by Haley Jenner
"Red," Archer startles me from his place in the lounge.
Holding my hand to my chest, I force out a breath. "Shit, Archer. I didn't see you there."
"Didn't want to interrupt," he responds, moving in closer. "Just gotta give her time, Red. That’s the first time she's been able to focus her anger on you. Time will settle it." He holds my shoulder, staring into my eyes, willing me to accept his words.
My shoulders sag as I nod in understanding. "Small victories, eh? At least I have one more Dean on my side than I did yesterday." I smile gratefully at him, and he shakes his head.
"Had me yesterday too. I want the kid to be happy, and I reckon you're that person for him. Aubrey," he sighs, "I get where you're at, Lord knows how many times I've fucked up over the years. Almost cost me my life," he speaks to me, but his eyes move in the direction of the kitchen, to Annabelle. "The people that love you deeply, they'll come back. You just gotta show them you're willin' to fight, as soon as they see that, they know you're worth the risk. Don't disappear, be around," he instructs, and I whisper my thanks.
Squeezing my shoulder before letting go he lifts his chin in goodbye before rounding towards the kitchen. I walk from the house, jogging down the front steps, wanting to get away from Annabelle's hurtful words. In my haste to get to my car, eyes downcast searching for my keys, I don't see Jake's car next door. More so, him leaning against it, staring icy blue daggers my way.
"Aubrey," he calls out and his voice cracks on the word as though it hurts him to speak it aloud. My head shoots up at his voice, and I stumble forward using the hood of my car to stabilize myself.
"Jake… I…" I choke out and he moves from his casual lean to his full height, eyes scanning over me quickly.
"You've been in town for nearly two weeks and worked your best to avoid me," he accuses, and I close my eyes in defeat. Of course he knows I'm here, if Annabelle knew, of course he knew.
"Jake…" I start, moving towards him but he holds up his hand in a gesture to stop me.
"No. I get it, loud and fucking crystal clear, Aubrey. We're done. You want nothing to do with me, you don't need to do your damnedest to remain invisible. We're adults, while you're here before you head back home, we can co-exist in the same town without having to interact," he finishes, moving to open his car door.
"J-Baby, no, it's not…." but my words are lost. Folding into his car, Jake slams the door shut and pulls out of Janie's driveway on screeching wheels. I watch his car disappear from the street and fall against my car in failure. Not only did I just lose my best friend, Jake's now issued a warning of no contact.
Fuck me.
I knew this wasn't going to be easy. I knew that on both accounts I'd have a fight on my hands. I didn't think I'd be sucker-punched by both on the same day. Inventory check shows I may have lost one fight. For now. I can work on that over time. Chip away at Annabelle until she accepts me back into her life. But now my focus has to be on Jake. On fixing what's broken there.
**
Archer
I lean against the frame of the kitchen, eyes on Belle's back. Her posture is tight, shoulders bunched in tension, head dropped.
"Feel better?" I ask, sarcasm lacing my tone and she whirls on me, eyes angry.
"Seriously? I just lost my best friend, of course I don't feel fucking better," she snaps, arms crossing over her chest, rubbing along her arms, providing herself the comfort that I should be giving.
Letting out a long breath I move towards her, pulling her into my chest and her sobs hit me instantly. "Baby, hate to be the one to point this out but Aubrey came here with the intention of fixing whatever's been broken between you. You made the decision to cut her off, not her, you," I inform her cautiously.
She pulls her head back slightly, and my chest tightens at the sadness in her big brown eyes. "You think this is all my fault?" she stutters, hurt by my perceived accusation.
"Not what I said, Belle, this mess is Jake and Aubrey's. I get that you're hurt for Jake, but you're also takin' it personally when it’s got nothing to do with you.”
