by M. Gregg Roe
Cinda stood looking dejected as the others gathered around. Audrey stepped next to her friend as Medea stood and turned to them. “Is what my daughter said true?” she asked, sounding more sad than angry.
Cinda took a deep breath. “I am Cinda av Louisa. I am employed by Desires as a courtesan. I will not trouble you further.”
Audrey followed her friend as she walked to the entryway. Cinda took down her cloak and quickly donned it. She smiled and said, “Be not concerned. I am not ashamed of who I am. I am sorry to have ruined your party.”
“Marryn is the one who ruined the party,” said Medea, now standing nearby looking embarrassed. “I apologize. Marryn is at a troublesome age, and we are having a great deal of trouble with her behavior. I suspect that she is also somewhat drunk, but that doesn’t excuse what she did.
“I don’t mind what you do for a living, Cinda; it’s really none of my business. But my husband truly believes that prostitution is immoral, and he has never given up on trying to persuade Ermizad to outlaw it.”
Cinda nodded her head. “Thank you for your kind words, Lady Medea. I strove to not seriously harm your daughter.”
“I’m just glad that Marryn didn’t harm you. Grasapa is one of my oldest friends, and I can see that she has taught you well. Take care, Cinda.”
Medea turned and walked away. Audrey hugged her friend, telling her, “You and Marryn didn’t ruin the party, Cinda. You livened it up. I think we should invite more courtesans next time.”
Cinda smiled sweetly. “You are still my truest friend, Audrey. Fare thee well.”
Audrey opened the door for Cinda to leave. “Fare thee well, friend.”
♦ ♦ ♦
“Relationships are hard work, Audrey. And the work never stops, not even after you are married.”
Audrey was sitting with Medea on a stone bench under some flowering cherry trees that were just beginning to bud. It was nearly Spring, and it was a cloudy and unseasonably warm morning. Medea had come over to visit Almera. (Gabriel had come along as well, and he and Saxloc had promptly gone down to the practice area below the mansion.) Audrey asked to speak privately with Medea. She really needed to talk, and she wasn’t about to discuss her relationship with Saxloc with his mother.
“I’m trying, Medea, but we just keep fighting. He keeps promising to improve his behavior, but it never lasts. All he wants is sex, but I want romance, and he just can’t seem to understand.”
“Audrey, most young men are like that. That’s their nature.” Medea paused to think. “The way you two ended up together is simply not normal. Typically, young people meet, socialize for some time, and then perhaps begin a romantic relationship. You chose Saxloc because he healed your leg, and I fear he chose you simply because you showed interest and are living in his house.”
Audrey sighed and scratched her head. “You may be right. I got carried away when he finally began to talk to me on the way to the temple. I pushed him into having sex with me. I should have just started working on having a normal relationship and taken it slow. We did finally go on one real date. That was nice, but he refuses to go on any more.”
Medea shook her head. “I think you both need to just back off. Stop having sex for a while. Go on more dates. Talk to each other and be honest. It’s only been about a month since you two were even talking.”
Audrey chewed her lower lip as she thought about it. It was certainly worth trying. “That’s a good suggestion. I’ll talk with Saxloc about it later.”
Medea put a hand on her shoulder and looked at her intently. “Audrey, are you absolutely certain that you even want to have a relationship with Saxloc? You are much more mature than he is. What about that other young man you dated?”
It was a good question, and she really didn’t know how to answer it. She had gotten back an encouraging letter from Erwin, but hadn’t decided whether she should act on it.
Audrey lowered her head. “I just don’t know. I want the Saxloc that took care of me when I needed help, but I hate how he is now.”
“That’s part of it too, Audrey. Mardan and I have been together for a long time, but he still drives me crazy sometimes. I don’t know any couple that gets along perfectly all of the time.”
“Okay.”
“Look at me, Audrey.” She raised her head and looked into Medea’s gently smiling face. “I’m not going to tell you to give up on Saxloc. Just take it slow and be patient. You need to be the mature one.” Medea’s smile disappeared. “To be honest, you both really need to date other people. That will help more than anything. If Saxloc’s behavior keeps ruining his dates, then he will be forced to change his ways.”
“And maybe we’ll both find someone who we are more compatible with.”
Medea nodded. “Yes, or maybe not. If you end up back together after dating around, then it will feel more natural.” She removed her hand from Audrey’s shoulder.
“Thank you, Medea. I’ll suggest that to Saxloc too.”
Medea smiled and stretched her arms. “Good.”
“How are things going with Marryn?”
Medea closed her eyes with a look of exasperation. “Terrible. I had hoped that things would improve after Petra left, but they’ve actually gotten worse. She won’t listen to me. She won’t talk to me. She’s rude to almost everyone. Mardan is no help at all.”
“Really?”
“Yes. Mardan is fearless in battle—he’s actually commanded armies. But he can’t deal with teenage girls at all, especially if it involves romance. I’m afraid I’m on my own when it comes to dealing with Marryn.”
“I’m a teenage girl, but I can’t help you there. I don’t understand Marryn at all. She has never liked me, and I have never heard a more insincere apology in my life!”
