by J. S. Cooper
“Hi,” I whispered breathlessly, walking over to him quickly. “What have you done?” I tapped him on the shoulder and he turned around. “Oh.” The blood drained from my face as I saw Brad. “You.”
“Hi, yourself.” He smiled at me gently. “Look at the view, it’s gorgeous, isn’t it?”
“It’s a million-dollar view,” I agreed softly, though my insides were raging. What was Brad doing here?
“I love New York,” he said.
“It’s a beautiful city.”
“Not as beautiful as you.”
“Brad, what are you doing here?” I finally bit out, excited and scared at the same time.
“I wanted a night with you.”
“So Tom sent a text message for you?” I sighed, angry.
“No.” Brad shook his head and looked into the room. “He sent a text for himself.”
“What?” I frowned, confused.
“He said, I sent the text for myself.” Tom walked towards the balcony, shirtless.
“What’s going on here?” I looked back and forth at the two men and my heart started beating fast. “You guys have me confused.”
“We wanted to give you a special night.” Tom smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “We wanted to make you feel special.”
“Special?” I looked at him with narrowed eyes. “How?”
“We want to give you a night you will never forget,” Brad whispered in my ear. I could feel the tip of his tongue licking me.
“What does that mean?”
“We want to please you, Saskia.” Tom kissed my neck.
“You mean a threesome?” My voice rose in shock.
“No.” Tom laughed. “We have no interest in doing stuff with each other. We just want to please you.”
“Both of you?” My jaw dropped and I stared at them in shock. “No way—you’ve got to be joking.”
“Think of it as an adventure.” Brad’s hand crept to my ass. “A sexy, totally awesome adventure.”
“I don’t know.” I nibbled on my lower lip. My senses were running amok and I wasn’t sure what to do. My body wanted this. This was sending my nerve endings on fire. This was something my body didn’t even know that it craved.
“Come on, Saskia.” Tom’s fingers grazed my breast. “Just imagine, both of us pleasing you, doing whatever you wanted. Our only goal is to satisfy you.”
I’m going to stop there for a minute. What would you have done? It’s easy to say you would just walk away. It’s so easy to say. But think about it. You’re slightly tired. You’re horny. Two gorgeous men want to devour your body. It wasn’t an easy decision for me to make, either. Trust me. I did feel guilty. I did think of Natasha. I wanted to say no so badly. I wanted to slap them for thinking I’d even be interested. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run away. I wanted to do so many things, but I didn’t. There was something about the situation. Both men touching me. Both men showing me how much they wanted me. Both men making me feel so alive in every fiber of my being. My body took over then. It completely took over my brain. Pleasure and the expectation of even more pleasure to come made up my mind. I didn’t even know how it was going to work. I didn’t even ask.
Brad took one of my hands and Tom took the other and they led me to the big king-sized bed. Brad pushed me down and got down next to me. I felt his lips on mine and I kissed him back eagerly. He was like water to my dehydrated body. It wasn’t until he kissed me that I remembered all those forgotten kisses. I grabbed his hair and ran my fingers though it roughly, pulling at the ends. I wanted to hurt him for doing this to me. I wanted him to feel pain for making me want him. He kissed me back passionately, his tongue slipping into my mouth with ease. My fingers ran to his back and I ran them up and down, needing to taste him, wanting to erase the guilt that was already starting to build up inside of me.
