by Lynn Kelling
‘Maybe,’ he had allowed. ‘But you don’t know me.’ Brennan shivered at the memory of how Alek had touched him then, and where, and with what intent. His lips had parted around a sigh. They’d sealed again with the eager press of Alek’s mouth to his.
‘I know you.’
‘That’s not what I meant.’
Alek had looked at him then, and Brennan felt it even more keenly than he had the actual touch. It was as if Alek had peered inside Brennan’s soul and left something behind before pulling back. Sometimes it was easy to forget how they were kindred spirits, Brennan and Alek. With unwanted roles, burdensome responsibilities foisted upon them at such young ages, living forever after with the resentment, struggling with the concept of freedom once those difficult jobs were done. In one look, Alek shared his most personal, most secret sorts of turmoil with him. They were both the worriers, the determined carriers-on. Only when they were together, commiserating, could they find a modicum of peace.
Yes, Alek did know him. Brennan felt it. It was a spark, a warm ember of understanding ignited within him with nothing but love by the strong, incredible man in whose arms he lay.
‘You don’t owe him a thing. You don’t have to prove anything to that man.’
Those words actually hurt, because of how badly Brennan needed to hear them, spoken aloud by someone who cared. They sifted through his skin, gathered in Brennan’s chest and hardened there, a weight. When Brennan flinched away, Alek drew him immediately back.
‘Hey. Hey….’ His voice was smooth—molasses dripping in strings, sweet as sin. ‘He owes you. Remember that. He doesn’t even get to know you if you don’t want to let him. Because that’s a gift—the greatest one you have to give.’
“Alek,” Brennan breathed.
Did Alek sense Brennan there, on that precipice, unable to go backward but afraid to take that last leap into the unknown?
It had been the morning after Maggie passed away when Brennan had last been this terrified. Who was this man, their father? What exactly was it about him that made their mother leave and do such a thing as separate her babies? How unbearable must Charlie have been to warrant such action? But if he was really so bad, she wouldn’t have left Evan with him. She wouldn’t have dared. So, then why did he never come? Why did Charlie never seek out his other son?
The answers might never come either.
The wind shifted and Brennan could smell the flowers. His lips formed a small, fond smile before he bit at the inside of his cheek. If only he could stay in this room and hide. It was his sanctuary, where he discovered the depth of his feelings for both Luka and Alek, and Evan as well. It was where they made love and shared secrets. It was his space. The only one he had left. And, as soon as Charlie arrived, Brennan would most likely be asked to give it up, for a little while at least.
Brennan groaned loudly to expel his stress, curling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his shins with his arms.
‘What if he doesn’t like me? I’m just a stranger, living in his house, with his real son.’
‘You’re his real son, too. And he loves you. He’s loved you since you were just a glimmer of promise in your mother’s eye.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘He’s your father, Brennan. The only one you’ve got. Of course he loves you. And besides, how could he not love you? You’re amazing.’
The jittery feeling that had been with him for hours was becoming more intense and shrill. Shimmying out of his loose cotton pants, Brennan lay down on the purple yoga mat and stretched out with his arms, reaching outward above his head, his toes pointed. Then, he breathed.
“Hey. I’m heading out. Wanted to catch you before you started, so….”
Somehow Brennan wasn’t startled, even though he hadn’t heard Evan approach. Brennan looked around and saw him there, a few feet away by the foot of the bed. The honest smile in Evan’s eyes lifted some of the burden from Brennan’s heart.
“Hey,” Brennan said. “How’re you feeling?”
Sitting up and swinging his legs around, Brennan smirked at Evan’s roaming gaze.
“Kind of like I was repeatedly kicked in the ass with a steel-toed boot and simultaneously fucked into unconsciousness. So… good?”
Brennan laughed brightly, and Evan joined him.
“I’ll miss you. Wish you didn’t have to go.”
“Yeah, well,” Evan murmured. “If you want to maybe come by for lunch or something that’d be cool.”