She takes a breath to cut me off, but I give a slight shake of my head telling her to let me finish. "You need to stop attributing blame, Jake's just as much part of this as Red is. He continued going back when he knew she had a man. They both messed up and that's on them to fix. Now Aubrey's finally coming to her senses and tryin' to fix shit and you were a bitch. You don't wanna know her anymore?" I say, eyes narrowed on her. "Belle, baby, if that were true, you wouldn’a let her in the house. You wouldn’a listened to what she had to say. You wanted to hurt her, and that's not you. Baby, you're sweet, yeah, you throw attitude, and that would have been acceptable but being nasty to hurt someone's feelings... Nah, that's not my wife."
"I'm angry, Archer and you can tell me this has nothing to do with me but I now have a giant rift in my life. Jake and I aren't as close anymore, Aubrey deceived me. I feel that they made a decision that has had a negative effect on my life. I'm allowed to be mad about that," she explains, using her weight to pull from my embrace, but I don't give her room, keeping her close.
"You have to let a bit of Jake go, baby, he's always gonna be your best friend, but there's shit he'll wanna keep private, especially when it's about the woman he loves. You have to give him that," I say, my tone softer, the fingers on my right hand moving to tuck some loose hair behind her ears.
"Right now, there's tension between you two cos' he knows you're angry. He doesn't want your anger, Belle, he wants your support."
Dropping her forehead to my chest, she grumbles and the sound echoes into my skin. "How can someone so difficult and unmoving in their own life be so... I don't know, understanding for everyone else?"
I laugh silently at her words before leaning down to bite her earlobe, eliciting a small moan from her pouty lips. "Because I've been in a place of hurt, tryn’a fix the things I broke. Because my heart doesn't beat for them. Because when it comes to you, Belle, baby, there is no reasoning with my emotions."
"You’re bein’ the sweet, asshole version of Archer. He’s my favorite. It’s not fair. I'm vulnerable, you're taking advantage," she breathes out, arching her neck to give me access, moaning when my tongue drags up her neck as I kiss my way to her mouth.
My mouth pulls up in the tease of a smile at her words. "Baby, I don't need to take advantage of my wife," I explain, lifting her effortlessly onto the kitchen counter and opening her thighs to step inside. "She's always good to go. Ready for me. Isn't that right, Belle?"
I hook my fingers in her pants, those fucking pants, the ones that stick to her like a second skin and cause all effective thought in my primitive male brain to derail. "Mmmm-hmmmm," she answers, reaching for my belt buckle as I stand to full height, watching her hands free me and pull me towards her hot opening.
"Slow, baby." She looks up at me, pulling me down to her eager mouth.
"Yes, Ma-am," I grin, before stroking my tongue against hers, entering her body inch by inch, relishing in the stutter in her breath and the way her hands tighten on my shoulders once I'm fully sheathed.
**
I drive straight to his apartment complex, but his car isn't there. I don't know which apartment is his so there's no point knocking. Instead, I wait in my car and watch the building, biding my time for him to return.
I watch an elderly couple on the bottom level come and go, crossing that apartment of my mental list and wait again.
A young couple arrives home half an hour later, walking into an upper-level door. Crossed off the list. Only four more to go.
I wait another hour before I see a middle-aged guy leave his place on the bottom level and another twenty-five minutes for a young girl to walk into the last remaining apartment at the bottom.
That leaves only the two up top.
I wait for an hour.
I call Jake but he doesn't answer.
I wait half an hour and call him again. Nothing.
I text him. Nothing.
<
br /> I call Steve, but he hasn't seen him either.
I give up after nearly three hours and drive onto Main Street. I pull up outside The Coffee House, and Darci greets me with a wide smile as I enter. I struggle to return it, and her mouth pulls down in a sympathetic frown, clearly reading my mood.
"You spoke to Annabelle?" she infers, and I nod my head.
"I spoke to Annabelle."
"Oh, Aubrey! I'm sorry, was it that bad? Or is she still just letting her anger get the better of her?" she moves us towards her office at the back, and I solemnly follow.
"She told me that she didn't want to know me anymore and a few other cutting sentences," I inform her and she makes a tsk sound while closing the door of her office.
"Babe, I'm sorry. I'm sure she'll come around, she has to," she comforts, moving in to hug me.
