by Rebecca Pugh
As they’d grown closer and she’d seen the other sides to Cal, the more sensitive side being one of her favourites, she’d quickly became attracted to him. There was something that pulled her towards him. His easy charm, his winning smile, his sense of humour? She wasn’t sure. Perhaps it had been a combination of all of those things. She’d spent hours at home, wondering if Cal could possibly feel the same way about her, obsessed over it almost, questioning every smile he directed her way, every accidental touch. He was nothing like the other men she’d had in her life, childish and commitment-phobes. He genuinely cared about her, worried for her, and when Grandma Dolly had passed away, he’d comforted her, made her hot soup on the cold nights and held her whenever she’d cried. That was when Mia had fallen in love with him, she was sure of it. When he’d scooped her up and held her tightly until her broken pieces had slotted back together. She’d felt like they’d had a connection and was sure it would lead to them finally becoming a couple, but then the rug had been completely whipped from beneath her feet and Hannah had stepped onto the scene. Her hopes had disappeared immediately. She’d taken one glance at Hannah and known she didn’t stand a chance. So she’d backed off, refused to ponder any more on the subject, except her heart hadn’t refused to step away so quickly. Quite honestly she’d been gutted, but in truth, she supposed it was safer this way, because then she’d never be able to get let down. She’d been let down before and it had hurt, by someone she’d trusted infinitely. She couldn’t go there again. She still had deep feelings for Cal, would still sometimes find him watching her and wonder what was going through his mind. She’d tried to put the thoughts of him to rest but they refused to be silenced, and so every time she saw him those thoughts grew wild and frantic with excitement. She was glad she had the diner to keep her busy, to keep her mind on other things besides him.
Pollyanna arrived in front of the jukebox and bounced up and down as she nibbled her bottom lip in thought. Her fingers prodded the buttons and within seconds the tune of a jaunty track filled every corner of the diner. ‘I love this song so much!’ Her shoulders wiggled in time to the music and she turned round with a beatific smile in place.
Mia stood behind the bubble-gum-blue serving counter setting up the till for the day ahead and placing all of the napkin and straw holders in a line, ready to be filled once the till had been dealt with. The sound of deep laughter travelled through from behind the kitchen doors as the men got to work inside, preparing the breakfast menu. Pollyanna, still jiggling about, bopped round the counter to arrive beside Mia and began refilling the waiting containers as she sang along to the catchy tune in a honey-sweet voice.
‘Ready for another day?’ Mia asked good-naturedly. She nudged Pollyanna with her shoulder, making the waitress smile. Despite Pollyanna being quite a bit younger than her, Mia adored the waitress’s company and found it difficult to be anything but cheerful when in her presence. It was all changing soon though because Pollyanna was leaving Sunset Bay to indulge in some travelling before heading off to university. A sadness arose whenever Mia thought too much about losing their much-loved waitress to the big, wide world.
‘I’m always ready for another day,’ Pollyanna replied gleefully with a playful bump back and an understanding smile. ‘And I’ll miss you, too.’
Chapter Two
Almost three weeks had passed since Rosa’s death. Rosa, who’d been so full of life and joy and excitement, who had been just a mere twenty-three years old, and who had died suddenly, tragically, in her apartment, three doors down from Laurie.
Many an enjoyable evening had been spent in Rosa’s company. Until she’d grown to know Rosa as a friend, Laurie had always wondered how such a young girl could afford to live in the expensive selection of apartments. It turned out that Rosa had taken up a position nannying the two young children of a very wealthy family, working full-time and even being called upon over the weekends. It was clear to see that Rosa was comfortable in her life, and loved what she did for a living, and that the wages, despite Laurie having never asked as she thought it rude, were apparently enough to keep her living in the apartment down the hall.
Laurie had lost count of the nights she’d assumed she’d be spending alone, when Neil had stayed late at work, only to be jolted from her miserable thoughts, while sprawled out on the sofa, by the sound of Rosa knocking at the door. ‘Alone again?’ Rosa would ask with her pretty face tilted to the side sweetly. ‘Why don’t you come round? I have wine. We can order pizza from Mama Jo’s?’ It never took much to persuade Laurie to agree. Within minutes, she’d have her phone and purse at hand, and would be following Rosa down the hall, chatting and laughing as if she herself were still a happy, carefree twenty-something. In reality, she’d just stepped into her thirties, but Rosa always managed to make her feel like she, too, could be excitable and bubbly. Stress would disappear immediately, along with any worries and troubles that Laurie had accumulated throughout the day, as soon as she found herself in Rosa’s company. The young woman had been a splash of violet in an otherwise grey world without even realising it.
So, it had been a severe shock to Laurie’s system when she’d hurried into the lobby of the apartment block and found members of Rosa’s family crowding around, sniffing into tissues and comforting each other. What had been even more disturbing were the numerous policemen and paramedics moving amid the family, taking notes, asking questions, serious expressions telling Laurie that something bad had happened to her friend.
