by Anna Paige
•••
I can't believe I'm doing this. I must be out of my mind.
I stood in front of the smallish bathroom mirror, checking to see that I didn't look like a raccoon after tonight's tear-induced mascara mudslide. There wasn't a lot left to clean off, thankfully, and I made short work of that before applying fresh makeup. Not too much, though, I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard.
God, what if he was serious about the threesome with Kane? It hadn't been mentioned tonight but he was still pretty convinced that I liked the idea.
And I did. Kind of.
Okay, I liked the idea a lot.
Kane was softer, safer, but Kade… I loved the way he put me on edge, loved that flutter of fear low in my belly when he stalked toward me with that intimidating stare. I supposed a night with the twins would be the best of both worlds.
I fanned my flushed cheeks, willing them to cool.
He wouldn't want that tonight, right? I wasn't ready for that yet. Was I?
Then again, was I ready to be alone with Kade?
I checked the clock for the fiftieth time, feeling the anxiety flare inside me. What I needed was a drink. A very large, very alcoholic drink. Flipping the bathroom light off, I emerged and headed straight for the cabinet beside the fridge, having seen the liquor there when rummaging for coffee.
There were a startling number of bottles to pick from and I ended up choosing something I could just shoot, no mixer needed. Fireball and a shot glass were going to help me get my shit together tonight.
I hoped.
•••
I was several shots in when the sound of Kade and Kane's voices filtered in from outside. My heart hammered in my chest as I sat at the kitchen table, hands wringing in my lap. Both of them had returned, not just Kade. I was torn between excited by the prospect and disappointed that it wouldn't be just me and Kade tonight. The door opened and though they didn't board just yet, their proximity allowed me to better hear their conversation.
"All I'm saying is you should have checked with her before inviting the rest of the guys to join us tonight," Kade snapped. "That's a lot for her to take on."
A huge knot formed in the pit of my stomach, my mind conjuring images of all five men in various stages of undress, converging on me like lions on an antelope. He couldn't have meant…
"It'll be tight, and we'll all be on top of each other, but I honestly think she'll be okay with it."
What? Were they talking about me sleeping with all of them? No freaking way! This cannot be happening.
I scurried out of my seat, bottle in hand, and hauled ass to the bedroom, locking the door behind me.
Dear God, what the hell was wrong with them? What kind of sick shit were these guys into? My head swam at the mere thought of it. Five of them… I couldn't even figure out where everything would go.
Shit, shit, shit.
And here I thought Kade and I were connected somehow, even if I'd agreed to have Kane join us, it still would have been mostly about Kade. I wasn't proud of the things I was feeling, knowing I was risking my career to give in to this attraction, but something about him had told me it was worth the gamble.
To discover that I was literally just a walking set of orifices to him? That hurt more than anything. Though, probably not as much as contending with five horny rock stars.
I was curled in a ball against the headboard, death grip on the whiskey bottle, when someone tapped on the door.
"Aubrey?"
Kade. Probably looking to renegotiate the number of lovers I would be taking on. I felt sick.
The knob jiggled. "Hey, you in there?" His voice was quieter than usual, strained. Probably from the concert, not that I cared.
"Go away!" I spat, opening the bottle to take a fat swig, wishing I had a long straw to help move things along.
"What? No. What's wrong?" His voice raised in concern making him cough and swear under his breath. "Let me in."
"Just leave me alone, Kade. All of you just leave me the hell alone. I have nothing to say to any of you." I hated the way my chin quivered when I tried to speak.
The knob jiggled again. "What the hell, Aubrey?"
I didn't respond. The whiskey was giving me a pleasant floaty feeling, and I leaned my head back against the headboard to enjoy it. Why didn’t I drink more often? It was nice not to be able to focus on any one thing. Freeing.
I hadn't had this much alcohol in a very long time. Not since after the funerals. I shook my head hard enough to make myself dizzy. I wasn't going there again tonight, once was enough.