Then I felt my pants being pulled down. I didn’t think anything of it until I felt the cool air against me as my panties were pulled down as well. Brad shifted to the side as he kissed me and I moaned, not wanting him to pull away completely. That’s when Tom’s tongue met my clit. My body arched at his touch as he started licking me while Brad continued kissing me. It was as if they were in some sort of sync, as their tongues moved in and out of two different parts of my body. I cried out when Tom entered me, his tongue diving into my wetness with ease. It felt surreal to be experiencing so much pleasure at one time. I’m not going to lie, it was divine. Absolutely divine. My body started trembling as Tom’s tongue brought me close to orgasm. Brad pulled back and pulled up my top and quickly unclasped my bra. My breasts lay there in excited anticipation and Brad did not disappoint. His mouth descended on one nipple as his fingers played with the other. This, all while Tom continued to eat me as though I were a five-course gourmet meal. I came quickly, my body shaking as Tom licked my juices clean. I wasn’t even sure what happened next, it all seems a bit of a blur. I remember Brad moving down and pulling out his hardness, rubbing it against my clit before entering me hard and fast. I cried out as he fucked me hard. This time it was Tom’s turn to fondle my breasts and he sucked on them eagerly, enjoying the look of complete and utter pleasure on my face. There is only one moment that I look back on and squirm. It’s the one moment that made me feel like an object, more than a woman to be desired. It’s that moment that has stopped me from doing anything similar.
Brad fucked me hard and fast and came in me pretty quickly. My body felt spent from his fucking and I was smiling like a Cheshire cat. But then, then Tom rolled me over onto my knees and entered me. This was a minute after Brad had come inside of me. Tom entered me smoothly and gently, increasing his pace after about a minute. He reached around and rubbed my clit as he fucked me. It felt crazy, wonderful, mind-blowing. His cock was slightly thicker than Brad’s and he moved differently. But I remember thinking to myself, they are taking turns with me. One guy just fucked me and the other one didn’t even wait. And I remember staring at Brad’s face as he watched Tom fucking me. He looked hurt and I felt like a tramp because I was loving it. I screamed with Tom. My orgasm was more intense and I screamed loudly, gripping the sheets as I backed my ass back into him, so I could feel him deeper.
We all left pretty quickly after Tom came. It wasn’t romantic and sweet. We didn’t shower together. We didn’t share a bed together and cuddle. We didn’t talk about becoming one of those couples where they both loved me. We basically had sex and left. And when I left, I cried. I felt used. I felt like a tramp. And I felt like I’d let myself and Natasha down.
I’ve never talked about that night and neither has Brad or Tom. It’s like we all wanted to forget it.
***
But now here he was, in front of me and he wanted one more night. I knew that he wanted one more night so that I could erase the memory of the ménage. He wanted me to remember him as more loving, more caring. He wanted to make me feel more special than I did.
“Brad, you shouldn’t be here.”
“I know you won’t marry me.” He sighed. “I know I’m not the father of your baby. I know you’re never going to give me a chance. So just give me one more night.”
“It wouldn’t be right.” I shook my head.
“My loving you all these years hasn’t been right.” He looked me in the eye. “But I’ve had to live with it.”
“Brad, please.” I looked away from him.
“I always hoped you would be mine. All these years I hoped. Tom always told me, no Brad, give it up, she’ll never be mine and she’ll never be yours and I never wanted to believe him. I always thought there would be a day where we would get to be together. I still want that, but I don’t think you do.”
“Brad, it’s not about what I want.” I reached out and rubbed his shoulder. “It would never work out for us. It’s too complicated. We’d break Natasha’s heart.”
“I should have dumped her in the beginning.” He sighed. “Maybe then I would have had a real shot.”
“Brad, the past
is the past.” I reached up and touched his face. That was a mistake. I shouldn’t have touched his face.
“The only mistake is me not fighting for you.”
“Brad.” I sighed. “Please.”
“I’m not going to give up. Not until you’re married and I know I have no chance left.”
“Brad, you should go home.”
“Being with you feels like home.”
“You’re determined to make this hard, aren’t you? Don’t give Natasha another reason to hate me.”
“Why do you think of her before me?”
“She’s my best friend. She has always been there for me.”
“She’s telling her mom, you know.”
“What!” I exclaimed in shock.
“Yeah, I think David had been after a divorce for a while, if I’m being honest. He won’t be able to survive by himself, though. He needs her.” He shrugged. “But better men than him have fucked up.”
