by Teri Fowler
"No. I just wondered, that's all."
Her expression told him she didn't believe him, but she let it slide. One of the things that made Isabel a perfect employee was her lack of interest in anything that didn't directly affect her. Sure, she was beautiful to look it, if you liked that kind of Nordic beauty, but he barely knew her. She'd shut down any attempts at friendship or camaraderie in the five years she'd been his employee. Working with someone who seemed determined to remain a virtual stranger felt alien at first, but he'd gotten used to it eventually and now, he preferred it. He'd never managed to read Isabel, but they'd only ever touched once and that was on the day he'd shaken her hand after hiring her. All he'd felt then was her nervousness, which he put down to the fact she was being interviewed. It certainly wasn't because of him. He hadn't sensed even the slightest bit of sexual interest in him, which was one of the reasons he'd hired her.
Isabel gave him another weird look and headed for the door. "I'll go and update the diary now. Your next appointment is here, by the way."
Sebastian got through the next hour on willpower alone. The couple he was seeing had been married for twenty years and were very happy but wanted to spice things up a bit. He listened to them talk and watched the way they interacted with each other and then suggested a few things they could try. Sebastian paid particular attention to the woman and didn't suggest anything too extreme. He could tell she was blaming herself for the fact her husband wasn't entirely satisfied with her. The urge to grab her hand and tell her that her partner was a being a jerk almost overwhelmed him. She was a vibrant, attractive, caring woman who enjoyed an active sex life with the man she was still in love with, and her husband should be thanking his lucky stars rather than searching for ways to make himself feel young again.
As they left, Seb clasped the husband's hand firmly, taking the opportunity to read what was going on in his head. Satisfied that the guy did still love his wife and probably wasn't likely to run off and have an affair with some pretty young thing, Seb let them leave without suggesting they book in for further sessions. If the wife wanted to, that would be another matter, but Seb certainly wasn't going to help her husband make her feel inadequate, whether he'd intended to or not.
Appointments like the one he'd just seen weren't very challenging, but they were his bread and butter. Most people had relatively minor problems that were easily fixed. Seb rarely got the chance to work with someone who really needed his help, but when he did, he found his choice of career intensely satisfying. Kerri needed his help, but he wasn't entirely sure he was going to be able to help her, even if she made another appointment to see him.
The afternoon was fully booked, and it was a few hours before he had a moment to himself to check the diary again, but when he did, her name was there and he couldn't decide whether he was pleased or dismayed. She was exactly the kind of client he should be working with. He'd even given her the leaflet about surrogacy, a service he was trained for but had never offered to anyone. But that was part of the problem. Why had he given her that leaflet? And why had the thought of her been playing with both his mind and his libido since he'd first met her?
During the following week, as her appointment crawled ever closer, Seb changed his mind half a dozen times about seeing her again. Eventually, he managed to convince himself that he could remain professional and put her needs before his own, but the second she walked in to the building, he knew he'd been fooling himself.
Kerri perched on the sofa opposite him, her gaze as wary as her body language. Her choice of clothing was much less restrictive than the last time she'd visited him, and she looked young and fresh in a white t-shirt and beige Capri pants that hugged her curves in all the right places.
Seb hadn't offered to shake her hand so had to rely on visual clues to let him know how she was feeling about coming back. If he had to take a wild guess, he'd say she wasn't entirely sure of her reasons for being there.
"So, how have things been since we last spoke?"
A shy smile lit up her lovely face but disappeared all too quickly. "They've been okay. I'm single at the moment, so there's not much to report in that department."
"That's good."
He realized what he'd said when Kerri gave him a strange look. "It's good that I'm single?"
Yes, it is good. I don't want anyone else to touch you but me.
"No, sorry. I meant that it's good things have been okay." Seb picked up the pad and pen from the table next to him and prepared to take a few notes, determined to ignore the thought that had just crossed his mind. "Have you thought any more on our last meeting?"
"Yes, I've been thinking about it a lot."
"Well, I'm glad to see you again. I think we can do some good work together. This week, I want to talk about your—"
"I'd like to find out more about sexual surrogacy. What does it involve?"
Seb scrawled something illegible on his pad as he pretended to make notes in order to cover his reaction to her question. He was pretty sure he was about to bust a blood vessel from the effort of willing his body not to respond to the cruel temptation she was laying before him.
"Surrogates work with a patient to help them become more comfortable with physical and emotional intimacy." He stopped and took a sip of the water on the table next to him, hoping she couldn't see the slight tremor of his hand. What in the hell had possessed him to think seeing her again was a good idea? "It typically begins with eye contact and then moves on to hand holding exercises. Then, it builds from there."
"Does it involve full intercourse?"
"Sometimes, but not always."
"Who decides?"
"The surrogate and the patient decide between them. There are risks involved with this kind of therapy. Patients can get attached to their therapist, so the process needs to be monitored. And it's not inexpensive. Sometimes, it can take up to six months to work through the stages and resolve any issues."
"Money isn't an issue. Do you think I'm a suitable candidate?"
