“Melanie and I won’t have children to worry about. Not right off, anyway.”
“Oh, I don’t know. From what I hear, Fayrene and Ralph have been acting like a couple of teenagers in heat. They probably qualify as children.”
“Man.” Caleb shook his head and laughed. “Poor Ralph can’t keep his eyes off her. Or his hands, I imagine. He just about drools over that new chest of hers.”
Sloan shook his head. “Why’d she go and do that to herself? I mean, she looks great, but there was nothing wrong with her before.”
“She says she did it to get Ralph’s attention.”
“I’d say it worked.”
“She got her money’s worth, that’s for sure.”
“Is Mel still dragging her feet about a wedding date?” Sloan asked quietly.
Caleb let out a harsh breath. “Yeah. That sure seems to be what she’s doing, even though she denies it.”
“Have patience, bro. She’s just a little scared, that’s all.”
“I’ve figured that much out for myself. Every time I try to get her to talk about it she finds a way to dodge the subject. What I’m not sure of is what she’s afraid of. Me? Marriage? Marriage to me?” He shook his head.
Sloan worried that he might be betraying a confidence, but Emily had not asked him to keep it a secret, hadn’t mentioned Mel extracting any promise of secrecy from her. Caleb was his brother. He loved Melanie like a sister, but his loyalty went first to Caleb. Until the two of them married, he thought with a smile, then all bets were off.
For now, however, he couldn’t leave Caleb stumbling around in the dark if he had the means to shed a little light. He leaned his elbows on the top rail and watched his new mare.
“And here I thought you were the one who knew her the best,” he offered lazily. “She’s scared of herself. Unsure of herself.”
“I suspected as much, but I can’t get a handle on it. And Lord knows she won’t talk about it.”
“She thinks she’s, I don’t know, fickle or something. She figured out she didn’t really love me, and every man she’s been interested in since, she’s gotten bored with after a few weeks. She thinks that’s all she’s able to do. I imagine she’s afraid what she’s feeling for you won’t last.”
“She’s told me something similar. But she’s wrong. She’s got the biggest heart, and no one on earth is more steadfast.”
“I know that, and you know that. You’ve just got to find a way to make her see it.”
“Ha. Is that all? Get Melanie to change her mind about something?”
“You got her to change her mind about just being friends, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.” Caleb perked up. “I did, didn’t I.”
“So maybe you’re not as useless as I’ve always thought you were.”
“Hey, I resemble that statement.”
At the PR, Melanie wasn’t as amenable to advice as Caleb had been. She wished heartily that no one knew she and Caleb had agreed to marry.
Why did everyone want to talk about it all the damn time? First her mother, then her father, then her mother again. She was only glad there wasn’t anyone else around except two new hands who didn’t know her well enough to open their mouths to her about anything personal.
There must be a chart somewhere, she decided, that told her parents whose turn it was to corner her and oh so casually pressure her to set a wedding date. Pink square for Mama’s turn, blue square for Daddy. This evening must have been a blue square. He found her in the barn with their three boarder mares.
“No,” she said before he could open his mouth. “We have not set a date yet.”
“Did I say anything?” he cried. “I didn’t say anything. You’ve just got a guilty conscience, that’s all.”
“What do I have to feel guilty about?”
Her father shook his head. “From a female point of view, probably nothing.”
“What’s that mean, female point of view?”
“You women just live to make a man dance to your tune. Promise a man you’ll do something he wants real bad, then hold out as long as possible and make him sweat, just for the fun of it, before you finally make good on it.”
Melanie paused before turning away toward the tack room. This wasn’t about her. “This is about you and Mama, isn’t it? She promised you something and now she’s putting you off.”
“Damn woman.”
“You’re crazy in love with that damn woman.”
He stomped away three paces, then back again, his arms flapping at his sides. “Of course I am. Always have been. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“How did you know, Daddy? All those years ago, how did you know she was the one, that you two would stay together, that it would work out between you?”
“Work out? You call this working out? She’s driving me crazy.”
“Maybe, but she’s here, isn’t she? And you still love each other.”
“For all the good that does.”
Melanie snorted. “And you want to know why I won’t pick a date to get married?”
“Ah, hell, little girl, forget I said anything. Just because I’m miserable doesn’t mean you will be.”
Didn’t it? She had to wonder. “What did Mama promise that she won’t deliver on?” Then she held out a hand. “If it has anything to do with sex forget I asked.” Logically, she knew her parents were two warm-blooded people who adored each other. She couldn’t help it, however, if it seemed weird to her to know they were having sex.
Having sex, hell. They appeared to have been going at it like a couple of bunny rabbits since her mother’s return, if the number of times her father disappeared into the house each day was anything to go by.
“No.” He laughed. “It’s nothing that private. It’s just that she keeps stalling about sending for her things in Phoenix.”
“Why would she stall? She’s already said she’s home to stay.”
“My thoughts exactly,” he said with a sharp nod. “But if she won’t send for her things, maybe she’s thinking she might not stay after all.”
