by Lynn Kelling
Evan simply didn’t know and he was too afraid to ask.
Digging his hands down into his pants pockets, he walked, cutting across the lawn, through the fields to the left of the house, toward the woods beyond and the path snaking through it. Wrenching his troubled thoughts away from Brennan, they turned to Alek instead.
Evan lost Alek in some ways that night, outside of the bar. Fallen to the asphalt, Evan stared up through a film of blood which obscured the one he loved for the very last time before unconsciousness yanked it all away. When Evan next awoke, the Alek he fell in love with was gone, and there was someone else there—someone who was Alek but was also not Alek at all—holding his hand and waiting ever so patiently for him to get better.
The new Alek didn’t work at a bar; he worked downtown, on the tenth floor of an office building, with a job title so specifically technical Evan kept forgetting exactly what it was. This Alek wore suits every day and brought his lunch to the office in a washable bag which Evan rinsed for him every evening before bed. The purpose of the packed lunch was to save money for Alek’s share of the rent he still paid to Presley and Carter even though he really didn’t live there anymore. The money was for Evan too, to help cover bills while he was out of work. It was a very responsible and ‘new Alek’ type of thing to do.
New Alek didn’t make sexual advances or indulge in overly passionate kisses that might lead to dangerous things which could theoretically hurt Evan. He didn’t touch Evan’s body like it was something that drove him wild with desire, like he used to; he touched it like there were shards of glass hidden under the skin.
They slept on their self-appointed sides of the bed each night, and if Evan shifted too close, new Alek shifted away, just in case. This Alek slicked his hair back with gel before he went out and acted like an adult at all times. He didn’t make passes at Brennan or dare to dream of getting involved when Brennan and Luka were making love nearby. In fact, he tried to get Evan out of the house entirely, like Evan might get some uncouth ideas if he realized other people still indulged in things like sexual intercourse. This Alek also didn’t partake in intimate kissing or touching with Luka, in order to spare Evan the sight of such things which might lead him to get ideas about being with Brennan before he was “officially” ready. Just like Evan, Luka hadn’t felt his brother’s touch in months either.
And finally, this Alek didn’t allow discussion of the existence of the new Alek. He simply worked a nine-to-five job every single day and got home in time for a healthy family dinner around the table—a dinner at which Luka may or may not be present, depending on his work schedule, but Evan and Brennan always were—followed by light conversation in the living room and TV before retiring to bed.
He just doesn’t want to be tempted, Evan thought as he walked, deeper and deeper into the shadowy wilderness, his bruised heart feeling like it was being squeezed dry. The part of him that was more mature than his eighteen years scolded his abundance of self-pity, but didn’t know how to escape it or let logic triumph over lust.
His primary job used to be taking care of Luka, but now, since Luka doesn’t need to be cared for like that anymore, he takes care of me instead. He made so many poor choices when he was my age, he just wants better than that for me. He thinks he can save me from myself if he tries hard enough. He doesn’t want me seeing anything that would make me jealous and want to do things that would harm me physically or mentally. I get it. But it’s becoming absolutely fucking ridiculous. I just want him to listen to me for a change and believe I’m okay now, that it won’t kill me to give in a little bit and at least get a taste of what we used to have. Why can’t we at least start to ease back into normalcy? What the hell do I have to do to show them I’m healed and not lying, letting a teenager’s libido put my health in danger like he says it is?
Evan walked along the path through dense trees in order to reach a clearing on the other side. Golden, heavenly light filtered down into the small meadow from the treetops above, making the earth glow. Sometimes there were deer here, or rabbits, or groundhogs, but Evan’s presence always quickly scared them away. He headed to the center of the grassy expanse and lay down, his body flattening the supple, dew-damp blades all around him. Staring up at the thin, drifting white clouds above in the wide blue sky, Evan tried to remember how wonderful his life used to be, for such a horribly brief time before fear began to rule them all.
He thought of that night in the bathroom of the bar, when he first met Alek, and learned firsthand of the power in him, the determination to claim and possess. It was easier to think of their second sexual encounter though, since it was in a place so similar to the one he was in, how they’d rolled around on the grass, getting dirty, getting off, and not caring about anything but exploring each other. He thought, too, of the night under the stars in the back of the truck, how Alek let Evan call the shots and do exactly what he wanted to do.
