by Jacky Gray
“I’m sure that’ll go down well: a ‘Dear Jane’ letter.” Conflicting emotions crossed Liv’s face. “Can’t you ring her?”
Ray’s eye’s narrowed, wondering what had gone on between the two girls and suspecting none of it showed Mel in a good light. “I threw her number away.”
Liv glanced at her watch. With a sigh, she scrabbled in her bag for her diary and looked up Mel’s number.
“Thanks, Liv. I had no idea she felt like that until you said.” Not strictly true. He’d quickly sussed Mel out as a wannabe “popular” type with a real grudge against anyone she perceived as brainy. Or sporty. Or arty. Basically anyone with any kind of talent. How the heck three generous and kind-hearted girls had ever gotten mixed up with such a toxic creature was beyond him.
Unaware of his thoughts, Liv gave an automatic response. “What are friends for?”
“You must have read my mind.” Irony, anyone? “I need to ask another favour.”
She glared at him suspiciously. “What?”
“I could do with some help.” He wasn’t entirely above using puppy-dog eyes. It couldn’t be manipulation if it was for a good cause, could it? “I missed the introduction to vectors in maths last week, and I found this morning’s lesson really tough. If you could give me an hour or so after school, it would really help.”
“I can’t tonight, and Mum’s got a PTA meeting straight after gym tomorrow, so I’m babysitting.”
“How about Wednesday?”
“Ok, sounds fine.”
“Thanks.” He took the piece of paper with Mel’s number on and watched as she dashed out, running because she was late.
Jude followed him into the corridor. “So, how did it go?”
“How did what go?”
“You and Liv. Luke told me not to sit by you so you’d have a chance to talk to her.”
“Aha. I thought something felt weird about the whole affair.” He folded his arms as Luke met them at the ramp. “You two have been shooting heart-shaped arrows.”
“It didn’t work.” Luke sounded most put out. “Liv’s just flown past without even seeing me. Must be in a hurry to get to Prince Charming.”
Ray grimaced at him. “Jude told me about your little Cupid scheme. It failed miserably. Liv thinks I’m going out with Mel.”
Jude frowned. “Still? But you told her about that on Saturday.”
“I did. It didn’t register. Hopefully, it will now.”
“But she’s still going out with Jimmy.” Luke had a gift for stating the obvious.
“Of course she is. I’m working on it, believe me. You two have got to stop being quite so blatant about things or she’ll get wind and think it’s some kind of conspiracy.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Luke’s gift was in a giving mood.
“Yes, but she doesn’t need to know.” Ray’s grin fell halfway between dark and desperate.
Something of what he said must have struck home as Liv actually had lunch with them on Tuesday. Terry and Alison were there as well, and it felt quite like old times. Liv even sat next to Ray and laughed at his witty parody of Mam’zelle Broussard’s efforts at running a Millionaire quiz.
“Vous êtes absolument certaine que vous ne voulez pas téléphoner un ami, Katerina?”
“Mais oui.” Kat played along, showing off her ability to translate. “I’m certain I do not want to phone a friend.”
“Cinquante-cinquante, peut-être.”
“Non, merci.” Kat mimed a curtsey. “No fifty-fifty required.”
“Give it a rest, Ray. Your showing off is getting embarrassing.” Luke’s expression took the nastiness out of his comment.
Ray turned the charm onto his former adversary. “Hey, Terry. How about asking Colin what’s on at Stratford over Christmas? Maybe we could all go out for another show; it went down a storm.”
“Ok, but I think it’ll be pretty much the same as before. They only have a couple of seasons every year.” Terry grinned, playing a superb straight-guy feed. “So unless you fancy the Plantagenets ...”
“Sounds like a medieval disease.” Ray high fived him for setting up the classic line.
Luke played his part, giving a credit-us-with-some-intelligence expression. “As if this bunch of drama-brat wannabes wouldn’t know it’s the serious plays like Henry the fourth and Richard the second.”
