by April Lust
Come on, Olivia, where are you? Xander thought to himself. That question repeated itself on a loop, over and over again in his head. It was all he could think about. Eventually, he slipped off into sleep, clutching onto that same question. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you?
***
Olivia was in chains. Xander looked around and saw they were in a wet, dark basement, but he’d never been here before. Olivia was on the other side of the room, tied up against the wall. She was sobbing quietly, sniffling in an obvious attempt to get the tears to stop. Xander looked down at his own arms. There was nothing holding him back, no ropes or chains or locks to restrain his arms and legs. But when he tried to get up and walk across the room, he couldn’t move. It felt like his arms were suspended in glue, completely stuck in place. He opened his mouth to speak to Olivia, but his voice came out as a weak whisper. “Olivia. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay, baby.”
For several long seconds he thought she hadn’t heard him. She was crying so hard, it echoed in their wide empty prison. “How the hell would you know? You’re not with me. Not really.”
“I am, I am, I promise,” Xander said, tensing all his muscles to stand up. No part of his body moved, but he still sweat with the exertion. “I’m going to save you.”
Olivia lowered her head, and when she lifted it again to look at him it was with Marta’s face. She stared at him with daggers in her eyes, sharp and expertly aimed at Xander’s heart. “You left me. You left me to die.”
“No, no, no,” Xander rushed to say. He fought again to stand up but barely wiggled his big toe as a result. “No, please, I wanted to save you. All I wanted was to save you. Please.”
“It’s happening again, Xander,” Marta said. “Are you gonna let another girl die on your watch? Are you? Are you? Are you?”
Xander woke up with a start to an empty bed. He blinked his eyes rapidly, trying to get his vision to pierce through the darkness to make out any coherent shape. After a second, when the absolutely normal state of the apartment became clear, Xander collapsed on the bed before he groaned and rolled over, trying to escape the cocoon of blankets that swaddled his body. He had to fall asleep cuddling something a few hours ago, but now it was suffocating him, making him sweat like a pig in the desert heat.
What the fuck was that dream? Olivia, tied up somewhere, bruised and bleeding before transforming into an accusatory Marta? Where the hell did that came from?
He chewed on his bottom lip before sighing deeply and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He needed to eat something, settle his stomach so he could settle his mind. Olivia was just…taking some space, some time for herself. That’s all it was.
But no matter how many times he repeated it to himself, it wasn’t convincing. He finally decided on a gallon of orange juice in his fridge, walking back over to the couch to turn on the TV and fill his empty apartment with noise.
Staring at the late-night sitcom reruns, he finally surrendered to his base impulses and took out his phone to check for texts. There was nothing. He should have known better than to hope otherwise. He knew he would have flung himself awake at the first noise of a text alert or a phone call. He swallowed a huge gulp of orange juice to steady himself before typing out another text message to Olivia. “Not sure what to do here. If you’re pissed at me just let me know what’s up.” But again, nothing.
The next day, Xander rode into California with the boys, dropping off the drugs and picking up the money with his brain elsewhere, his mind totally focused on Olivia while his body did the club business. But still, there was nothing. No text, no call, no physical presence. She was gone.
The following morning, Xander walked downstairs to stand outside of the clubhouse, watching for cars. Here, on the edge of the desert, it was rare for cars to pass by. He was willing to stand out there for hours if he had to, but Eric came up behind him a few minutes into his watch, grabbing his shoulders and forcibly turning him around. “Boss, come on, we have the day off. You gonna stare off into space the whole time?”
Xander shrugged and turned back around, straining his ears for any sound of a car coming from the distance. “Just…looking,” he trailed off.
“For Olivia?” Eric asked.
Xander wasn’t sure what to say. He knew he was acting a little crazy, getting all worked up over a day or two of radio silence. He was ridiculously desperate for any signal from her, any sign she wasn’t angry at him for no reason. It was making him a little nauseated to realize how much he ached for her. He turned back to Eric, staring at him expectantly, secretly wanting him to give him a distraction, any distraction, to keep him from obsessing about Olivia’s absence.
“We’re all going to Jules’,” Eric said, gesturing to the group of boys that began to pool out of the clubhouse. “Just have a few drinks, talk up the ladies there, if you’re interested.”
“I don’t know,” Xander said honestly. Olivia might have lost her phone. She could be about to ride into the Souls’ bar any second now.
“What? Just ‘cause you got a girl now doesn’t mean you can’t flirt, man,” Eric said. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”
Xander offered him a half-smile and nodded. He had no desire at all to actually talk to any women like that, but it was a nice gesture from his brother to try. That was how the men in the MC communicated to each other: women, drugs, alcohol, guns. It was the only vocabulary they had. Xander walked over to his bike, ready to ride out onto the road and convert his energy into burnt gravel.
A half hour later, they pulled into the lot of Jules’ bar. This was a club-neutral bar, a place that was a friendly middle ground where various bikers could gather. Jules had the best hamburgers and the best beer in town, but she also had a hard-nosed policy about fighting. You get into one altercation, and you’re gone for good.