Evan’s thumb popped the button of his fly, pushing the zipper down halfway. Slipping his hand inside his boxers to wrap around his shaft, he started to stroke himself hard. He thought of Alek—the old Alek.
He imagined Alek was out of his mind with desire; he just couldn’t take it anymore and needed Evan in the most carnal ways. Alek scratched and clawed at Evan’s body, leaving careless marks and bruises without being afraid Evan would hurt, Evan would die. Alek was only reckless and passionate, an animal. He turned Evan inside out with every possible filthy, forbidden touch of his fingers, his tongue, his sweat-slick, hard body and even harder cock.
Evan’s hand pumped faster inside his pants as he dreamed of Alek—his Alek.
“There you are,” Luka said breathlessly with Alek’s voice, appearing out of nowhere and slowing rapidly from a full run. He stopped completely a few feet away with a hand braced on his hip, towering over Evan.
Ripped so abruptly from fantasy, Evan yanked his right hand from his pants as soon as he heard the first word from Luka’s lips, cursing a muttered, “Fuck,” and sitting up as fast as he could manage. He drew one knee to his chest to help hide his erection.
Resting an arm on the knee, Evan turned his head away from Luka, toward the far end of the clearing as he attempted to master his expression. He was blushing fiercely. His jeans hung open in the front. Swallowing his pride, Evan tried on an awkward grin.
“Luka. I didn’t hear you coming. The hell are you doing out here? You checkin’ up on me?”
“Something like that,” he replied, licking his lips wet and taking slow steps closer, his gaze flicking noticeably to Evan’s lap and exactly what Evan was failing to disguise. “I was out on a run. Bren texted me when he saw you were gone. He’s worried about you.”
“What else is new?” Evan muttered bitterly, adding more loudly. “How’d you find me?”
“You’re kind of predictable. Hate to tell ya, but it is what it is. So,” he cleared his throat, “what’s up?”
Evan tiredly wiped a hand over his face, partially out of weariness, partly from shame, partly just wanting to block out the sight of Luka—immaculate, glistening, shirtless and dripping sweat like Evan’s desire given life… and lots of muscles.
“Spare me the witty puns, please. You can go now.”
“You’re dismissing me?” Luka smirked, sinking to his knees in the tall grass just inches from Evan.
“I’m trying to. It doesn’t seem to be working,” he grumbled, shifting his knee slightly to better block Luka’s line of sight. The move, however, sent a serrated, cutting pain corkscrewing into Evan’s gut. Gritting his teeth to hold in a strangled shout, Evan forced himself to breathe through it. He blew air out between his lips and inhaled deeply through his nose.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Luka asked, quite seriously.
Wanting a cigarette or drugs or simply to escape, Evan shook his head. “You know, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t treat me like a child or an invalid or like I’m gonna try to off myself again. I get plenty of that from everyone else.”
“Is that how you think we see you?”
“Don’t you?”
“No.”
“Bullshit. That’s bullshit! If you all had one ounce of confidence in me or respect for me, I wouldn’t have to fucking sneak away to just to have some peace without some wannabe Daddy figure trying to tell me what’s good for me!”
While yelling, Evan threw his arms open in a wild gesture. It pulled something in his bad side. His eyes instantly flooded with tears. His mouth fell open around a harsh gasp and for a second he couldn’t breathe for the pain. Making a small, broken sound, he tried to blink his eyes clear. Tears slipped down his cheeks. Then Luka was on him, guiding Evan carefully down onto his back. He placed a hand on Evan’s chest while the other cupped the side of Evan’s face.
“Okay, you’re okay,” Luka said softly, calmly. Evan wasn’t sure if it was for his sake or Luka’s own because he could detect a chilly under-layer of fear behind the soothing tone, the kind he sensed in Alek quite often now. “Small breaths, come on. It’ll pass. There ya go.”
Pursing his lips against a soft whine, Evan closed his eyes as he did as Luka said. Gradually, too gradually, the ache became merely overwhelming instead of crippling. Silent tears continued to fall. When he was past it completely a minute later, Evan still couldn’t look at Luka, who was still hovering over him, touching him.
At least he’s touching me, Evan thought hopelessly, wondering why hope was so hard to hold on to. At least I’m not alone.
