Wives of War

by Soraya M. Lane

  Scarlet opened her bag up and took out a small parcel of food. They were fortunate to have more than most, and as she unwrapped the cold chicken she felt Ellie’s eyes on her.

  ‘Would you like to share this?’ Scarlet asked.

  ‘Can you hear my stomach growling?’ Ellie quipped. ‘I’d love some.’

  Scarlet held it between them, content to share the cut-up pieces of cold meat. ‘We have a country house, a small farm actually, so we’ve been lucky with food,’ Scarlet confessed, knowing that Ellie was probably only just getting by on food rations from the way she’d so eagerly taken the chicken. ‘We have trees laden with fruit during summer, and we’ve kept chickens for eggs and so forth.’

  Ellie nodded, taking another bite of chicken. ‘This tastes heavenly.’

  Scarlet realised how grateful she should have been, how little she truly knew about suffering and making do compared to so many others.

  ‘If I have to eat another Woolton pie I’ll scream,’ Ellie said. ‘But this, this is amazing.’

  Scarlet ate some, feeling guilty and almost ready to offer Ellie the lot. But then again she didn’t know when they’d next eat, or if they’d be given only bread and dripping like they had been at the mobilising unit. She decided to have a little and let Ellie have the rest.

  ‘So you really want to know about my ma?’ Ellie asked.

  Scarlet nodded. ‘Please.’

  She watched as Ellie pulled out a handkerchief, a plain white one with no embroidery, and dabbed the corners of her mouth. Scarlet did the same, conscious of the delicate pattern on hers and how luxurious it seemed in comparison.

  ‘My mother liked me to learn beside her because she learnt herself going to births with her own mother. She always told me it was women’s business and one day I’d understand it all, but that was mostly when she was helping country folk to birth at home.’

  ‘So you just . . .’ Scarlet cleared her throat. ‘Watched?’

  ‘Well, she usually kept me busy with fetching hot water and towels and running back and forth. I wasn’t sitting there staring at the baby coming out if that’s what you’re asking.’

  Scarlet laughed again, felt her cheeks burn as she flushed. ‘Enough talk about birthing babies for me.’ She knew the theory about things like having babies, but she hadn’t ever talked about it openly before.

  Ellie giggled and nudged her in the side. ‘I had three brothers back at home and when I went with her I felt special. All grown-up instead of a tomboy wearing my brothers’ hand-me-down clothes. It made me feel like a girl and then a woman.’

  Scarlet nodded. ‘That makes perfect sense then.’ She wasn’t about to mention that she’d grown up being dressed in velvet party dresses and bronze-coloured shoes for dancing lessons and only seeing her mother when taken by Nanny. All she’d ever wanted was the freedom the village children had, even though she had been left to her own devices frequently when her parents were in town. She’d have done anything to have more attention from her own mother as a child; it hadn’t been until she was eleven that she’d even been allowed to dine with her parents at the table. She felt a twinge of jealousy thinking of Ellie spending so much time with her mother.

  ‘I, er, grew up with Nanny looking after me. She did everything for us and even though I adored her, I would have loved to spend more time with my mother.’

  ‘Even delivering babies?’ Ellie teased.

  ‘Yes,’ Scarlet admitted, knowing she was telling the truth. ‘Even that.’

  ‘So what if you were sick? Or upset? Who did you go to?’

  ‘Nanny,’ Scarlet said, nodding even as Ellie’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Mother would have been more likely to tell me I was being tiresome if I complained about feeling ill.’

  ‘So no cuddles in bed with your mother?’ Ellie asked, looking more shocked about this revelation than seeing the cold chicken on offer earlier. ‘Bedtime stories?’

  ‘Plenty of cuddles and stories, just not with her.’ All of a sudden, Scarlet felt uncomfortable talking about her childhood. She adored her mother and had always thought they were very close. But she only had the experience of girls from families like hers to compare with. All of their parents were the same. Although she guessed the children of the servants were treated very differently by their parents, cared for by their mothers rather than anyone else. As much as she was enjoying Ellie’s company, she realised they were from very different backgrounds.

