Wives of War

by Soraya M. Lane

  Scarlet was certain Ellie was worried about her brothers, too, now that she’d seen the reality of war first-hand.

  ‘No one is built for this kind of work, Ellie, no one,’ she told her, her voice soft as they murmured to one another. ‘You’re like a ray of sunshine, and it’s no wonder you’re struggling. Heck, I don’t know how I’m holding it together most days, especially with so little sleep.’

  ‘So you don’t think less of me?’ Ellie asked. ‘You don’t think I’m hopeless?’

  ‘I think it shows what a kind-hearted, lovely person you are to be so badly affected by the injuries these men have sustained, by what you’re seeing them go through.’

  She listened to Ellie sigh. ‘I’m so tired.’

  ‘Me too. Let’s try to get some sleep.’ Suddenly falling into bed seemed more important than getting anything to eat.

  Scarlet knew there was only so much she could shield Ellie from, but she’d do whatever she could. If that meant covering for her and letting her get some extra sleep, then she’d do it in a heartbeat.

  She shut her eyes, still tucked close to Ellie, pushing thoughts of war and injuries from her mind, the distant noises of battle so familiar to her now that she was able to block them out. She had been so determined to find Thomas while she was here, and although she’d made some enquiries, her days had been exhausting, with little time to do anything more than work, eat, sleep and then do the same all over again. But she’d not lost hope, not yet anyway.

  Blackness surrounded her, soothed her, and she started to slip into slumber, thoughts of Thomas fading as she gave in to sleep.

  ‘Scarlet!’

  She jumped, eyes popping open as she quickly sat up.

  ‘Scarlet, it’s Lucy. There’s a soldier asking for you.’

  She rubbed at her eyes, crawling quickly over her bed and out of the tent.

  Thomas.

  His was the first name she thought of as she gripped Lucy’s arm and, still hazy from sleep, hurried in the dark with her towards their mobile hospital. Nerves made her stomach curdle, her mind a muddle at the thought of seeing him.

  Her heart skipped a beat, mouth dry, tripping as she propelled herself forwards even faster. Her boots skidded as they reached the entrance and she slowly released her vice-like grip on Lucy, following her in silently. The bustle of the station disappeared, became a blur as she walked in a straight line and watched Lucy stop beside a patient’s bed. She saw Lucy hold up her hand, pointing, and Scarlet froze when a dark head lifted from the pillow, a smile crossing the lips that were smeared with dried blood.

  Scarlet’s body started shaking, her feet stuck.

  It was James. James.

  A tear escaped her left eye and she quickly brushed it away, the yell of a doctor bringing her back to the present, making her move to get out of the way.

  ‘Look who it is,’ James said, his smile not concealing the grunt of pain he gave when he turned in the bed. ‘Trust you to come after they’d treated me.’

  Scarlet gave an involuntary sigh of relief. He was already making jokes; she was taking that as a good sign.

  Scarlet met Lucy’s gaze and reached for her hand, squeezing it, wanting to thank her, but the words stuck in her throat.

  She should have been in tears that it wasn’t Thomas, but the fact that James was lying on a bed, not dead already from this awful war, made it impossible not to smile.

  So she was officially the world’s worst fiancée, but as she lowered herself on to a stool beside James’s bed she almost didn’t care.

  ‘Tell me, what happened?’ She glanced around, thankful that they weren’t admitting hundreds of patients like usual, making it seem quiet, although she knew it wouldn’t last. ‘Where have you been? How bad is it?’

  James made a loud breathing sound as he tried to sit up properly, and she quickly jumped to her feet and adjusted the pillow behind him.

  ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have started interrogating you like that.’

  ‘It’s fine,’ he said, but she could tell from the tone of his voice that he absolutely was not fine. ‘I’m . . .’ He made a hissing sound, no doubt the pain a whole lot worse than he was letting on.

  ‘James, no,’ she said. ‘Let me get you something to eat and something more for the pain.’

