by Larry Lawton
The story and pictures are so powerful I decided to show the pictures to older teenagers. We get permission slips from parents for the juveniles to attend the program. All the parents want me to show the pictures.
When I talk about making bad choices that result in your losing your life, I start with a picture of a little kid as he’s growing up. He’s a cute kid and then he grows up into a good-looking young man. I’m light hearted and then I say, “Does he look like me?” Some say yes and others say no, and they’re wondering. Then, BAM!! I show a picture of Karolena’s son on a morgue table. The gasps are audible and the shock is visible. Some people turn away. The next pictures are of him with a bullet hole in his head and the blood on the car seat.
I then go on to tell the story of this young man who was 20 years old when he was needlessly murdered. He was hanging around the wrong crowd. His friends were gang members involved in serious crime. The police investigation concluded that he committed suicide, but I don’t believe it and neither does a private detective hired by Karolena. Her son was left-handed and he shoots himself with his right hand and there are no powder burns? It just doesn’t add up.
Some parents laugh when I say I use some tough language and tell some tough stories. They tell me that their kids know more about sex and use language that would make a sailor blush. How I explain it to parents is, “If the worst thing your teenager hears is the word fuck, we’re doing okay. I don’t advocate foul language, but when I use it correctly, it can gain acceptance and a realization that I am not a regular teacher.”
Teens and adults need to hear reality, and they need to hear it with no sugarcoating. I am direct, and my approach is to acknowledge that they are smarter than we give them credit for. Let’s not insult them by holding back. I may come into a room wearing a sports jacket, but when I take it off, I reveal my tattoos. I tell them, “Listen, I am not your mom, dad, teacher, counselor, or a cop. I am an ex-con who has been to a place you never want to go. I am no Harvard professor reading from a book. I am a man who survived the worst of the worst.”
As I said, they need to hear the truth with no sugarcoating.
During Part Three of the program the teens and adults hear about all the things that matter in life. I’ve already gained their trust, and they’re listening. They are relating to me, and you can see them looking into their soul. When they see pictures of my young son and daughter when I went to prison, that’s a wake-up call. My son turned seven a few days before my arrest and my daughter was fifteen months old. It’s hard, really hard, to look at those pictures.
I’ll never be able to get that time back with my kids, but if I can save another kid from going to prison, I feel that in some way this is what God had planned for me. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s just before I got out of prison in 2007 and I missed more than ten good years of his life. When I speak to the class I convey that in a strong and passionate way. What will you lose? In short, EVERYTHING!
Part Four: Avoiding and Dissolving Bad Associations
Part four is the most important part of the Reality Check Program. I begin this part by having the class open the folder I gave them at the beginning of the program with information about prison, letters, articles and self-help information. I ask them one question and one question only and I ask them to write it on the inside front cover of the folder. The question is; What is the most important thing in your life? I repeat that four or more times. What is the most important thing in your life? What is the most important thing in your life? I then ask them to close their folders when they are done. When the last person closes his folder, I begin.
I usually talk for between ten to fifteen minutes. I could make it longer, but it isn’t necessary. We talk about ways to get out of situations and ways to not get caught up in what their so-called friends are doing. I explain that it is their choice, and when they get caught, not to cry about it. I tell them, “You made the choice to get in the car with the drugs. Don’t blame mom. Nobody put a gun to your head and said, ‘Get in the car.’”
I talk about friendships and who a real friend is. I tell them, “If you’re on probation, and your friend is offering you marijuana, that person isn’t your friend. That person is just someone you know, an acquaintance, someone to be avoided. If a person doesn’t care if you get in trouble, he isn’t your friend.”
I say, “A friend would tell you, ‘What are you doing that for? You’ll get in trouble.’ That is a true friend.”
I talk to them about family. I say, “Your family has no ulterior motives. They only want the best for you. That’s who will be writing you if you’re arrested and in prison. That’s who’ll try and bail you out and get you the help you need. It’s all about family.” (And I’m not talking about a family member who enables a child. Sadly, that happens a lot.)
I then tell them “Think before you act. Don’t get in the car when you know someone has drugs or a gun.”
I emphasize CHOICES, CHOICES, CHOICES. We all make them and it is the choices we make that will affect the rest of our lives.
When you think about it, it seems pretty simple. All I’m doing is showing them what they have, and what they will lose. But they’re hearing it from a man who was once a high-flying millionaire who had it all: horses, a boat, houses, jewelry, money.
I had it all, and lost it all, and in the end what was important to me had nothing to do with money, possessions, or things. It was all about God, family and doing right. It’s that easy.
I tell them, “I don’t blame the cops, the FBI, the judge, or the prosecutor. I blame myself for losing my children, my grandmother, and the time that we can never get back.”