Ray traded another high five for a job well done. Noticing Liv’s serious face, he couldn’t resist a little dig. “Would you be allowed out?”
She gave him a frosty little look. “I’m sure James would love to come, he’s well into Shakespeare. He even asked me out in a sonnet.”
Ray’s insides clenched at the injustice. He wanted to put her straight about the note, but was reluctant to bring it up in front of the gang. Hopefully, he’d have a chance when she came to help and they were alone.
But those dratted furies, or fates, or whoever it was in charge of the universe, had other plans. At the end of physics on Wednesday morning, Liv had some bad news. “Oh, by the way, about tonight. Jimmy asked me to go into town with him. It’s late-night shopping and he felt so badly about missing on Saturday ...”
“Didn’t you tell him we’d made arrangements?”
“Yeah, but as he said, we can do that any night. The shops are closed every other night, so it’s the only chance.”
Ray’s instinct said they could easily go on Saturday, but the pleading expression on her face stopped him from suggesting it. He really didn’t want to make her choose between them; it was too soon for that.
He gave in gracefully. “Yeah, any time before next Monday will do. I picked up a bit more this morning, but I’d appreciate some extra help.”
Mr Pershore threw an additional spanner in the works, messing up the chemistry lesson so he didn’t give enough time to work out the details for tomorrow’s lab. “Sorry about the muddle. I can’t think where the time has gone today. You’ll have to do some preparation yourselves before tomorrow. Better if you can do it with your partner, but I’ll understand if you can’t make it.”
21 It’s in His Kiss
Liv’s life felt like one of her gran’s favourite songs: Torn Between Two Lovers. At the start, Jimmy had been reasonable about postponing their shopping trip, saying they could always go on Saturday. But when she mentioned Ray needing help, he got quite disparaging, asking why the dummy couldn’t talk to a teacher.
Ray had been totally laid back about her not going round on Wednesday, but it made absolute sense, now, with the chemistry prep and everything. She was trying to work up the courage to bring the subject up with Jimmy at lunch when he mentioned it first.
“By the way, babe. I won’t be able to take you shopping tonight. Me Ma’s asked if I can do a shift at the restaurant. They’ve got a big do on and two staff are down with ’flu. I’m sorry, but I can’t let her down.”
Snarky reared his ugly head. He’s trying too hard. Sounds like a lie.
“And anyway, the money will come in handy now I’ve got an extra Christmas present to buy.”
More bull. Definitely lies.
He stroked her cheek, his touch as electric as ever, neutralising the snark. “You’re not too disappointed, are you?”
“No.” Suspicion jumbled her mind, but the monosyllabic reply felt too stark. “We can always go next week, or maybe Saturday.”
“Nah, I told you. I’m working Saturday lunch; it’s all extra cash for our big date. Did you get a new dress?”
“Might have done. You’ll just have to wait and see.”
“You’ll knock ’em all for six, whatever you wear. I suppose this means you’ll be round at Ray’s tonight?” His expression darkened.
“Probably.” She felt compelled to justify her reasons. “We’ve got some prep to do for tomorrow’s lab now, as well.”
“Well, you remember you’re my girl and don’t you go lettin’ him take advantage of your good nature. He fancies you something rotten.”
Liv nearly c
hoked on her food. “What makes you say that?”
“I’ve seen him watching you. Believe me, I know. It’s a guy thing.”
“He wouldn’t do anything; he’s got a girlfriend.” Why lie to him? She finally got it through her thick skull Ray and Mel were not an item.
“Oh, yes. Anyone I know?”
“I doubt it; she lives down on the south coast.”
“Hmmm.” The energy behind the sound felt dark and distrustful. “While the cat’s away, the mouse will play. You just watch yourself.”
His words still rang in her ears as she sat in the library after lunch. The doctor’s note excused her from PE for another week, and she’d finished all the homework except chemistry. A quick look confirmed she could do little without Ray. As she remembered Jimmy’s comment about taking advantage, something flashed in her memory.
Backstage. The last night of the show; at least for her. Ray told her to stand up and turn round. He’d just said something about not smiling and then she was in his arms ...