“Hey, Jules!” Xander yelled over the music as he stepped over to the bar. “A round of beers for all my boys.”
Jules obliged, quickly pouring out drinks for every one of the men, even the ones Xander had regularly fought with months earlier. It was the code. An hour passed by, and the men took turns ordering for each other. Xander settled into the shadows of the back of the room, taking out his phone again. Still nothing. Jesus fuck, Olivia, what is going on?
“Okay, one last time,” he whispered to himself, typing out a message to Olivia: “I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do here. Let me know.”
He was still looking at his phone when someone approached him, sidling up next to him in the shadows. “Bad day?”
Fucking Roger. “What the hell do you want?” Xander didn’t bother disguising the disdain in his voice.
Roger blew out a cloud of smoke that barely missed Xander’s face. “Just noticed you haven’t been talking very much. You’ve been hanging out more recently, but…not today, huh?”
Xander shrugged. “Why the fuck do you care?” Roger was always kind of a dick. Xander just didn’t know what his angle was this time.
“Don’t,” Roger said, swinging his beer up to take a drink in between words. “Just curious, that’s all. There’s not a lot of news around these parts, you know. Every day is kind of the same.”
Xander shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He honestly wanted to run away from his conversation, but maybe this is part of what Olivia was always talking about. He needed to be open to all the men, even the ones he couldn’t stand. “Well, you know, if my plans go through, you guys will have a lot of new shit to do. Less boring.”
“Yeah, you’ve—You’ve really been stepping up,” Roger said as he sipped at his beer. “We’ve all noticed the difference.”
“You have?” Xander asked, feeling confused. Not that much had changed yet, right? He’d barely accomplished anything, just earned a little bit of money with the California run.
“She’s got a hold on you, that chick,” Roger said, handing his beer over to Xander.
For some reason, he accepted it
and took a deep drink. Xander’s mind was still wandering, going over all the possible reasons why Olivia might be missing now, and he needed something to keep him from freaking out. “You mean Olivia?” Xander asked Roger after a pause, handing the beer back to him.
“Yeah, whatever her name is. She’s really changed you.”
It was the truth, but Xander could easily detect the note of judgment in Roger’s voice. For bikers, women were tools, things to use and discard after they lost their appeal. They weren’t supposed to have the power to reshape your entire life, your entire identity. A month ago, Xander might have leapt into a fight at Roger’s words, the way he was trying to discredit him. But in the back of his mind he knew Olivia would be disappointed if he did.
“I guess so,” Xander said instead of smashing his fist into Roger’s face. After all, what was the point? He knew he could beat Roger’s ass. There wasn’t even any challenge in it.
“Yeah, she’s really made you straighten up. The guys…we respect you now, man. We know it’s ‘cause of her,” Roger said, handing the beer back to Xander after taking a huge gulp.
Xander didn’t know what to say, so he stayed silent, sipping at Roger’s beer.
“That’s why I’m a little bit…I don’t know, I was just surprised about the other day. You know, when she was chatting up Ezra.”
“W-What?” Xander asked, completely confused. “What about Olivia and Ezra?”
“I just saw them talking, if you could call it that,” Roger said, totally casually, but Xander stepped forward, closer to Roger, so he could look in his eyes. He needed to be sure he was telling the truth.
“What does that mean?” Xander asked, walking forward a little more so Roger stepped back further into the shadows. Xander wanted this conversation to be as private as possible.
Roger shook his head and took his beer back to take a drink. “I just saw them looking real cozy, the other day, you know? Kinda cuddled up at the bar. I was just surprised you were okay with that.”
Xander reached forward to grab Roger’s shoulders and force him to look him directly in the eye. “Cuddled up? How?”
“Well, honestly, she looked a little bit uncomfortable, now that I think about it,” Roger said, rolling his eyes back into his head as he thought. “But Ezra was all up in her face, you know, looking like he does when he talks to the chicks around here. Gets that stupid look on his face. He was like that, all up in her space. She looked a little bothered, I guess, but I just figured they were kidding around, you know.”
Xander felt numb, from the top of his head to the bottom of his toes. It was like he was in a dream. Or a nightmare. “Ezra…Ezra was hitting on Olivia?”
Roger nodded and waved over to the bar. One of the younger members came with two full beers, taking away the empty one to throw away. Xander wondered for a minute why Roger had younger guys obeying him like that, but he quickly dismissed the thought and refocused on Olivia. Ezra was…being aggressive toward her? Was she scared? Did she run away? What the fuck had happened?
“You’re sure you saw this? You’re not just fucking around for fun?” Xander demanded. His voice came out more desperate than he would have liked.
Roger shrugged. “Just wanted to give you a heads-up, man. None of my fucking business. I don’t care if the bitch cheats on you. Just thought I’d let you know. You know, one brother to another.”
