During the in vitro process, she’d been pumped full of them to get her body ready to accept and nurture the implanted embryos. Now that she was pregnant, the hormones were still creating havoc in her body. But that didn’t always explain why her eyes filled with tears. It was simply the reason she couldn’t stop crying once she’d started.
Gently, Scott nudged her chin up with his knuckle and forced her to meet his gaze. “Thea, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here to listen.”
When he curved his fingers around her upper arms, she allowed him to pull her against him. She rested her cheek on his chest, savoring the strong and steady beat of his heart. It had been so long since she’d leaned on anyone. God help her, it felt so good to be held. The circle of Scott’s arms was a place she wished she could stay forever. Which was exactly why she pulled back.
When she did, she saw the hungry expression in his eyes. Part of her brain registered the fact that she recognized it. With the other part, she acknowledged her own corresponding sensual awareness that had been dormant for a long time.
It was the only explanation for her sigh of satisfaction when Scott eased her closer, then lowered his head to touch his mouth to hers. Instantly, liquid warmth trickled through her. He tunneled his fingers into her hair and lightly applied pressure to make the meeting of their mouths firmer.
Tenderly he moved his lips over hers, touching the corner of her mouth, the curve of her cheek, her nose and eyelids. The sweetness of it created an ache inside her. Moist heat settled between her quivering thighs and almost of their own will, her arms found their way around his neck. Then he slanted his mouth across hers again as his arm came around her waist, settling her against the solid, muscled length of him.
Her breath caught at the incredibly wonderful sensation of a man’s hard body pressed to her feminine curves. The thought was like tossing a lighted match to bone-dry twigs. The resulting inferno threatened to consume her and she couldn’t find the will to care.
Scott held her tightly to him and heaved a ragged sigh. She heard it at the same time his breath fanned her face and cranked up her need. When he pulled back a little, everything inside her cried out against ending the embrace.
“I didn’t mean to do that,” he said, resting his forehead to hers. “I’m a little out of practice.”
“You couldn’t prove it by me,” she whispered.
As soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted them back in the worst way. She’d barely acknowledged her feelings of friendship for this man and now she was revealing how much she’d enjoyed his kiss—so much, she’d have willingly followed him anywhere.
That thought scared Thea to the core of her being.
Carved on the wall of the church where she’d had her husband’s funeral were the words “Grief is the price we pay for loving.” In the weeks and months following, she’d decided the price was too high.
Only her promise to have this child had brought her through and given her the will to go on. But she wanted no part of loving a man ever again.
She stepped away from Scott. “Kendra will be waiting for you.” She let out a long breath and stuffed her shaking hands into her pockets.
“Yeah.” He ran a hand through his hair and she noticed he was shaking, too. The realization gave her no satisfaction. “I’ll call you.”
“Okay. There are still party details to work out.”
She knew she was ducking behind her professional facade, but she had nowhere else to hide. Fortunately, he didn’t comment. He simply nodded, then left her alone.
She locked the dead bolt and leaned back against the door, completely appalled at her behavior. She wished she could blame him. Heck, she wished she could dislike him.
But she couldn’t do either. She could only put the brakes on her emotions to keep from liking him any more than she already did.
Thea hummed a popular tune as she walked into the office and set down her purse and briefcase. “Isn’t it a beautiful day?”
“Good news?” Connie asked. She was sitting at her desk in the front office.
“The best.”
Thea didn’t need a mirror to see that she was beaming. She could feel it. Along with the pregnancy glow she’d heard so much about. It had to be evident to everyone who saw her. Flush, blush, shine, whatever. She could practically feel it radiating from her and bouncing off stationary objects.
“So what did the doctor say?” her friend prompted impatiently.
“She said everything is progressing normally.”
Connie sniffed. “I could have told you that.”
“Yes, but she had the ultrasound results to prove it.” She put a hand on her abdomen. “Seriously, Con, I’m so relieved. She said there’s no reason to expect anything out of the ordinary, even though this baby was conceived through in vitro fertilization.”
“So you’re just like every other hormone-riddled woman who’s going to give birth in six months?”
Thea nodded enthusiastically. “The method of conception doesn’t make me any more vulnerable to miscarriage or any other pregnancy trauma than a woman who gets pregnant the old-fashioned way.”
Speaking of sex, Thea flashed back to the memory of Scott kissing her. She couldn’t help wondering if her baby was the only thing responsible for her glow.
“Speaking of sex,” Connie began.
They’d been friends too long. It was as if they could read each other’s mind.
Thea knew what was coming and didn’t want to go there. “We weren’t talking about sex. I was referring to the miracle of modern science that made this baby possible.”
“No, you were referring to the time-honored tradition of the horizontal hokey-pokey that sometimes results in pregnancy if the sperm is not deflected from its intended target.”
“No. I was referring to the fact that simply because my baby was helped along in its existence, that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy a routine, worry-free pregnancy. Using common sense, there’s no reason I have to limit my normal activities.”
