead a lot in one day. It helps and we are close, so if I do walk it’s not too rough on me. I have taken to singing regularly at Reds. I love how free I feel when I do it. No matter the pain I feel for the loss of Toby, when I sing I feel whole. It’s unhealthy for me
to miss him the way I do, in reality he was a jerk and cruel to me. I know all the things I saw were real and he never let Ashley go, I guess I just wanted to believe it. You know first love and all. My love for him was 100% real and that I know. I do catch myself wondering if it was true love or puppy love. There is a difference, I wanted to be loved and he provided that to an extent. But lately, I have this feeling like it wasn’t as serious as I thought it was at one point. I get up and tie my shoes, it’s a little harder to do now with this tummy finally sticking out, I am not huge or anything but it’s obvious now. I make my way out the door and to the The Diner in record time. It’s a beautiful day, there are clouds threatening, but it has cooled off and its great walking weather. I am sure I can make it before the bottom falls out.
Work is much of the same. I have a few customers, no thanks to all the on and off showers all day. I only made $17 in tips, the weather rained on my parade after a few hours. I think about my daughter, just like me she will never know her real dad. But she will have a daddy figure that’s better than nothing. Then I think about Rome, I am killing his social life. He doesn’t ever seem to have a girlfriend and he is always with me. He has to want to be happy and I am holding him back. I need to set him free, it’s not fair to him. That really starts to bother me, because if I was half the friend to him as he was me, surely I would have figured it out by now. Right? I need to text Mando about it. Maybe I can call her before I leave here. It’s not long distance since she kept her same number, way too much on my mind today. I count down my money, clean the milkshake machine up, and sweep the floor behind the counter. I make my way to the office to make the call. It rings 6 times and just when I am sure the voice mail will pickup I hear her “What now momma?” I startle realizing she thought it was them. “Hey Mando it’s me Rory, I just missed you and wanted to talk.” She squeals “hey booboo love, how are my three favorites, long time no talkie.” I smile “We are good, house is set up, and I well I just..” Then I get interrupted, it sounds like a party on the other end. It’s only just now starting to be late afternoon here, meaning it’s about lunch for her. “Are you having a party in the middle of the day?” she laughs “No crazy this is last night’s party we haven’t slept yet, these people party hard and I met this hot guy who can’t keep his tongue out my pants long enough to sleep.” I cringe. Yuck! “Hey Rory can I…uhh…ahhhh..omg baby wait…Rory can I call you later?” I go to say ok but she squeals like she’s in heat, so I just hang up. I am pretty sure she had already dropped the phone anyways. That was the perfect end to a perfectly shitty day. I put my hoodie on and zip up. I should call Rome to come get me, but the rain has let up and I don’t want him to get all the kids out in this mess. I set out on foot. The walk will do me some good, I need to clear my mind before I head home.
****
It feels like a cheesy musical to be honest. I just started wondering around town, when the bottom decided to fall out and I was instantly drenched, it’s a relief. At least in the rain no one will see my tears, this town is horrible. I still can’t believe Toby actually left me without so much as a good bye.
I am not sure how I ended up in the run down pawn shop, half way across town from The Diner. I really just needed to clear my head and the next thing I know, I am standing in front of the store gawking at the crazy window display. I have seen the instrument in old music videos when I was a child, but never noticed it like I am now. It’s a nerdy looking thing for sure but I have an almost magnetized pull to it, it’s beautiful to me. White with black keys, it looks like a guitar but it has keys like a piano, and lots of buttons along the neck. Amazing, I can’t believe no one plays this anymore. I push the door open aware I am bringing in puddles of water with me, the ding on the door summons a pudgy man from the back room that is cleaning a hand pistol. “Hey pretty girl, Can I help you with something?” he seems kind “We have about 10 minutes until we close up.” I look around dazed for a minute and when I go to speak I notice how horse I am from the crying. Gulp! You can hear the shattered soul in my voice. “I was walking by and the instrument in the window caught my attention, can I just look at it?” with an up and down shake of his head he turns to go back into the room he came from. He comes back a few seconds later pistol gone and keys in hand. We slowly walk over to the window as he unlocks the glass behind it and hands me the contraption. “This here pretty girl is a remote keyboard or some big wigs call it a MIDI Controller, however us little folk refer to it as a keytar!” I take it admiring it like a rare jewel. He continues… “This is as good as it gets for this bad boy. It’s a Roland AX-Synth it has its own synthesis engine, retails at about $1500.00 brand new. It has about 10 hours of play on it, everything works like new. The guy brought it in was in a bad way and I got a great deal on it.” He looks at me but I am just mesmerized. All I can say is “It’s beautiful.” and even that comes out as a whisper. He sees I am interested and he goes in for the kill. “I can let it go for about $450 but that’s my bottom dollar on it. I would really like to get at least $650 but you seem like you have a passion in you.” He stops and waits me out. I continue to stroke the thing like I am making love to it. “I play the piano and this is just so cool to actually see, I don’t even know if I could play it.” I take the strap and put it over my shoulder testing how it feels. “Want me to plug you in and see what you got?” he asks and I think he has to be joking, I look up and he is smiling. “um can I? I mean I would love to just try” this is new. I rarely play in front of anyone, but today the way I feel I want to forget, and it’s this very second I realize I need to start doing some things for me. I need to embrace me and figure out who I am because it’s always been about Thax and yes even Carol to some extent, not that she is much of an issue these days. Soon it will be about another little person, so from today until I just can’t anymore I will figure out who I am. If not for myself I will owe it to my child. I can’t love a child with my whole self, if I don’t even know who that is. The guy has the Keytar plugged into