Brennan was surprised into a smile so wide it made his cheeks hurt. Getting to his feet, he crossed to Evan and wrapped him in a hug, breathing in the scent of his aftershave, shampoo and toothpaste. A hand, slightly callused from hard work, caressed down Brennan’s bare back from the nape of his neck to his tailbone.
“You know how much you suck for making me hug you while you’re butt-naked and I’m leaving for work, right?”
Still smiling, Brennan asked, “Is it a lot?”
“Such a fucking tease,” Evan lamented, reluctantly letting him go.
“Be careful. Take it easy today,” Brennan urged. “Oh! And maybe bring a pillow or something to sit on if you’re gonna be on front desk duty again.”
Evan gave him an incredulous, level stare.
Blinking innocently and with slight raise of his eyebrows, Brennan asked, “What?”
Evan just shook his head and turned to go. Brennan walked him to the door, and when he started to follow Evan out onto the stoop, Evan practically growled with frustration and manhandled Brennan back inside.
“Stay,” he ordered, pointing a finger at his brother.
“Prude,” Brennan tsked.
Evan began to walk down the path. Pausing, he said, “In case Dad takes your room for now, maybe move some stuff over to mine, or the um….”
“Popo-pad?”
“God, please don’t call it that,” Evan begged. “Really. It’s bad enough when Luka says it.”
Brennan chuckled. “Well, it is easier to say than Popovic house. Faster. But sure.”
“I am really kind of looking forward to, you know, sleeping with you,” Evan confessed quietly, scuffing a toe on the cement.
“Okay, seriously, you need to stop being so adorable and go to work before I abduct you for some hardcore cuddling and have to tell Mike you’ll be missing work today because you were DP’d for the first time last night and need to rest your pretty ass.”
“Shh!” Evan frowned, glancing around to make sure no one, as in Jimmy, was lurking nearby like the boogeyman.
“No, I mean it,” Brennan insisted. “It’s really annoying how loveable you are. Go to work.”
“You’ve been spending way too much time with Luka. You’re being infected with his crazy. I’m afraid for you,” Evan said, trying not to laugh and walking backward down the walkway. He nearly got to the sidewalk when Brennan slinked into the doorway, and did a few helicopter twirls with his penis before slamming the door shut on Evan who immediately sprinted back up to the house.
Brennan, laughing happily, peeked out the side window as Evan scowled and sulked down the sidewalk. Floorboards creaked softly in the hallway, farther back in the house, about ten feet away.
“What’s goin’ on?”
“Torturing Ev,” Brennan said matter-of-factly. “But he’s gone now, so….”
Luka, also naked, scratched his head and squinted sleepily at Brennan. “No more Evy to play with?”
“Nope.”
“Mm. Come snuggle with me.”
Brennan thumbed back to the bedroom. “Yoga. I was just starting. Go back to sleep. I won’t bother you.”
Luka grumbled and shuffled back into Evan’s bedroom, reappearing a second later with a pillow and blanket tucked under an arm. “Not gonna get any damn sleep. Friggin’ eight o’clock in the goddamned morning….”
Giving Brennan an incredibly put-out look, Luka passed by him and into Brennan’s bedroom. Luka flopped down onto the rumpled bed from which he called,
“Well, come on, already! If you’re going to rob me of my precious beauty rest, you better at least give me a good show. Ooh! Do that one where you hook your feet behind your head!”
“Excuse me, I don’t take requests,” Brennan scoffed. “You’ll take what you get and like it.”
“’Kay. As long as I get some nookie afterward.”
Walking down the block, Evan pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and read it again for the thirtieth time in the past hour.
‘Hope you slept well. Really missed you this morning but didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful with Luka. Let me know what you want to do as far as your dad goes. I’ll be here to back you up if you want, but if I’m just in the way, I’ll back off. Your call. Proud of you. Love, Alek.’
Unable to repress the impulse, Evan pulled out his phone and sent a brief text message: ‘I missed U 2. Call U @ lunch?’