“So you’re cleared for sex,” Connie clarified wryly.
“Sex might be listed under normal for most pregnant women, but not for me. And it hasn’t been for over two years.”
“Even more reason to be open to the possibilities.”
Thea narrowed her gaze. “What does that mean?”
Connie stood and crossed her arms over her chest as she leaned back against her own desk. The expression on her face said what she had on her mind wasn’t the usual attitude-laced, bracing, rah-rah pep talk. She had something serious to say.
“David died, Thea, not you.”
“I’m aware of that.”
“He was your husband and you loved him. He was my friend and I loved him. I introduced the two of you in college. I wish I could say I did it because I thought he was perfect for you, but that would be a lie. I simply got tired of you whining that you never met any nice guys.”
“I didn’t whine.”
Connie’s grin was fleeting. “So not the point. Here’s the thing, Thea. David loved you very much and would want you to get every last drop of fun and fulfillment out of life.”
“And that’s what I’m doing,” she defended. “I’m going to have a child.”
“David’s child.”
“Yes. I promised him.”
“Are you sure it’s not just another barrier to keep anyone from getting close to you again?”
A knot formed inside her and Thea fought down the annoyance. “How can you say that? You knew David almost as well as I did. You know how much he wanted children. We wanted to create a child who would inherit the best of our combined DNA. His brains, my—”
“Stubbornness?”
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
Connie sighed. “You met a terrific guy—”
“I meet lots of guys.”
“Okay, you want to split hairs, I can get specific. Scott Matthews.”
Thea’s heart pounded merely a
t the mention of his name. “What about him?”
“He’s better looking than the average bear. He’s pretty well-off financially. He seems like a great guy and his daughter likes you.”
“And what’s your point?” As if she didn’t know.
“He’s interested in you.”
“Get real,” Thea scoffed, hoping to pull off disinterest so her friend would drop the subject.
“I will if you will.” Connie braced her hands on the desk, then slid her fanny on top and let her legs dangle. “He’s interested. And I think you are, too.”
“Oh, for Pete’s sake.”
“No, for your sake. And your baby’s. That child is important. No one understands that better than me. But you’re poising yourself to make it the center of your universe and that’s just not normal.”
“I’m not doing that,” she protested.
“You are. You’re shutting down feelings with real potential.”
“How do you know this?”
“Because I’m your best friend.” When she started to protest, Connie held up her hand. “Can you honestly tell me that Scott Matthews hasn’t made your inner woman sit up and do the happy dance?”
Thea shifted uncomfortably as she sighed and looked away.
“What?” Connie demanded. “I know you. What happened? Tell me everything. I can’t believe you’ve been withholding details.”
Thea finally met her gaze. “I could have told you my inner woman was comatose. And it would have been true before—”
“What?”
“Before Scott kissed me.”
“Hot damn and hallelujah,” Connie cheered.
“I don’t know what you’re so excited about. It didn’t mean anything.”
“Uh-oh.” Her friend’s gaze narrowed. “Please tell me you’re not going to pooh-pooh it.”
“Why not?”
“It’s just wrong to spit in fate’s eye like that.”
“What are you talking about?” Thea asked. But the question was simply a stall, because she knew what was coming.
“There must be some kind of cosmic rule against turning your back on possibilities. For throwing away the opportunity for happiness.”
“It’s not happiness I object to,” Thea said. “But the emptiness and pain that happen when it’s taken away.”
“So you are turning your back,” Connie said in her aha-I-knew-it tone of voice.
“I’m being realistic. Scott Matthews is everything you said. And in case there’s any doubt, I did, in fact, notice he’s not hard on the eyes.”
“I hear a but.”
“But he’s nearly finished raising his children.”
“Look at it this way. He brings experience to the table.”
“That’s just it. He doesn’t want to sit at the table. He wants footloose and fancy-free. But I’ll be tied down for the next eighteen years.”
Longer, really. She could see that because of what Scott was dealing with. The hands-on responsibility would change, but it would always be there. Because the love would always be there.
“You’re having a child. It’s not one of those prisoner ankle surveillance things,” the other woman said. “You can still have a personal life with all the lows, highs and in betweens. You’re entitled to the joys of living. Including sex.”
Thea was living. She knew that because of the way her body had come alive and burned at the feel of Scott’s mouth on her own. What scared her the most was that she would have slept with him. She wasn’t sure how or why she’d gotten to that point, but she had.
And it would have been wrong. For both of them. For so many reasons.
She looked at her friend. “I know I have a life to live. Now I have this life inside me. This baby is the most important thing to me. I don’t need the distraction of interpersonal relationships.”
“Translation, you’re running away.”
“No. I’m running to. I’m looking forward to being a mother.”
“What about a father?”
“That’s out of my hands.”
“No—”
“Stop, Con. I can’t go there.”
Connie emitted a huge sigh that meant defeat and Thea was grateful. She didn’t want to argue. Her life was moving forward according to plan. And Scott Matthews was not now nor could he ever be a part of that plan.
