‘And a dog,’ Thomas said. ‘When I’m home for good, I want a dog.’
She didn’t mind animals at all, and she liked the fact that he was thinking about their future together.
‘Then a dog we shall have.’
When Thomas raised her hand, still linked with his, and pressed a gentle kiss to it, Scarlet tingled from her toes all the way up her body. Everything about this gorgeous man felt right; she only had to hope and pray now that he made it home to her, when friends were losing their husbands and fiancés faster than she could keep up with.
CHAPTER TEN
Ellie
Normandy, 22 June 1944
Ellie’s stomach was doing cartwheels, and even though the ship had slowed and they were in a calmer stretch of water, she still felt like she could be sick. The cold porridge and stale bread were like permanent stodge in her stomach, making her feel thick around the middle and terribly unhealthy after so long without good food. They hadn’t been at sea long, but it felt like a lifetime. The rations had been awful for so long, and she was longing for fruit, anything that wasn’t stale or sloppy. Back at the hospital when she was training, they’d been permitted one orange a month, and she’d do anything to taste the sweetness of citrus now.
She squinted, looking ahead, shoulder to shoulder with so many other women all no doubt as eager as she to be on land again. There wasn’t a lot to see yet, but she didn’t want to miss her first true glance of France. Ellie pushed her hand into her pocket and pulled out half of an oat snack she’d been saving. Her stomach was growling violently, and she decided to enjoy it now rather than end up dropping it in the water by mistake. She had no idea how long it would be until they were allowed to rest anyway, and with the boat moving more slowly and surely through the water now, she hoped she could stomach it.
There were seemingly hundreds of other ships in the water, most heading in the same direction as they were, and Ellie wondered who was on board and what they were thinking. Whether they were a bundle of emotions like she was, or whether they were soldiers terrified of what they were about to face. She knew she was scared of what lay in wait for them, what it would be like – anxious about their fate.
A distant booming made her pulse quicken. She turned, swapping glances with one of the other nurses. The sound was followed by more distant gunfire, then another, louder bang. As they sailed closer, Ellie looked into the water, wondered what was poking out ahead. She squinted again, saw some kind of metal object half floating, and then further ahead what seemed to be the remains of a tanker.
She choked then, the oat snack stuck in her throat as something far more horrifying floated past. It was a body. A bloated human body in the water, dressed in uniform, the head covered in blood. One of theirs.
Ellie tried to focus on her breathing so she wasn’t sick, ready to throw up what she’d just eaten straight into the sea. But when she leaned over the railing again, looked back into the water, she saw another body. Then another.
Stepping back, reeling, body shaking, she slowly tried to gather herself. Other nurses had backed away, too, were leaving the posts at the railings they’d held for so long in eager anticipation of seeing land.
‘Ellie?’
Scarlet’s voice soothed her, the hand she placed on her shoulder calming her.
‘Did you see . . . ?’ she managed, looking into Scarlet’s wide eyes.
Her friend nodded. Ellie knew she didn’t have to say anything else.
It was almost dusk. The light was starting to fade, and Ellie was grateful that when they disembarked the water wouldn’t be so visible. The sight of their men floating like that, men so young they could have been her brothers, was not something she would ever, could ever, shake.
They’d been told the drill, that they’d be pulling into the artificial Mulberry B harbour built by the Allies, that they would need to set up camp, fend for themselves and help to establish their tent hospital. But no one had said anything about bodies, about how dangerous it would be, about what to truly expect upon arrival.
‘We’re together,’ Scarlet said beside her, voice loud and clear. ‘We said that we’d be fine as long as we weren’t separated, and we haven’t been. Think about that and only that.’
Ellie looked at the way Scarlet was standing, her chin high, gaze fixed ahead. If she hadn’t noticed the way she was clenching her other hand so tight that her knuckles were bright white, she would have thought that nothing troubled her. But she was right. They had one another – they weren’t alone – and that’s what mattered right now.
The ship slowed to a stop as they neared the harbour, and Ellie decided to keep her eyes trained high, not looking into the water at all as long as she stepped forward with Scarlet safely by her side. She was a nurse in the army. She had trained for this. She was a lieutenant. Without women like her, even more boys would be floating dead in the water, and she didn’t want that happening on her watch.
The sound of gunfire was continuous now and although it wasn’t close, it was still unnerving. But it wasn’t the noise of war that made Ellie cry, tears silently slipping down her cheeks. It was the cheer that went up from soldiers standing near the harbour, waving and calling out the moment they saw all the women on board, that made the lump form in her throat. The booms echoing around died away, and the noise in her ears was more of a roaring sound that had nothing to do with the surrounding war and everything to do with emotion.
She braced herself, didn’t want to break down when she was usually stronger than that. But she missed her brothers, and these men reminded her of them. She missed the way they’d always teased her, the laughter around their dinner table, their fondness when they saw her worried about something, all jokes aside. She was strong; with three brothers she’d had to be exceptionally strong, and all she wished for now was to be home safely with them. To be done with this dreadful war that she was only just entering. And to stop worrying about where on the boat Spencer was or what might happen to him before they were together at their field hospital. Her stomach heaved.
