by Lynn Kelling
“You’re welcome,” Luka grinned softly, pressing a kiss to Brennan’s lips. “So, is this my reward? I get to ravage you for being the dutiful boyfriend?”
“Fuck no,” Brennan scoffed, his head thrown back as Luka slipped lower to suck a mark on Brennan’s pulse point. Simultaneously pushing Brennan’s underwear down in front and tugging him free, Luka squeezed slowly, firmly, repeatedly up his shaft. “I just really need you in me right now. Like, right now.”
I want to feel something else, besides fear.
I’m sick of it. I want to feel good, feel something tangible, vital, and alive before I have to go back there and face my nightmare—the wreckage of someone else I love so much.
Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you won’t lose them. I almost lost him, just like I lost Mom.
But this was worse, there was no warning. No build up. No slow burn, just a call in the night that Evan was dying.
Evan was dying.
Please, Luka. Give me that. Make it last. Make me feel before the numbness sinks bone-deep and nothing can touch me, ever again.
Some of this flickered in his scared, child-like, trusting gaze as he hid behind crude words. “You didn’t bring a cock ring, did you? Cause that’d be awesome if you did.”
“Filthy slut,” Luka breathed, playing along, choosing passion over heartache.
For a brief heartbeat, Brennan slipped. His lips turned down at the edges and quivered. His eyebrows tilted and forehead creased as he beseeched with a glance. Holding his breath, holding Luka, Brennan squeezed his eyes shut against hot tears as Luka coaxed, “Hey, stay with me. Look at me. Don’t think about it. You’re fine. It’s fine. He’s safe.”
“I hate it.”
“I know. I know you do. I hate it, too.”
Brennan exhaled heavily and pressed his face against Luka’s neck, anchoring to him. Luka cupped a hand behind Brennan’s head, kissed his temple. After a few more deep breaths, Brennan felt steadier.
“You don’t have to prove anything. How about I help you relax and we can get out of here.”
“I’m not proving anything,” Brennan argued. He pulled back slightly to look into Luka’s eyes. “I just need you. Please.”
“Okay,” Luka sighed. He brushed the backs of his knuckles through the hollow of Brennan’s cheek, along his jaw. There was a strangely anguished expression on his face and Brennan couldn’t quite place it. Then he saw the glassiness of Luka’s eyes. He was about to cry.
“What? What is it?”
Luka tried to smile, glanced away, bit at his lip. It took him a moment to find his voice.
Without looking directly at Brennan, he confessed quietly, “You look like him when you’re sad.”
Tears slipped down the sides of Brennan’s face as his expression crumpled, but Luka kissed his breath away before heartache could win out. Tangling his fingers in Luka’s hair, Brennan moaned softly as Luka caressed greedily over his body. He was turned over, onto his stomach. Luka grabbed the lube and hurriedly got Brennan ready for him, stretching him out with slick fingers, breathing hot and heavy into Brennan’s blond hair.
Luka settled atop him, pressing Brennan to the bed with a pillow fitted under his hips. When he started to try and enter him, Brennan wondered if Luka was thinking of him, or of Evan.
Crying out as he was breached, muffling the sound against the sheets, Brennan heard Luka moan his name, nudging farther. Held down by Luka’s hands, pinned by his hips, Brennan relaxed into the stretch and stopped trying to be quiet. Luka sucked at a spot under Brennan’s jaw and thrust even harder when Brennan’s groans and gasps grew in strength and volume.
“Brennan… love you,” he heard, breathless and wanting, by the shell of his ear.
He didn’t have air enough in his lungs to respond. Luka drove into him and just kept moving, fucking and taking. Overheated, stuffed full, gasping and uncomfortably erect, Brennan’s every sense was dulled by the ferocity of Luka’s lovemaking.
He drew Brennan back and up onto his knees without pulling out, guided Brennan’s hands to the rungs of the headboard, wrapping his fingers there. Then he caressed back along his arms, down his sides to his hips, holding them firmly as he tugged out almost all the way just to push back in with a smooth, long push that took Brennan apart.