Medea rolled her eyes. “I know. I made her apologize to all of you after her behavior that night, but I think her apology was actually more insulting. But you should have seen her apology to Cinda. No one blushes like Marryn, and that was a genuine apology. I could tell.”
“I do wish I’d seen it. I can’t believe you made her do it at Desires.”
“I thought it was only appropriate, and I wanted to see the place for myself. I really had thought it was just an expensive brothel, but the people there seem like one big family. I can understand why Cinda is happy there now after all of her family troubles.”
Audrey nodded. “Sometimes I’m actually envious.” She stood up and smiled. “Thank you for talking with me, Medea. I’ll take your advice. Good luck with Marryn.”
Medea stood and smiled devilishly. “Thank you, Audrey. I actually offered to trade Marryn for you earlier, but Almera didn’t want to have to train someone else to help her with her gardening.”
Audrey pretended to be disappointed. “What a shame. I’ve always wanted to live in a cold, damp, run-down castle.”
“And drafty. Don’t forget drafty.”
♦ ♦ ♦
That evening after dinner, Audrey asked Saxloc to come to her room and was immediately annoyed by his eager expression. As soon as they were inside and had sat down, she firmly stated, “We are here to talk, Saxloc. Nothing else.” He looked very disappointed, and that further angered her, but she remembered her training and forced herself to calm down and breathe slowly.
She quickly told him about her conversation with Medea that morning. She was relieved when he didn’t become angry and just sat for a while mulling it over. She had given it considerable thought herself during her grueling strength-training session that afternoon.
He finally said, “I think Medea is correct. One of the most enjoyable times I had with you was that dinner where you got drunk. So let’s do it. Let’s try to be a more normal couple.”
She stared at him intently. “What about the part where we don’t have sex for a while?”
“I’m not happy about that part,” he admitted, “but I’ll give it a try. I know I need to learn better control.” That admission was both surprising and encour
aging in her opinion.
“Good. What about dating other people? That’s going to include me seeing Erwin again.”
He tried to hide it, but she could tell he wasn’t happy about the last part. “All right. I’ll start looking for possible dates.”
Audrey gave him a slight smile. “Good, and remember that it can just be casual. You’re just trying to meet new people and get to know them. It doesn’t have to lead to a relationship or end in sex.”
“But it might,” he said, seriously.
“Yes.”
“All right.”
Audrey really hadn’t expected him to agree with everything, and she was amazed. There still might be hope for their relationship. She decided that now was the time to be completely honest with him about everything. It ended up being one of her biggest regrets.
35
‡ Fracture ‡
“What did you expect to happen?” asked a dumbfounded Almera.
Audrey set down the plate she had just rinsed off and chewed her lower lip. She gave her a pleading look and said, “I was just being honest with him.”
“Audrey, there are some things you just shouldn’t be honest about. That was definitely one of them. Never tell a man that.”
Audrey lowered her head. “Okay.”
She went back to cleaning the plates and cups from breakfast, feeling very depressed. Her attempt to be completely honest with Saxloc had backfired horribly. She told him that he really wasn’t satisfying her when they had sex, and he had become furious. He turned red and stomped out of her room. She now realized that he thought that she was impugning his sexual skills. That hadn’t been her intention at all. She was simply trying to be completely honest with him. But it was too late now; the damage was done.
Saxloc hadn’t shown up for breakfast. Draymund told them that he had gone off in search of a “new girlfriend”. Audrey was now wondering if it really was over between them, and what she would do if it was. If he demanded that she move out, would his parents stand up to him? Or would she be forced to leave? She had saved up some money, but it wasn’t nearly enough.
Audrey put away the last cup and turned to Almera. “What do I do? How can I make this right?”
Almera looked sympathetic as she stepped up and gave her a quick hug. “You can try to explain and apologize, but I’m not sure if he will even listen. Even if you meant well, that was a terrible insult.”
She put her hands on Audrey’s shoulders and looked at her intently. “Audrey, I never expected the two of you to actually end up together. Especially after the way that Saxloc treated you for so long. You two simply may not be compatible.”
Audrey found that she was becoming quite angry. Had Almera forgotten that she was the one who had created the situation that resulted in Saxloc treating her badly? Almera was really the one to blame for their dysfunctional relationship.
She stepped backward, forcing Almera to remove her hands from her shoulders. “I guess I better make plans to move out then,” she said while letting her anger begin to show. “Saxloc isn’t going to tolerate me living here, and the guest cottage never got built. I’m going over to Desires and accept their offer. It’s my only choice now.”
Almera folded her arms in front of her with a smug look. “The offer they made you has expired, and there won’t be another. I made certain of that.”
“What?!” She stared at Almera incredulously. “Stop interfering in my life!” Audrey yelled. She turned and stalked out of the kitchen, seething with suppressed rage.
Back in her room, Audrey calmed herself and tried to think. This was the worst case scenario, and Almera had somehow removed her best option. She would simply have to find somewhere to stay, take a low-paying job, and hope she could still make money doing sewing repairs for Desires. Then she would beg Grasapa to lower her tuition and pay her to teach.