‘Ladies, we will be disembarking shortly. You need to put on your life jackets and be ready to get into the landing crafts,’ Matron said curtly, without any hint of emotion. ‘Follow the sergeant’s directions, do whatever you’re told, and then on arrival please await my instructions. I expect you to wait in an orderly manner on the beach.’
Ellie stood straighter, preparing to leave the boat that had been their relatively safe haven for the past few days. It had seemed terrifying being at sea in the storms, moving haphazardly down the coast, but compared to getting off the boat right now and heading into a war zone, the old ship was starting to feel a whole lot safer than she’d given it credit for.
She put on her Mae West, their nickname for the bulky life vests they had to wear. She knew what she had to do next, they’d been briefed already, but it was still daunting. When it was her turn, she passed her bags to one sergeant to be taken over the side, then took a deep breath before approaching the edge of the boat. Only her breath didn’t come back out, stuck in her lungs as a wave of terror to rival any ocean wave washed over her, clogging her throat.
‘Don’t look down and keep going!’ she was told, the sergeant’s words managing to unfreeze her. She stepped closer, letting him lower her over the edge. ‘Don’t look down,’ he repeated as she started to climb towards the landing craft.
Cold sea spray stung her cheeks, wetting her hair and her clothes. But she kept going, didn’t stop, didn’t look down.
‘When I say jump, you need to jump back!’ another man yelled. ‘Fall back into my arms!’
Ellie sucked in another breath, listened for his command, eyes shut and suppressing a scream.
‘Jump!’
She let go, launching back, her vest so bulky and ungainly she imagined it was similar to feeling eight months pregnant.
‘Got you,’ the soldier said in her ear as strong arms caught her, holding on tight.
Ellie gas
ped and then struggled to stand, hating the stupid vest as the soldier helped to steady her. Her heart was beating, blood pumping through her veins, but she was alive.
‘Wow,’ she managed to say to him as he released her.
‘It feels good letting go like that, doesn’t it?’ he asked with a smile that she could just make out in the semi-darkness.
Ellie smiled to herself and stood back for the next nurse to come overboard. Maybe the things she expected to be terrifying weren’t going to be so bad after all.
The water was dark, black almost, and the sky above was equally inky, the bright white moon bathing their faces in a beautiful half-light. Then bright lights cascaded through the sky and the uneasy feeling in Ellie’s stomach came back full force.
Ellie stared at the Tommy cooker, ignoring the flashes in the sky that had sent chills down her spine only a few hours earlier. She was already getting used to the constant, dull noise of gunfire and the distant sky being illuminated in tiny bursts as they sat there in the open. The night wind blowing across the water felt cool, and the fact that she could still vividly recall the bodies bobbing out there was making her want to heave all over again. But at the same time she was so hungry that the feeling was gnawing at her stomach as if there were an actual hole to fill. For the first time in her life, she was struggling to find any humour, any happiness, in her situation. She was lost, and even with Scarlet and the other nurses around her, she was feeling very much alone.
‘Do you think we’ll end up staying on the beach tonight?’ Scarlet asked in a low whisper.
They were huddled together, cooking side by side, four other nurses with them in a tiny circle that was as much for comfort as warmth.
‘I hope not,’ Ellie replied, keeping her head down. ‘I feel like we’re too exposed here, not safe enough.’
Holly, who was on her other side, made a noise in her throat. ‘Probably safer here than anywhere else we’re headed to.’
Ellie had only caught a glimpse of Spencer since they’d arrived, and she wished he would seek her out. When she was with him she felt safe, so safe, and she needed that right now. There was something about having a man close. For so long now she felt like she’d been surrounded by women; as nurses, and at home when the men had all been sent away, when it had only been women on their own in the fields and tending the houses and everything else. And she liked how easy she found it to talk to him, how they fell into such an easy rhythm.
‘What do you think this village will be like?’ Ellie asked, pushing her thoughts away and not wanting to think of how close they’d be to actual fighting, how less safe it might feel compared to sitting on the beach like little ducks in a row. ‘What was it? Rice something,’ she attempted.
‘Rys,’ Holly corrected. ‘They called it Rys.’
‘It’ll be good and safe, I’m certain,’ Scarlet said. ‘They wouldn’t be stationing us there if it wasn’t.’
The girls all finished cooking and started to eat, something hot for once instead of stone-cold slop. Then there was a commotion further down the beach, and Ellie strained to look, her eyes adjusting to the dark.
‘They’re Red Cross,’ Scarlet said, more loudly than she’d been speaking earlier. ‘They must be sending the wounded back.’
She knew Scarlet was keeping an eye out for James, but the soldiers had departed quickly and no one knew if they were already heading for the front or resting elsewhere.
‘I want to get going, find out where we’re staying,’ she muttered to Ellie.
‘Tell me about it,’ Ellie said back, voice low as they kept staring at the goings-on.
The activity continued, more men moving towards the harbour and plenty of shouting, but it was too far away for them to figure out what was being said. At least it gave them all something to focus on, other than thinking about where they were going, although she guessed bundling men up to be sent home was exactly what they’d be doing, anyway.