Luka began to tug Brennan’s dick in short, steady pulses and Brennan’s head fell between his extended arms, his cries piercing the air. With long, slow movements in and out of his ass, and rapid pumping of his shaft, Luka sent Brennan’s climax racing up on him fast. Teeth scraped the nape of his neck. Lips brushed the skin, and long hair tickled his jaw.
“Gonna make you come so hard, Evan’ll feel it.”
Brennan’s eyes rolled deliriously as he imagined it—Luka reaching out to Evan through him. He fought against the need to push into Luka’s restless hand. He shifted his knees wider as the easy, ceaseless slide of Luka’s thick member made him yell. The thrusts got sharper, louder, quicker, and shallower.
Held by the hip and the cock, Brennan’s orgasm hit him with force. He came over the sheet beneath him and Luka’s fingers swiped and rubbed over the head, smearing the hot fluid, triggering Brennan again. Cursing, sweating, Brennan’s every muscle slowly started to unclench as Luka squeezed two fingers into him alongside his cock. He heard Luka hiss and grunt, still pushing, chasing completion.
“Luka,” Brennan pleaded.
“Wanna see if you could take me and Aleksy at the same time. You want that, Cupcake?”
“Fuck.” Brennan clenched intentionally around the fingers and cock inside him. Luka moaned and snapped his hips, coming with a shiver, gasping against Brennan’s neck.
The fingers pulled out. Brennan moaned, “Jesus.” Luka slung an arm under him and moved him, changing their position again, bringing Brennan upright and settled on Luka’s lap. Brennan was still full of him and dizzily drinking down gasps of air, his head lolling back to rest against Luka’s shoulder.
“Good distraction,” he grinned.
“Thanks,” Luka smiled back, tenderly brushing the sweat-damp hair back from Brennan’s forehead, kissing his cheek.
“I love you.”
“Good. Me too.”
He folded his arms over the ones encircling him. Exhaustion of a different sort made him suddenly sleepy.
“You can have the shower first if you want.”
“Okay,” Luka agreed. His hands stroked downward to rest atop Brennan’s thighs, clamping down on them, keeping Brennan on his lap. Luka thrust up against him gently, his lips dragging over the shell of Brennan’s ear.
“Gonna let me off?”
“Mm, maybe,” Luka teased, still moving languidly within him. One hand released Brennan’s thigh only to move up to twist his left nipple. Brennan’s skin pebbled with fresh goosebumps. He shot Luka an accusatory smile over his right shoulder as Luka leaned back and let go, planting his hands behind him on the bed as he stared unabashedly at the sight of his cock sliding wetly out of Brennan’s body. Licking his lips to hide a devilish grin, Luka raised his eyebrows briefly in reply.
Brennan lay down on his side with a contented sigh. Luka got up off the bed only to lean down and give Brennan a quick kiss. Pulling the covers up over him, Luka left Brennan there.
Not five minutes later, Luka found Brennan sleeping peacefully. He decided to let him have the extra rest and busied himself around the house in the meantime, doing dishes and cleaning up until it was time to leave for work. Eventually, he roused Brennan to get washed up and ready to go.
Golden eyelashes fluttered and blue eyes opened as Brennan slowly woke up, followed by a warm smile that lit up his face. He appeared to be rested, and more at ease than he had been. It seemed to be progress.
While Brennan was in the bathroom, Luka took out the trash and sorted through the stack of mail that had piled up by the front door. Days had passed since anyone had been home, so he looked for bills or anything urgent to either pay for himself or give
to Brennan. Once finished, Luka discovered the bathroom once more open and empty, but Brennan was also not in his room. Luka went in search of him, quickly finding him in Evan’s bedroom.
Standing by the bed, Brennan hugged Evan’s pillow to his chest, staring blankly forward. The air of warm contentment about him had already faded away. Other than a small crease in his brow, Brennan’s expression was vacant and weighted.
“What’s up? You okay?”
“Maybe I shouldn’t have hid the gun from him,” Brennan murmured. “If he’d had it on him that night, maybe he could’ve stopped those sons of bitches before things got that bad. This could all be my fault.”
“Or,” Luka said, “they could have taken the gun from Evan and turned it on him instead. He could’ve gotten shot, and killed. I’m not a fan of guns, Bren. I think you did the right thing here. It’s one thing to use it to hunt, but carrying it on you into bars is asking for trouble.”