  His fingers closed over her arm, stopping her even though his touch was light. ‘Stay.’

  She lowered herself back to her seat, hand moving to cover his when his touch fell away.

  ‘Are you sure there’s nothing I can get you?’

  He shook his head, and she could see how much of an effort it was for him, sitting up and talking to her.

  ‘You should be resting, but then I’m guessing you already know that.’

  ‘Mm-hmm,’ he murmured.

  She bent low and pressed a kiss to his forehead, not caring who saw or what anyone might say. ‘For what it’s worth, I’m pleased to see you. I’ve been so worried, looking at every soldier on the beds here and praying it wasn’t you. Then I’d wish it was you because if you were here it meant you weren’t dead on a field somewhere in the middle of nowhere.’

  ‘Have you heard anything?’ he asked in a low murmur.

  Scarlet shook her head, knowing immediately what he was talking about without asking. ‘No. Only that there are some convents in some of the more remote areas apparently harbouring injured soldiers.’

  He made another grunting sound and she patted his hand.

  ‘There’s been a letter,’ he managed, before coughing. ‘His plane went down, but there’s no report of his body having been found.’

  Goose pimples rippled across Scarlet’s arms. Maybe it wasn’t so far-fetched to wonder if he’d been taken in by one of the convents, assuming he hadn’t been captured of course. ‘I’ll find him,’ she said. ‘If he’s here, we’ll find him and any other soldiers being looked after by the nuns.’

  She looked down at James, stroked hair from his forehead and surveyed his face. The other times they’d been together she’d felt so guilty, so scared of what she was feeling for him, but after what she’d seen since being here, something had changed inside her. Who knew whether they’d see each other again or what would happen? If she wanted to stroke his face and smile at him, kiss his skin or sit with him, then she was going to. No one else here right now, other than Ellie, knew that she was engaged to his brother.

  ‘Get him home,’ James said, staring up at her. ‘I couldn’t live with myself if I . . .’

  His voice trailed off and she leaned over him, hand still on his. ‘I’ll bring him home if I can. I promise. But now we need to worry about getting you home.’

  James made a noise, moved slightly, but it wasn’t until his arm came around her that more tears pricked her eyes. She’d been so strong, hadn’t wavered despite all she’d seen and done, but the moment she’d seen him and now with his arm placed around her, she melted and held him to her, just for a moment.

  ‘You’ll be the one to stitch me up properly instead of this patch-up job?’ he asked, chuckling. But laughter made him cough and she pulled up to look down at him once more.

  ‘You need to take it easy,’ she reprimanded.

  He coughed again. ‘Says the woman who just hugged me.’

  In another lifetime Scarlet would have blushed, but today she simply shook her head, blinking away unshed tears. She’d survived so much, been pushed so far out of where she was comfortable, and numerous times felt so close to giving up. She deserved to take a moment to indulge, to be with James.

  ‘You’ll be sent away soon. They’ll have you headed back to England for proper treatment. But we’ll do our best here before the transfer.’

  He was staring at her, his dark eyes drawing her in. His face was tanned, skin dirty, but that didn’t make him look any less handsome. She knew that if things were different, she could promise to look into his eyes for the rest of her life and never tire of his friendly gaze and ready smile. Instead, she’d be marrying h
is brother and looking at him from afar. Maybe she’d never be this close to him again.

  Scarlet sighed and turned as the hospital came to life with people shouting out, men being brought in as ambulances started to arrive more frequently. She knew there was only a short time left before she was summoned, that it was unfair to spend so long talking to one soldier when so many more would need her help.

  ‘I’ll have to go soon,’ she said in a low voice, fingers finding his once more.

  ‘Stay with me until you’re called?’ he asked.

  She nodded. Despite the fact that she hadn’t eaten and would be on her feet for the rest of the day, she willingly agreed. Her meagre ration of porridge or a tinned sausage with some butter would have to wait until nightfall. It was a long time to wait, but it would be even longer before she ever saw James again.