“Thought I’d find you in here.”
Liv jumped as Ray wheeled up to the end of the table, her face burning as the memory dispersed. “Perfect timing. I reached a brick wall on the chemistry. How come you’re not at the gym?”
“Mike couldn’t make it today.”
She frowned. The name sounded familiar, but it had been a while … “Mike being your personal trainer, right?”
“Me, Colin Farrell and Britney when she’s in town.”
“Yeah, right. So where were you ’til now?”
“I had an errand to run for Mum. Then I remembered you were still off PE an’ I thought we could maybe go through the maths stuff now and you can still go shopping with lover-boy.”
“Ok, but can we do this, first? We’ll need it for tomorrow and anyway we’re in the right place if we need to look anything up.”
He looked at the book and nodded. They spent a good half-hour checking through the information and picked up some tips from a book to get it finished. As they reached a tricky bit in the maths, the room filled with kids from the lower school homework club, making a lot of noise hushing each other up.
“Oh damn, I didn’t hear the bell. I suppose you’d better dash off; I wouldn’t like to make you late again.”
“Actually, I’m not going with Jimmy. He got a better offer. But there’s no point stopping here with this lot.” Liv grabbed a falling book, knocked by an apologetic girl as she sat next to them.
“We could go back to mine. The front room’s like a library compared to this place.” His grin acknowledged the cliché.
They grabbed their stuff and walked the short distance to his house. As they reached it, Ray’s mum was loading his baby sister into the space wagon. “Hi guys, I’ll have to love you and leave you, I’m afraid. We’re off to pick Auntie Sarah up from the airport. Grab yourself a sandwich and your father will sort some dinner out when he comes in later.”
“Great, another Big Mac and cardboard fries.”
“There’s nothing stopping you from making it.”
He brandished his schoolbag. “Got to catch up on last week’s work, that’s why Liv’s here.”
“Whatever. See you.” She made a quick getaway.
Liv had never been in the well-stocked, super-modern kitchen. “Do you want me to put the kettle on?”
“No, it’s ok; I’ll do it. I’m perfectly capable. Top chef, me.” He proceeded to whiz round the room with practised ease.
“I never dreamt you couldn’t make tea. But a full-blown meal?”
“I do a wicked Welsh Rarebit. That’s cheese on toast to you.”
“I know.” She grinned, enjoying the light-hearted banter.
“Or beans on toast. Or sausage and beans. Or bacon buttie. Anything basically you can grill or heat up on the hot plate. Eggs are a bit trickier.”
“I’m impressed. I’d never have put you down as domesticated.”
He bowed. “Caroline’s nobody’s slave. She might not be working full time, but she’s no ‘little housewife’ type. Her computing course means I have to fend for the rest of us at least one evening a week.”
“What, even Amy? She’s what, two? Or is it three, now?”
“Still two. There’s a crèche at the college. Just me, Dad an’ Steve.” He snorted. “But if it was up to those two it’d be takeaways every time. Mum had them thoroughly spoiled.” A wistful expression crossed his face as some memory played out.
Liv desperately searched for something to say which wouldn’t break the mood. She failed dismally. “Do you still miss her?”
“Of course I do.” He realised he’d spoken sharply and took a deep breath before continuing. “Caroline’s great, but she isn’t Mum. Can we leave it at that for now?”
“Sure.” She started unpacking her books while he brought the mugs over. “Wot, no biccies?”
“I thought you’d given them up.” He wheeled over to a cupboard and pulled out a packet of ginger crunches.
“One won’t hurt. I’ve given up doing the whole packet.”
“My turn to ask a dumb question. Why did you do all that dieting and stuff? Because I called you fat?” His expression requested absolution.
Snarky jumped in quick. “That’s two dumb questions.” Wimpy tried to soften it with a smile. “And you didn’t call me fat, just cuddly.”
“Whatever. Was it because of what I said?”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” Snarky had this one covered. “You were the last in a long line of critics and abusers. I got fed up with being frumpy and unfit, that’s all. Now, can we get back to those vectors?”