"Yes, I do. You're an ideal candidate, but I'm not the only therapist to offer this service."
"But you do offer the service, or you wouldn't have given me the leaflet, right?"
Seb nodded. "Right." Wrong. I'm an idiot.
"Then why are you suggesting I see a different therapist?"
The confusion on Kerri's face shamed him. Because he was being such a gigantic moron, he was in danger of making her feel she was being rejected again. The fact he was having inappropriate thoughts about her was his problem, not hers.
"I thought it was only fair to let you know there are other people offering this type of treatment."
Kerri fell silent for a long time, but Seb gave her the space to explore her thoughts. He couldn't help but hope she would change her mind. Volunteering to be the one to help her overcome her issues was definitely a bad idea, but the thought of her working in such an intimate way with anybody else made him irrationally angry.
He knew how hard it would be for any other red blooded male to keep his hands and desires to himself if someone who looked like Kerri asked them to teach her how to enjoy sex. Jesus! They would think all their Christmases had come at once!
The vulnerability emanating from her in waves would make her easy prey for an unscrupulous male. Seb was having trouble keeping his mind on track, even as he fought the urges that he thought he could control. It hadn't been a problem in the past. Some of his clients would have tested a weaker man than he was, but Kerri was another matter entirely.
His gaze roamed over her long elegant neck, and he wondered how it might feel to brush the shiny mass of curls to one side and nibble at the peachy soft skin just below her ear. Would she jump a little as her nerves got the better of her, or lean in to him and tilt her body upwards, inviting him to explore further? If she did, would he be able resist the urge to thrust his eager hands under her t-shirt and cup the breasts he hadn't been able to stop thinking about for days? Was Kerri the kind of woman to sigh
his name out loud as his touch turned her on and her nipples got hard, or might she just bite down on her lip, swallowing her groans as her body began to tremble?
His dick got rapidly and painfully hard, forcing him to uncross his legs and use his notepad to hide his erection. Enough is enough. There was nothing for it. Sebastian was going to have to be honest with her and let the chips fall where they may.
"You look uncertain about this, Kerri. Would it help if I told you that I was wrong, and that I think it would be a mistake for us to work together from this point on?"
"Why would it be wrong?"
"I'm attracted to you, that's why."
"Oh!" Her eyes got wide, and she stared back at him, her lush mouth open, still formed around the shape of the sound she'd just made.
"Continuing to see you as a patient would break every professional, ethical, and moral code I can think of."
"So you don't want to help me?"
Seb let out a harsh bark of laughter. "Oh, I do want to help you, Kerri. I'd love to unlock your secrets, but not as your therapist. That's the problem."
"Oh," she said again.
He got to his feet and walked over to the sofa where she was sitting and dropped down on to the seat at the far end, ensuring he didn't touch her. "I need you to understand that this is not your fault. I should have known after our first meeting that I couldn't be your therapist, but I hoped I'd be able to keep a grip on my urges. Unfortunately, I'm no different from any other man when it comes to whether I find someone attractive or not."
Kerri kept her face turned away, her gaze fixed on something on the other side of the room. "What happens now?"
"Obviously I won't charge you for this session, and I'll refund you for the last one. After that, what happens next is up to you."
His words brought her round to face him. "Why is it up to me?"
Seb scribbled his cell phone number down on a corner of a page and tore it off. "Here's my private number. I'd love to take you out to dinner, and I hope, once you've had some time to think, you'll give me a call."
She took it without meeting his gaze, her cheeks glowing with embarrassment. "You're very direct, aren't you?"
"I don't know any other way to be. I've seen far too many people miss out on some wonderful experiences because they are afraid of rejection. I can't live my life that way, Kerri. If I see something—or someone—I want, I don't hold back."
The blush on her cheeks deepened. "Please don't think I'm not flattered by your offer, Seb. I am. But this couldn't have come at a worse time. I'm on the rebound from a bad relationship, and I'm committed to getting help with my problems."
"I know, and it's part of the reason why I tried to ignore my attraction to you. I'll respect your decision, but there are a couple of things I want you to consider before you turn me down flat, okay?"
"Okay."
"First, I'm very good at what I do, and I don't just mean in a professional capacity. Does that seem a little arrogant to you?"
He saw a grin pull at the corners of her luscious mouth before she managed to smother it. "Yeah, just a bit."
He laughed. "You're intrigued though, aren't you?"
"Let's just say I'm curious to know what you mean."
"We are trained to help our patients relax and get in touch with their inner selves, that much is true. But that's not the only reason I'm good at my job. I have something most other therapists don't have, as far as I know."
"Such as?"
"Such as an ability to sense what others are thinking and feeling, just by touching them." He saw the doubt in her eyes and ploughed on before she could give it time to take root. "That makes me a very intuitive lover. You really won't find anyone better equipped than me to help you get in touch with your sensual self."
"So, you've done this for others? Women like me, I mean?"
"Nope. You're the only woman I've ever offered to do this for."
"I hope you weren't counting on changing my mind. I don't even know what to think about what you just told me." Kerri grabbed her bag from the floor, obviously preparing to leave. "The only reason I'm not laughing right now is because I'm not entirely sure you aren't a little bit crazy."