Chapter 6
Undone
“This is only gonna make it worse, isn’t it? When they find out, they’re still not gonna believe I’m getting better. They’ll be more worried than ever and—”
“Evan….”
“It’s been months, Luka. Months,” Evan growled, his voice sounding choked with emotion. “Alek can barely look at me without being afraid and don’t pretend you don’t see it—how he is around me. And Brennan won’t let me in. It’s like I have some disease, like I have cancer now. So I got hurt! So what?! It happens! And I’m just so fucking lonely, you know? I just don’t want to be the one that’s fucked up anymore! I want to feel like they love me again. I miss them. I miss them so much.”
Later, Luka wasn’t sure what came over him or why he did it. It was like Evan was a new drug, his heartbreaking tears slipping in under Luka’s defenses and logic, distorting them.
Dipping his head, angling it to the side, Luka sucked a hard kiss to Evan’s mouth. It made Evan whimper beautifully. Parting his soft, luscious lips, Evan let Luka lick back past them into the warm, wet heat of him. That first taste had Luka irrevocably hooked. Framing Evan’s sweet face in his hands, Luka held Evan down so he could be properly, thoroughly kissed, like he deserved to be kissed. Licking hungrily over Evan’s tongue, sucking his lips, Luka plunged in deeply and took as much as he could get, taking everything until he was dizzy and pulsing with primal lust for Evan—alluring, magnificently flawed and held tightly beneath him.
Needing to get his hands on Evan, skin-to-skin, Luka reached down and guided Evan’s erection free of his pants. Moaning Evan’s name, Luka felt out the silk-sheathed, steely flesh now trapped within his grip, sliding smoothly against Luka’s palm, through his fingers as he stroked. Evan gasped audibly, mouthing over Luka’s lips, grabbing hold of Luka by the back of the neck, breathing hot and fast. Starkly blue eyes framed in long, golden eyelashes, surrounded by light freckles, closed over with heady relief.
Watching his hand move, staring fixedly down between their bodies, Luka ravaged Evan with his eyes as well as his fingers, tugging hard on Evan’s cock one moment, rubbing feather-light over Evan’s torso the next, over his washboard abs and up to the rosy, silken nub of his nipple. Needing to touch him absolutely everywhere, Luka tried to, lightly caressing every inch of flesh he could access by shoving clothing impatiently out of the way.
“Tell me to stop. Evan,” Luka begged, “Please tell me to stop. Tell me it hurts.”
Trembling, chasing each touch, reacting with evident greed for more, Evan thrust against Luka’s hand desperately when it grazed teasingly over his shaft. Evan bit down on his bottom lip, surged up as he tried to rub against Luka’s body, moaned softly in a way that was so sexy it shattered what was left of Luka’s resolve not to hurt Brennan like this, by willfully ignoring his heartfelt promises to be faithful, to respect Brennan and Alek’s wishes and leave Evan alone.
Luka sat back on his heels, taking hold of Evan’s jeans and underwear. After pulling them down and off, he nudged Evan’s legs apart with a knee. Leaning over him, they were face-to-face and his restless fingers now had even more places to explore. Luka palmed the right side of Evan’s ass, tilting Evan’s hips and squeezing lightly. Inhaling the heady, clean, freshly-showered scent of him, Luka licked with the tip of his tongue up the side of Evan’s neck, tasting his skin and just Evan.
“Luka, kiss me,” Evan begged, sounding hoarse, parting his thighs more in invitation, letting his knees fall open widely. “Be with me.”
Luka moaned, surging in for an un-careful, bruising kiss. His busy hand kept exploring, tugging gently on the soft skin of Evan’s balls, rubbing under and behind them, over the sensitive, smooth spot there. Just barely, Luka’s fingertips skimmed over Evan’s hole before quickly stroking back up to squeeze in a slow, tight stroke up from the root of Evan’s cock to the tip. He rubbed over the crown when it wept pre-come, spreading the slick fluid around. Tracing Evan’s shape, he triggered nerves that hadn’t been stimulated in a long time, sensing Evan’s intense pleasure, getting off on it. Evan quivered and tensed, almost thrusting against Luka’s hand but holding back like he was afraid to give in to instinct. As Luka gazed down avidly, he watched as Evan forced himself to not move at all, putting himself utterly at Luka’s mercy.