“Who, you?”
“I’d fuck up again if I had to.” He smiled and pulled me towards him. “Give me a reason to fuck up again, Saskia.”
“Brad.” I sighed as I leaned into him. “Why do you always make this so hard?”
“Because I love you.”
“Why do you love me?”
“Because you’re beautiful.”
“That’s not a good reason.”
“It’s a reason, though.”
“We can’t do this,” I whispered as he kissed me. We kissed passionately, each of us losing ourselves in the other. I felt his hands on my breasts and I unzipped his pants. We consumed each other as if this were to be our last meal and we wanted to taste every last drop.
“Hold on.” He pulled away slightly. “I’m going to the restroom. I’ll be right back.” He walked away from me and I sighed. How was I ever going to stop this cycle?
My phone rang as soon as Brad walked into the bathroom. I saw the number and I wasn’t going to pick up, but something inside of me told me this was my out.
“Hey, you.” His voice was deep and full of sorrow.
“Hey,” I replied, not knowing what to say.
“Marry me,” he said softly.
“What?” I gasped, not sure I heard correctly.
“Marry me. Marry me. Let’s move on from everything that’s happened. I want you to marry me.”
“Okay,” I whispered, knowing in my heart that we deserved each other. “Okay.” I hung up then as Brad had returned from the bathroom and hid my phone in my night table drawer. “Make love to me, Brad.” I reached up and pulled him down towards me. “Make love to me.” I reached down to his boxers and squeezed his cock. He was right, I needed to feel him inside of me one last time. I needed to fuck the man I loved before I married the man I didn’t.
Here’s the thing: I wasn’t pregnant before that night. I looked at the test the next day and I’d read it wrong. I got pregnant that night. I had my love child. I know as sure as the sun shines that Brad is the father of my child. Though that’s one secret I’ll keep with me for the rest of my life.
My husband has no idea. Absolutely no idea. And I plan on keeping it that way. The only problem would be if Brad found out, but that’s a story for another time. Because he did find out and he wasn’t about to let it go.
Chapte
r Thirteen
Have you ever had that moment? The moment where you look back at your life and think, “Oh shit, what have I been doing with my life?” I’m X years old and I feel like I’ve wasted the last ten years of my life. That’s how I felt the night that Brad came over. When he undressed me and threw me down on the bed, all I could think about was how right it felt to be with him. I nearly changed my mind and gave in to him. I nearly changed my fate. I was so close to going with my small piece of a heart. I was so close to saying, “Fuck it, all. Let’s do this.” I was so close, yet I kept my mouth shut.
Most people think that love is the be all and end all of life. When I say most people, I’m thinking of women. Men and women have two different ideas in their head. I could lie to you right now and tell you that I don’t care about love. You might even believe me, but we’ve been through too much for me to lie right now. I do believe in love. I do want love. I am in love. My husband thinks it’s with him. Ultimately I know the truth. I love things about him, but he’s not the one who has my heart. Brad has my heart.
I guess you want to know why I ended up with someone else when I love Brad? My first question to you would be, has there ever been anyone in your life you’ve really clicked with? Someone you thought could be it? Someone you’ve loved so hard that even just reading this, your mind has gone to them? Is there anyone who makes you feel just a tinge of regret for how it all ended or went down? Brad’s that person to me. He’s my pea pod and I’m the pea. Only I’m with another pea pod now. It’s almost the same, but it’s still different enough. Now, I should tell you my husband’s name. I’m sure you’re dying to know. Well, you wouldn’t be the only one to be shocked to know that Dominic is now my husband. Though I suppose you want to know how we got to this place.