Luka watched this all slowly sink in. It appeared to displace some of the heavy responsibility loaded on Brennan’s shoulders.
“What’re you doing with his pillow?”
“I thought I’d bring it to him, if it’d make him more comfortable. Is there anything else you think he’d like? If I bought him a ‘Get Well Soon’ bear, is that completely lame? And clothes, I guess. He’ll need clean clothes. I would bring him food, but he’s on that liquid diet because of his teeth. He’s not even off the IV yet, as far as I know. When he comes home, he can’t sleep in here. He’s going to need to be upright, with his ribs and all. The stuffed chair in the living room might be a good bed. He could watch TV.”
“Bren,” Luka said softly. “It’ll be fine. You’re doing great. The pillow’s a great idea. And the bear isn’t lame, it’s adorable.”
“Yeah?” he asked hopefully.
“Coming from you, yes.”
Luka wound an arm around Brennan’s shoulders and guided him from the room. He could see the corners of Brennan’s mouth curling down again, the look in his eyes changing with fret, making him appear older than his years, and much more like his twin. It was haunting.
“I know how much you want him home,” Luka said. “But once he’s here, the bulk of the caretaking is going to fall to you. At least in the hospital they can keep an eye on his progress and handle anything that comes up.”
“He’d be better off at home. Mom always preferred to be at home instead of those places. It’s never quiet there. It’s sterile and cold and it smells weird.”
“Plus, if he’s there it means he’s really not okay, huh?” Luka offered. They’d made it out to the truck, Brennan with the pillow and a small bag filled with clothes, Luka, already dressed for his shift at the gym, and carrying bills to mail back.
“When can I see you again?” Brennan worried, “God, I’m gonna miss you.”
“I’ll call you on my break, see what’s what.”
“Okay.”
Chapter 4
Initial Implications
Jimmy was at the hospital for morning visiting hours. Brennan glimpsed him through the waiting room door once he’d gotten to Evan’s floor. When Brennan peeked into Evan’s room, a nurse was changing Evan’s bandages and tending to his wounds. He lingered by the door, waiting for her to finish and watching her work. He knew he could go to the waiting room instead, but that would mean facing Jimmy and having to talk. Brennan was still not really in the mood for that, but he couldn’t avoid everyone for long. After only a minute’s reprieve, Alek and Jimmy emerged into the hall.
Alek saw Brennan first and made a beeline over to him. He folded Brennan into a bear hug, pillow and all. It was nice. Brennan felt Alek gripping him tightly, kissing the top of his head and letting out a held breath. After the tension and jealousy between them since Evan had gotten hurt, the tenderness was received with more heartfelt appreciation than Brennan anticipated.
It hit him hard that he seemed to care fairly deeply for Alek, and in a way wholly different than the way he loved Luka. Brennan hugged him back and didn’t want Alek to let him go.
“How is he?” Brennan managed. Alek’s touch, so reminiscent of Luka, was strengthening in other ways. There was pure affection there, apart from sexual desires. Brennan thought about how both he and Alek were the ones who had to learn, quickly and too young, to be strong purely for the sake of others, and how they both probably still carried some resentment for the fact. It made Brennan feel safe with Alek in a way he didn’t with Evan or Luka, because Alek understood what it was like. With Alek there was no need to sugarcoat anything for appearance’s sake.
Alek braced a hand behind Brennan’s head, stroking over his blond hair, breathing him in. There was fear for Evan in the touch. Brennan sensed it clearly, along with gratitude for being able, just for a moment, to hold someone so like Evan, a real part of him. Brennan felt the same thing with Alek concerning Luka. There was a piece of Luka’s spirit there, inside him. However, it was how Alek’s touch wasn’t about Evan at all that really affected Brennan, provoking him to cling to Alek’s shirt, inhaling the scent of him, savoring his warmth and strength.
But Jimmy was right there too, now, watching everything. Brennan was aware of how signs of intimacy between him and Alek might concern Jimmy. It gave Brennan pause, preventing what might otherwise have become more.