I took a minute to listen out for the persistent singer, realizing I’d zoned out for a bit.
After a protracted silence, I assumed Kade had taken the hint and decided to leave me alone. Despite the tears threatening to spill, I was determined not to cry. I stared up at the framed photos on the wall, happy, smiling, mostly normal looking pictures of the band together. I'd liked them, was even coming to respect them in a way I hadn't anticipated. They were a family, and that was honorable, enviable even. They were honorable, or so I'd thought. My eyes drifted shut and I shook my head against the hard headboard.
Honorable…
Right up until they decided I'd make a good family fuck doll.
The door knob jiggled again, and I drew in a frustrated breath and glared at the door, ready to call out and chase him away. Before I could get a word out, though, the door swung open, and Kade barged in, his eyes scanning me from head to toe.
"What the hell happened? Are you okay?" His voice was hoarse, uneven sounding, but he seemed genuinely concerned, which made my tears well all over again. He didn't care. He was playing me.
I was so freaking gullible.
I watched his eyes play around the room, searching for the source of my distress, seeming so goddamned concerned about my welfare.
Okay, maybe it wasn’t just me being naïve. Maybe he was just that good an actor.
"Get out, Kade. I don't want you in here. Not you, not Kane, none of you. Understand? All of you just stay the hell away from me." I couldn’t find the stomach to meet his eyes, staring instead at the doorjamb.
He closed the door just as Kane stepped into view, not caring that he damn near clocked his brother with it, effectively slamming it in his face. "Not happening. Not until you tell me what's wrong."
"Since I clearly don't get a damn vote in who comes in here, why not let Kane in? He's part of it, too, isn't he? At least I expected him, though not necessarily tonight, and I would have liked to discuss it more first."
Kade moved to the side of the bed, sitting on the edge and staring at me in confusion. "You expected him to what?" His eyes locked on the bottle in my hand and his brows rose.
"You know perfectly well what. You were the one who said you'd make it happen, remember? Said I'd love doubling down. But I did not sign on to screw all five of you like the band's official fuck toy."
He shot to his feet, eyes wide as saucers. "What? Who asked you to…?" He glared at the door, coughing roughly into his hand. "Did one of the guys proposition you?"
"No. I heard you and Kane talking on the way in about how tight it was going to be, and all of us being on top of each other. I can guarantee you one thing, you asshole, it's not fucking happening. Just because I was open to the possibility of you and Kane does not mean I'm interested in… in…" I couldn’t even finish the thought, either due to disgust or the alcohol tying my tongue. Instead of elaborating, I glared at him, tossing the bottle cap at his chest. "Just get out and take your perverted friends with you."
He stood there in stunned silence for a moment, mouth agape, then burst out laughing so loud I nearly jumped off the bed. His whole body shook, and he leaned over, placing his hands on his knees as he faced the floor in a full-on, near-deafening, totally amazing laugh that made my throat catch, despite my anger. I'd never seen him really smile, much less laugh, and definitely not a laugh like this. The sound of it was stunning, so much so that I
forgot momentarily that he was laughing at me.
The son of a bitch actually fell over on the bed and rolled onto his back, hysterically laughing at my expense between painful sounding coughs.
I reached over and shoved his shoulder, half-hoping he’d fall on the floor and smack his pretty boy face. "Stop laughing, and get the hell out. Jerk."
He wiped his eyes and fought through another annoyingly long fit of laughter before sitting up to face me. "Dear God, you're fucking adorable."
"I'm sure. Now get out, dammit." I narrowed my eyes at him.
"You actually thought that we were going to ask you to…" He busted up again, tears rolling. "I can't stop; I'm sorry." He fought for composure as my blood pressure began to climb. I was sick of being laughed at.
"Fuck you!" I spat, glaring.
"Just me? Or how about we make it a party and invite the rest of the band?" He grinned, teasing in his crackly voice. "I bet there are some guys on the crew who wouldn't mind stopping by…"
I was blinking back angry tears as I tipped the bottle and took a long, burning swallow.
