by Shan
“I understand that’s your brother and everything but we’re no longer together. I hate that he’s in the hospital and struggling to survive right now but that’s not my problem. He’s with Kari and that’s who needs to be worried about whether he lives or dies right now. Not me,” I said pointing my finger into my chest.
“What? Are you fuckin’ serious? You’re gonna let this childish ass bullshit keep you from standing by my brother’s side?” Taron questioned in disbelief.
“Taron thank you for bringing my children to me. I will take very good care of them but it’s time for you to leave“, I said and crossed my arms over my chest.
"So you're not coming to the hospital?" Taron asked as he stood up.
"Nope," I said flatly.
"Just want you to know that that's fucked up. I'll be sure to let Tamar know that you don't give a fuck."
I shrugged my shoulders and walked behind Taron as he exited out of the door. I locked the door then went into my bedroom pulling my covers off of the bed. I went into the boys’ room and spread my covers onto the floor and lay down to go to sleep. I couldn't wait until the morning to see my boys smiling faces. Once again Tamar was that other bitch's problem; not mine.
***
The boys woke up crying and scared the next morning. It took forever to get them to quiet down and even let me come near them. In the beginning, Tamarion shied away but eventually he came around and called me mama. Now the twins, they didn't want anything to do with me, didn't want me talking to them, or even touching them.
It took everything in me not to cry, not to be mad, and sad that my own kids didn't even know who the hell I was. I kept telling myself to just be happy that I finally got to see them again and eventually they will know who I am.
"I don't know what the hell I was thinking bringing three kids to the grocery store," I mumbled as I picked up a box of fruit snacks that Zyir had thrown to the floor.
"No!" he yelled and slapped my hand as I tried to place it back on the shelf.
I looked down at him like he was crazy then looked around to see if anyone was looking before I popped him on his hand.
"Don't you tell me no!" I said.
He started yelling and screaming, and falling out on the floor like I'd killed him. His brother's ran in circles around him as they laughed and pointed.
"Oh my God," I said shaking my head. "Okay, stop it!"
I picked Zyir up and placed him in the basket, once I turned around Tamarion and Zavier took off running down the aisle.
"No! Zavier and Zyir!" I yelled.
I pushed the basket and had to chase behind them. I couldn't believe this shit was happening to me right now. I remember how I used to laugh and say how I wasn't going to be one of those mothers that couldn't control their kids in public, but look at me now. I've only been able to pick up three damn items on my list and was nowhere near done.
"Slow down, slow down before y'all fall and bust ya’ head."
"I'm so sorry," I said grabbing Zavier and putting him in the basket.
"It's cool. They have a lot of energy is all," the stranger said with his accent thick. He put Tamarion in the front of the basket and then gave each of them a five.
"Thank You," I sighed.
"Already. I'm Messiah pretty lady. What's your name?"
"Look I appreciate it but I need to hurry up and finish before they go crazy on me. Thanks again," I pushed the basket away but stopped when he pulled my grocery list from my hand. "What the---"
"Let me help you out. Cheese, bread, milk---"
"Are you fuckin' serious right now?" I asked with one hand on my hip.
Damn I must admit that dude was kinda sexy. I thought noticing his sexy hazel eyes, light brown skin, and sexy full lips. He was about five-nine and maybe a good buck fifty.
"I'm trying to help you. You already got your hands full so let me grab what you need and you push the basket," he said with a smirk.
I couldn't help but laugh as I contemplated his offer, I knew without the help I would be in here for hours. I nodded my head and pushed the basket along while Mr. Messiah grabbed things from my list.
"So, are these your lil' brothers?" Messiah asked while placing two cans of chili in the basket.
"No, these are my kids," I answered. "Put your hand back in the basket Zyir."
"You don't look old enough to have any kids ma'. You don't even look like you had kids. How old are you?"
"I'll be twenty in a few months."
"That's what's up? You from around here? I’ve never seen you before today."
"I'm from Atlanta, well Brooklyn, New York. I've only been out here for a few years."
"Yea I knew I heard that Brooklyn flava coming from you when you speak," he laughed.
"I ain't the only one speaking with an accent," I looked up at him.
"Yea, I'm from the Virgin Islands but I've been living in Miami for the past seven or eight years now."
I nodded my head and grabbed a box of cookies from the basket, opening them quickly and handing one to each of the boys.
"Cookies!" Tamarion yelled out.
"Are you gonna tell me your name or do I have to keep calling you pretty lady. I mean I don't mind--"
"My name is Rozalyn," I smiled.
"Rozalyn. Rozalyn. Rozalyn."
I shook my head and continued shopping only giving vague answers to all the questions that Messiah was asking. I couldn't help but blush, the man had taken time out his day to help me do my shopping and it was very flattering.