  She swallowed what felt like a rock in her throat, smiling down at him.

  The next time she saw him, she might be married to his brother.

  Please, God, she whispered inside her own head. Please spare James. Look after him. Please.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Lucy

  She was finally starting to get used to the bone-deep thud of tiredness that made her wish for bed almost every hour of the day. But not the camp bed that she’d been falling into whenever she had the chance – her soft bed in her childhood bedroom, the one with the snuggly covers and feather-light pillow. Lucy sighed as she surveyed the new hospital she’d just walked back into. There wasn’t any chance of her thoughts coming true any time soon. She’d been surviving on snatched moments of sleep for months now, since her last posting at a makeshift hospital back home, and the only thing to do was to keep her head down and get on with her work. Besides, if her father had his way he’d be kicking her out of his house if she defied him and insisted on training at the London Royal Free Hospital School of Medicine for Women. Not that her mother would ever let that happen, or her brother. He might agree with her father on some things, but he knew how much she wanted it. He was proud of the fact she was a surgical nurse and good at what she did.

  ‘It’s going to be a madhouse in here soon.’

  Lucy turned when she heard Scarlet’s soft voice. She smiled back at the other nurse.

  ‘Don’t I know it,’ she replied. She hadn’t told the others a lot about her first experience in Normandy, what she’d already lived through, but she had the feeling that what they were about to see would be every bit as bad. The fighting had only got worse, with more troops arriving and more men being slaughtered and injured. She shuddered just thinking about how many bodies she’d helped to stitch up and bandage before sending them off, sometimes straight back into combat.

  ‘I don’t know what’s worse, to be honest. Here or where we were before.’

  Scarlet had a hard-to-read look on her face, her eyes downcast. Lucy walked closer to her.

  ‘Honestly? I think each hospital, each place we work, is just another version of awful. We get through by helping as best we can.’ She shrugged. ‘Nothing more, nothing less. Some of us are better at it than others.’ To her, this mobile hospital they were in now was closer to the front but not much different from the last one.

  ‘You mean Ellie?’

  Lucy reached out and touched Scarlet’s arm. ‘Ellie has you. She’ll be fine as long as we keep a close eye on her.’

  Scarlet nodded and Lucy cleared her throat as a team of doctors came in the door.

  ‘The camp is definitely worse here,’ Scarlet said as they walked out, side by side. ‘If this rain doesn’t stop it’ll be like living in a pigsty.’

  They stood outside, the rain lightly falling as Lucy turned her face skywards. She didn’t even care about getting wet. Before the war, she’d never have gone out in the rain and happily stood in it. Now, it was a reminder that she was alive, something to make her smile, just because she could stand and poke out her tongue and taste the wet nothingness of rain.

  She straightened and looked around, wishing she’d kept her eyes shut instead of taking in the reality of their surroundings. There were twenty-five of them to a tent, which made privacy impossible, and the planks set out for them to walk around were the only things to separate their boots from the muddied, sloppy ground. She was used to such a very different environment, being more similar to Scarlet than she cared to admit.

  ‘I know our soldiers don’t have much, that they must be living in even worse conditions, but it doesn’t stop me feeling sorry for myself every once in a while,’ Scarlet confessed to her. ‘Seeing James, seeing the pain in his face and wondering what he’s been through . . . it’s awful.’

  Lucy nodded. She was so right. ‘There is nothing selfish about the way you’re feeling,’ she said, thinking of how badly she wanted to go to the toilet and how desperately she was holding on to avoid the inevitable trip. ‘Just remember that one day we’ll think back on this and . . .’ She had been about to say ‘laugh’, but she doubted they’d ever actually do that. ‘Well, we’ll be proud of the fact we made it through. How is James, by the way? Still here?’

  Scarlet shook her head and Lucy saw the sadness in her gaze. ‘Gone. By the time my shift was over they were already evacuating him. I kissed him goodbye moments before he left and . . .’ Lucy watched as Scarlet wiped quickly at her cheeks. ‘I think I’m praying more than I ever have in my life!’