As soon as it left my lips, Kade snatched it and set it on the table beside the bed. "No more of that for you. I think it's making you hallucinate." He chuckled one last time before sobering and reaching for my hand, which I snatched back at the last second. He just nodded, giving in but not shutting up. "Okay, fun as it is to let you think we were all gonna—well—share you, it's just not true. What you heard was me bitching at Kane for telling the rest of the guys what happened tonight with that guard. Then he invited them all over to our bus to keep you company since you were upset. Everybody decided to skip the after party and hang out with you instead. They just wanted to cheer you up, Aubrey. That's all. A few drinks, some laughs, and everyone was going to crash here, which is why we will all be on top of each other. Six people crammed on this bus is incredibly tight."
My hand flew to my mouth. "Oh my God."
He just smiled, not offended in the least by my disgusting assumptions. "They were worried about you."
I leaned forward and rested my head in my hands, mortified. "Great. They were being so sweet—all of you were—and I just accused you all of being sexual deviants."
"We are," he quipped, rubbing my back reassuringly. "Just not to that degree. At least not that I know of."
I let out a pitiful moan. "I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I thought…"
"Nah, you just had a few drinks and misunderstood the situation. Trust me, I get it."
"I'm a horrible, judgmental person."
"You are not. Stop it. It's okay. I actually think it's hilarious." I could practically hear his grin.
I shot him an annoyed look before dropping my head back into my hands. "You would. I bet the other guys would be offended as hell, though."
His hand paused on my back and he leaned in close to my ear, the warmth of his breath making my neck tingle. "Good thing they won't ever know."
I looked up at him warily. "You're telling me you're not dying to share this little story with them so you can all have a good laugh at my expense?"
His hand came to rest just under my jawline, cupping the side of my neck and pulling me toward him. "No." He breathed in slowly. "Embarrassing you isn't what I want."
"Then what do you want?" I responded automatically, feeling myself leaning into his touch.
"What I want is to lick that beautiful neck, for starters. But that's not all I want to lick." His eyes hooded and he brushed my jawline with his thumb, wincing as he cleared his throat. "The guys will be here any minute, and it's killing me that we don't have the privacy for me to do all the things running through my head right now."
As if his words conjured them, several sets of feet hit the wood floor in quick succession, voices overlapping, laughter echoing down the hall toward the bedroom where we desperately wanted to stay.
God, I wanted to stay.
I leaned close and gave Kade a quick kiss, pulling away before things got heated. "They're here for me—out of concern for me—and as much as I wish we could do this now, it's just going to have to wait. They're so sweet for being here; there's no way I would ever ask them to leave." Just the idea that they were all so quick to rally around me made me kind of want to cry. I wasn’t accustomed to loyalty like that, not from anyone, apart from my parents. I wouldn’t turn my back on that, even for a shot at alone time with their fearless leader.
Kade nodded his understanding and offered me his hand as he stood. "You know, I can't be like this with you in front of them or they'll know something's up."
I smiled and took his hand, standing and placing my other hand on his chest. "So, you're going to be all surly and infuriating again?"
"Yep." He shrugged, not making excuses. "That's kind of who I am."
"Good." I tweaked his nipple, making him flinch and sparking his signature stare back to life. "I like that guy better anyway. He's so intimidating and scary…" I pretended to shudder. "It really gets me wet."
He inhaled sharply as I reached for the door knob, his low growl making me shudder as his arm darted out to slap my ass just as I hurried down the narrow hall, trying not to laugh even as that little twinge of fear returned.
Looked like the chase was on.
•••
Any other time, the events of the night would have had me in pieces, wallowing alone somewhere, feeling like a total basket case. Never in a million years would I have thought I’d find comfort in Kade’s arms like I had earlier. I’d been headed for that terrifying ravine I’d been in so many times before, but he managed to pull me back somehow, distract me by redirecting my attention to those strong arms and amazingly soft lips.