Once we'd gotten everything and got into the line to check out, Messiah reached into his pocket and pulled out a knot full of money. He handed a few bills over to the cashier before I could even get my money out.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
He shrugged his shoulders, "What your man should've been doing."
"Well I don't need you to do that. I got money to pay for it myself," I said with anger. I reached into my purse, fishing around for my wallet but couldn't find it. After checking and rechecking and still not coming up with it, I then remembered I took it out last night when paying bills. I held my head down feeling grateful and embarrassed at the same time.
Messiah grabbed the change from the cashier then began to push the basket outside of the store. Once we reached the jeep, he put the groceries in the back, and assisted with strapping the boys down.
"I left my wallet at home and uh--"
"You don't have to explain anything to me. It was only a few hundred dollars and it's plenty more where that came from," Messiah said with a smirk.
"Well, I want to pay you back. I don't really like idea of you paying for my groceries and shit."
"Just give me your number and I'll call you tomorrow or something, you can give it to me then," Messiah took out his cell phone punching in numbers as I called out them out.
We both said our goodbyes and left.
3:Tamar
My whole body ached with pain from being tossed in the air from the explosion of my car. Metal parts and glass pierced through my legs and caused internal bleeding that almost killed me. My legs were numb, weak, and I pretty much couldn't move them. Doctors informed me that I would have to go through therapy to strengthen them again which was cool. I'm just glad that I hadn't been paralyzed or even worse; dead. If it had not been for the remote starter installed on my truck the situation could've been a lot worse.
Kari hadn't been hurt too bad and checked out of the hospital a couple of days ago. We'd been dating for about eight months now, after leaving her husband and filing for a divorce she moved in with me. She's been real good with the boys and things have been going real good between us. She honestly has been a key factor in me keeping my mind off of Rozalyn.
When I received that letter from Kari telling me what she witnessed in the bathroom at Keylan's wake, it really messed my damn head up. I ain't never felt so much hurt in my damn life. I've been betrayed by my blood, damn near killed by my cousin at the orders
of my father, and none of that shit compared to what Rozalyn did to me.
She can blame it all on me being in a relationship with Danesha, her sister, if she wants to but that shit is irrelevant. I knew nothing about Rozalyn's past besides the fact she moved from New York from her mom's to Atlanta to live with her dad. I had never seen her mama or her sister a day in damn my life. And the fact that them hoes was like day and night didn't help. Danesha was fully black and Rozalyn's ass was mixed with black and some more shit.
Instead of her understanding the mistake I made she goes and violate the ultimate code and fucked my ex-best friend. Rozalyn better be glad my mama saved her ass that night ‘cause she would've been buried right along with her sister. Fuckin' slut!
The shit that really threw me for a loop is the fact that I'm sitting in my hospital bed, face all scrunched up as my brother Taron sits here telling me how nonchalant Rozalyn has been acting about me damn near dying. A whole week I've been here and the bitch didn't even step foot in the hospital.
Why is this fucking with me? I wondered to myself tossing ice chips down my mouth.
"I gotta give it to shorty though, her shop making noise all over Miami though," Taron said.
"Good for her, I really don't give a fuck," I said.
"Got a nice lil' house tucked off in a nice neighborhood, brand new jeep sitting in the driveway. Rozalyn showed up and showed out. I'm proud of her," Taron smirked.
I looked at him sideways, reached in my cup, and took a piece of ice out, throwing it his way. I shook my head and adjusted the pillow.
"Stop trying to act like you don't care though bruh. You did all this shit to try and avoid her, took her through hell, and now you pissed that she don't care no more."
"I’m not tripping off that. I'm pissed at the fact the bitch got my kids longer than what she was supposed to."
"They good. I've been checking on them every day. What we need to be worried about is who did this shit to you," Taron said scooting his chair closer to me.
"Who knows man? I exited the game a rich nigga then got back in and started hurting these fools pockets all over again. It could be anybody at this point," I answered honestly.
I had every intention of retiring and staying out the game for good but that was when I had my family. When Rozalyn and I separated, I needed something to keep me busy and to keep my mind off of killing her. The dope game always gave me the kinda distraction I needed to keep my mind off of bullshit. At the end of the day, no matter the reason I went back in; the dope game was severely suffering without me.
From Atlanta to Miami, no one had a connect good enough to feed the cities sufficiently. Streets began to dry up, dope boys pockets began to dwindle, and the crime rate went up quickly. I got back up with Dmitri and his pops and within a month I successfully pulled in over 2.5 million dollars. Fuck the bullshit. Selling dope was my calling. Of course it didn't feel the same without my right and my left being by my side. With Keylan being dead and Brandon locked away in a mental asylum, it really didn't feel the same.
