Mando- Hope you love the wheels, I picked it out! I hear you killed it with the Open Mic idea!!! You deserve so much more than just the wheels. Call me tomorrow turkey butt , love you slut!!
We all make our way in the house and get ready for whatever else is coming our way. Everything is so perfect. I just know something bad has to be coming. Life has never been so good to me.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I hop in my truck, still loving it and head to the old busted up billboard. I need to think. The way me and Rome get along and act is just so weird. We are almost like a couple in every way, except having sex. I love him for being so good to us but it is extremely confusing. I find myself having to hold back. When I see Rome rocking Saige and singing to her, I feel the urge so deep in my soul it hurts to hold still. I just want to wrap my arms around him, squeeze him, and keep him close. I want to kiss his lips and run my tongue along his jaw line. I shake my head to clear the thoughts as I step out and head towards the steps to climb upwards. I’ve loved it here since the first time Toby brought me here, but I come less and less as the time goes by. Tonight I just needed some time to myself, a small break before I head home to the kids. I need to clear my mind before I do something stupid. You know, like pour my heart out to Rome and lose him forever. I don’t think he could ever love me differently than he always has. I rub my hands over my face a few times and lay back on the old boards with my feet dangling over the side, it’s probably not the safest place but to me it’s the most secure. I stare up at the dark sky, only a few stars are visible right now, the clouds are thick threatening snow. How awesome would it be to have snow tomorrow, on Christmas morning? Saige would love it up here; she stares at the lights on the tree like I stare at the stars. I make a promise to myself right then to not let my feeling for Rome destroy us. I want Saige to have a life I never had. And Rome loves her, I will never ruin our friendship and cause him to leave her. I have to deal with this. I know I need to get home, I promised Mando we would do our gifts tonight with her. I’ve missed her so much. Summer’s aren’t long enough and she’s only coming home now on long breaks, due to the distance. Texting and talking only does so much until you just want to hug your best friend. I worry about her all the time, she’s called me a few times so wasted she couldn’t drive and there was nothing I could do for her. It’s such a scary feeling but she has to live and learn I guess. She was sheltered, unlike me. I need to go, I know this, but I just … my mind wonders and I let it. I can feel myself getting worked up, just thinking about the way Rome looks on a Saturday morning, when he is staying home with the kids. I hate going to work those days. It’s crystal clear like he is right in front of me… him sitting at the table with Saige’s high chair pulled up right to him, in nothing but a pair of baggy sweats that hang barely on his narrow hips. His feet are bare and he never wears a shirt at home. The boys have all picked this up and all run around naked from the waist up. I can feel the warm curl in my stomach as I let my mind move up over his stomach, the dark narrow line of hair that runs right down his stomach dipping into the waist band, oh to use that as the map to my lost treasure. I understand the meaning of happy trail now. Everything about him is opposite of Toby and his little bird body. I always thought of Toby as a man but I was wrong, he was never anything more than a boy, my love lusted mind played a horrible trick on me. Rome is a man, everything on him screams man. His body for sure does, he is strong and defined. He is a wonderful find; hard working, devoted, honest, loving, caring, and a heart of gold, but the man could rip you a new ass hole if you ever hurt anything he felt the need to protect. He wasn’t big on fighting and always tried to walk away but if backed into a corner he was no chump. My mind makes it slowly up his chest, I’m breathing hard just thinking about him this way. I want to wrap my arms around his neck and run my tongue over the curves of his neck and chest, down his stomach. I want to unzip his pants with my teeth and make him happy. I want to be the woman he loves not the little “princess” he has to watch over. I huff in frustration, sit up sliding back against the billboard, and hang my head in sadness. What’s a girl to do? I’m not sure I am strong enough to just be his friend. I know having him as a friend is better than telling him I love him and losing him all together. I know I could survive without him but I know I don’t want to ever have to.
