by Teri Fowler
Kerri braced her palms on his chest and began to rise and fall above him, clenching the muscles of her pussy as she lifted her weight off him, her rhythm slow and even. She jerked a little each time she took him in, and he had to resist the urge to thrust up into her each time she did. He wanted more.
"Faster."
She sped up, bobbing up and down on his cock and making her breasts jiggle in a way that made his mouth water. The change in tempo felt good, and not just for him. Kerri's face set into a mask of concentration, and she closed her eyes as a frown creased her forehead and she bit down on her lip as her pussy started to quiver.
Sebastian reached down and gave her ass a little slap, too gentle to cause any pain. Kerri's eyes flew open, and she groaned aloud as her cunt clenched around him.
"You're a bad girl, aren't you?" he said, his teeth clenched so tight he could barely grunt the words out. He slapped her again, and this time, it carried a sting. Her reaction was stronger than before, leaving neither of them in any doubt that she liked a little pain with her fucking. And Sebastian liked giving it to her.
"Touch your clit," he said, guiding one of her hands downwards as he grabbed the other and placed it on her breast. "And tweak your nipple. Hard enough to make it hurt a little."
She did as she was told, rubbing herself so fast and hard, her nails scored his pelvis once or twice. He didn't mind the pain. Her carelessness was proof she was too turned on and in tune with her own body to notice what she might be doing to him. How anyone could ever have accused this beautiful creature of being frigid was beyond him.
"I'm gonna come," she said, seconds later, her voice barely more than a ragged gasp.
"No!" Sebastian grabbed her hips and lifted her off him, holding her just high enough that his dick slid out of her. "You can't come yet. I didn't give you permission."
"Oh … oh, please. Please." Kerri jerked above him, thrusting her pussy forwards as if a series of electric shocks were coursing through her groin. She tried to reach for her clit again, but he blocked her hands. "Oh, God, Sebastian. Please let me come."
He bit his lip, struggling to contain his reaction to her. He'd never seen anything so erotic in his life. Denying her went against every instinct he had, but the need to show her he was in control made his cruelty necessary. Besides, delaying her orgasm would only heighten her pleasure when he did let her come.
The muscles in his biceps began to protest at holding her away from him so he lowered her again, holding her steady just long enough to allow her to align herself with his cock. She struck up the same, frantic rhythm straight away and began to masturbate once more. Kerri's expression had changed, and her eyes held a fierce determination as she fucked him again and he knew he wouldn't last much longer with her beautiful body pounding his at a pace that left him breathless with awe.
Sebastian felt tension build in that sweet spot between his anus and his testicles, and he knew his orgasm was only seconds away. "Kerri, I want you to make yourself come. Right now."
The hand rubbing at her clit sped up, and he felt her internal muscles give a hard jolt as she increased the stimulation. "Smack me again…"
Sebastian obliged, giving her the hardest slap yet, one that made his palm tingle. Her reaction was instant and almost violent. An orgasm started deep in her cunt, just as the pressure in his balls released and he tore into his climax. Pure sensation robbed him of the ability to do anything but hear Kerri's gasps, groans, and cries, and the knowledge she was just as lost in the moment as he was forged a sudden and powerful bond between them of a kind he'd never experienced before.
When neither of them had anything left to give, Kerri rolled off him, kissing his cheek before collapsing down on to the mattress beside him. He tried to fight off the fatigue assaulting him from every angle as he remembered he hadn't made good on this threat of tying her up, but that would have to wait for another day. If he didn't sleep soon, he was pretty sure he might die of exhaustion.
With his body depleted of everything except the ability to function, Sebastian fell asleep with Kerri nestled against his chest, aware of nothing but the fact that he loved her, and that she loved him, too.
The next thing he knew, sunlight was streaming in through the windows because he'd forgotten to draw the blinds. He stretched out his hand, reaching for Kerri, but found the bed empty. Sebastian raised his head off the pillow, listening for any sound in the apartment that might tell him where she was, but he heard nothing. He squinted at his watch and groaned when he saw it was just after seven. Where the hell had she gone so early on a Sunday morning?
He wandered around to check she really had gone, then went into the bathroom. There, on the mirror, was a handwritten note. Sebastian stared at it without getting close enough to read it for a few seconds, unable to shake the feeling that he wasn't going to like what it contained. He scanned the hastily written message, swearing aloud as he read. Kerri thanked him for everything he had done for her and signed off by telling him that she didn't want to see him anymore. That was it. She gave no reason or explanation. He crumpled the paper in his hand and threw it into the bin.
Sebastian showered, shaved, and dressed quickly, then grabbed the crumpled note back out of the trash and ran out of his apartment.
Kerri's place was only a few blocks away from his, and it didn't take him long to jog the short distance. He paused outside her door, giving himself a minute to catch his breath. They were about to have a very intense conversation, and he had to be prepared. Sebastian paced the pavement below her steps, willing his heart rate to slow and his breathing to calm so he could ring her doorbell and try to make her let him in. She owed him an explanation, and he was damn well going to get it.