I still had my brother Taron and now Rozalyn's brother Kevin but I would give anything to turn back the hands of time and have my boys with me. Til’ this day it hurt to think about the way shit went down with all of us. I should've never beat Brandon's ass damn near to death the way I did, and I should've never set Brandon up to be killed which in turn ended in Keylan's death. Before, I placed the blame on everybody else but it wasn't anybody's fault but my own. It was wrong to blame Rozalyn for fucking my boy and blaming Keylan for not putting Brandon down when he had the chance was the wrong thing to do too. We've been boys too long and everything should've been handled differently.
It wasn't anything that could be done now, I had to accept the fact that what we had for years will never be again. Looking forward is all I can do at this point.
"Did Dmitri talk to you about using this club for a coming home party for some cat he know?" Taron asked breaking my thoughts.
"Nah, he ain't said nothing about it. Who is it for?" I asked.
"I can't remember dude name. Did three years in the penn for some drug charges, dude was supposed to be a big deal around here at one point."
I shrugged my shoulders, "Is it gonna bring in some money? Dmitri know the deal. Guarantee the door and the bar gets its minimum and I'm cool with it."
"I'll let him know. I guess I'll go through here and check on--"
"Knock knock!"
I looked towards the door to see Rozalyn peeking around the corner. The boys came running in full speed towards my bed.
"Sup big man!" I said giving Tamarion a five and reaching over to pull him in the bed.
"Sup daddy," he said giggling.
"Daddy chilling just trying to get better so I can come home. Miss y'all," I said tickling him until he couldn't take it any longer.
I nodded my head at Rozalyn who continued to stand by the door like a stranger. She looked good wearing her hair down and curly, with a simple black dress that hugged her small frame.
"Zavier, Zyir, y'all not gonna come speak to me," I said holding my arms out for the twins.
"They look like they mad about something," Taron said as he walked over and picked up Zyir and Zavier bringing them over to me.
"They just woke up," Rozalyn said now focusing on her cell phone.
"You know you can bring your ass in the room. Nice of you to finally make a fuckin' appearance," I said voice filling with anger.
"I didn't come up here for you. I just stopped by so the boys can visit since they've been asking about you. I'm going to the waiting room, just let me know when they're ready to go," Rozalyn turned to walk away.
"Rozalyn!" Taron called after her.
"Nah, let that bitch go," I spat.
"Chill on that bitch shit in front of your shorties bruh. Told you that shit before. Don't do that," Taron said and left out of the room behind Rozalyn.
I shook my head trying to take my mind off Rozalyn. I couldn't believe that we'd gotten to the point where she didn't even wanna be in the same room as me. As much as I attempted to let it roll off my back and concentrate on chilling with my boys; I couldn't. I still had love for her and it was really starting to show.
4: Rozalyn
I sat on the patio of Razoos Cajun restaurant sipping on a sprite and looking over the menu. Tamar was still in the hospital and I still had the boys which was cool with me. Every day they were getting more and more used to me and feeling more comfortable around me. I took on fewer appointments at the shop since I had them full time just so that I could spend as much time with them as possible.
"Are you ready to order yet?" the waiter asked.
"No, not yet. I'm waiting for someone," I smiled.
"And I'm here," I looked up and saw Messiah standing over me looking spiffy in a crisp white t-shirt, a pair of True Religion jeans, and black and red J's. His mini fro was manicured well with a fresh line up.
"Hey," I stood up to greet him, giving a quick hug as he pecked me on my cheek.
"Smell good," he said in his thick accent. He took a seat across from me and shot a gorgeous smile in my direction.
"Smell like hair spray and shampoo," I giggled. "I haven't ordered yet. Have you been here before?"
"I've been here once. Only for drinks though that was back before I got locked up," Messiah said looking over the menu.
I looked at Messiah wearily wondering why this was the first time I'd heard about him being locked up. We've spoken on the phone numerous times since the day at the grocery store and even stayed up late texting back and forth and this is the first I'm hearing this.
"Locked up?" I asked seeing as how he wasn't going to elaborate.
"Yea, I did three years in the penitentiary after I got caught with some dope and a gun. Nothing major, I took my charge and served my time”, Messiah shrugged.
"Oh wow," I said really unsure what to say next.
"Yea, I'm a felon. Does that bother you?" Messiah placed his menu d
own and eyed me seriously.
"No--I---I just didn't know is all. Your past is your past. I won't judge you," I said.
Once the waiter came I ordered the stuff'd fish and Messiah ordered the stuff'd shrimp. While waiting for our food we discussed everything from Messiah's upbringing in the Virgin Islands to his life in Miami. He talked about some of the things he went through while locked up and how he had to pray every day that he didn't kill a nigga up in there. Just sitting here and listening to Messiah openly discuss some things that others may have kept private gave me a lot of respect for him.