They spent another half-hour going through her notes and she suspected a massive ploy; the questions were way too simple for him. When they reached the end, she started gathering up her things, putting them in her bag.
He wheeled closer and captured her arm, holding onto it until he had her full attention. “I’m really sorry for snapping at you earlier. I’m afraid my real mother is not a subject I find easy to talk about.”
“I understand. I didn’t mean to pry.” She abandoned the packing, giving him her full attention. “You never talk much about your family, and you looked like you were having a really good memory.”
He smiled. “Yeah, I guess that’s most of the trouble. Whenever I think of her, I usually remember the trauma of her death. When you’re only eight, it’s hard to get used to the idea she’s never coming back.”
“How did she ... I mean, was it an illness?”
His voice became flat and hollow. “A car crash on a rainy journey back from London. Apparently the car got squashed between a truck and a bridge over the motorway. They said it must have been instant.”
It took everything Liv had not to gasp at the horror of his mother dying like that. Even Snarky remained respectfully quiet.
“At least she wasn’t crashing through the trees wondering which one might smash through the windscreen and impale her.” His face wobbled before setting in a hard mask as he picked up her pen, turning it over and over in his hand.
Liv figured he was referring to a different car crash which left him in a wheelchair and his uncle dead. She tried to think of a more cheerful subject. “Did you say your mum liked musicals?”
He snapped out of it and grinned. “Yeah, especially the old stuff. She and Dad used to sing ‘I Feel Pretty’ in the car. Me and Steve used to roll our eyes and say it was soft. They must have been brought up listening to Sound of Music and West Side Story, ’cos Uncle Jack had the same CDs. We were singing along to ‘Gee Officer Krupke’ when the car hit us.”
Whoops, bad choice. But the way he kept returning to it said he was obviously dwelling on the topic; he could be ready to talk it out. She tried for innocuous. “I bet you can’t listen to it without remembering.”
“Yeah, I do tend to skip that one on the CD. It’s a shame really, it was one of mum’s favourites; she’d do all the voices and the actions.”
She lis
tened for a while as, piece by painful piece, some of the memories of good times with his mum and uncle came flooding out. Relaxing back into the seat, Liv said very little, just nodding and smiling, occasionally making small sounds of encouragement. Most of the memories were bound up in their eclectic love of music, visits to festivals such as Download and Glastonbury, and concerts ranging from Bryan Adams to Cliff Richards.
She almost laughed out loud at this until he described the experience of standing in the grounds of Warwick Castle with the battlements lit up by a cutting-edge laser show. Somewhere along the way he’d put down the pen and taken her hand, but she didn’t notice until he squeezed it so tightly she flinched.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise what I was doing.” He massaged her hand, then raised it to his lips, his eyes burning into hers as he kissed it gently.
She suddenly found it difficult to breathe and tried to snatch her hand away, but he used it to pull her toward him slowly until their noses were almost touching, all the time his gaze holding her mesmerised. Then he kissed her lips and a brass band competition erupted inside her head. Closing her eyes was the wrong thing to do as dozens of images tumbled around making her feel dizzy.
He finally released her and her eyes flew open in shock.
“Thanks Liv, I needed that. Not the kiss – well, yes – especially the kiss. But it wasn’t what I meant. Thanks for listening; I really needed to get rid of it. The counsellor said it’s all part of the grieving process and I won’t be able to move on until I can let go.”
For once, Liv had no smart retort. Her brain swam with pictures of Terry, Jimmy and Ray mingling with the set of Bugsy. This morphed into Jude and Luke together on the dance floor at the Halloween party.
“Hey, are you ok? You look quite ill. I don’t usually have that effect when I kiss a girl.”
She tried to focus on Ray’s words, but everything went dim.
22 A Night You’ll Never Forget
Liv sat at the bottom of her stairs, feeling positively woozy. She heard an unfamiliar male voice, reminding her of the hospital.