Without even a hint of apprehension or worry, and only happiness and hope in his heart, Evan continued on his way. Thoughts of his mother flickered through his mind, of what it would be like to be about to meet her. He vowed to himself to check in with Brennan during the day, to make sure he wasn’t too anxious.
But mostly, Evan was simply certain it was going to be a very good day, despite how the ominous storm clouds gathering on the horizon might have portended otherwise.
Chapter 17
Different but the Same
The day was a blur. Evan sent text messages back and forth with Brennan while he manned the phones and front desk at work. At lunch he called Alek and told him they’d touch base later that night or in the morning, but he thought it should just be him and Brennan for the initial reunion with Charlie. He simply couldn’t get past wanting to be face-to-face with his father before anything else happened in order to better understand where they all stood. There was still lingering tension in the love-triangle formed by Evan, Alek and Luka and, if at all possible, he would have rather put off dealing with it until his father wasn’t part of the equation. Evan also wanted to give Brennan a chance to interact with their dad without worrying about the boyfriend issue just yet. One thing at a time, Evan told Alek, and Alek seemed to understand. So Luka packed some of Alek’s things in a bag, selecting from what had been moved into Evan’s room, and brought the bag with him to the gym so Alek didn’t need to stop by the house after work.
Though there was a flutter of anxiousness within Evan at the idea of Alek’s things being cleared out, and not seeing him for the next day or so, he knew it was the right thing to do. It had felt like there was a tug-of-war going on between Alek and Luka, with Evan and Brennan acting as the rope. Now, it was as if they’d both let go. It was easier but also worrisome. Alek had been there for Evan since they met, guiding him through the obstacles, giving him someone to lean on when things got rough. Now, for the first time, Evan was acting on his own, without Alek there propping him up.
Mid-morning, Evan had a brief call from Jimmy saying the plane would be arriving around six, and he and Charlie should be back home by seven-thirty at the latest.
Time moved at a strange pace, speeding by, then dragging out more and more the closer it got to the end of the day. Even when the minutes were diligently ticking along, Evan couldn’t seem to focus on much. He tried to block out everything happening in his personal life, concentrating only on scheduling appointments, inputting service records into the computer logs, and catching up on paperwork.
After what felt like eons later, seven-thirty finally arrived and found Evan at home, on the couch and seated across from his twin. He was overly aware of the remnants of Alek’s things in his bedroom, and of Brennan’s things as well. They represented all of the additions made to the household in Charlie’s absence, like Brennan’s furniture and food, but there were also smaller things. Like Brennan’s stash of sex toys tucked away in a bag in the bed of Luka’s truck, or the handful of Brennan’s kinky underwear, temporarily buried in the bottom of Evan’s overflowing mess of a closet. In order to preserve his sanity, Evan had tried not to see what the handful contained, but he’d glimpsed silk and latex before his eyes snapped shut.
When Evan’s nervousness began to grow to monstrous levels, the sheer panic in Brennan’s expression and posture calmed Evan, like there could only be so much anxiousness at a given time between them, and Brennan was hogging it all.
“Sit with me,” Evan said.
“Not a good idea,” Brennan argued. “I get really handsy when I’m freaked out. Don’t want to meet my dad for the first time while my hand is wedged between your thighs.” After a heavy sigh, he asked, and not for the first time, “What if he doesn’t like me? What if he thinks I’m this prissy, uptight fruitcake like you did?”
“Hey, I was really impressed by you when we met. You know that. I told you how pitiful I felt in comparison. You’re like the fantasy child, perfect in every way. No severe psychological issues to worry about. You’re golden.”
“What if he doesn’t want to know me at all? Maybe that’s why he didn’t try harder to get home to you. He didn’t want to be near me.”
“Brennan,” Evan scolded. “Knock it off. You’re fine.”
“Then why don’t I feel fine?”
“Because it’s a big deal and you’re just over-thinking shit like I do. You should meditate or something.”
“Can’t fucking meditate right now,” he mumbled, hugging himself and curling forward, effectively bending himself in half so his face was resting atop his folded legs.
“God, you’re such a pretzel,” Evan marveled. “Why can’t I do that if we’re essentially the same person?”