Yes, of course it’s wrong to be tortured, abused, and treated like an animal while I was in prison, but ultimately, it was my choices that lead me to the life I lived.
I also show them hope, let them know they can change. I tell them, “I don’t care what you did last year, last month, last week, or yesterday. I don’t care if you smoked a joint before you came in this room. You can change. I did it, and I am no better or worse than anyone in this room. I am no smarter or dumber. I am a man who lost the most important things in his life and I also understand the consequences of my actions.”
I tell them, “If someone had showed me all this when I was your age, I would have thought twice before I got into the life I did. It was my choice to become a criminal and nobody else’s. I made the choices that landed me in prison.”
I then have everyone open their folders and write the answer to the question, What is the most important thing in your life? We go around the room, and I ask everyone to read what they wrote. Almost all write my family, my mom, my children, God, my education. They never write things like money, a big house, a fancy car, etc. This shows me they have a heart and truly understand the message I was giving them. They were listening, and after two and a half hours they realize what’s truly important in their lives. That is powerful.
One time I did an experiment in which I asked that same question at the start of the class. The answers included: be the boss at my job, be a millionaire, be a celebrity, etc. What that showed me was that after hearing all my horror stories and seeing what I lost, they didn’t want to lose the things that were important to them. That my message could reach such a large percentage of the kids to me was amazing.
I tell them, “Before you go out tonight, open your folder and look at what YOU wrote. If you’re willing to lose the most important things in your life, go rob, go smoke dope, hang with a gang, and go be a criminal. Nobody can stop you because you’re willing to lose the most important thing in your life. And as sure as the sun rises every morning, you will get caught and lose the most important thing in your life.”
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There is no final exam. There is no pass or fail grade given for the program. But in my eyes the test of whether they pass or fail is their answer
s to that one question: “What’s the most important thing in your life?”
It’s my reward and it makes me feel so good.
Sometimes at the end of the program I will show The Daily Show clip of me yelling at the Harvard and MIT students. The clip puts everyone in a good mood, and they see me as a totally different character. They see a person who’s funny and can laugh at himself. The class loves that. When I start giving out the certificates of completion needed for the courts or community service, I ask each of them what they have learned. Most say, “I didn’t know the prison system was like that,” or “I don’t want to lose my family or kids.” That shows me they “got it.”
My greatest joy is to have people come up to me and say that when they enrolled in the program they thought it was going to be some guy yelling at them, but they were wrong and they’re going to change, and this was the best program they ever attended.
I leave a program totally exhausted because I put my heart and soul into every program I do. It truly is a passion and that’s why I made the Reality Check Parenting Program which is being introduced as I write this. The Reality Check Parenting Program was born out of all the questions and requests for help. Speaking with thousands of parents, teens, and young adults makes me understand the issues and solutions. My straight-forward approach is used in that program as well.
The best part of the Reality Check Program is: IT WORKS!!!
CHAPTER 19
It Works
The most rewarding part of the Reality Check Program is seeing how well it works. Getting results is what it’s all about.
Take Kyle, a typical 16-year-old kid who took part in the program. He had long hair, baggy jeans, and he walked in with this I Don’t Give a Fuck attitude. He sat through the first part of my talk, and during one of the breaks outside the building where I was talking I asked him if he would like to come on my radio show as a guest. I like having kids come on the show as well as politicians, law enforcement personnel, and judges. The kids make the best guests because they tell it like it is, and they don’t have an agenda. While I was talking to him, I was very matter of fact and didn’t try to lecture him. I saw that he was an interesting young kid. I told him I would interview him even if he ended up in jail. He looked at me funny, and without another word we went back into the building.
After he completed the class, I could see he was a changed kid. I could see it in the way he walked and presented himself to me. His eyes were different. They were no longer hard. It’s like the pissed-offedness had gone. He hung on every word I said. He wasn’t just trying to get through it. He called me Mr. Lawton.
“Please call me, Larry,” I told him.
I never know when I get through to a kid, and I never know when the information will sink in. A lot of adults give up on a kid like Kyle, but I never will.
He waited around until everyone else had left, and he started to tell me about the things he was into. He wasn’t into serious drugs. He was smoking weed. He was car hopping, when you look for unlocked cars and steal the contents. He was shoplifting and hanging with the wrong crowd. He was headed for jail for sure.
Later that evening I was still working like I normally do when I received this email:
Its emails like Kyle’s that keep me smiling from the inside out.
I also hear back from community leaders and people who work with the youth. I encourage them to come to my program and maybe learn something they can bring back to the community to help the kids. I met Yvonne Minus at a community center when I was asked to speak at a local function. Her passion and dedication to saving the kids was infectious. Yvonne works with the Melbourne police community relations board, and after seeing me at a local event asked if I would come to the community center to speak to a group of her kids.