“He’s a little better, but he’s in more pain today,” Alek lamented. “I just want to make it stop. It should be me, not him. I should’ve been paying more attention. Evan shouldn’t have been the one to go out there. Hell, I shouldn’t have let him come to the bar at all. Funny how, after being so afraid of him hurting himself, I’m the one who ends up hurting him.”
Hearing Alek’s self-flagellation, so like what Brennan felt when standing in Evan’s room not an hour earlier, Brennan ached. Before he could say anything in reply, he saw someone else over Alek’s shoulder. It was a woman with long, dark hair and cat-like eyes, staring right at them.
“Hey, you know her?”
Alek turned, “Oh. Katie. Yeah, hey. What’re you—? Bren, I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Sure,” Brennan nodded, letting go, feeling colder and lesser without him there. Jimmy cleared his throat and moved closer to Brennan as Alek went to talk to the newcomer.
“How are you holding up?” Jimmy asked Brennan, looking him over. “It’s good you went home to sleep. You’ve got to keep your strength up. Hospitals can be really draining.”
Feeling self-conscious of the dark circles he knew were under his eyes, Brennan squeezed Evan’s pillow and shrugged. “I’m okay,” he muttered.
“You two have gotten closer, you and Evan.”
Unsure how to respond to that, Brennan didn’t even try, but held his ground and met Jimmy’s gaze.
“I talked to Charlie a little while ago. He’s having trouble getting time off,” Jimmy admitted, regretfully. “He’s very frustrated and angry about it, but there’s nothing he can do. I’m sure he’ll work it out somehow.”
A selfish sort of relief flooded Brennan at the thought of not having to face his father for a little while longer. He instantly felt guilty about the reaction, for Evan’s sake.
“That sucks. But I’m sure Evan understands.”
“Yeah,” Jimmy grumbled. “He understands all right.”
Across the hall, about twenty-five feet away, Alek and Katie stood close together, talking quietly.
“The cops were here first thing this morning, going over everything with Evan, getting his statements,” Alek told her. “Do you have any idea what the hell happened? I mean, they told us they have all of the guys in custody now, but they wouldn’t give us any specifics. We’ve been going on rumor from what we’ve heard from Jason and other guys at the bar that night.”
Katie shifted the purse strap slung over her shoulder a little higher and looked past Alek’s shoulder at Brennan for a moment. “That’s the brother?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s cute,” she said, then brought
her focus back to Alek. “Well, you didn’t hear it from me, but Meryl and those guys ran ‘em all down and kicked their asses. They were all brought in bloody and you know Meryl. He said the assholes fought ‘em hard, trying to escape, that he was just doing his civic duty. Total bullshit. That was just their excuse to treat ‘em like human punching bags. Guess the cops let Meryl and all of ‘em go, no problem, just a wink and a nod. It’s all pretty fucked up if you ask me. And what’s this I hear about you quitting?”
“Yeah. I quit,” Alek admitted. “I called in a couple hours ago and let ‘em know. I’m done with that place. I want to be home nights for Evan and I don’t want him ever to have to go back to that fucking bar or have to think about me going there every goddamn day.”
“So what the hell are you gonna do for a job?”
“Get another one. A better one. Maybe actually use my degree for once.”
“Wow. You’re growin’ up,” she smiled. “That’s great, Aleksy. Being in love suits you. We’ll miss ya, though, big guy.” She hugged him goodbye, saying, “Good luck. Don’t be a stranger.”
“Thanks, Katie.”
A nurse let Brennan know he could go in to see his brother as Katie headed to the elevator. Brennan crept into the room, hanging back while fresh gauze was taped down over Evan’s side.
Lying in bed, Evan seemed unaware of much going on around him at all, let alone that his brother was nearby. Brennan watched, unobserved, as Evan reacted to each touch of the nurse’s fingertips like she was pressing barbed spikes into his torso. Evan winced, sucking air through his teeth, gripping the bed’s sides.
Flinching as she got the last of the adhesive into place, Evan fought to bear it calmly. But, even when she was done, had left and he once more was covered with the dressing gown and sheet, the pain didn’t seem to dull one bit. He didn’t relax or open his eyes. Brennan could practically feel what his brother was going through. As much as he wanted to go to Evan and hold him, he hesitated. Maybe, Brennan thought, he should just leave Evan in peace so he didn’t make things worse.