"We’ll see. But it gets worse, Jake was at Janie's when I left Annabelle's. I didn't even get a chance to speak, Darc, he told me to co-exist within the confines of town without interacting with him until I go home. I didn't even get to tell him that I am home now, he just drove away," I grumble. "I went to his place and waited for three hours, but he wasn't there and didn't come back. I didn't even know which apartment was his. I called him, no answer. I texted him, no answer. Fuck, I hate this."
Dropping into the large armchair housed in the office I groan out loud. "Why did I avoid him for so long? I'm such a fucking idiot. I should've gone straight to him when I arrived in Carnation. Now I look like I've been hiding from him."
"Well, haven't you?" Darci asks, and I tip my head to scowl at her.
"Okay, old wise one, yes, I have been, but please, today has been shit, fucked and cuntified. Please don't start with 'I told you so'."
"I don't actually think cuntified is a word, but it's inventive, I'll give you that," Darci changes the subject and I smile gratefully. "What are you gonna do?"
I let out a long drawn out breath and look around the office. "Mind if I chill here for a bit, I just, I don't know, I'm not ready to head home yet," I ask.
Darci clears her throat, nodding her head as her eyes flick nervously around the room. Only thing missing from her nervous jitters is the - nope, there it is - the push of the glasses at the bridge of her nose. "Darc." I pull her attention and she smiles tightly.
"It's just that, ummmm... tonight is, meaning to say we have live music tonight and ummmm... Jake may be singing," she mumbles out the last words, and I sit up straighter. "I don't wanna sound like a complete, insensitive cow because I love you, and I want this to work but I can't... Aubrey, I can't have any drama in my place of work. I don't want any awkwardness or… " she rambles, but I cut her off with a soft call of her name.
"I shall remain hidden, promise," I swear, holding my hand on my heart. "And if you can trust me to do as I've said, I'd love to stay, just to hear him sing. It's been so long," I say, and I can hear the longing in my voice, pleading for Darci to give me just a glimpse of him.
"Of course," Darci rushes to agree. "It's about three now, he starts at about five-thirty," she informs me. “Let's go into the shop and grab a coffee."
It's like my own personal hell, but not. Being tested with the barest hint of something you desire to its utmost. You want it all. Everything in that moment, you want to see, hear, smell, touch, taste. Everything. Yet you’re stuck with the barest hint of temptation, creeping into every cell within your body.
Just one look. It won't hurt. Just one and I'll be careful. I'll remain hidden, just to catch a glimpse.
Just one smell. A single trace of motor oil and mint to keep it alive in my brain.
Just one touch. Just a simple hand over his heart, being able to feel the steady rhythm of his heart.
Just one taste. Just one, maybe two. A kiss to a dimple, a touch of my lips to his neck, where his pulse beats strong and steady.
Instead I'm hidden, wishing for everything I can't have. His voice filters easily throughout The Coffee House; soft, acoustic music entertaining customers with the husk of his voice. I miss it so fucking much it makes me ache inside. But in the same moment, I feel like I can finally breathe a little easier now I've been given this taste of him, no matter how small. I listen to him talk between songs, small quiet barks of laughter when someone calls out to him.
I'd give anything to sit closer. To see the cords of his neck as he strains on a note, the veins in his arms as his hands move along his instrument and the small beads of sweat that form along his forehead. Has he contained his hair in a cap or is it falling into his face hiding his icy blue eyes from the crowd as he sings?
I've been sitting in here for over an hour listening, in equal parts heaven and hell. But I'm grateful for it all the same. Even the pain that it brings because it means he's close.
Darci comes in a few times, checking on me and bringing me coffee, offering food. It's sweet, unnecessary, but still sweet. In all honesty, I'd prefer to be left alone, to be able to enjoy it without interruption, but her intentions are well received.
"He's nearly done, only ever does an hour or so on weekdays. Should be one or two more songs and then you'll be free to leave your prison."
I smile at her, but it's forced and sad because the thought of him leaving is awful. I could stay and listen to him all night.