After about an hour I was able to get myself home and get the gifts ready to unwrap. I look around the floor of our trendy thrift store inspired living room and smile. Thax sets on his feet smiling ear to ear, as he marvels over the graphics on his skateboard we got him and the guitar Mando brought to him. Next to him on their tummies set Rio & Denver, they both got scooters which they thought was over the top awesome ,thank God we found them on sell and got both for $50, but what held their attention was the game console and car racer game Mando had for them to share, she spoiled them beyond a doubt but swore her parents threw in on it all. Rome sat holding his new tool set and a box of picks for his guitar smiling watching the kids be happy and content. Then there was Mando we had went in and got her a scarf and hat set, name brand of course, she squealed and put on a fashion show. Then there is sweet Saige she could care less about the toy that was in the box, she just wants the wrapping paper. I smile as I watch my little family. This is what life is supposed to be like. “Oh here Rory, here is yours.” Mando jumps up to hand me a heavy midsized box, I open it carefully to find a top of the line coffee maker? I look at her with a weird confused look “Thank you?” I said more of a question because I don’t drink coffee. She pushes up from the floor and takes the box flipping it around “See it makes hot chocolate! Now get in there and get us some started hooker.” She pulls me up pushing me towards the kitchen and we all laugh when we here an angels voice “Hooka” I cover my mouth to laugh, I should get on to Saige but its too funny right now. I shake my head and walk off.
I have all the cups set on a tray and plan to make my way back to the living room when Rome walks into the kitchen “Need some help?” I pick up the tray and turn my head in a dip towards the counter “Grab the marshmallows will ya?” he picks them up and walks to the living room with me. I hand everyone a cup and Rome hands out the mini mellows behind me. I get to Saige and she has her little hands up for hers. She gets a sippy cup with chocolate milk, she doesn’t know the difference. Rome hands her a mellow also and takes a seat beside me. He doesn’t say anything but I feel the nudge, looking down I see he is handing me a small box. Taking it, I set my cup between us and smile at him while opening the lid. My eyes go huge, it’s a beautiful silver ring covered in colored stones. “This is beautiful.” I say sliding it out of the box. He takes it from my hand and slides it down my finger. “It’s a family ring, like a mothers ring kind of but for everyone in the family. Do you like it?” I look at each stone it has all 4 kids birthstones and mine, as well as his. Right in the center it says “6” that’s our family. I jump up and hug him tight as I can and without thinking I slap a fat slobber filled kiss right on his mouth. I jump back and stand wide eyed “Sorry” I giggle “I got carried away, I love it Rome. Thank you, all of you, for giving me the best Christmas ever.” I look back at my ring and smile again. “Alright four pod to bed y’all go.” I see Rome ushering the kids up and off to bed. I hear the boys all call in unison “Nite everyone, love y’all” and I see a limp noodle laying on her side snoring loudly, Saige must have passed out as soon as we handed her the sippy cup. She is still holding the marshmallow without so much as a bite missing. Mando picks her up “I got her, y’all talk.” I look back at my ring. “You ok Princess? You seemed off a little tonight.” I don’t look at him for fear I will blurt out my feelings, and I cannot ruin this “Yea I’m good just overwhelmed, it’s the best Christmas ever.” And it’s true, he walks over and hugs me “Sleep with me tonight.” it’s not a question and it’s not unusual, we do this a lot when one of us need to be held, it’s almost always me who needs it. Shaking my head “Of course, I’ll grab the monitor while you see Mando out
and lock up.” He kisses the top of my head “Ok.”
Winter break is almost gone and that mean Mando will be headed back to school again, I have almost 3 years left of this. I don’t see me getting use to it. We plan on doing Saige’s first birthday soon so she can be here for it. She says she has to get back a few days early, something about a big test and a paper due she has to finish, I can’t help but wonder if she just misses the parties, that don’t go down around here with the kids now. I’m such a MOM. Happy face!