She spent most of the morning working on her latest mending for Desires. After eating lunch at the market, she managed to finish by late afternoon. She was going to drop everything off since she was going to Desires anyway, and that would also give her more money to work with.
Audrey made her way to Saxloc’s suite and knocked on his door. He opened it and scornfully asked, “What do you want? Have you thought of more insults? By the way, Audrey, I won’t be here for dinner. I have a date with a beautiful and kind girl, and she’s a half-elf,” he concluded smugly.
Audrey smiled and stared at him intently. “Do you remember that whole thing about us being engaged all those months and how much pain and suffering it caused both of us?”
“Uh … yes?” The unexpected question had obviously startled him.
“That was your mother’s doing, Saxloc. She made me do it. She said that it was partly to punish you, and partly to modify your behavior. She used both of us, and I’m not going to keep her secret anymore.”
Saxloc was starting to look very angry. “Are you serious?” he asked.
Audrey glared at him. “Yes. Ask her yourself. Enjoy your kind half-elf, Saxloc. Maybe she’ll be easier to satisfy than me!” She turned and stalked off.
Back in her room, Audrey felt smug. She had gotten back at both Saxloc and Almera. Now she would go to Desires and insist they hire her. That would show the two of them, and Cinda would be delighted.
♦ ♦ ♦
“Lady Audrey, had you truly wished employment, you most assuredly would have accepted long ago,” explained Lilina from behind her desk. “Most accept within days, and nearly all within a single month. The three month period is simply customary so that it what we offer.”
Audrey had heard Saxloc screaming at his mother as she left the mansion to deliver the mended clothing to Desires. She was now remorseful and filled with dread at the thought of returning. She had done something both terrible and unforgivable. There was no turning back now, and she had no place to go.
“Can’t I interview again?” she begged. “Please?”
Lilina looked sympathetic—beautifully sympathetic. Just being in the same room with her made Audrey feel ugly. “That is not possible, Lady Audrey. Are you in some trouble?” Now she looked beautifully concerned.
“Yes,” replied Audrey, as tears began streaming down her cheeks. “I have ruined my life!”
♦ ♦ ♦
“You are being most foolish,” scolded Cinda. “Go back and apologize to Lady Almera at once. I am certain that she will forgive you.” Lilina had sent for Cinda, and Audrey ended up in her friend’s small but well-apportioned room.
“I doubt it,” Audrey retorted. “I’ve alienated both Saxloc and Almera now. If I go back, I’ll probably alienate Draymund too.”
Cinda smiled at her in her usual close-mouthed and prim fashion. “Perhaps, but you are not to blame. Such a secret could not last. Saxloc would have found out ere long. His mother should never have done such a thing.”
Audrey sighed. It was annoying, but Cinda was right. “And I should never have gone along with it, but I was afraid not to. Like Almera, I never thought it would last for very long.”
“And you most certainly should not have implied that Saxloc was unskilled at copulation. He likely is unskilled, but it must never be mentioned. Shall I teach you how to act as though you are completely satisfied? I am quite skilled at that now.”
That probably had been part of Cinda’s training. “No thank you, Cinda. I would prefer to actually be completely satisfied. Or is that even possible?” Even with Erwin, she had felt that he was enjoying it more than she was.
Cinda smiled lasciviously. “It is quite possible, providing the man possess the proper skills. Saxloc is simply inexperienced.”
“Well, I don’t think he will get any more experienced with me now. That’s over.”
“Do not say that. Do not be so quick to surrender after your long pursuit.”
“It’s no use, Cinda. I just can’t deal with him. I wish they would just hire me here so I could get on with my life.”
Cinda’s eyes flashed wi
th anger, startling Audrey. “Foolish! You would not be happy here. This is my path, but it most certainly is not yours!”
Audrey found Cinda’s outburst surprising. She still found it hard to imagine, especially for someone with that kind of background. “Are you really happy here, Cinda?” she asked.
“I am,” she replied confidently. “I was uncertain at first, I confess, but that is past. I am a courtesan, and I am proud. It is work that is both challenging and rewarding. I am content.”
Audrey really had been wondering about that. “Then I’m happy for you. I wish I was content. Or had a place to go.”
“There are two rooms free here. I am certain that you could stay in one for a short period. You are not a courtesan, but you are a member of our staff.”
Cinda’s statement surprised her. “I hadn’t really thought about it like that,” she said. “But I guess I am.”
“I have a further suggestion. Have you considered staying with Kora?”
“Kora?”
Audrey still barely knew Kora; the woman was amazingly shy and quiet. Audrey still found it hard to imagine her as a courtesan, but maybe some men liked that kind of woman. The one person that Kora did talk to frequently at school was Cinda, so maybe the two had become friends.
“Yes. She has a spare room in her home. I am free tonight. Shall we go speak with her?”
Audrey felt hopeful as she smiled and answered, “Yes. Let’s shall!”
♦ ♦ ♦
When Audrey arrived at the mansion that evening, she found Almera asleep on a sofa in the parlor. Her hair was disheveled, her eyes red and puffy, and her dress a wrinkled mess. As she quietly walked through the parlor, Audrey felt guilty. Once in her room, she began to pull items of clothing from her wardrobe and pile them on the bed.