After two miscarriages, this baby—her baby—had finally made it safely through the first trimester. With the baby growing inside her she’d kept her promise. She couldn’t hope for more happiness than that.
She was afraid to.
Chapter 9
Thea sat down at Scott’s kitchen table and tried to forget that the last time she’d seen him he’d kissed the daylights out of her. It was time to pull herself together. Only a difficult, persnickety client got as much attention as she’d given him. And he was neither difficult nor persnickety. Which meant she’d subconsciously wanted to be with him. That had to stop. Firm decisions needed to be made so she could keep her distance.
“Okay. It’s crunch time,” she told him. And she didn’t mean crunched up against that hard, strong body. So much for getting a grip.
“Are we really short on time?” he asked.
She shrugged sheepishly. “We’re doing okay. I just like saying that.”
“Ah, the dramatic type,” he said with a quick grin. “I’ll remember that. Before we get started, would you like a drink?”
“No, thanks.”
“I’ve got coffee made.”
She shook her head. “I’m off caffeine.”
“Doctor’s orders?” He glanced at her over his shoulder as he pulled a mug from the cupboard above the coffeemaker.
“Why would you think that?”
“No reason. You just seem nervous.”
Not because of caffeine, she thought. Because of him. Because of that kiss.
“It’s just a busy time of year for the business. I’m being pulled in a lot of different directions right now.”
One of them was her attraction to Scott, a direction she refused to go. She’d been there, done that, and didn’t want to participate ever again. It was exciting at first, but the potential for pain was too great. Best to just do this job and that would be that.
He set his mug on the kitchen table and sat down at a right angle to her. “Okay. Then we’ll nail down this menu for Kendra’s party so you can relax.”
Like that was going to happen with him sitting a foot away from her. “Okay,” she said, glancing at her notes. “We’ve got international delight here. And Kendra liked everything but the Greek salad. I had an idea how we could pull it off and still do justice to the food.”
“I’m all ears.”
If only that were true, she thought wishing he had Dumbo ears. If only he had a flaw to detract from his overwhelming appeal. Then her heart would idle in neutral instead of racing like a runaway locomotive.
She cleared her throat. “I was thinking we could serve the quesadillas and egg rolls as appetizers, then bring out the lasagna and garlic bread. I’ll do an antipasto salad with a light Italian dressing. And the previously agreed-on fresh fruit salad.”
Sipping his coffee, he nodded slightly. “Sounds good.”
She lifted one eyebrow. Right. Neither difficult nor persnickety. “You’re awfully accommodating. Why is that?”
“You’d rather I was a pain in the caboose?” He smiled. “I hired a catering professional. It wouldn’t be especially bright to ignore her advice.”
“I suppose not. What about dessert?”
“I’m always in favor of it,” he agreed.
“I was thinking about a cake iced and decorated with her school colors. What are they, by the way?”
“Red and black.”
“Yikes.”
“Problem?”
“Challenge.” She tapped her lip thoughtfully. “I have a recipe for a red velvet cake garnished with coconut. I’ll put Connie to work on a creative angle to work in the bl
ack.”
“Something that won’t be too gross?”
“Guaranteed. Trust me.”
He winced. “People always say that when it’s the last thing you should do.”
“I wouldn’t steer you wrong.” She made some notes, then met his gaze. Her heart stuttered at the intensity there as he studied her. “Shouldn’t we run this by Kendra?”
“She’s not here.”
“I thought she was grounded. Did she have a get-out-of-jail-free card?”
“She had freshman orientation at UCLA. College always trumps consequences. It’s a two-day overnighter.”
“Wow. That’s a major breakthrough for her. You must be happy.”
At least one of them was. Now that she knew they were alone, she was anything but thrilled. It was her cue to finish up and get the heck out of Dodge. She wasn’t far off the mark when she’d said it was crunch time. Because she wanted so badly to kiss him again. She’d replayed the last one over and over in her mind and each time she was left with a yearning to feel his lips against hers one more time. With hormones spiking the way they were, she couldn’t be held responsible for her actions.
“I have mixed emotions about her college weekend,” he admitted. “And I understand I have you to thank for this.”
“Should I be afraid?” she asked, leaning away from him.
He laughed. “No. She said she talked to you and you challenged her—pointed out that she had nothing to lose by gathering information.”
“I did,” she said nodding. “But I don’t understand your reaction.”
“That’s because you don’t have kids.” He sighed. “As graduation gets closer, the local junior college looks more appealing because she could live at home. Considering recent bad choices on her part, that wouldn’t be a bad thing. On the other hand, I’m glad she’s at least exploring her options. Thinking about spreading her wings. But that’s a scary thought, too.”
Thea empathized with him, and, at the same time, she admired his parenting skills. He stepped in when necessary and stood back with bated breath the rest of the time. She thought about the baby she was carrying and what she would have to deal with when her child was a teenager. She’d be alone like Scott and hoped she handled it even half as well.
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