Chapter Thirty-five
I have to tell him, I don’t even know why I ever tried to ignore this feeling. Who was I kidding? Honestly I don’t even feel nervous. I mean, at this very second, I feel like I just have to tell him because it’s the right thing to do no matter what happens. He has the right to know and I don’t have the right to make decisions for him. Mando is right it’s time. It’s gone on long enough “Watch the kids for a minute, ok?” I say to her as I push forward, I don’t have to look back, I know she is smiling. “Let’er rip tator chip.” Is all I hear from her as I work my way towards him. “Rome” he looks up at me and smiles “Bathroom Now!” I throw my hand over my head and he nods in understanding. I make my way inside and wait. A few seconds later he opens the door looking around. I don’t get jittery or scared. I stand tall and I hold my shoulder’s back. “You ok Princess?” I take a deep breath and let my smile overtake my face. It’s so wide my eyes are almost shut. “Yes, I’m fine but we need to talk, well I do.” He looks worried and it’s not the feeling I want him to have so I hurry on. “I don’t want what I am saying to hurt us, I love the kids and I never want to lose them. I have to say this though, it can’t wait, and I can’t keep it inside anymore. It’s killing me. Rome from day one you have been a life line for me. You have saved me from everything, including myself. You have cared about me when it wasn’t easy, and you have been a rock in my foundation when the rest of the world was crumbling around me. You have wiped my tears, and carried me to bed, you have dressed me without ever taking advantage of me, and you even cared about my virtue when I didn’t. You have always been a light in my darkest days. I see you with the boys and I know you love them. I see you with Saige and I know you would move heaven and hell to give that child whatever her tiny heart desired!” my heart feels like it’s about to explode in my chest, I cannot do this, not here it isn’t right. He deserves better. “You know what… I just… I mean, I wanted to know something?? If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?” yes I chickened out, sue me. I have to do this the right way. He just looks at me and shakes his head “You Aurora Wilde are one weird mother.” He grabs me and hugs me pulling me from the bathroom. I have this weird feeling he knew what I was trying to do and didn’t want me to feel pressured. I pass by Mando and she is smiling, I shake my head, and hang it low, but not before I see the pain in her eyes. I even hear her growl as we pass and mumble “I have to go home soon.” I am so disappointed in myself. She just doesn’t understand.
Chapter Thirty-Six
(Saige’s First Birthday)
Everyone who has ever Loved Saige is here. It was a small party but perfect, absolutely perfect. I set and watch everyone moving about, finishing off their plates. I smile as I look from face to face. Mando’s parents love her like she is their grandchild and Mando does the same, she adores her and insist on being Aunt Mando. Then Thaxton, he can’t get enough of her chunky little face, always touching her and kissing her cheeks. He tells me often he will love her enough for him and our mother. She, of course, is nowhere around. We haven’t seen her in months. The boys bless those boys and all their silly ways, always making Saige laugh! And Rome, could I ever ask for better? No! He sits with Saige on his lap, feeding her cake, and she has it everywhere. She has cake in his hair, on his clothes, and on his face. He just laughs with her. He helps me take care of her and loves her most, only playing second fiddle to me. She lets out a full on belly laugh and I can’t help but smile. Rome looks up and ours eyes lock. It’s this moment right now, I decide, I have to tell him soon, I can’t put it off much longer. “I see you watching him.” I turn and look at Mando “Yea I am, do you blame me?” she just smiles. I am pretty sure she has always known even when I didn’t, and I am even surer she’s still pissed about the other night. “He loves you and Saige, you know that right? He would do anything, has done everything for you two. That boy would kill for you or steal the moon if you asked him to. It’s always been that way.” Ok now she is pushing it, it hasn’t ever been like that for us. We have always been friends. Never pushing more than a random hug or cuddling when my broken heart was too much for me to handle. “Even when you were broken over Toby he was there holding you, gluing your pieces back together, letting you know he was there just waiting.” What the hell is she reading my mind? And what’s up with the heart to heart? She’s never serious like this, Rome’s a touchy subject. “You need to get with the program Rory, that boy has saved your ass so many times. He saved your life now let him save your soul!” walking away she says over her shoulder “I leave tomorrow to go back to school, don’t make me fly back here and kick your not so trailer park ass into next week, k!” I miss her so much when she is gone but she is doing what she loves. I am so glad I never had any major plans for life. I am happy exactly where I am, finally. Most girls would hate being a mom before she was legally able to drink, but I feel like I have been a mom since Thax came along. This is all added perks. Rome’s still smiling at me, when I look back over to confirm, I give his sweet wink and he looks back at Saige. Ha! She has cake up her little nose.
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