"Sebastian?"
He turned to find her walking up the street towards him. The t-shirt, running pants, and shoes gave a hint as to what she'd been doing so early in the morning.
Sebastian fished in his pocket for the offending bit of paper, thrusting it towards her when he found it. "What the hell is this?"
"It's a note."
He smiled, refusing to allow her to think she could irritate him by being obtuse. "I know that. What I don't know is why you felt the need to act like this."
She at least had the good grace to look guilty while she stretched out her muscles and went through her cool down routine. "How do you know where I live?" she said, ignoring his question.
"You filled out a new client questionnaire, remember? I've known where you lived since the first time we met, but I've never used the information because I wanted to give you the space you needed to decide whether you wanted to see me or not."
"And now, because you gave me an orgasm or two, you've decided you have a right to invade my personal space, is that it?"
Sebastian took a step away from her, not quite believing what she'd just said. "I didn't deserve that."
Shame flooded her face, and the righteous anger she'd clearly been trying to muster seeped out of her. He saw, in that moment, how truly vulnerable she still was. This wasn't about him. It was about her. Maybe Kerri couldn't handle what she'd learned about who she really was and what she really wanted?
"Forgive me, Seb. That was a horrible thing to say, and I didn't mean it." She closed the distance between them and grabbed his hands. "I will never be able to thank you enough for what you did for me last night. It was an experience I will never forget."
His grip tightened around her fingers, stopping her from pulling away. "Then why are you doing this? Is this note all I deserve after what we shared together?"
"I did it that way because I didn't want you to try and talk me out of it."
"Because you think what we did is perverted?"
Kerri tugged her hands out of his. "Well, isn't it?"
"Nothing that happens between two consenting adults could ever be called perverted."
"But you would say that, wouldn't you? It's your job not to judge others, but I'm not built that way. I was raised in a good, Chri
stian household, and we were taught that sex was supposed to be respectful and enriching, not kinky and degrading."
If he wasn't so pissed off, Sebastian might have laughed. "Remind me again what the Bible says about having sex out of wedlock? From what you told me, you've dated at least a couple of guys before me, and, as far as I know, you didn't feel the need to be married any of them before you slept with them."
"This is different, and you know it." Kerri unzipped the pocket of her running pants and pulled out her door key. "By the way, it's not very classy of you to throw my past up in my face."
Sebastian took a deep breath before he answered, hoping he could stay strong and not allow her to lead him into the argument she was obviously determined to have in order to give her an excuse to shut him out. "I wasn't throwing up your past. As far as I know, you've done nothing you need to be ashamed of, then or now."
"I know you probably believe that, Sebastian, and it means a lot to me that you care enough to say it, but it doesn't change anything. I can't allow myself to give in to those kinds of urges ever again."
"No matter how good they feel? Listen to yourself, Kerri. What you're saying doesn't make sense."
"It doesn't make sense to you because you aren't like me."
Sebastian felt his patience wearing thin, but he kept his tone level. "I don't remember you forcing me to do anything. I dominated you because I wanted to."
Kerri's panicked gaze darted up and down the street as she checked to see if anyone had heard what he'd just said. Sebastian thought she needn't have worried. New York was one of the few places in the world where you could have an intimate discussion out in broad daylight without anyone being interested enough to eavesdrop. Still, she took a step closer, and she lowered her voice. "No. You did it because you knew I needed you to."
Sebastian sat down on her stoop as the effort of sparring with her drained the little energy he had left out of his already exhausted body. He could almost see every brick in the invisible wall Kerri was trying to construct between them, and, even with all of his experience as a trained psycho-therapist, he couldn't find a way around it. He had never felt so helpless.
"I can see I'm not going to be able to get through to you, at least not now, but I want you ask yourself if you're being as truthful as you think."
"I'm not in the mood for analysis. Save it for your clients."
Sebastian ignored her barbed comment, as he saw it for what it was—a way to keep him at arm's length because she was scared of letting him get too close. "I don't think even you believe that what we did last night was perverted. This is about something else, and I think I know what it is."
"Really? Then please enlighten me."
Her smile was infuriating, but he had to admit a grudging respect for the way she fought her corner. "You're scared half out of your mind because you know that last night was about more than just sex, and that terrifies you, but if you want to keep lying to yourself, then you go right on hiding behind religious objections and demeaning labels. You might fool yourself, but you don't fool me. You're terrified of falling for someone who knows who you really are."
Kerri's blank stare told him nothing at first, and when he saw the sheen of tears misting her eyes, he felt a small glimmer of hope flare to life in his chest. But then she glared down at her feet and jangled her keys in her hand as she prepared to walk away from him, and he knew she'd rejected every single word he said.
"You're expecting too much of me, Sebastian. I just got out of a long term relationship that ended really badly, and that was painful enough, but now I find out that Ben, and all the men I've ever dated, were right all along. It's my fault that sex has never been any good, at least not with anyone but you. I'm so fucked up that the only way I can have an orgasm is if someone dominates me."
"It's not the only way. It's just one of the ways."