She saw Scarlet look at her wristwatch, holding it close to her eyes as she inspected the time.
‘I think we’ve been waiting almost three hours now,’ Scarlet said.
The women seated with them groaned collectively, and Ellie felt much the same way. During their few days at sea, she hadn’t expected to be parked on a beach with no information about when they were going or what they could expect. The unknown, with gunfire so close, was scaring her. Ellie was the first to admit that her nerves weren’t built for suspense; she wanted to know where they were going, when they’d be working, and how close they would be to danger. She needed to know these basic things to figure out how to cope with them.
It was going to be a long night; of that she was sure. Ellie slowly started to gather up her things, systematically folding them away. She wished she’d saved an oat snack, something else to eat, but she’d been so hungry on board and nibbling it as they approached had at least made her feel better at the time.
‘Get your things together, it’s time to depart,’ Matron announced from behind them.
Ellie looked at Scarlet, but neither of them said anything. It was time to see where they were going to be living for the next part of for ever.
‘The 75th will be temporarily joining the 81st tent hospital until our site has been taken. Prepare yourselves to work alongside them, as well as to be sent to other duties.’
Ellie had no idea why they were joining another unit, and if the others had questions, they kept them quiet, too. No one said a word as they packed up. It was the most sombre mood Ellie had ever experienced.
‘Do you think they mean that our soldiers haven’t won the place where our hospital is to go?’ Scarlet whispered in her ear as they stood, bags in hand. ‘That they’re fighting to secure it now?’
Ellie hadn’t even put two and two together, but now that Scarlet said it, she realised that her friend was probably right. Around them, smashed amphibious vehicles littered the beach, with concrete remains that were impossible to decipher and broken tin hats and rifles. She had the daunting feeling that they’d just arrived in the depths of hell and they weren’t escaping from it any time soon.
Days had started to blur into nights. Ellie couldn’t remember when she’d last slept, what time she’d last eaten, or when she was supposed to finish her shift. If there wasn’t so much to do, so many doctors waving at her or patients crying out to her, she would have collapsed to the ground, but something about the desperation around her kept her going. Made her keep putting one foot in front of the other.
‘Please, make it stop,’ she whispered to herself. ‘Why can’t it stop?’
Tears burnt her eyes, but she fiercely blinked them away as she rushed to the side of a soldier calling for her. Just looking at him made Ellie want to retch, but there was nothing in her stomach, and she was determined not to. There was enough blood and bile on the floor without her adding to it.
The man was missing so much of his face; one side was near perfect, the other . . . She gulped, trying to look only at his hands. The other side was horrifying, and he was in so much pain that he kept drifting in and out of consciousness, his hand wildly flapping for hers, wanting her to hold it in the brief lucid moments that he had. He couldn’t say a word, only grunt, his tongue with a stitch through it so it could be sewn to his top button to ensure he didn’t swallow it.
She gave him more morphine and held his hand, letting him clutch her tightly as he slowly drifted back out again. There were more men to tend to, more coming in, but he was the worst she’d seen so far and he was still alive, so giving him an extra few minutes was not something she was going to feel bad about.
The casualty clearance station she was working in was supposed to be a temporary stop, a place to patch up the wounded and give them basic first aid before they were sent to the field hospitals for further care, recovery or evacuation, but those they’d marked for evacuation were still waiting. She had no idea what the hold-up was, and there was nothing she could do anyway.
‘Nurse!�
��
She was used to simply being called ‘Nurse’. There hadn’t exactly been time to get to know everyone’s names.
‘Coming!’
She dropped the soldier’s hand and ran. The doctors never looked at her, just barked orders, and she did her best to assist. But the blood, the mess, the skin that looked like it had been shredded . . . Her stomach lurched, just like it had constantly for the past few days.
Ellie dry-retched, bending over before forcing herself to stand.
‘Hold it together, Nurse. For Christ’s sake!’
She wished for Spencer, to be working alongside him instead of here, but he was operating at a field hospital helping the more badly wounded, so she wasn’t going to be seeing him any time soon. His request to have her assist him had obviously fallen on deaf ears, or maybe there was simply too much to do and too few hands for special requests. She doubted she’d have coped with it anyway, after seeing what she’d seen already. Ellie only wished they’d had the chance to say goodbye; all they’d had was a few seconds to hug before he dashed away to the army truck.
‘Sorry, sir,’ she murmured. ‘What can I do?’
‘Stop the bleeding in his leg and bandage up his head once I’m finished here.’
Ellie’s heart felt like it was going to break. She’d already seen so much pain, so many beautiful, strong bodies burnt and blasted and maimed. What were these men going to do if they survived? She almost hoped that they didn’t, that they passed away before they reached home, so they were no longer in pain and no longer terrified of how they were going to live without limbs, without faces, without . . . The tears threatened again, an unshed gasp of them, but she refused to let them out. These were real tears, tears for the horror of war – not for her, but for the fallen and falling soldiers. She wasn’t built for this, didn’t have the stomach for it, even though she was trying her best.
Wives of War Page 12