I hear him announce his last song and give in to my want, my need to see him. Carefully, I step from Darci's office and into the darkly lit atmosphere of The Coffee House. I pad lightly around the outskirts of the large space, staying hidden by shelves and displays. I move until I'm close enough, a hidden spot that allows me to see him, but not him me. I hate that. I want him to look at me when he sings. I want the icy blue stare, intense, driving inside of my soul. But I'll take this.
I watch his long fingers, expertly dancing across the strings of his guitar and the melody stills the room. It's hypnotic and stalling. His eyes remain closed, his focus elsewhere as the words drift along with the melody.
While his voice takes on a completely different angle to James Bay, the song resonates inside of me, and the softness of his voice captures the meaning of the lyrics. My heart falters in my chest at the emotion bleeding into his features as his neck strains, making the cords in his throat visible.
I can't move. My breath ceases, my body halting its ability to function as I watch him sing. As I watch his heart ripped open to the unknowing customers. The final strings of the chord fade into quiet, a few patrons quietly applaud him and whispered murmurs start to filter from the edges, but Jake's eyes remain downcast, closed to everyone around him. In this moment, he's alone. Alone in his thoughts. In his feelings. Relaxed to a point that he can express himself through his art and I envy him for that. I begrudge him that ability. I wish, other than the use of spoken words, I could express myself to him in a way that he’d understand. Completely. No room for doubt. To be able to be so open in my feelings but they still be private, because the ears listening, hearing the words, see nothing but a song to connect to their own life with and don't delve too deep into what the lyric may mean for him. I yearn for that ability.
I watch him pack away his belongings. People approach and smile at him, offering their praise, their joy at watching him sing and he accepts it all with modesty; a small smile, friendly but detached, the gesture not quite meeting his eyes, no dimple. He shakes some hands, laughs a little and before I know it his head moves around the space searching for Darci. I fall back further into my hiding spot and wish I could move closer to hear his spoken voice as he murmurs quietly to her. Offering a quick kiss to her cheek, he nods at something she says and moves out the door.
The Coffee House now feels empty without his presence, and I become swallowed by the loneliness his withdrawal causes. "You good?" Darci comes to stand next to me and I jump at her silent approach. "Didn't mean to startle you."
"I'm okay. Thanks for letting me stay. Sorry I didn't stay in there as promised," I indicate towards the office. "I just needed to see him, needed to watch him
sing," I apologize, and she dismisses my words with a wave of the hand, her amber-colored eyes deepening with sympathy.
"Will you go to him now?" she asks, moving to lean against the wall across from me, one knee bent, ballet-flat pressed against the wood, the other straight.
"It might seem like an excuse, but I'm exhausted. Emotionally done for the day. Steve called me out on my shit yesterday, Annabelle broke me off, Archer reinforced his support and Jake, unknowingly, tore open my soul with his music after having cut off my ability to breathe, by telling me to leave him alone. Truthfully, I'm a mess inside right now. I wouldn't be able to put a thought together, to even try and get him to give me another chance right now. I'd probably just cry, and if I can't get the words out, I'm afraid he'll send me away." My eyes suddenly feel heavy with weariness. I'm so tired. My body aches all over, and I want to fall to the carpet and sleep for at least a week.
"I get that. Go home and rest. Look at everything with a new sense of focus tomorrow. You okay to get home?" she queries delicately, and I nod, moving forward to kiss her cheek before leaving through the same door as Jake.
The drive home is slow, and I blast the air conditioning to keep my eyes open for the few minutes it takes before I pull into Mom's drive. I wave at Mom and Steve, mumbling my need for sleep before falling onto my bed fully clothed and pass out within seconds.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Jake
The hot water of the shower runs over my body as I scrub at the grease stains on my hands and face. Work today was disaster after disaster. I fucked up on countless cars. Changing spark plugs where a simple oil change or brake fluid replacement was required. Wheel alignments on cars that came in for computer issues: engine lights, airbag notifications and the like. In the end, Steve had me on inventory. Working off a list, counting, sorting, noting requirements. I lost myself in the monotony of it all before he sent me home early.