  A loud boom made the ground beneath them tremble and Lucy glanced at Scarlet again. There was another, more distant rumble, then the repeated noise of gunfire.

  ‘All hell is about to break loose,’ Lucy muttered.

  Scarlet gave her a friendly smile and they both turned to walk across the wide plank of wood leading back to their tent. ‘At least it’ll keep my mind off things I can’t control.’

  ‘I’m going to the toilet first. I’ll see you back there,’ Lucy said, taking a different plank in the opposite direction. ‘You’ll see him again, Scarlet. He’s going home and he’s not missing any body parts. That makes him one of the lucky ones.’ She envied the fact that her friend was in love, that she felt so strongly about another person. She’d never fallen for a man, had never met a man who’d made her want to question her desire to become a doctor. It wasn’t that she didn’t want a family or a husband, but she wanted a man who made her feel . . . She sighed. She had no idea. She was only certain that if she ever met a man who made her want to let her guard down and let him in close, she’d know it.

  Scarlet smiled and waved goodbye. Lucy gritted her teeth when she finally reached the screen that was the only thing separating their toilets from the elements. She opened and closed it, keeping her eyes downcast when she realised there were two other women in there already, sitting on the board that was their makeshift toilet seat. The smell made Lucy want to gag, so she tried to breathe through her mouth only, taking little, silent gasps as she dropped on to the board of wood. There were a number of holes cut into it, just wide enough for them to sit over and do their business, suspended above the large trench. Of all the things she’d seen and done since her arrival in Normandy, this was what Lucy found the worst. And the smell of human waste and the indignity of going to the toilet seated on the same plank as two other women who were no doubt as embarrassed as herself was something she’d never forget.

  ‘Incoming!’

  Lucy grimaced, eyes shut against the yell from outside. Surely she wasn’t about to be bombed off the toilet. Could life actually get any worse?

  A huge boom made her forget her decision not to make eye contact with anyone else using the toilet. She looked across into a pair of eyes that appeared even more desperate than she felt.

  ‘We’ll be fine,’ she said, always finding it easier to calm others than deal with her own fears.

  The other nurse, one she didn’t recognise immediately, nodded, but Lucy doubted she’d made her feel any better.

  When she pushed the screen door aside and emerged back into rain that had become heavier in the few minutes she�
�d been under cover, Lucy decided to wash her hands in the hospital rather than head back to her tent. Granted, she might have been able to find food if she hadn’t gone straight back, but something was telling her that they were about to be inundated with patients. Like that first night after landing.

  After the longest weeks of her life, she was now almost immune to gunfire, but it was the booms that terrified her, reminded her of the ambulances being blown up, holding the young nurse in her arms as the life drained from her. They were the things she struggled with, the fact that even those helping the wounded weren’t protected from the cold hand of death.

  ‘Here we go!’ a man yelled.

  Lucy didn’t know where it came from, which man had said it, but she braced herself. Waiting. Ready.

  ‘Hi, Lucy.’

  Ellie suddenly stood beside her, their shoulders almost touching.

  ‘Oh, hi,’ she replied, surprised to see the other nurse. ‘Are you ready for this?’

  Ellie nodded and Lucy pushed a little closer to her. It had been one of the most unexpected parts of the transfer, meeting Scarlet and Ellie and finding herself in the midst of women who had accepted her immediately. She’d thought she didn’t need friends, that she needed to spend every thought and moment focused on her work, but she was starting to see that there was only so long she could rely on herself and herself alone. There was nothing wrong with accepting friends, nothing weak about enjoying the company of others.

  A rumble signalled the first of the ambulances arriving, maybe more than one, and Lucy felt a familiar flutter in her stomach. Doctors were talking, someone was issuing instructions, but she was in her own world. One where she couldn’t hear anything other than her own voice.

  You can save them. You will do everything you can to save every soldier you treat.

  ‘Something’s happened. What’s happened?’