“You just haven’t tried hard enough. Seemed stretchy enough last night,” Brennan smirked.
Evan’s stomach flipped at the sudden, vivid memory of having both Brennan and Alek inside him at the same time. Quickly, he forced it away. “Don’t remind me. Please.”
A car pulled into the driveway—Jimmy’s car.
“Oh god,” Brennan moaned.
They listened, frozen, as two sets of heavy footsteps approached the front door. The knob turned. The door creaked as it swung open. Work boots thudded on the wooden floor, and Evan couldn’t move. He stared at a dark, twisted knot in one of the floorboards as, a few feet away, his father said, “Boys. Damn, but it’s good to see you.”
Brennan stood, fidgeting awkwardly, wide-eyed as Charlie walked up to him. Beyond, in the hall, Jimmy lingered like all of the unspoken secrets and ghosts, filling the room, tainting the air.
“Sir,” Brennan muttered, extending a hand as Charlie looked him over with something like awe.
“Brennan,” Charlie said softly. Pain etched deeper lines in his weary face, aging him as he reached out with both arms and enveloped his long-lost son in a hug, kissing the side of his face. Evan tried not to watch. The regret in his father’s expression was too upsetting to witness.
Vaguely, Evan wondered how Brennan saw Charlie, with his light brown hair and rough-hewn features, if he saw similarity there. Evan never thought he much resembled his father. His finer bone-structure, the shape of his eyes and lips, they seemed too different from Charlie’s stark, chiseled masculinity and made Evan feel sorry for Charlie’s sake that he didn’t have a son painted with the same brush as he was.
“Thank god. Oh, thank god. I don’t even know where to start,” Charlie said. “There’s no way I can apologize enough for what’s happened. I’m so sorry about your mom passing and that that’s what it took to finally get you here, but I’m glad as hell you’re here now. I loved Maggie. She was the love of my life. I think that’s why she made me so crazy, you know? Thank you for coming and taking care of Evan in my place. I hear you’re really good at that, taking care of people.”
“Yes, sir,” Brennan answered dutifully.
Charlie held him at arm’s length. “It’s uncanny. Almost exactly the same, but different in really subtle ways.”
Pushing his hands into his pockets, Brennan bore the scr
utiny, looking a little calmed. “Thanks for inviting me. To live here, I mean. Meeting Evan has been….” He didn’t even try to finish. The emotion in his voice told them why.
Charlie’s expression changed when he was faced with Brennan’s torment. He seemed to get older and less substantial by the moment before their eyes. Clearing his throat and shifting uncomfortably, Brennan seemed glad when Charlie gave his shoulder a brief squeeze and shifted his focus to Evan.
Turning to his seated son, Charlie went to one knee and said sternly but tenderly, “Let me see.”
Rolling his eyes, Evan lifted his shirt on one side, exposing his scar.
“God damn it,” Charlie hissed, touching the wound gingerly.
“Dad,” Evan sighed. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not fine! What the hell were you thinking, involving yourself in something like that?”
“What was I thinking? That some kid was about to get killed!”
“You’re a kid, too! You were unarmed! No one knew where you were, what you were doing! You could have died! You almost did! Sometimes it’s like you don’t even care, Evan. Like you just do this shit because it doesn’t matter what the outcome is. But it fucking matters.”
Charlie took hold of his son’s face, turning it up to the light. Evan heard him taking a deep breath to soothe his frayed nerves and get his temper under control. “Your nose isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. They did a good job setting it. Your teeth still loose?”
“They’re getting better,” Evan mumbled.
“How about the broken ribs?”
“They’re fine.”
“Yeah, I bet,” Charlie huffed. “I was losing my mind worrying about you. You know that, right? You’re gonna put your old man in an early grave if you don’t get there first.”
Jaw clenched, Evan stared back at his father.
“You’re not even sorry you did it, are you?”
Evan didn’t blink. He swallowed thickly, his dimples denting his cheeks. “No. I’m not.”
“What the hell am I gonna do with you?”