Sebastian couldn't help but smile, even though he realized he was probably just convincing her that he was certifiably insane. "I understand why you might think that, and I can see you are desperate to get the hell away from me, but would you do me one favor before you go? Give me your hand."
When she hesitated, Seb got up and walked over to the door. He opened it and returned to his seat, then directed Kerri's attention towards the couple sitting outside in the waiting area.
"If I do anything that makes you uncomfortable, I give you permission to scream your head off. I'm pretty sure my receptionist and those people waiting out there will all come running to your aid. All I want you to do is give me your hand. After that, I'll let you go without asking any more of you, I swear."
Kerri sighed and stuck out her hand, her impatience evident. He clasped it gently and tightened his fingers as he felt her involuntary flinch. The first, unmistakable sensation that came through was skepticism. Seb couldn't blame her for that, but he needed to make it subside so he could concentrate on something more important. Rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand did the trick. The gentle caress surprised her, and she tried to pull her hand away, but he kept a firm grip on her. Her gaze locked with his, and he felt her confusion give way to mild pleasure. She likes me touching her.
"How do you feel about me holding your hand?"
"It's okay." Her expression told him nothing, but the way her berry colored lips parted to suck in a quiet, ragged breath told him everything. Her pupils grew large in her chocolate brown eyes, the centers so dark, he could almost see his own reflection in them.
A heat surged up through his arm and, despite his own arousal, he knew the feeling had come from her. The edges of his vision blurred and images began to filter through. He watched a scene unfolding in Kerri's mind as a fantasy took her thoughts somewhere she'd never intended them to go.
"You just imagined yourself grabbing my shirt and dragging my body top of yours so you could kiss the smug grin off my face."
"No!" She tried to pull her hand back again, and this time, he let her go. Kerri pressed her palms against her flaming red cheeks, hiding her face from him. "Please stop."
Seb continued, reluctant to embarrass her further but acutely aware of how much she needed to hear the next part. "You might have made the first move, but you wanted me to take control. Kerri, you wanted me to dominate you … to hold you down and make you submit to my will."
"Bullshit."
Kerri fumbled with her handbag as she scrambled to her feet and put some distance between them. Sebastian welcomed the anger etched into her features. It was far preferable to the blind fear he'd in her eyes seen only moments earlier. And even if she never spoke to him again, at least he'd given her something to think about. Something that she needed to know. Something that might help her find peace, with or without his help.
"You're probably not going to want to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway. In my personal and professional opinion, the reason you don't climax when you have sex with someone is because they let you set the boundaries. But you don't want that, do you, Miss Robertson? You want to be controlled."
Her eyes sparked with anger, and he braced himself, ready for the onslaught.
"And in my purely personal opinion, Mr. March, you don’t know what the hell you're talking about."
Chapter Three
"I'm such an idiot!"
Kerri's groan of frustration echoed through the darkness of her bedroom. She willed her brain to stop working overtime and punched the pillow as she rolled over to lie on her other side. Her dinner date with Thomas had been a disaster. And she knew just whom to blame.
Ignoring her better judgment, she'd agreed to go on a date earlier that day with Thomas, the guy who owned the local coffee shop
she visited every morning. His persistence had worn her defenses down, so she'd caved, weakened by the stifling loneliness of her life since her split with Ben, and her mounting sexual frustration over Sebastian. Thomas was nice, hard working, and decent, but he just wasn't her type, and if she hadn't been so desperate to blot out the memory of what happened in Seb's office a month earlier, she would never have agreed to date him.
In the weeks since she'd last laid eyes on him, Sebastian March had filled her thoughts and haunted her nights. She wasn't even angry at him anymore. That emotion had long ago given way to one of pure frustration, and a niggling sensation that she was much more of a wimp than she gave herself credit for. But the idea of surrendering her mind, body, and soul to him terrified her almost as much as it excited her. So she'd agreed to go on a date with the coffee guy. What a great idea that was. Now, she had even more regrets to add to her ever growing list, and Thomas would probably never speak to her again.
When the conversation between them at dinner had dwindled to no more than a series of long, awkward silences punctuated by the occasional mindless observation about the surroundings, the food or the weather, she'd found refuge in her wine glass. Still eager to please her, despite the fact he must have known he was getting shot down in flames, Thomas ordered another bottle after they finished the first. Halfway through the second one, Kerri had begun to laugh at anything and everything he said. The confusion on his face was painful to see and it sobered her up a little, but it was too late to stop him leaving the restaurant in disgust, without paying his share of the bill. Kerri didn't blame him. First thing Monday morning, she was going to go find him and apologize.
And now she was back in her apartment, alone once more, and just as tormented by thoughts of Sebastian as she was before. His business card lay on the dresser across the room, taunting her with its understated yet elegant gold font, and promising adventure if she was just brave enough to reach out and grab it. Kerri kicked off the covers, stomped across the room, and threw it in the bin. The gesture was pointless anyway, because she'd looked at it so many times, the number was permanently imprinted in her brain.