She shook her head. "You know that's not true better than I do. When you looked inside my head to find out what I needed, that's what you saw."
"What I saw was that you needed permission to let go of that rigid self-control and allow yourself to enjoy having sex. The easiest way of doing that is to hand control over to someone else. That way, whatever happens is their responsibility, not yours." Sebastian tried to reach out to her and get her to sit down beside him, but she took a step away. "There are millions of people around the world who enjoy submitting to a sexual partner. Would it really be so bad if you were one of them?"
The tears that had been threatening for a while spilled over onto her cheeks, and she brushed them away as she grudgingly sat down beside him. "I just want to be normal."
"Kerri, honey. You could never be just normal."
"Thanks."
"Don't be sarcastic. I meant that as a compliment." He dragged his hand through his hair, taking a moment to gather his thoughts and figure out the best way to get her to see what she was about to throw away. "Last night should have proved to you beyond any doubt that you are an incredibly sexy woman, capable of having orgasms through oral and manual stimulation as well as penetration. And that's not because some mind reader figured out what makes you tick. You've always been capable of enjoying sex, Kerri, but your mind got in the way."
"But what if you're wrong? What if I can't ever have a normal sex life?"
"First, there's no such thing as 'normal'. Second, you aren't the only one who learned something about themselves last night. You were right when you accused me of putting your needs before my own, at least in the beginning, but that didn't last very long. The way you reacted to the things I did to you made me want to do them all the more. At first, my pleasure came from seeing how much pleasure I could give you, but then something changed. The reason last night was so incredible for me was because it was the first time I can ever recall caring about my own orgasm as much as I cared about someone else's."
Sebastian reached for Kerri's hand again, and, this time, she didn't pull away even though she still wouldn't meet his gaze. When she didn't speak, he carried on talking, unsure if he would ever get a better chance to try to make her listen to what he had to say.
"This ability of mine has its downsides, Kerri. Do you have any idea what it's like to be in bed with someone and know for sure they don't like what you're doing to them, but have to carry on because they're in the middle of faking an orgasm over it? Or to hear them thinking to themselves that they wish you'd just get it over and leave so they could get some sleep, because they had to get up early in the morning? It only took one or two experiences like that before I made it my business to give a woman exactly what she wanted and leave her satisfied. Before long, sex was never about what I wanted any more. Not until last night. Last night, I didn't do those things to you just because you needed me to. I did them because I wanted to."
By the time he finished speaking, Kerri was staring in to his eyes, and he could see his confession had caught her off guard. "It never occurred to me to consider what it might be like for you. Your ability always seemed like such a gift, at least to me."
He grinned. "It's not all bad. Those experiences were the reason I decided to become a psychosexual therapist. I thought I just wanted to help people, but now I wonder if I was just looking for the kind of honesty I finally found with you."
"I'm not always that honest, Sebastian, and I'm not sure I can handle knowing that you can hear every thought that goes through my head."
"As long as you're always honest with me about what you want, that's not going to be a problem, is it? Besides, I can't hear everything, and I've learned how to tune out most of the time. Do you have any idea how boring it is to listen to a chaotic jumble of random thoughts and emotions? The average person on the bus might typically be trying to remember whether they turned the gas off, deciding what they might have for dinner that night, or wondering if spiders have eyelashes, and all of it in the space of two seconds."
Kerri clutched at her stomach as laughter took her breath away, and as her beautiful face lit up wi
th joy, Sebastian knew he had to tell her how he felt. He ran a finger down her cheek and waited until the humor in her eyes had dimmed.
"Have I told you yet how much I love you?" She shook her head, and he saw that his words had frightened her a little. "Well, I do. Kerri, I'm in love with you."
I'm in love with you, too.
He heard her answer, even though she didn't say the words out loud. Sebastian knew he'd have to be patient and let her tell him when she was ready. He hoped that she would be, one day soon.
But, apparently, it wasn't going to be today.
"I'm sorry, but I can't deal with this right now. Like I said, I've only just—”
He raised a hand to stop her talking before fear made her say something he might never be strong enough to get over. Walking away now would be a huge risk, but it was one he had to take, for her sake as well as his. Until Kerri decided for herself that she wanted to be with him, there was nothing he could do.
"Look, I've gotta go, okay?" He got to his feet without looking at her again, sure that the expression in her eyes would make him want to stay. "You know, there are millions of people in this world who would kill for the kind of physical and emotional connection we have between us, but I'm getting tired of trying to convince you of that. When you're ready to stop hiding behind your fear and reach out and grab what I'm offering you, you know where to find me."
He took one last look at her despite the fact he'd promised himself he wouldn't, and even though it was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life, Sebastian found the strength to walk away.
Chapter Six
The sound of Sebastian entering her apartment filtered through to her in the bedroom, and her heart almost leapt out of her chest. The message she'd sent him via email a few days earlier had told him what time to arrive at her place, and where to find the key she planned to hide under the mat so he could let himself in. She hadn't even been certain he would show up until the second when she heard him slide the key into the lock.