  ‘Heavens, that’s dreadful,’ Ellie muttered. ‘At least I know how the other side lives now. We all sat around our dinner table, my brothers and me, with Ma and Pa, and at night Pa’d read to us in front of the fire. We didn’t have a lot, but we had full bellies most of the time and there was plenty of laughter and hugs.’

  Scarlet met her new friend’s gaze. ‘I never really thought about it before, the differences between some families.’ Although she wished her mother had visited their quarters more, she’d always felt so loved by Nanny, and she’d had her older sister for company, so it wasn’t like she’d been miserable. Far from it.

  The loud noise of a train chugging into the station made Scarlet turn, her heart leaping. It was almost time. They’d been so busy talking and now they were about to go to London. For someone used to chaperones and chauffeurs, Scarlet was starting to feel well out of her depth.

  ‘Is this us?’ Scarlet asked.

  Ellie looked as apprehensive as Scarlet felt. ‘Hmmm, I think so.’

  Scarlet sat up straighter, rolling her shoulders back. Her hand was slippery as she grabbed the handle of her bag, nerves sending ripples through her body.

  ‘Don’t you go changing your mind now,’ Ellie cautioned, linking her arm with Scarlet’s. ‘We’re in this together.’

  Scarlet gulped. Part of her wanted to flee, to go home with her head hanging and admit her failure before her journey had even begun, but one glance up into Ellie’s chocolate-brown eyes made her steel her resolve and nod instead.

  ‘Looks like it’s time to board,’ Ellie said.

  The noise and bustle around them amplified, made it impossible to think of anything else as they stood, bags in hand, and made their way towards the train. It had been cold outside, but now it was muggy from all the people crammed into one space and Scarlet felt flushed as she held out her ticket and finally stepped up and into the train. She’d half expected luxury, but this was anything but.

  They both sat down with bags clutched to their chests, resting on their thighs. There were other women, many in pairs now, some alone, and a smattering of soldiers and civilians. Scarlet wondered what their stories were, where they were going and why, if they were searching for someone they loved. Most of all she wondered whether they’d even return.

  ‘We’re going to be fine, I promise,’ Ellie said, patting her arm as a whistle blew.

  Scarlet knew it was a promise Ellie couldn’t possibly keep, but she took some comfort in the confident way she said the words.

  ‘You sound so sure,’ she replied.

  ‘Or maybe I just want to make you feel better so you’ll share some more food with me.’

  Scarlet burst out laughing and Ellie joined in. Thank goodness for Ellie. She’d be a basket case without her seated beside her wheedling for food!

  ‘Half an apple,’ Scarlet said in a low voice. ‘That’s all we’re having or we’ll be out of food before we even get to our lodgings.’

  CHAPTER TWO

  Ellie

  Ellie wasn’t sure if her stomach was protesting more now that it had actually had some food than it had been when empty. She’d been hungry for so long that it was almost a shock to eat anything nice at all; the empty, hollow feeling was one she was starting to get used to. Her mother did her best, but making hearty meals wasn’t exactly easy any longer, and Ellie was so tired of eating vegetable pies and stale bread, which was all they seemed to feed the nurses where she’d been training.

  The motion of the train had made her sleepy, but she forced her eyes
to stay open and stared out the window. She might be putting on a brave face for Scarlet, pretending like she was happy to be doing her bit, but inside she was scared. The thought that something could happen to her and to her brothers was all-consuming, that her mother might be left grieving for all four of her children. It was unbearable.

  ‘I think we’re almost there.’ Scarlet’s low voice jolted her from her thoughts.

  ‘It’s going on a boat I’m worried about. I just know we’ll be going on one to somewhere,’ Ellie confessed. In truth, it worried her more than the actual nursing, although she knew she might change her mind once they arrived.

  ‘It’ll be fine. I’m sure we’ll be given decent food on board if we do get shipped anywhere. And surely we’ll be able to sleep a lot,’ Scarlet said.