Nipping at the swell of Evan’s bottom lip, then licking over it, Luka was breathing more roughly than if he had just sprinted ten miles, every inch of his already deeply tanned skin flushed pinker now, sweat-slick and overheated. He was hugely hard, but using every ounce of what little restraint he had left to keep from grinding frantically against all of Evan’s bare skin and possibly re-injuring his ribs. Twisting up and down Evan’s erection, over and over again, Luka milked a few more clear drops from his slit and growled, dragging a thumb through the fluid. Slinking down low, crouching between Evan’s parted thighs, Luka touched the tip of Evan’s dick to his tongue, licking hungrily over it in a wide stripe, then sucking it clean.
Closing his lips just behind the ridge, Luka tongued repeatedly over the smooth, salty, hot flesh. Evan cried out with pleasure instead of pain and tangled both hands in Luka’s long hair, holding on to him, and pleading beautifully in small, choked grunts and gasps for more.
So, Luka gave him more. He sucked hard, taking Evan in. Evan’s cock slid thick and hot over Luka’s tongue and back into his throat until his lips were kissed around the root before slowly pulling back off. Evan fell, soaked in saliva, from Luka’s lips. When Luka didn’t continue and instead crawled back up Evan’s body, Evan made a frantic, impassioned sound. He gripped Luka by the neck and shoulder, clawing at him in lieu of pleading with words.
Staring hard right into Evan’s lust-drunk but unbearably bewildered eyes, Luka knew in his heart what he was going to do and, by doing it, he was betraying both Alek and Brennan.
“Fuck. Evan, God help me….”
It came out sounding apologetic, but also wildly animalistic. Luka tried to warn Evan he couldn’t stop now; it was too late to say no.
Then, Evan gave him permission. “Okay,” he said. “It’s okay.”
He turned his face into the touch when Luka brushed the backs of his fingers gently through the hollow of Evan’s jaw. Luka nuzzled Evan’s neck for a brief, tender moment, then straightened. He pushed two thick fingers through Evan’s full lips which kissed instantly around them, then slid his fingers back along Evan’s tongue. Evan sucked them, his tongue curling around them, licking b
etween, over and around to get them as wet as he could. Luka worked them in and out, staring at the way Evan’s lips pursed around the fingers, his eyes now closed.
Luka withdrew his fingers and reached down between Evan’s legs, rubbing over Evan’s puckered hole, stimulating the skin. A sweet, sharp exhale, a small frown, and moist, parted lips were Luka’s reward as he savored the moment, letting Evan ready himself and try to relax.
Luka pushed two fingers through the ring of muscle. Evan grunted, grasping Luka as he spread the fingers, pulling Evan open, rotating and bending them to work his sphincter loose. Luka felt Evan shiver and shifted his legs, breathing more roughly. Sucking light kisses to Evan’s trembling lower lip, Luka moaned Evan’s name over and over again, like a prayer.
Luka tugged his fingers free. Looking nervous but ready, Evan didn’t wait to be asked, and rolled, flipping over onto his hands and knees. He glanced back as Luka moved to kneel between his legs, pushing his exercise shorts down and out of the way. Spitting thickly into his palm, Luka used the saliva to wet his dark, heavy cock, cradled in a hand. A hard shiver raced down Evan’s spine, pebbling his skin from head to toe.
Planting both hands on Evan’s ass, Luka spread his cheeks and angled his own hips so his dick fit snugly at Evan’s opening. The contact made Evan shudder and moan. He grabbed handfuls of the grass beneath him as Luka gripped Evan by the hips and pulled him back, effectively impaling him. Thrusting just hard enough to squeeze past Evan’s rim, Luka breached him as Evan let out a breathy groan. When he met resistance, Luka withdrew slightly and spit on his hand. After smearing the fluid on himself, Luka tried again, thrusting inside a little harder, needing to make Evan take it all and have his cock fit completely inside.
Evan swallowed soft sounds Luka could barely make out, pushing back onto the flesh filling him up as Luka split him open. Luka curled forward to fit himself to Evan’s back, pressing in the last few inches until they were fully joined. Breathing roughly against Evan’s neck, feeling Evan’s whole body thrumming under and around him, Luka moaned brokenly. Soft, delicate tissue perfectly gripped him, hugged around his thick, throbbing girth.