She’d wanted to ask, but the lobby had been absolutely heaving with sorrow and grief, suffocating almost, so much so that she’d felt as if she couldn’t breathe. She’d hurried along and kept her head down, then thrown herself through her apartment door. She’d been notified later on, by one of the officers who’d been called to the scene, that Rosa had been the victim of a hidden heart defect, one that hadn’t been picked up on previously. Neil had been working late, yet again, and so she’d spent the night crying into the kitchen table by herself, grieving for the death of a beautiful young woman who’d had no idea how much she’d brightened Laurie’s life, how much fresh air she’d breathed into it. They’d talked often, or rather Laurie had listened often, of Rosa’s plans for the future. With twinkly eyes, she’d told Laurie of how she would fall in love, marry the man of her dreams, have three children and a big, beautiful home in the countryside. She’d also been full of excitement when she’d pulled Laurie into her apartment one night and shown her the text messages she’d been receiving from a guy she’d met on a night out. ‘He’s so dreamy, Laurie!’ Rosa had enthused with jewel-like, blue eyes. ‘I catch him staring at me and I … Well, I can’t help staring back.’
Laurie smiled sadly at the memory then sagged against the seat. A heavy sigh escaped despite her best efforts to hold it in. She was mentally and physically exhausted, had been since the funeral, and for some odd reason, she couldn’t shake the sensation of feeling out of place.
Afternoon rainfall pattered against the window rhythmically, and through the glass a grey sky glared back at her. She thought about the day she’d had, how she’d left work early, complaining she hadn’t felt well. Brian, her boss, had believed her, as she very rarely took time off. He’d agreed right away, preferring her to get herself sorted and back to work sooner rather than later.
The truth was, she was fine physically, and a GP wouldn’t have been able to pick up on the way she was feeling inside with his doctor apparatus anyway. She needed a psychologist or a therapist perhaps, someone who dealt well with emotions and expertly understood them. Someone she could talk to and who would help her splay her thoughts and feelings out, like photographs across a table, so that she could then reassemble them in a coherent order rather than the jumbled, confusing mess they were in now.
A restlessness had overcome her and it was a feeling that went far beyond anything physical, so much more than a few aches and pains. It was a restlessness that had settled deep within her bones. It was making it increas
ingly difficult, near impossible as each day dragged by, to be passionate about the life that she was living.
Laurie was questioning everything about herself and her life. Was it worth it any more? Was driving herself into the ground to make everyone else happy worth the tiredness and the stress? She hadn’t minded it before now, going through the motions just for the sake of it. She had an easy life really, one which she knew like the back of her hand. But now? After seeing Rosa be laid to rest in the ground, along with all her hopes and plans and dreams for the future she’d wanted so desperately? Well, life was too short, wasn’t it? It was too short to just settle.
It was surprising nobody had noticed she was faking the passion for her job before now, including herself, considering she’d never actually wanted to become a solicitor. After much pushing and pressuring from her mother, a young Laurie had felt like she’d had no choice in the matter. As soon as she’d reached that point where making choices about her future had come into focus, she’d had absolutely no idea of which direction she wanted to go in, which was when her mother had helpfully stepped in and completely taken over, bombarding her with option after option. She supposed she should have been grateful really, her mother making all of those tough decisions for her, and she had been at the time.
There was nothing about the profession that appealed to her. When Laurie looked back now, she realised what a monumental mistake she’d made in handing over her future to her mother. Nowadays, Laurie caught up with Marnie Chapman only when it was necessary. In the spaces between their conversations, her mother had a grand old time boasting to all of her flower-arranging friends about her eldest daughter, who worked in the city as a bigshot solicitor and who was living the dream.
With a twist to her gut, Laurie conceded that she was living a life she didn’t even want, and with everything that had happened with Rosa, it made her sick to the stomach to think of all of the time, all of the years, which she’d wasted. And this was the root of the problem which she now faced. She wasn’t happy. She supposed she’d always been aware of her unhappiness, but it had taken Rosa’s death to give her that much-needed kick. Over the years, her discomfort had been inching its way to the surface, gradually making its presence known. Perhaps she was just feeling restless because of what had happened to Rosa, paranoid now that she wasn’t making the most of life, in case the same sudden and tragic circumstances were to befall her? Would she be happy with how she’d spent her days? Was this all she had to show for thirty years of life?
She wasn’t sure of how long she’d be able to keep up the impression that she did such a good job of maintaining. Everybody thought she was wonderful, one of the best in the team at Howard & Bowe. Her heart wasn’t in the job, not even slightly, but still, people said she was one of the most passionate in the field. It turned out that she was just a very good liar, nothing more, which was something she wasn’t proud of but something that she supposed she’d been doing for years now. She had a ton of experience in it and was becoming a professional of pretences, but she didn’t want it to be that way. She wanted to be a person who lived and thrived through every single day that she was blessed with. Someone who leapt out of bed in the morning, danced down the street with a spring in their step and a vigour that nothing else matched. All Laurie knew was that she needed something. She just wasn’t sure what that something was. It was the same something that Rosa had always possessed.