Xander stared back at Roger, searching his face for any sign of deception, but the guy looked as casual and relaxed as possible, sipping his beer like he didn’t have a care in the world.
It was worth investigating, at the very least. It wasn’t like he hadn’t detected Ezra’s jealousy when Olivia rode with him. He figured it was just a childlike thing, wanting Olivia for a new friend. But maybe Roger was right. Maybe Ezra had crossed a line. Xander spotted Ezra across the bar. When the younger man locked eyes with him, he lit up and gestured for Xander to come over.
“Good luck, man,” Roger said behind him, but Xander couldn’t tell if he was being sarcastic or not.
As Xander crossed Jules’ bar, fielding off offers from various bikers to come and drink with them, he interrogated himself. What the fuck was he thinking? Ezra? Innocent, sweet little Ezra? He was barely capable of carting drugs back and forth. He was always obedient toward Xander, doing whatever he asked him to, without a second’s hesitation. He was the last one to come on to Olivia? Right?
And what did Olivia’s absence mean? Would she really have run off the first time a guy in the Immortal Souls made a gross comment? She wasn’t that easily frightened, at least Xander didn’t think so. What would make Olivia run away?
Suddenly a cold, dense feeling descended over Xander’s head. What if Ezra wasn’t sweet and innocent, at least for that moment? What if he was aggressive, what if he was mean, what if he didn’t take ‘no’ for an answer? What if he scared her, really scared her?
As he approached Ezra at the bar, Xander doubted himself and tried to calm the fear that caused his stomach to clench uncomfortably. Ezra was adorable. Xander had only known him for a short time, relatively speaking, and he still felt like he was a younger brother. Xander kept him away from the more dangerous missions, tried to give him advice, patted him on the back without even thinking of it. How could he do something like what Roger was saying? And anyway, Roger was an asshole. Why should Xander believe him over a friendly kid?
“Hey, buddy,” Ezra said as Xander sat down next to him with his beer. “You already got a drink?”
“Yeah, um, Roger gave it to me,” Xander explained, the words sounding weird coming out of his mouth.
Ezra seemed to feel the same way, his face screwing up in confusion. “Roger, doing you a favor? I thought he hated your fucking guts.”
“Yeah, I did, too,” Xander said softly, trying to stare deeply into Ezra’s eyes so he could read what was going on inside the other man’s mind. Was he hiding something?
Xander silently debated with himself. Again, Ezra was such a sweet kid, and Roger was a douche. But at the same time, Roger had been with the group substantially longer than Ezra. Ezra hadn’t even been around for a year yet. What reason did Xander have for trusting him, really? He had been the last one to see Olivia at the club, after all. At the very least, something must have happened to make her run away like this, Xander thought.
“So, um, Ezra,” Xander began, causing Ezra to turn all the way in his seat to face him head-on. “You said you saw Olivia, like, tear out of the club like a bat outta hell?”
Ezra nodded, his throat working hard as he drank deeply. “Yep. Don’t know why, though.”
“Did you try to speak to her at all? Try to stop her?” Xander tried to keep the tone of accusation out of his voice, but judging by the way Ezra tensed up in discomfort he must not have been successful in that endeavor.
Ezra put his drink down. “I think I might have yelled something to her, yeah. Like asking her where she was going, but at the time I didn’t think much of it, you know? I thought she didn’t hear me.”
“That was it? You only said hey or whatever? She didn’t speak to you at all?” Xander asked.
A little line formed in between Ezra’s eyebrows as he thought back in time. “I don’t…I don’t think so…”
“You sure?” Xander asked, his voice coming out more urgently now. He needed to know. Why was Olivia gone? Why wasn’t she answering any of his texts? What could scare her so badly as to make her run away? And…what if she didn’t run away at all? What if somebody has her? Xander thought.
Ezra was turning dark pink, obviously nervous as hell. Why the fuck is he blushing so quickly? I haven’t even done anything to intimidate him, Xander wondered.
“I, uh, you know, I can’t be sure, it was a couple of days ago now…” Ezra trailed off.
Xander slapped his hand down onto the counter of the bar. He hadn’t meant to make a loud sound, but he did anyway, and Ezra jumped a little in his seat. “Can’t be that hard. Come on. Think. Did she
say anything to you? And did you say anything else to her?”
“I don’t—I don’t know,” Ezra stuttered, his eyes suddenly glancing all around the bar, in every direction, like he was looking for the closest exit.
Hell, no, Xander thought to himself. There’s no way I’m letting you out of my sight now. Not when you’re trembling under pressure like this. He must have been hiding something, right?
“I think you do know,” Xander said, his tone going hard and cold. He stared at Ezra, hoping to make him crack wide open. “I think you do know, man. So just tell me.”
Ezra shook his head, going a deeper shade of red. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Listen, did I do something wrong? Are you mad at me for something because I don’t know what I did and I can’t—”
Xander cut him off. “No. No, don’t start that weak shit. Give me the fucking truth. What did you do to her?”