Even after I’d been alone again, I didn’t regress the way I might have in the past. I was too focused on being nervous to fall back into that old familiar depression. Too consumed with new possibilities to dwell on past loss.
Did I think what I was doing was a mistake?
Maybe.
Did I think I was risking a lot for something with uncertain outcome?
Yes.
Did I think I’d be able to stop even if I wanted to—which I wasn’t even sure I did?
Not a chance.
I might regret it all later—hell, it was a near-certainty—but I wasn’t going to let it stop me, not yet anyway.
The one thing I kept replaying in my mind was my dad telling me to chase what thrilled and terrified me.
Kade Edenfield did both of those things without even trying. Just the feel of his eyes on me, the sound of his deep, masculine voice washing over me, was enough to make my heart flutter in my chest. I needed to give this a chance, take a risk; chase an adventure for once in my life.
If it turned out to be a mistake, at least I’d have some great memories to keep me warm at night.
Tonight, for example, I was already making lasting memories with the entire band. They’d brought me into the fold and made me feel like one of their own. I never expected to like them, much less kind of love them all. Them being here to look after me meant more than I could ever say, and looking around the crowded room, I suspected they all knew from the way I was hanging on their every word just how grateful I was.
When I'd gotten this assignment, I spent a lot of time prepping myself to remain aloof, unaffected by their lifestyle and charms. I'd been prepared to dislike them, expected it actually, but that wasn't what happened. Kade was right about one thing—I judged them by their dossiers. I read their files, scoured the headlines I wasn't already familiar with and concocted these images in my mind of who they all were, and I was dead wrong. About all of them.
"So, you all went to school together?" I asked. They'd been entertaining me with some of their favorite stories from the road. With so many tours under their belts, they had a lot of experiences from which to draw. Now, though, I was more interested in their history together. I knew what I'd read, but I had the feeling it would be better hearing it all from them.
&nb
sp; "Everybody except me," Lennox replied.
"How did you meet, then?"
Kade laughed into his cup. He was drinking an herbal concoction to soothe his throat. Judging by the grimace that marred his features with every sip, he wasn’t enjoying it. He was resting his voice, so he let Lennox have the floor. "You tell it better, Lenn, go for it."
"I lived a few towns over, went to a high school in a different district. The three of us," he nodded to each of the twins before pointing to himself, "all played football. Kade there had a rep for being a bruiser, so I knew of him. Finally met when both our teams made it to the regional playoffs."
"They met all right," Kane laughed, setting up a round of shots.
"Uh oh, why do I have the feeling you two didn't start off as friends?" I glanced between the two men, noting their matching smiles. Well, Kade's was more of a smirk, but that was typical for him now that he was back to his usual brooding self.
Lennox took a shot and laughed. "Let's just say, I made him show me how he earned that reputation."
"And I obliged," Kade tossed out.
"Whatever, dude. I got a few good hits in myself. Knocked you back a step." Lennox rolled his eyes.
"No, fuckface, I stepped back so your blood wouldn't splatter on my jersey."
I held up a hand to stop them, and Kane took the opportunity to shove a shot glass into it as I spoke. "So, you fought. Then what? How did that turn into Lennox joining the band?"
"I told him if I broke my strumming hand on his face I was gonna kill him." Lennox shrugged. "He asked what I played besides the skin flute. I told him to blow me and that I was a kick-ass bassist. He said prove it and rattled off an address. Two nights later, we all met up, played a few songs, and they begged me to join the band." He leaned across the table and winked at me playfully. "It was pathetic how much they groveled."
Ethan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I think we said, 'you can sit in on a few practices if you want.' Clearly, we were desperate."
"Who asked you, drummer boy?" Lennox flipped him off.
I took my shot, wincing at the sting as I sat back, watching them banter back and forth. Kade was seated on the edge of one of the couches, facing me from across the room. His eyes found mine often, but never lingered long in an effort to hide whatever was going on between us.