an amp and I hit a few keys. I play with the buttons and shimmy the strap, and wiggle my shoulders to get comfortable. I notice the guy walking over to lock the door at first I get a scared feeling but I notice he leaves the key dangling. “Ok pretty girl take your time, I am actually off the clock but I have to clean up and do paperwork so I have another hour or so here, let me know when you’re done.” he says and walks off. He must see the pain in my face; he is a nice man leaving me to pour my pain out in his shop the best and only way I really know how. I play around about ten minutes until I get a good feel for it. It’s weird because I use only one hand on the keys instead of two, but I have always been lucky with music and anything to do with music special even when it comes to instruments. I can play a lot of different things, however the piano is my heart. My hand runs over the keys and presses the buttons as I slowly get in the groove. Without even realizing it I have worked myself into a song and start singing. It’s still pouring and the front lights are off. I stand close to the big window, staring out in to the rainy street, with the glow from the light of the back room barely covering the left side of my face, with my back to the counter. I let it all out, I leave it all on the keys. I pour every ounce of my soul into it. The song that fits me and my mood is none other than Never Going to Dance Again, I prefer the version by Seether but the one I play is George Michaels. I didn’t cheat on Toby, and I never would, just knowing that he left me because that’s what he thought is enough to make me feel guilty. I should have showed him more how much I loved him. All those mindless thoughts and secret seconds I admired Rome those are enough to eat at my soul. I love Rome, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t, but I am not sure if I could ever be in love with him. Toby is or was my forever. This is what I was talking about, no clue who or what I want. And no telling what the trash bags around here think now that I am showing, since Toby decided in a rare drunk moment to tell Queen Ashley about my alleged cheating. I am sure they will assume its Rome’s. Maybe it’s better this way. Toby can live
his life, and Rome will be there for me. He is a good friend. He won’t care what others thin. He is wired to not care about rumors, wish I was. Will the heartache ever end? I finish the song and turn to see the man has returned standing with his arms crossed over his chest and a soft sad smile on his face. I start removing the strap. “Pretty girl seems like that came from the heart, your young don’t let it break you. There’s a whole lot of life to live out there and ain’t no yuppie little punk, like that young quarter, back worth breaking over.” I just stare at him dumbfounded “I didn’t tell you who I was. How did you know?” his smile seems more alive now “Well this here is a very small town, you and Mr. West been together a long time & well all those snotty old hags at church talk a lot. Hearing the pain in that song I kind of figured it out. And pretty girl he ain’t worth it, I been knowing that family a real long time and he ain’t the prince charming he is made out to be. I aint telling a story that aint mine to tell but I know for a fact he left a young girl broken once upon time when he decided there was someone new to claim. Changed who she was and I personally miss her, she has a good soul if she ever finds herself again” walking towards the keyed door “You’re welcome to come in anytime and let me know if you want that Keytar you sounded real good.” he opens the door for me doing a sweep like an old gentleman. I smile as I pass “Thank you sir and just for the record, I didn’t do what he claimed I did.” not sure why I felt the end to tell him. “No worries pretty girl, I never thought you did. Welp lets go my rides here.” it’s still raining and I turn to walk away, hugging close to the building to avoid as much rain as possible noticing the car on the curb, the driver is messing with her phone or radio, blonde hair hung down over her face, so I walk away, feeling a little lighter. Taking a few steps I turn back to say good bye to the kind man and I see the driver burning a hole in me. It’s none other than the ice queen herself. Reality sets in as I recall him saying ‘Toby had done more than the common eye could see’, that he left a girl once broken and moved on. OMG! Ashley was the man’s daughter, and as my mind clicks together. Toby has done something horrible to Ashley and left her alone, moving on to someone else. That someone else would be ME. So much for my lighter feeling. “FUCKKKKKK!” I scrub my hands down my face trying to wipe the dripping water from my eyes, I turn and run. My chucks slap the pavement at full speed. I don’t let up till I am dropping down on my bed in a wet mess. When the door opens I don’t even have to look up to know its Rome. It’s always Rome, why can’t I just love him like that. He would always take care of me, he already does. “Rome, could you ever hate me? I mean if so it’s ok, honestly I hate myself pretty bad lately.” He picks me up and cradles me to his body. I already know he is taking me to his bed. He does this when I get upset, he holds me close all night. After he sits me down and helps me change into warmer clothes, it doesn’t bother me anymore Rome has seen everything about me, almost, lately at one time or the other. He pulls the cover over me and slides down beside me “I could never hate you Princess, we’ve been through this over and over.” He combs his hands through my hair. “I just think you are putting your life on hold for me, I ruined Toby’s life, and tonight I figured out I was the cause of someone else’s pain. I think I know why Ashley hates me now.” I start to cry again. “I mean I don’t know why but I get the feeling Toby left her for me, but it’s more than that.” I just feel it. “I need some type of release Rome. I need to figure out how to let this pain out of me before it consumes me.” He pulls me closer. “Aurora, you do not put my life on pause. You are the reason I breathe every day. And for Ashley you done nothing wrong, that was all Toby, you had and still have no clue. Doesn’t music give you that release you need? I see it in your eyes every time you sing.” I smile, wipe my eyes, roll over, and wrap my arms around him. “Yea it does, I’m ok Rome. I just had a bad day, sorry if I scared you. I tried to call Mando and she was being wild, I feel like I may be losing her now, I lose everyone I love. I just need to rest.” And on cue I yawn. He tries to start up again but I stop him “Did you know a whale’s penis is called a dork.” He burst out laughing and I cuddle in and crash.
Trailer Park Princess Page 12