When she finally stepped off the bus near Paddington, she navigated her way along the frantic, noisy pavements, sidestepping a couple whose arms were linked but frustratingly refused to unlink to let her pass. She breathed in the damp, evening air, assaulted instantly by the sounds, smells and sights of a very busy afternoon in the city. She hailed a cab before the rain completely soaked her through and reeled off the directions to her shared apartment with Neil in Carlton Road. She watched as fat raindrops pattered against the window, then dribbled down lazily.
She supposed it hadn’t been a complete lie when she’d told Brian that she was feeling under the weather, because she was definitely feeling low. The thing was, she was always under so much pressure and had been since she was young. It weighed down on her shoulders daily as if she were wearing a ridiculously heavy coat, or trying to walk with chains pulling her down, making her slouch and feel weary like a woman fifty years her senior. Rosa had never walked like that. Laurie frowned. She should still be enjoying life, living for the moments that made her smile and laugh. She didn’t feel like she was living life at all. She felt that all she was doing was existing and taking it day by day, struggling to find motivation in anything that she did. What she needed, she realised, was a break. She needed to build up enough courage to hand in her resignation, and then build up some more courage to face her mother with the fallout of doing such a thing. She knew it would end up being as catastrophic as the end of the world but she also knew that she’d been scared of the consequences for too long now. She couldn’t carry on for much longer. Laurie was certain that it would kill her if she continued this way, and what a sad end to her life that would be. She thought of Rosa once more, thought of how everything the young woman had ever wished for had been snatched away so suddenly with her life. It was scary, terrifying even. Rosa’s death was having a profound effect on Laurie; she wasn’t sure why and she wasn’t sure whether she should be thankful for it or not. Thoughts and feelings were emerging that she hadn’t faced for a long time and she wasn’t quite sure what to do with them.
‘Thanks.’ Laurie paid the cab driver once they’d reached her destination and stepped out, quickly covering her head with her leather holdall as she ran through the driving rain that she hadn’t expected from the month of June, her feet splashing in the puddles and soaking her trouser legs. Finally, she found shelter beneath the building where she lived and shook the drops from her holdall. It was an impressive mansion block with a private lobby and plush accommodation. She wouldn’t have been able to afford it on her own but, thankfully, she and Neil had found the apartment and moved in together, agreeing it was the first big step towards their life as a pair, as a couple. She adored it. The rooms were sleek, shiny and modern, with thick luxurious carpets running right the way through and a bathroom so white it was almost blinding. Being with Neil had shown her a more sparkly, expensive way of life and she supposed that in a small way he was the only goodness that she had in her life these days. He was clever and funny, loved to splash the cash around and irresistibly charming.
She wondered how she’d approach the subject of how she was feeling with him. They’d be able to discuss it together like couples often do, figure out a path for her to take and maybe even create a plan of action. She knew that Neil would take care of her while she looked for a new job; he was quite good in that respect, very macho and in control. She’d admitted that she was upset by Rosa’s death to him, but she hadn’t confided just how much it had affected her.
Drenched to her skin, she hurried into the lobby, almost skidded along the polished marble flooring, rushed down the corridor and shoved her key into the door. She frowned when she realised that it was already unlocked, which was odd. Neil worked late most nights so surely he wasn’t home already?
‘Hello?’ she called as she stepped inside the one-bedroom, first-floor apartment and closed the door behind her. ‘Neil?’ She shrugged off her soaking coat, placed her bag down on the floor beside the shoe rack and stepped further inside, kicking off her shoes as she went. Her toes sunk into the thick carpet as she stepped across it. She patted down her sodden hair and shrugged. Perhaps she’d left the door open that morning? It wasn’t surprising given the state that her head was in. If she’d lived anywhere else she would have been scolding herself for being so stupid but, thankfully, the pristine building had CCTV in the corridors and nobody would dare try break into such an expensive-looking establishment anyway. She sighed heavily and dropped her keys onto the glass-topped dining table as she passed it on her way into the kitchen.
Laur
ie flicked the kettle on and switched on the lights in each room as she made her way through the apartment, hating the gloominess which just so happened to match her mood perfectly. When she arrived outside the bedroom, she was about to push open the already ajar door but caught herself before touching the wood. She frowned and tilted her head down as she tried to make out the noises coming from within, but she already knew. Her stomach rolled and, with a frown, she clutched at her blouse.
‘Oh, Neil. Yes, yes, yes!’
‘You like that?’ A gruff voice asked, breathy and full of desire and, most importantly, disturbingly familiar. Laurie knew that voice so well.
‘Yes! Keep going, don’t stop!’ A groan. A very feminine groan, she noticed.
Trembling, Laurie took a couple of steps away from the door when what sounded like someone slapping an arse, really hard, ricocheted around her. Her hands slammed against her mouth as she covered the gaping hole between her lips. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what was happening behind her bedroom door. Whoever was beneath her boyfriend had called him by name so that answered her first question. Laurie tried to figure out what to do. She felt ridiculous for standing there, but she wasn’t ready to storm in and face whatever was happening because that would mean that it was real, and surely it wasn’t real. Was it? Could it be her imagination playing tricks on her after a rubbish day? Could she possibly be that stressed and fuzzy-headed that she was imagining bizarre scenarios that in no way could be real?