  Ellie doubted it. She’d been living hand to mouth for what felt like for ever now. She could tell Scarlet had lived a very privileged life, but she didn’t care about that type of thing. It was the least of her worries because if Scarlet was nice then it didn’t matter. They were all going to be rolling their sleeves up and getting dirty, poor or rich.

  ‘So tell me more about this chap of yours,’ Ellie said, settling back into her seat.

  ‘Now?’ Scarlet asked.

  ‘Yes, now!’

  Ellie glanced up when a soldier walked past them – the motion of the train making him unsteady on his feet. Either that or he’d had something to drink that he shouldn’t have. He smiled, and she flashed him a beamer back. Poor boy was about to go to war, the least she could do was give him a grin to make his day.

  ‘Well, he’s very handsome,’ Scarlet said, a pink blush taking over her cheeks as Ellie watched. ‘He’s tall and he looked very charming in his uniform.’

  ‘Kind of like that handsome soldier?’ Ellie raised her eyebrows when Scarlet looked away, before laughing and shaking her head. ‘Well, where did you meet? How long have you been engaged?’

  Scarlet sighed and Ellie sat back. ‘It was at a garden party when I was presented. I didn’t go to Queen Charlotte’s Ball like my sister.’ Scarlet had a faraway look in her eyes. ‘I was wearing my white dress. I felt like a princess; and he was there and then . . .’

  ‘He took your hand and you ran away?’ Ellie knew she was being silly, but she liked making Scarlet laugh. Besides, it was all just so foreign to her. ‘This is like a fairy tale for me. I want all the details.’

  ‘No! I mean, no to running away, not to telling you all about it. My parents liked his family. They approved of him immediately and he was allowed to visit me, but before that we saw each other at different events while he was on leave. He was my only boyfriend. We sneaked out once to go dancing. We were back before two in the morning and no one even noticed we were gone,’ Scarlet shared. ‘We went on some dates, with a chaperone of course, but the best night was when Thomas was visiting when we were staying in our town house. We had to rush to the shelter during an air raid. He helped my mother and sister, but I got to sit next to him. He held my hand under the blanket and Mother didn’t even know.’

  Ellie listened, hanging off every word. ‘And what happened? After that night I mean? When did he propose?’

  She reached for Scarlet’s hand when she saw her blink away tears. ‘Please don’t cry! I didn’t mean to upset you.’

  ‘No, it’s fine. I just . . .’ Scarlet’s voice trailed off. ‘I think of that night so often – the way he kissed me when it was dark, when no one could see. Our teeth kind of bumped and his moustache was bristly against my lips, but it was amazing. I mean . . .’

  ‘Keep going!’ Ellie begged, whispering. ‘Please!’

  ‘It was the only time he ever kissed me like that,’ Scarlet whispered back. ‘Every other time was just a peck on the cheek, very formal. But that night was magical, even though we were all terrified down there and cooped up like chickens. I’ll never forget it because he was usually so proper.’

  ‘And when did he propose? Was it before he was sent away?’

  Scarlet nodded. ‘Yes. Just before he left, he asked my father for my hand. He proposed at our house, in the garden, the day before he left. He promised me he’d write, and that we’d be married the day he came home.’ She made a low noise in her throat. ‘We had exactly thirty-two days in London together before he left, and he’s been gone for months now.’

  Ellie’s oldest brother had left behind a wife and two little ones, but her middle brother had done the same as Scarlet’s man – proposing right before he left – and she knew how hard it had been for his fiancée. All the waiting, wondering and, she bet, worrying about him not coming home at all and being left a spinster. Her own mother kept saying there was going to be a whole lot of young women and not enough men to go around once the blasted war was finally over.

  ‘When was your last letter from him?’ she asked gently.

  ‘Thirteen weeks ago,’ Scarlet replied quietly.

  ‘Don’t let anyone tell you you’re crazy for searching for him or that you’ll never find him.’ Ellie meant it, with all her heart. ‘If I loved a man like that, I’d be searching for him, too.’

  ‘You might not be saying that in a few weeks’ time when I’ve driven everyone crazy with my notices pinned everywhere and endless questions,’ Scarlet said, looking glum. ‘Part of me knows it might be futile, but then even if I don’t find him, it won’t be for nothing, will it? At least I’ll be doing good along the way, tending to our soldiers.’