It’s almost ironic that Dominic and I got back together. I still detested him, but I hated myself more than I hated him. I took his call because I didn’t want to let myself think of Brad. I didn’t want to let myself think that I had a chance with him, even though he wanted to be with me or so he said. The romantic in me wanted to be with Brad. I felt like we were made for each other, but our love story was like Romeo and Juliet. We could never actually be together. It didn’t matter that we were soul mates. I hated him with every fiber of my being. Brad made me feel like I was safe. He made me feel like I was understood. He made me feel like I didn’t have to have my guard up. And that was why I couldn’t be with him. I couldn’t afford to let my guard down. I couldn’t afford to trust and love him with all of myself. That’s not how life worked. There was no one you could trust more than yourself. I knew that. I grew up with that. It was a part of my brain.
Before I tell you about Dominic, I need for you to understand. I need you to get me. I need you to see that underneath it all, I’m not evil or cold. I’m just confused and scared. I need to tell you why.
Why I don’t believe in love
My grandmother was the closest person to me in the first 12 years of my life. She was sweet and cuddly and all those things that grandmas should be. Until I turned seven. When I turned seven, everything changed. I can remember the day clearly. I had come home from school all excited. This little boy, Jimmy, had given me a cute little note and said he liked me. Of course, I’d been beside myself. All the girls thought Jimmy was just the cutest. And when I say cutest I mean he had an adorable little face and sparkling eyes. I can’t even remember what color they were now. I remember I ran into the house and pulled that note out of my bag and I gave it to my grandma with such gusto and relish. I was caught up in myself as she read it. I was so excited and couldn’t wait to have her share in that with me.
“What’s this, Saskia?” Her lips were thin and she gave me a look that showed me she wasn’t impressed.
“It’s a note, Grandma.” I grinned up at her, still happy as can be. “Jimmy gave it to me.”
“And who, pray tell, is Jimmy?”
“My friend.” I grinned at her, seeing nothing wrong in having a friend who was a boy.
“Give him the note back and tell him you can’t be friends.”
“What?” I hadn’t understood why she was saying that, but I had sensed that she was suddenly angry.
“Boys aren’t friends with girls. They only want one thing.”
“What’s that, Grandma?”
“They only want to take from you.” She sighed. “Everything that they can. And then they leave you. Ain’t no point being friends with boys. They will always hurt you.”
“He hasn’t hurt me though, Grandma.”
“He will.” She grabbed my hands. “Don’t ever let no boy get so close to you that he can hurt you. People will
talk to you about love, but it ain’t real, baby girl. Men don’t love no one but themselves.”
“Okay.” I’d walked to my room feeling confused and upset, but I never doubted what she said. Grandma was never wrong. That was the first of many conversations I’d had with my grandma about men, and her words were never far from my brain. I lived my life with her rules and I tried to never let any guy get so close that he could hurt me.
***
I’m not ashamed to say that Dominic showed up fifteen minutes after Brad left that morning. It was weird seeing him, knowing that the last time I’d seen him he had been with Jessie. It was even weirder knowing that I’d already gotten over it. I’d been more shocked than hurt. Frankly, him being with Jessie was more of a pride thing. Which is why I think I agreed to what he asked me next.
So when Dominic asked me to marry him, he didn’t actually mean he wanted to marry me. Well, he did and he didn’t. You see, at the time Jessie was threatening to go to the police about the shenanigans going on between her, Dominic and Aiden. Turns out she was as big a bitch as I thought. When I heard that, I wanted to call Aiden’s wife and laugh in her face, but I thought that would be a bit hypocritical. I wasn’t exactly in the position to be throwing stones. Dominic wanted me to be his cover. When he explained it to me, I wasn’t sure what to think. I mean, it’s not the most romantic thing in the world, but I’m a practical girl, I don’t need romantic.
Let’s be honest, what I need is money. I don’t have a job, I’m not well educated, and I don’t want to live in the streets or even a studio apartment in Jersey City. I want a nice, big, luxurious apartment in Manhattan and I want to be taken care of.
When Dominic showed up, I was happy to see him. There’s something about a man with a handsome face that makes you forget a multitude of sins. Especially when you realize you’re all alone, with no income coming in and no one else to fall back on.