And it hurt him. It was easy to see in his eyes now that she knew what was going on. Her mother’s uncertainty was tearing her father apart.
“Oh, Daddy.” She slipped an arm around his waist and put her head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m sure she doesn’t mean it like that. Maybe she’s just scared.”
“She doesn’t trust me, that’s what it is. I promised I wouldn’t gamble or take her for granted anymore, but I’ve given her no reason to trust me in the past.”
“I’m sure that’s not it, Daddy. Maybe it’s herself she’s not sure of. She gave up on us before. Maybe she’s afraid she doesn’t…oh my God.” It all came clear to her, like a heavy fog suddenly lifting to reveal a sharp, clear landscape.
“What? What’s wrong, Mel?”
She shook her head and looked at her father. “Nothing. I just think maybe she’s afraid she doesn’t have what it takes to stick it out if everything doesn’t go smoothly in the future. Maybe she’s afraid she’s the one who’ll fail.”
The way I’m afraid, she thought with new clarity.
It wasn’t setting a date that scared her, or even marrying Caleb. What scared her was her own lousy track record with relationships. With the exception of chasing after Sloan all her life, she had never stuck with anyone for any length of time. She never let anyone get close. She never tried to get close to anyone.
Until Caleb. Even then, it wasn’t as if she had let him get close. He’d more or less barged his way into her heart and planted himself there. And now that he’d gone and made her fall in love with him, he thought they should get married. He’d asked, she’d said yes. And had dragged her feet in the two weeks since.
Was she hurting him the way her mother was hurting her father? Was Caleb making excuses for her the way her father was for her mother?
She searched her heart for answers but could find only one: yes. Yes, she was hurting him,
and yes, he was probably making excuses for her behavior.
But there was another question, a harder one to answer. What was she going to do now? She couldn’t expect him to wait around forever for her to make up her mind. After all, she had told him she would marry him. She wanted to marry him. Didn’t she? She loved him, wanted no other man but him, wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.
But, maybe like her mother, she feared she didn’t have what it took to make a marriage work.
What she had to do now was make up her mind. She could set a date and pray like crazy that she didn’t screw up Caleb’s life by marrying him, or she could call it off and maybe, if she was very, very lucky, be his friend again.
Who was she kidding? Why would he ever want to be her friend again if she turned her back on him now? She had to marry him or let him go. There could be no in-between.
Later that evening Caleb stood before the mirror in his room and gave himself the once-over. Twice. Clean shirt and jeans, boots shined. Hair combed. Freshly shaved.
He would have to do. He rushed down the stairs and toward the door. “I’m going out,” he called. “Don’t wait up.”
Behind him, his grandmother, sister-in-law and two brothers shared a look and a knowing smile.
“Give our best to Melanie,” Rose said.
Caleb didn’t bother replying. There was no such thing as a secret in this house, he thought. But then, any idiot could have figured out where he was going, if the smell of his new aftershave was any indication.
Had he overdone the aftershave?
Hell with it. It was too late now, in any case. He jumped into his pickup and barreled down the driveway. He was a man on a mission.
He hadn’t called Melanie to tell her he was coming or ask if she was available. He didn’t want to take the chance that she might come up with an excuse to put him off. She hadn’t done that yet, but whenever they saw each other she seemed to be holding her breath to see what he wanted to talk about. Or she would start rambling about something that had nothing to do with anything, talking so fast that he couldn’t get a word in.
Not tonight. Tonight they were going to get to the bottom of the situation. If he was going to lose her, he would just as soon find out now.
Tough talk, he thought, for a guy crazy in love with a reluctant woman.
It was that reluctance he had to find a way to surmount. He didn’t know how he was going to do that, but he would think of something. He had to. He didn’t intend to spend the rest of his life without her.
Melanie gave herself a final once-over in the mirror above her dresser. She had looked better in her day, but an hour ago she had looked decidedly worse. Caleb knew her in all her looks, so she doubted her appearance would make much difference, but, as her mother had drilled into her head her entire life, it never hurts to look your best.
“Listen to me,” she muttered to her reflection. “Taking grooming advice from someone with fake boobs.” She shook her head. She would not fault her mother for getting breast implants. If implants made her mother happy, then power to her. To Melanie such things were nonsense. But then, she was pushing twenty-nine and had never been married, so that showed what she knew about getting what she wanted from a man.
Go figure.
What she wanted from Caleb, he couldn’t give her, but she owed it to him to be honest.
She was thinking about him so much, so hard, that when she stepped out the back door with her keys in hand, on her way to drive to the Rose to see him, and there he stood, on her sidewalk in the waning evening light, she thought she had conjured him up out of thin air.
“Hi,” he said. “Going somewhere?”
Honesty. Wasn’t that her goal? “I was on my way to see you.”
“You were?” He cocked his head to one side. “What for?”
“Can’t a girl come visit her guy without having to give a reason?”
He took her hand and brought it to his lips. “This girl can come see this guy whenever she wants.” He kissed the back of her hand. “For any reason on earth, or no reason at all.”
Melanie batted her lashes. “Why, Caleb Chisholm, I had no idea you were such a sweet-talking devil.”