  ‘Hey, you might be married to the man in a few weeks! Who knows what will happen?’ Ellie said. ‘Does he have a brother for me?’

  Scarlet smiled. ‘He does have a brother, a younger one. If my sister hadn’t already been in love she’d have been begging to know more about him.’

  ‘Good-looking?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’ve never met him.’ Scarlet paused, her mind turning over her quest to find Thomas. ‘Do you honestly believe I can find him? You’re not just trying to make me feel better?’

  ‘Honestly. He’s your man, and that means if anyone is going to find him, then it’ll be you.’

  The train slowed, the engine noise loud and the sudden movement making Ellie stick her hand out to brace herself against the seat.

  ‘I think we’re about to arrive,’ Ellie said.

  Scarlet looked back at her, eyes wide. They both laughed nervously. Ellie was certain that Scarlet was as unsure as she was because they had no clue what would happen once they arrived, where they would be posted or when they’d ever see home again.

  Ellie liked to be positive and make everyone around her smile and laugh, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t wish she could run for home. She hated blood – hated the smell of it – and wasn’t at all good at thinking about gaping wounds and infected skin. Babies were different. It wasn’t pleasant seeing what a birthing woman had to go through, but it was a process she’d known about since she was a little girl. Yes, there was blood because it was part of life, not – she sighed – not death and injuries. That was why she ended up making jokes and playing along as if she was fine about where she was going and what she was going to have to do. In truth, she was shaking in her boots about what she’d kept joking about as her big adventure away from home.

  Ellie pushed her thoughts away, not wanting to worry herself even more. As the train continued to slow she clutched her bag tighter, looking down at the worn leather. It had belonged to her grandma, and then her mother, and now it was hers for her travels. Ellie brushed her fingertips across the top, looking at what was possibly the most extravagant thing she owned. They’d been told to take a carryall and she was fortunate to have it at all. Same with her uniform; if her grandmother hadn’t given her most of the money to buy the two skirts, straight tunic, cap, gloves, capes and cotton dresses, not to mention all the other bits and pieces, she’d never have been able to afford it, not with what little they had to go around.

  Finally, the brakes made a noise that sent goose pimples across Ellie’s skin
– the tiny hairs on her arm all standing alert. The train made a final lurch and she realised she’d been holding her breath.

  ‘I think we’re here.’

  Ellie looked out the window. People were everywhere, in numbers she’d hardly ever seen before. She gulped then straightened her shoulders, forced a smile. Smile and the world will see the woman you want them to see, no matter how you feel inside. Her mother’s words echoed in her mind, calming her, doing what they always did, and had done since she was a small child.

  ‘Is your stomach twisting into knots?’ Scarlet asked.

  ‘More like an entire army kicking their boots in there,’ Ellie said, linking her arm through Scarlet’s.

  It meant the world to her that she’d met someone to share the journey with, to talk to and make her feel less alone. All her life she’d been surrounded by her family. Until recently they’d all lived together – all of them squished into their little home. It hadn’t taken long for her oldest brother to use his Irish charm and find a nice girl, but it wasn’t until the other two had left to join up that the house had felt empty. She didn’t like to think of how her parents would feel in bed tonight, worrying about all of their children. As much as they’d supported her decision to go, she knew it had likely broken their hearts.

  Ellie and Scarlet watched and waited as people got up to leave the train, not bothering to push their way through.

  ‘Ladies.’

  Ellie smiled up at a soldier who was standing back, gesturing with his hand for them to stand and pass.

  ‘Thank you,’ she said, giggling when he winked.

  Scarlet stayed close to her, head bent, as they made their way out and down on to the platform. It was a burst of noise, far louder than at the station where they’d boarded, and there was a cool wind, which made it even nicer to have Scarlet huddled close. Although, her greatcoat was very warm and her legs were equally cosy in their thick woollen stockings, so it was only her face being whipped by the late wind. She wished the spring weather weren’t so cold; it had been cool and windy all month.