Yvonne deals with inner city kids in a pro-active way and understands that getting to them before they make a choice that will land them in prison or worse is the answer. Helping people and communities like Yvonne is what I am here to do. She wrote:
I just want to say thank you for such a dynamic job you and the Reality Check program are doing to help save our youth locally as well as across America.
I am so grateful for your heartfelt dedication and love of reaching our youth and getting them to think first before they make that choice, which may be a wrong one.
I truly believe you are a Godsend to our youth of tomorrow. Keep up the great work for they indeed are our future.
May God Bless You
Yvonne Minus, President
Melbourne Police Community Relations Council
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Another important figure in south Florida when it comes to helping at risk kids is Karen Locke, the COO at Crosswinds Youth Services. Karen is a leader in the field of child behavior. Karen invited me to attend a seminar in Miami, and the whole trip there and back we talked about saving kids. Karen, who’s a visionary, sees the benefit of what I do. She was the one who told me I would be wasting my talents if I didn’t continue in this field. She also made me realize that wherever I decided to live, it really doesn’t matter, whether a rich neighborhood or poor, troubled kids are everywhere.
It was at one of Karen’s programs that I met Michelle, who was 16. She was a girl who grew up in a rough neighborhood and who was running the streets when I met her.
After I finished my class, Michelle came up to me with tears in her eyes. She talked about how much the class affected her. I hugged her, told her to stay strong and to make one good choice each day.
I received this email from Michelle:
A lot of people would say she is pregnant; that she is still making bad choices. I don’t look at it that way. She has stayed out of jail, and that’s what’s most important.
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Class knows no boundaries when it comes to at-risk kids. One of the girls who came to my program was Janaisha, who was 13 and came from a solid upper middle class family. Her dad works for a beverage company, and her mom is a paralegal. They want nothing but the best for their daughter.
Janaisha stood about 5 foot 3 and had a smile that could melt the hardest of men. It took all of my inner strength not to cry when seeing the bad choices this little girl was making. She had fights in school, once stole her brother’s camera, was disrespectful to her parents, and let her grades drop from A’s and B’s to C’s and D’s. She had all the signs of ending up in reform school or worse.
Her parents came to me asking for help. I was in the process of filming the pilot for my reality TV show, and asked them if they didn’t mind including her in the show.
After my crew placed a hidden camera in her room, I surprised her one day. I went into her room and tossed it. I did a prison shake-down. I searched for drugs and any other evidence to show her slide toward serious trouble.
I then took her down to the jail in the Rockledge police department. During the thirty-minute ride I talked to her about what was going to happen if her slide got any worse. Even with a camera and crew present, she was overwhelmed and totally forgot they were there. I talked quietly, didn’t yell, and she began to cry. I don’t have to yell and scream to make a kid understand the consequences of their actions.
When I arrived at the police station, the police put her in handcuffs, and after they put her cuffed in the back of a squad car, we took her to a crack house. I rode in the back of the police car with her.
“This is where you are heading,” I told her.
Janaisha did change for a little while, and then she began to slide back to her old habits. This is typical with some teens. With some it takes time for the message to sink in. I see her parents at various functions, from my parenting program to the grocery store. It’s now two years later, and Janaisha is doing great. The lessons are deep and sink in a various times.
There’s no magic pill to cure a kid from making bad choic
es. It’s a process, and it takes time. What really makes me happy is to see the relief on the part of the parents when a child finally turns the corner and is headed in the right direction. The following is a letter sent to me by Janaisha’s parents.
Larry & John...
Jonathan and I just wanted to thank you both and all the guys for the weekend. It really meant a lot to us what you guys did For Janaisha. We were also glad to be a part of Reality Check.
Larry, you are doing some great stuff. I am so glad God put you in my direction. You all were just wonderful and very helpful.
Janaisha said she’ll never complain about doing the dishes every Again. What was really neat was that over Mother’s Day dinner with my parents, she shared her experience. My parents were impressed.
John, it was really cool that you had Claudia call Janaisha. Thank You so much for that. She is still talking about it. We are just so impressed with Reality Check. Larry, if you ever need me to speak to parents about the program, let me know. You guys are the best.
My husband was really impressed by the crew and how the guys really just showed they cared about Janaisha. Thank you for watching out for her and protecting her. Larry, please give my gratitude to Broken Barrel and the Rockledge PD for all their help.
We really thank God for you guys!
Lots of love and much gratitude!
Cynthia & Jonathan Scott
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I met Robert Likos through a friend who said he and his family needed my services. First, I met the dad and mom. The dad said that Robert had just turned 18, and he had stolen a gun from his gun locker and took it for a joy ride. Robert was defiant, they said. He didn’t think before he acted. I told them he definitely needed to see where he was headed before he did something to take him there.