He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. “I’ve missed you.”
She started to laugh and remind him that it had only been two days since they’d seen each other. Instead, she laid her head on his shoulder and sighed. “I’ve missed you, too.”
With a finger beneath her chin, he tilted her face up toward him. “Have you?”
A lump rose in Melanie’s throat. If he had to ask, then she’d been right earlier—she had hurt him. “Oh, Caleb, I’m so sorry you feel the need to ask that.”
“Shh,” he whispered. “It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not.”
He smiled slightly. “Wanna fight about it?”
She tucked her head beneath his chin again. “No.”
“Come for a ride with me.”
“Okay.”
“If you’re hungry we can go to town and I’ll buy you a burger.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll bring you home whenever you say.”
She pulled back and looked at him. “I said okay.”
“Oh. Okay. Let’s go, then.”
“Let me tell Mama and Daddy so they won’t wonder what happened to me.” She ran back and stuck her head in the door, telling her parents she was leaving with Caleb and not to wait up. As if they would, she thought with a silent laugh.
“You two have a good time,” her father called.
“And set a wedding date,” came her mother’s demand.
Melanie cringed, hoping Caleb hadn’t heard the latter. She wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. Maybe that hamburger he promised would give her courage.
On the ride into town Melanie scooted over and sat pressed against Caleb’s side. She had a need to touch him, to feel him next to her as much as possible.
Caleb welcomed the warmth, both physical and emotional, of her nearness. Until she told him differently, they were still engaged to be married. That implied a certain level of intimacy, such as a man being able to rest his arm along his woman’s thigh, his hand just above her knee.
It felt good to touch her. Felt even better when she placed her hand on top of his and threaded her fingers with his.
This was something new for Melanie. She didn’t usually touch him in such a casual yet intimate way as holding hands. If he took her hand in his, that was one thing. But for her to make the move…it made his heart pound.
By the time they made the city limits of Rose Rock the sky was dark, the stars starting to pop out.
“What’ll it be?” Caleb asked. “Hamburger, chili dog or pizza? Or we could hit the café for a steak or something.”
“I’ll go with your original offer of a burger.”
“A burger it is.” He drove down Main to the hamburger stand and pulled in and parked. They got out together and placed their order at the walk-up window, then sat at one of the nearby picnic tables. The temperature was holding in the midsixties, so it was comfortable where they sat beneath the awning. They watched the cars drive by and waited for their order to be called. They didn’t talk much.
Caleb had plenty he wanted to say to her, but he got the impression Melanie had things to tell him, too, but that she wasn’t ready. It was hard for him not to push her. Still, he managed to bide his time. Whatever they ended up saying to each other tonight would be better said when they were alone. Here there were too many people coming and going, walking over to say hello, yelling out from their cars as they drove by.
He could wait a little longer. They would eat first, then find someplace private. Then, they would talk.
The problem was, even then they didn’t talk. After they finished their burgers they drove to the river a few miles outside of town. Caleb found a private place to park beneath the blackjacks and cottonwoods along the bank. He killed the lights, the eng
ine, the radio, and they sat quietly, Melanie snug against his side with her head on his shoulder, their joined hands on her leg, and listened to the frogs and the rustling leaves and the river.
Caleb decided she was never going to speak. He would have to dive in and brave the waters. Then she surprised him by speaking first.
“I’m afraid, Caleb.”
He pulled her into his arms, turning her to face him, putting her back to the steering wheel. “I know you are. What are you afraid of?”
She lowered her gaze and centered it somewhere in the vicinity of his chin. “Of messing everything up. I’m so afraid of messing things up that I mess up trying not to mess up.”
“You know, I hate to admit it, but I actually understood that. I think.”
Melanie pinched his arm.
“Ouch!” He rubbed the sore spot. “What was that for?”
“I’m being serious and you’re making fun of me.”
“I’m being serious. But you’re wrong, you know. As far as I can tell, you haven’t messed up anything at all.”
“I’ve messed up something pretty good if you have to ask whether or not I’ve missed you.”
Caleb shook his head. “That’s just your self-defense mechanism working overtime. You think I don’t know that?”
“I wish you’d have told me. I’m just barely figuring it out for myself. I’ve hurt your feelings by not settling on a date.”
What could he say to that? She had him there. “Have you figured out why you’re not ready to set a date?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged and lowered her gaze. “I guess I’m afraid we’ll get married and then you’ll figure out I’m a fake and it’ll be too late and we’ll have to turn around and get a divorce.”
“There you go again, building up another disaster in your head.” He managed a small laugh.
“Yeah, I know. Dumb, isn’t it?”
“It’s not dumb if it’s something that scares you. But if you’re going in the door thinking divorce is just ahead, then it’ll never work. Why bother making the commitment if you’ve already got your escape route planned? There’s no need to even try to make things work if you’ve got one foot out the door before we start. If I could give you a guarantee that everything would be easy, Melanie, I would. I’d write it in my own blood if it would reassure you.”
The Other Brother Page 19
